(Another song fic? Yeah. Um, I listened to this and I couldn't resist. This one shot is set to the tune, and inspired by, Blake Shelton's "It Aint Easy Bein' Me". Good song. You should go have a listen. And remember; Reviews = Love!)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
"There ought to be a town out there,
Named for how I feel.
Yeah I could be the mayor down there,
And say welcome to Sorryville.
It won't be on a map nowhere,
You might say that it doesn't exist,
But if you make enough wrong turns
It'd be hard to miss."
Dean was just sitting at a bar somewhere in North Carolina. Just starring at his almost empty glass of scotch. For once the ladies were staying far away from him. They could see he was a lost soul from twenty miles away and they just wanted some fun. Not the baggage they could tell he would bring. He had been sitting in the same bar for the last hour. Ever since she left him. It wasn't her fault she left though. She just needed to. He wasn't giving her what she needed. He knew that. He knew it! He was just too damn stubborn and selfish to do anything about it. He thought she would stay. She was supposed to stay!
He wanted to be angry with her. And he was on some level. She was the only girl he had ever let in. How could she just leave? He couldn't put the blame on her though. He made mistakes and was an ass. A horrible, stupid ass. He just should have…
Before he could finish that thought he downed the rest of his alcohol and flagged the bar keep over. She was a pretty girl. Tall, short blonde curly hair, light green eyes, and a decent body. She was actually fuckin' hot. But she wasn't her. She wasn't Haley. Haley with her short height, long brown hair, deep brown eyes, and an unbelievable body. Haley with her quirky ways and beautiful voice. Haley with her…
The bar keep started talking. "So why are you drowning in alcohol?" She questioned while checking out the guy in front of her.
"Just fill 'er up," Dean ordered while motioning to his cup. The girl frowned.
"I don't think I should," she said and Dean just rolled his eyes. "How about this, I'll pour if you talk," she bargained.
"Fine," Dean huffed.
"Start talking," she smirked and he did. He wanted his alcohol.
"There ought to be a bridge somewhere
They could dedicate to me.
I'd probably come to the ceremony
With a can of gasoline;
Walk on over to the other side
And there I'd light a match
And sit and stare through the smoke and the flames
Wonderin' how I'm ever gonna get back."
"I had a girl friend, just hours ago actually. The first girl I had ever actually dated," he started his story.
"More of the fuck 'em and leave 'em type?" She questioned with a smirk as she started pouring him a glass of scotch.
"Before her," he confirmed before taking a big gulp of his new drink.
"What happened?" She questioned softly. She actually loved that part of her job. Getting to know new people deeply, when they might not even remember you.
"I was stupid," he said thoughtfully, going into his own head. "I thought I didn't need her. God! I do the stupidest things and then right afterwards I know they're stupid. Hell, I know they're stupid when I do them," he exploded with frustration for himself.
"Why do you do them then?" She questioned, really getting into that conversation.
"Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way? Am I a self-made fool?
I shoot the lights and curse the dark;
I need your love but I break your heart;
And I know the words that'll bring you back,
But I don't say nothin' as I watch you pack.
I had to work to be the jerk I've come to be;
It ain't easy bein' me."
"I don't know," he groaned. He wasn't angry at the random girl, he was angry at himself. "I guess I'm just an idiot. I'm so fucked up that I want to ruin any form of happiness I ever have a chance at. And, damn it, she was my only chance at happiness," he admitted.
"Are you always so…?" She trailed off.
"Chick flick like?" He questioned, finishing the rest of his drink and wordlessly asking for another.
"Yeah," she laughed out.
"No, but you're holding the liquor Sweet Cheeks. And I have a feeling you wouldn't give it to me any other way. Tell me, why do you get a kick out of other people's discomfort?" He questioned daringly. Waiting, oh so patiently, for her to fill up his drink.
"Excuse me?" She questioned shocked.
"You like other people's pain. You thrive in it really. What made you so fucked up?" Dean questioned, wanting to get the attention off of himself.
"I don't think that's any of your business," she snapped. "Anyways I think we were talking about you and your problems, not mine," she said firmly.
"You gonna give me a drink?" He sighed.
"Are you going to talk?" She snapped back.
"If you give me a drink." And she did, but then another customer signaled for her.
"Will you like, not kill yourself if I leave?" She questioned, only half kidding. Green eyes met green eyes and she felt her already broken heart break for him.
"I can't make any promises," he said stoically, but she left anyways. She left and Dean felt his mind going back to the moment Haley left.
***FLASHBACK***
Dean walked into the motel room he was sharing with his girlfriend, Haley. His girlfriend who had just, the night before, told him she loved him. To where he answered that he couldn't give her that. He loved her. He knew it and she, deep down, knew it. But she wanted it expressed. He just couldn't do that. So he was nervous about how furious she would be. He didn't expect the sight he saw.
Haley was leaning over their bed, gathering all her stuff up into a duffle bag. She was packing.
"What are you doing?" He demanded and she froze.
"I'm leaving," she answered simply. "You can't, or won't give me what I want. I want you Dean, and I don't just mean sex or content-ness. I want all of you. The good and the bad and you won't give me that. I'm done setting myself up for hurt. I'm done watching you flirt with all the bar skanks. I'm done letting you break my heart, Dean Winchester," she swore as she finished packing her bag. Though, the both knew if he were to mutter those three little words (I love you,) then she would continue letting him break her heart. She would open herself back up to him. Was it wrong that she was hoping he would?
No such luck. Dean flopped down in a chair and propped his feet up on a coffee table. "Whatever," he muttered, pretending he didn't care. Pretending he wasn't dying to tell her to stay. To tell her he loves her. Haley just stood by the bed, bag slung over her shoulder, and watched him. Hoping he would say something. Anything. Again, no such luck.
"Aren't you going to say anything!?" She cried in desperation. She wanted him to ask her to stay. Or at least to tell her to get out. She just wanted him to speak.
He looked over at the woman he loved. He took a long hard look at her, knowing it was probably the last time he would see her. He memorized her features and what she was wearing. He knew the words to get her to stay, and he felt them, but he just couldn't say them. Shouldn't she feel that he loved her? Wasn't that enough?
"No," he answered with a shrug. Her mouth dropped open in shock before she closed it. Her mouth was then set into a firm line. She was really leaving him and all that could have been. She deserved better, though. She knew she did. She headed for the door.
***END OF FLASHBACK***
"Ought to be a side show act for freaks like me;
Yeah I could be the star of the show
With my name on the marquee.
In a room with a big red button that says "Do Not Touch,"
And twice a day I'd mash it down
And you could watch me self-destruct."
"I'm back!" The blonde bar keeper said brightly. That brought Dean out of his memories.
"Lucky me," he said dryly. She just frowned. Whatever happened between him and that girl really messed him up, she realized.
"So where were we?" She questioned. A pamphlet behind the bar caught his eye though.
"There's a circus coming into town?" He questioned, trying to get her to leave him and his pathetic love life alone.
"Yeah! Do you like the circus?" She asked with a smile. Maybe he wasn't that bad! Maybe she could help him get over his heartache. Go find another guys life to fuck up and leave my boyfriend alone, you traitorous back stabbing whore! She cringed as her former best friends words rang through her head. Maybe she should back off from the dating scene, Peyton decided.
"It would be more exciting if it showcased the real freak shows," he muttered darkly.
"Like you?" Peyton questioned with a tilt of her head.
"Like me," he concluded, chuckling darkly. "Listen Goldilocks, not that I didn't enjoy our little chats or anything, because I did, I enjoyed them as much as I would sticking pins in my eyes, but I'm going to go and do…something. Probably wallow. Or pass out. But whatever I'm gonna do it's far from here," Dean told her. He stood up and stumbled some.
"Whoa, I hope you're not planning on driving," she said concerned.
"Nope, I'll walk." And out the bar he went. The silence was not welcomed though. His mind went back to that day again.
"Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way? Am I a self-made fool?
I shoot the lights and curse the dark;
I need your love but I break your heart;
And I know the words that'll bring you back,
But I don't say nothin' as I watch you pack.
I had to work to be the jerk I've come to be;
It ain't easy bein' me."
***FLASHBACK CONTINUED***
"No," he answered with a shrug. Her mouth dropped open in shock before she closed it. Her mouth was then set into a firm line. She was really leaving him and all that could have been. She deserved better, though. She knew she did. She headed for the door.
She was right at the door when his voice called her back.
"Haley," he said quietly. He was going to do it. He was going to tell her how much he cared for her. He was going to tell her that he actually loved her. That she should stay with him. She was the only girl he ever opened up to. Hell, she even knew about hunting. Hell, she was a hunter. He was going to tell her how much he needed her. How much he wanted her.
"Yeah?" She asked hopefully. She thought that maybe, just maybe, he was ready to fight for her. Maybe everything she wanted and hoped for could be a reality. Maybe he did love her.
Dean chicken out at the last moment. He just couldn't tell her and he didn't know why. He did know that he was hurt and wanted to hurt her back, though.
"You missed a shirt. You wouldn't want to do that now would you? You might actually have to come back for it. That might defeat the purpose of running away," he told her, nodding to where she left a shirt. Probably from the night before. He smirked when he saw Haley scowl, but he tried to avoid her eyes. He knew he was breaking her heart, hell he was breaking his own, he just couldn't stop himself. He was that messed up.
"Keep it. It can be a reminder of me, 'cause I assure you this will be the last time I see you," she vowed before storming out and slamming the door. Dean left for the bar five minutes later.
***END OF FLASHBACK***
As the memory hit him he collapsed on the sidewalk. He leaned his back up against a random building and only then did the tears come.
"What did I do?" He questioned to himself, to drunk to care that he was crying over some chick. Little did he know, Haley was doing the same thing. Crying that is. It isn't easy being them, alright.
(Tell me if you liked it! Or hated it. Or…whatever. Well, hopefully you review!)