CHAPTER ONE
Patrick sat in the EMT lounge, alone, drinking his third cup of coffee. It had been a slow shift by Saturday night standards and he found himself fighting the boredom-induced drowsiness that came with nights like these. He was contemplating a fourth cup of brew when the door opened.
"Come on. We've got a call. Attempted suicide."
Patrick rushed to the EMT truck and hopped into the driver's seat as his partner, Hal, got in on the passenger side. He skillfully weaved in and out of traffic, again thinking he'd make a hell of a stunt driver. They arrived at the residence, a high rise apartment complex, and were let in by the doorman.
"Apartment 918," the doorman told them.
Patrick and Hal took the elevator up and rushed down the hallway to where a crowd stood gathered outside the open door of their destination.
"Fuck you!" a man screamed from inside. "I'm glad you're leaving me! I'll be dead soon anyway!"
"I wish! You took a handful of ginseng with a glass of wine then threw up most of that!"
Patrick pushed past the crowd to find a dark-haired, lean man sitting on a couch, his arms wrapped around his waist as another man stood close by, glaring at him.
"Get this asshole out of my apartment!" the man standing told the EMTs.
"It's not your apartment!" the other man shot back. "I'm the one on the lease!"
"Let me check you out," Patrick said as he knelt beside the man on the couch and took his pulse.
The man looked up and a faint smile crossed his lips. "Certainly." He turned his wrist over to give Patrick better access to his pulse point. "The name's Chad, by the way. And you are?" He glanced at the nametag on the EMT's shirt. "Patrick. A nice Irish name."
"You are so full of shit!" the other man exclaimed. "You're 'dying' but you still have the balls to flirt with another man right in front of me!"
"I was not flirting," Chad protested. "I was merely being polite which is something you never quite got the hang of."
Patrick moved on to taking Chad's blood pressure. "Your heartbeat and blood pressure are a bit elevated. We should take you in and have the docs check you out."
"Whatever you say, Patrick," Chad replied with a smile. He turned his gaze to the other man and the smile disappeared. "When I get back, I want you and all your shit out of here! And don't even think of taking anything that belongs to me!"
"Don't worry! I don't want any of your so-called 'style' dirtying up my new place with Steve who, by the way, has real style and real success to prove it!"
Chad flung a throw pillow at the man, nearly smacking Patrick as his arm came around. "Don't forget this, you son of a bitch!"
"Ok, Chad, I need you to calm down and come with us to the ambulance," Patrick said. He and Hal helped their patient to his feet and towards the door.
"Ok, you've all had your little show for the evening. Go back to your own apartments with your Thomas Kincaid prints and your boxed wine and whatever the hell else you people call 'classy,'" Chad told his neighbors. He went quietly down the elevator, his slight intoxication making him sway as Patrick and Hal held him steady, then climbed into the ambulance and onto the stretcher. He said nothing as Patrick drove to the nearest hospital, sirens blaring.
"Thanks for your help," Chad said with a slight smile as Patrick and Hal passed the stretcher off to the ER doctors and nurses.
Chad watched as the stretcher disappeared into the treatment area then followed Hal out.
"Jeez, I'm glad not all of you are like that," Hal said.
"All of us?" Patrick asked.
"You know," Hal said with an uncomfortable shrug.
"It's alright. You can say 'gay' if you want," Patrick told him. "I'm not ashamed of it so you shouldn't be either."
"I'm not, really. You're the best partner I've had in a long while."
"But I'm the first gay man you've worked with and you're not sure how to act around me," Patrick said, finishing the man's thought. "Look, I'm just a regular guy. As long as you treat me that way, we'll be fine."
"Alright," Hal said with a nod. He looked at his watch and smiled. "It's quittin' time. Come on, let's go back to the station, get our things, and go home."
"Actually, I think I'm going to stay here for a little while, see how Chad's doing," Patrick replied.
"Suit yourself. I'll see you tomorrow night."
Patrick watched Hal leave, waving at him as he headed down the street, then went back into the ER waiting room. He didn't know why he was doing this. He'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and wasn't looking for a new one. I'm just checking on a patient. That's all, he told himself as he sat down, picked up a magazine, and waited
CHAPTER TWO
"Knock, knock," Patrick said as he peeked around the privacy curtain.
"Why do people feel the need to do that?" Chad asked.
"Do what?"
"Say 'knock, knock' rather than actually knocking."
"Well, not really anything to knock on in this case," Patrick pointed out.
"Still, seems like an unnecessarily boring way to make an entrance. Why not come in singing, maybe doing a little soft shoe?"
"Sorry. Can't dance or sing," Patrick said with a slight laugh. "How are you feeling?"
"Better. Doctors pumped me full of fluids so I won't even have a hangover." Chad adjusted himself on the stretcher and gave Patrick a sly grin. "But something tells me you didn't come here just to check on me."
Patrick looked down for a moment, not sure what to say. "You deserve better," he blurted out.
"Do I now? How would you know that? We just met. For all you know, my bastard ex is a perfect match for me."
"No one deserves to be treated the way he treated you tonight."
"You speak from personal experience, I take it?" Chad waited for a response although judging from the expression on Patrick's face, he really didn't need one. He held out his hand and took Patrick's as the man came closer to the stretcher. "Shitty relationships are part of the game. Life would be boring without a little bit of drama."
"I guess," Patrick sighed. "The doctor said he's going to release you in a couple of hours. I thought I'd take you home, make sure your ex doesn't hassle you if he's still there."
"He'll be gone. Trust me. I've seen this coming for awhile now."
"Then why did you try to kill yourself?"
"Please! That was just a show! I knew the looky loos on the hall wouldn't be able to resist sticking their noses in and I wanted to embarrass that dickhead one last time. He hates to show off his 'gay side,' even told people we were 'roommates' for Christ's sake! Having the neighbors talking about him for the next few days was my revenge."
"They'll be talking about you too," Patrick pointed out.
"I don't give a shit. Never have. Never will."
Patrick clutched Chad's hand, feeling a connection with him he'd never felt with anyone else before. This man was open, honest, not to mention incredibly sexy with his thick, dark hair, the chocolate-colored eyes with a gleam of amber, and bright, perfect smile. His eyes took in Chad's physique which Patrick could tell was lean and muscular, and suddenly he felt himself becoming aroused. It was something that didn't go unnoticed by Chad who pulled Patrick down for a long, deep kiss.
"Hold that thought until we get back to my place," Chad whispered, feeling a thrill he'd missed for so long finally returning.
CHAPTER THREE
Patrick checked everything in his small, modest apartment one last time. He'd spent extra time tidying up, making sure everything was perfect for Chad's first visit. They'd been seeing each other for just over two weeks and things were going great. Their relationship was passionate, almost more than Patrick could take at times. Chad's sexual appetites were varied and seemingly insatiable and Patrick sometimes had a difficult time keeping up. Their lovemaking sessions usually left him drained, panting in a sweat but there was more to it than that. He felt a connection to Chad even though they were very different in many ways. Patrick was a bit more "blue collar" than Chad, often finding his lover's rants on the state of fashion and style a bit tedious. While Patrick would relax with a cold beer, Chad preferred sipping a glass of chilled wine. Patrick was comfortable going out in well-worn jeans and a comfortable sweatshirt. Chad wouldn't step foot outside his apartment unless he was wearing his designer duds, not even to pop down to the corner market. They'd come to appreciate each other's differences, however, each discovering something in the other they were missing.
There was a soft knock at the door and Patrick walked over to answer it, glancing around a final time to make sure everything was as perfect as possible.
"Come in," Patrick said with a smile. He leaned in and gave Chad a kiss as the man entered.
"So this is your domicile?" Chad remarked as he looked around. His eyes landed on a painting on the far wall and he stopped short. Patrick noticed this and smiled to himself. It was a piece of art he was especially proud of and he was pleased it had made an impression on Chad.
"What is that?" Chad asked, pointing an almost accusatory finger at the painting.
Patrick's smile faded when he realized Chad was less than impressed. "You don't like it?"
"Oh god, no! It's hideous! Why on earth would you hang something like that in your living room?"
"My sister painted it for me," Patrick responded. "It was a birthday gift and I happen to like it." He did his best to keep the annoyance out of his voice but it crept it's way in.
"How old was she? Ten?" Chad let out a derisive chuckle as he shook his head.
"She was seventeen and had a full scholarship to study art in college," Patrick replied, not hiding his anger. "Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean it's bad!"
Chad turned to look at Patrick, unaccustomed to his partner's angry tone, and saw the hurt in his eyes. He rubbed Patrick's arm and gave him a smile.
"You're absolutely right. I'm sorry I upset you." He gave Patrick a kiss, took his hand, and led him to the couch. "I thought we could try that new Asian place a few blocks away. I hear their sushi is amazing." He notice Patrick crinkle his nose slightly. "They have the usual stuff too. 'Sweet and sour this,' 'Mu shu' that. I'm sure they'll have something more to your liking."
"Actually, I was thinking I could make something for us here," Patrick suggested.
"Really?" Chad was surprised and just a little bit apprehensive. He was almost certain Patrick's idea of "gourmet cuisine" was something heavily battered and deep friend.
"Yeah. I have everything to make a vegetarian lasagna and homemade garlic bread. I even bought a bottle of that red wine you like so much."
"Alright. You convinced me." Chad followed Patrick to the kitchen and watched as he gathered everything together. "You know, I've never had a boyfriend cook for me."
"I've cooked for all mine," Patrick stated with a smile.
"'All?' Just how many are we talking about?"
"Just three, not including you." He felt himself blush as he chopped the veggies. "And you know how I feel about 'safe sex' so there's no need to ask if I used a condom with them."
"Oh yes, I know that all too well." Chad moved closer, nibbling on Patrick's earlobe. "You know that night you said 'no' because we didn't have rubbers nearly made me explode." He moved a hand under Patrick's shirt to caress his chest. "Please tell me we won't have that problem now."
Patrick's breath quickened as the knife fell from his hand. "No, not a problem." He took Chad's hand and led him to the bedroom, putting their dinner preparations onhold for the time being.
CHAPTER FOUR
Patrick cuddled with Chad as the two of them watched television in bed. They'd been seeing each other now for six months and their relationship grew stronger by the day. Patrick had even introduced Chad around work, relieved that even Hal accepted the relationship despite his intial impressions of his former patient.
"I've got to go," Patrick said reluctantly as he looked at the clock. "I gotta go back to my place and get ready for my shift."
"Just five more minutes," Chad sighed as he snuggled closer. He took a deep breath, taking in Patrick's scent. "You should move in with me."
"What?" Patrick asked surprised.
"Don't act like this is unexpected," Chad teased. "We spend all our spare time together as it is. This will be more practical than going back and forth." He sat up, a feeling of unease taking him. "Unless you don't think this will last?"
Patrick sat up, reached out, and touched Chad's cheek. "You're the only man I've ever thought of spending the rest my life with. I just didn't know if you felt the same way until now."
"Patrick, I love you more and more every minute we're together. It tears at my soul when we're apart."
"Ok. I'll see about getting someone to sublet my place. I think one of the guys at work is looking for something. He just split from his wife and needs a new home."
"Great! I mean 'great' that you might have someone who'll sublet, not 'great' that your friend is having marital problems."
"I know what you mean," Patrick chuckled. He gave Chad a kiss and slid out of bed. "I'll call you later and let you know what he says."
"I'll be waiting," Chad replied, already excited about this new step they were taking.
Chad packed some of Patrick's belongings in boxes, meticulously arranging everything just so.
"Where is it?" Patrick asked accusingly as he entered the room.
"Hon, you need to be more specific," Chad replied. "There's so much...stuff...I've tucked away in a variety of boxes."
"My painting!" Chad said. "I don't see it anywhere!"
"I threw it away," Chad said matter-of-factly. "It's one thing to have it decorating your little 'bachelor pad' but I don't want that horrid piece of shit anywhere near my home!"
"You had no right to do that!" Patrick screamed. He ran out the door before Chad could respond, making his way to the dumpsters by the apartments. He looked in, spying the painting close to the top. He carefully pulled it out, wiped off the grime, and took it back upstairs. "This is going with us!"
"I cannot believe you just went dumpster diving for that," Chad said, shaking his head. "Jesus, you could've just asked your sister to paint another one for you."
"No, I can't!" Patrick practically screamed.
"Why the hell not?"
"Because she's dead!" Patrick collapsed to the floor in tears, clutching the painting.
Chad stood, shocked for a moment, before going to Patrick and sitting beside him. "Oh my god. Patrick, why didn't you tell me this before?"
Patrick shrugged as he wiped his tears. "I didn't think you'd be interested. You have a tendency to tune me out sometimes, especially when I'm talking about my family."
"I'm sorry," Chad sighed. "I know I can be a bit self-absorbed sometimes but I never meant for you to think I wasn't interested in what you had to say." He took Patrick's hand and gave it a squeeze. "I'm all ears if you want to talk."
Patrick looked in Chad's eyes and realized he was being sincere. "My sister, Irene, was my best friend," Patrick began. "She was the baby in the family and we were always close. She was the first person I 'came out' to and she accepted me for who I was, even after my parents turned their backs on me. One night during my first year as an EMT, we got a call to respond to a drunk driving accident. We got there and one of the police officers approached me. He was a family friend and I could tell he'd been crying. I looked past him and saw my sister's car, completely mangled and I knew, I just knew, without him saying a word. I broke down right there, fell to my knees in the middle of the road, sobbing as cars drove by. I waited until they'd cut Irene out of the car, helped place her on the stretcher, then road with her to the hospital morgue where I called my parents. When they got there, my dad kicked me out, told me to stay away from the family. He made sure I was barred from the funeral but I went to my sister's grave the next day. She was all I had left and now she was gone." He looked at the painting, running his fingers over the brush strokes his sister had so lovingly created. "Everytime I look at this, I'm reminded of how her love was unconditional, unlike that of the rest of my family, and it gives me hope that maybe one day they'll come around and accept me, too." Patrick turned to Chad, wiping away the tears. "If you don't want to hang this up, I understand, but please, I need to keep this with me, even if it's just tucked away under the bed or in the back of a closet."
Chad looked into his love's eyes, regretting his earlier selfishness. He took the painting and after studying it for a several moments, turned back to Patrick.
"Actually, I think this would go perfectly in that spot over the bookcase," he said.
Patrick took Chad in his arms, holding him tightly. "Thank you," he whispered.
Chad took in Patrick's warm embrace, feeling more love for him than he thought possible. He pulled back after a few minutes and stood.
"Come on. Let's get this stuff over to my place. We've go a lot of unpacking to do before our dinner party next weekend."
Patrick stood and grabbed a suitcase, the precious painting in his other hand, and followed Chad out, ready for the two of them to start their lives together.
CHAPTER FIVE
Chad tapped his foot impatiently as he looked at the clock. Patrick had been due back home hours ago but Chad had no doubts as to where his lover was at that moment. He picked up the cell phone bill he'd found tucked away in Patrick's papers and it confirmed everything. He'd called the unfamiliar number and it connected to the voicemail of someone he only knew as an acquaintance but someone Patrick obviously knew much better than that.
"Sorry I'm late," Patrick said as he came in the door. "Had a last minute emergency call."
"Really? So you were out doing the usual 'saving lives' routine?"
Patrick immediately sensed the sarcasm tinged with barely controlled anger in his partner's voice. "Yes. What else would I be doing?"
"It's not 'what' you'd be doing but 'whom,'" Chad replied as he thrust the cell phone bill towards Patrick.
Patrick went pale, realizing his secret was out. "I'm sorry," he replied feebly.
"You're not even going to try and deny it? How noble of you!" Chad responded.
"What do you want me to say?" Patrick asked.
"How long?"
"Three months."
"Where?" Chad saw Patrick hesitate. "You fucking bastard! You brought him here, to our bed, didn't you!"
"Only a couple of times," Patrick answered.
"Only a couple of times? Oh well, then, that just makes it all better doesn't it?" Chad waited for a response but Patrick only stared at the floor. "Well, at least that explains our lack of intimacy. You were too exhausted from your 'extra-curricular activities' to give me anything."
"That 'lack of intimacy' started long before all this," Patrick snapped. "I tried everything I could but you just pushed me away. Remember your birthday? I booked a weekend for us at that nice B&B upstate. I thought it would be romantic but all you did, the entire weekend, was tour the wineries, get smashed, then trash talk about the 'god-awful decor' of the place!"
"You considered that place a 'nice' B&B? Please! Although I guess I shouldn't expect something in the four-star range from someone on an EMT's salary!"
"And that's another thing! That condescending attitude of yours! What I do is important! I actually contribute to society! What do you do? Sit around, flipping through swatches, trying to decide what fabric goes with what paint color? Yeah, that means something."
"Yes, it does!" Chad shot back. "I may not rescue people from the jaws of death but I bring some brightness, some joy, into their lives with what I do! Everytime I redesign someone's home, I make them smile, make them feel better about themselves and their surroundings. It matters more than you'll ever understand!" He looked up at the painting, the one he'd tried so hard to like for Patrick's sake, and felt his anger boiling over. He picked up his now empty wine glass, smashed it across the coffee table, then lunged at the painting, slashing across it with one, swift stroke.
"No!" Patrick screamed as he grabbed for Chad's hand. He applied pressure to the man's wrist, causing the jagged shard of glass to fall to the floor, but the damage was done. As he stared alternately at the ruined painting and at the broken glass, he noticed red droplets pooling on the carpet. "Chad, you're bleeding."
Chad looked down at his palm, noticing the gash across it.
"Get out," he said quietly.
"Let me just take a look at your hand," Patrick pleaded.
"Get out! Now!"
Patrick backed away towards the door, looking at the carnage around him before walking out, not sure where he was going.
Chad watched the wound bleed for a few more seconds, the sting bringing him back to his senses. He went to the bathroom, wrapped a towel around his hand, then came back to the living room.
"Shit. That will never come out," he said as he looked at the bloodstain before grabbing his keys and heading to the hospital.
CHAPTER SIX
Patrick waited nervously in the little coffee shop. It had been just over a week since he'd left Chad's place and now they were about to meet up to discuss if they still had a future. He'd broken it off with his illicit lover as soon as he left the apartment, bunking down on Hal's couch until he could figure out what to do next.
"Hi," a meek voice said.
"Hi," Patrick replied. "Sit down. Would like some coffee?"
"No thanks," Chad replied.
Patrick wasn't sure where to start. "How's your hand?" he finally asked.
"Ok. Got it stitched up and I'll have a scar. Guess no more palm readings for me." He sighed and for the first time looked Patrick in the eyes. "I took the painting to a friend of mine. She's pretty sure she can restore it, said the slash is smooth, not ragged. I guess the question is, 'Where will it be hanging?' once she's done."
"That depends on you," Patrick responded. "I'm the one who cheated and I have no excuse for that. I want to come back, if you'll have me but if not, I'll understand."
"I want you back," Chad answered immediately. "I got to thinking about what you said and you're right. I've been a bit of an asshole in the last few months. I'm not saying I 'drove you to it' but I will admit, I need to work on my 'personal skills' as far as relationships go." Chad reached across the table and took Patrick's hands. "I talked to one of my clients, a couples' therapist, and she said she'd start seeing us if that's what you want."
"I think that's a great idea," Patrick sighed. "I want this to work, Chad. I love you and I can't tell you how torn up I've been over this. I know it's going to take a lot of work on my part to earn your trust and I'm willing to do anything."
"I love you, too. It's been so lonely in the apartment since you left. Please, come back with me now. I can't stand the thought of being without you one more day. It's just so...empty...there now."
Patrick stood with Chad and embraced him. "I just need to run by Hal's and get my things."
"Alright. Then what do you say we go out for a celebratory dinner? You choose."
"Let's just stay in. I'll whip up something when we get home."
"Sounds perfect," Chad said with a smile. He clutched Patrick's hand tightly, ready to put the pieces back together and get on with the idyllic life they had always planned on having.
Things began to fall back into place for Patrick and Chad, thanks to their couples' therapy. They were working through their issues, from Patrick's feeling as if Chad didn't respect him to Chad feeling he couldn't fully trust Patrick after what happened. There were some rough patches but the couple had made it through them and now felt stronger in their relationship than they ever had before.
"I had a fun little project today," Chad said one night as he and Patrick lay in bed. "I got to decorate a nursery."
"For a boy or a girl?" Patrick asked.
"Baby girl. Mom hates pink so we chose a soft yellow for the room, found an antique crib that's being restored, went with linens in a complimentary green."
"Sounds nice," Patrick stated.
"It got me thinking. I think we should have a baby."
Patrick sat up as Chad did the same. "Are you serious?"
"Why not? We've come a long way since all that...unpleasantness...and we'd be great parents."
"You've never been interested in kids before. Why now?"
"I just feels like it's time. I want to have this opportunity, Patrick. I want to be a 'daddy' to someone, have a little one running around that we can call our own."
"Oh, Chad. You don't know how happy this makes me," Patrick said as tears welled up in his eyes. "For the first time since we got back together, I feel like you've really forgiven me for what happened and you're ready to move on, make a life with me."
Chad wrapped his arms around Patrick. "You are my life, Patrick. This existence means nothing if you're not in it." They held each other, taking in the warmth of their bodies together, before Chad pulled back. "We'll need a bigger place, though." He thought a moment, a smile coming to his face. "Let's buy a house."
"Buy a house? Chad, that's a big step and a huge investment."
"And having a baby isn't?"
Patrick chuckled. "I see your point but the market is terrible right now and even with our combined salaries, a mortgage is going to be tough to pull off."
"I've got money from an inheritance put aside. We can use that for a down payment and to help with the bills." He took Patrick's hands and gave them a squeeze. "Please say 'yes.'"
"Alright. Let's go this weekend and see what we can find."
The two lay back down, soon falling asleep and dreaming of a future filled with joy and love for them both.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Patrick drove around the neighborhood, he and Chad looking at the real estate signs posted outside the various homes. They were getting discouraged. Nothing they saw so far even remotely interested them.
"Stop!" Chad yelled, nearly causing Patrick to go off the road as he slammed on the breaks.
Patrick glanced out the window and saw what had gotten his love's attention. A huge, Victorian style house. He pulled over, parked, and the two got out to take a closer look.
"It's perfect!" Chad declared.
"A bit of a 'fixer upper' don't you think?" Patrick asked.
"That's exactly why I love this place! We can bring it back to life, restore it to its former granduer." He smiled as he looked up at the stained-glass windows. "I bet this old place has a lot of stories to tell." He looked over at his partner and could tell he wasn't fully convinced. "Patrick, we can turn this home into a real showplace. It's just what this dreary neighborhood needs. Who knows? Maybe we can start our own bed & breakfast? I've always been interested in doing something like that."
"I'm still seeing more of a 'money pit' than a 'showcase,'" Patrick sighed. He saw the disappointed look on Chad's face and put his arm around him. "But I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a look inside, find out what they're asking for it."
Chad gave Patrick a kiss before pulling out his cell phone and calling the number listed on the sign. As Patrick waited for Chad to finish his conversation, he couldn't shake an uneasiness that came over him as he looked at the house, as if its outward beauty and charm was hiding something much different.
"The realtor's on her way," Chad announced as he hung up. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Patrick replied as he shook off the dark feeling that had come over him.
Chad wrapped his arms around Patrick, pulling him down for a tender kiss.
"This is a new beginning for us, babe. I can just feel it."