Entry #4 in the "A Year in the Life" series. A pure fluff piece about Brass's introduction to the wonderful world of instant messaging. You know the drill -- CSI is not my sandbox. If it were, I'd be able to replace this battered laptop with something snazzy.
Touch Type
by Alice Day
A thoughtful Jim Brass sipped his cup of coffee as he studied the multicolored cables snaking out from what he'd been assured was his cable modem. "Honey, are you sure you know what you're doing?" he asked reasonably.
"Yeah, it's easy," Ellie Brass grunted, half-hidden behind the large credenza that served as the Brass entertainment center. "The guy at Best Buy explained it to me, and the router came with instructions so I can turn on encryption and stuff. Just gotta reach the cable jack – got it!"
Brass buried his doubts in another sip of coffee. Thanks to the broken toes she'd gotten during their road trip to Jackpot, Ellie had decided to stay at his place for a couple of days after they got back to Vegas. He bided his time, never repeating his offer of room and board. Instead, he was simply there for her; making spaghetti, taking her to the Galleria for dinner and a movie, chatting with her when she was in the mood. A couple of days slowly turned into a week, and then two. And then one morning he came home and found her circling local jobs in the want ads.
She shrugged when he hesitantly asked her about it. "Well, you said I could stay if I wanted to," she said. "But this is just for a little while, okay? I'm going to get my own place as soon as I can afford it. Oh, and I need to go back to LA and pick up my stuff."
"Need any help?" Brass said.
She studied him, then smiled. "Actually, yeah. You up for another road trip?"
The next weekend they went to LA. The landlord didn't seem too surprised to see Ellie collecting her things, and his half-hearted complaints about "advance notice" evaporated when Brass flashed his badge and wondered aloud about the hospital smell in the building's lobby, the classic olfactory greeting card of a meth lab.
To the Homicide detective's surprise, Ellie's belongings included a battered Toshiba laptop. "Got it from a friend," she explained. "It's old, but it runs okay, and it's got a wireless card so I can surf at Starbucks." She gave him a deliberately winsome smile. "Of course, if you installed a wireless router, I could do it from home."
"Okay, how do I get a wireless router installed?" Brass said, feeling indulgent.
As it turned out, the answer was simple -- take Ellie to Best Buy and have her pick out one. The kid running the computer section had been more than happy to talk her through the installation process, even giving her his business card in case she needed to call someone for tech support. Geeks do like the girls, Brass thought with amusement. Me, I'm lucky if they give me the right change.
After following the instructions and tapping various commands into his computer, she announced that everything was ready. On the credenza, the NetGear router she'd connected to their cable modem blinked its LEDs gently. "If I did this right, we should be able to surf from anywhere in the house," she said.
"Honey, I keep telling you, I don't surf," Brass said patiently. "I wouldn't even have that damn computer if I didn't need it for the job."
She gave him a pained look. "Dad, you have got to expand your horizons. Besides, it's not just for you – I'd like to be able to IM from my own room."
"IM?"
"Instant Message," she explained. "It's like sending texts, only on a computer. I already set up an account for you -- just watch."
She took the mouse and clicked on a button in the Applications tray. A new window popped up, entitled AOL Instant Messenger.
"Okay, so what happens next?" Brass asked.
"This. Just type in your reply, then hit Enter." With a grin, she disappeared into her bedroom. Seconds later, text appeared on his screen.
Brassy26: Hey, Dad. This is IMing.
Brass smirked and sat down in front of the computer, his fingers flying with surprising grace over the keyboard. He waited. Nothing happened.
Brassy26: Hit Enter, Dad.
"Smartass," he grumbled, and did.
User933: Great. Wouldn't it be easier to just come in here and talk to me?
Brassy26: Dad, the 20th century just called -- it wants its mindset back.
User933: I'm old -- so sue me. How come you're Brassy26 and I'm User933?
Brassy26: That's my nick. Type a backslash (like this -- \) and add a nickname, then press the Enter key.
::User933 is now CapnBrass::
CapnBrass: Like this?
Brassy26: Bingo!
CapnBrass: Huh. Okay.
Brassy26: Hold on, Catherine's online. I'll add her.
::RedHeadCSI has been added to the conversation::
Brassy26: Hi C.
RedHeadCSI: Hi Ellie. How's my honey doing?
CapnBrass: Sweet as ever. How you doing, beautiful?
RedHeadCSI: Jim! When did you figure out how to IM?
CapnBrass: The kid talked me into it. Ellie, how did you put Catherine in here?
Brassy26: Simple. You can add multiple people to a conversation, like this.
::TinyDancer has been added to the conversation::
Brassy26: Hey Lindsey.
TinyDancer: Hi. Hi CB! How R U?
CapnBrass: What?
Brassy26: Spell it out, Dad.
CapnBrass: Whatever happened to plain old English?
TinyDancer: Don't be a n00b. U tweeting yet?
CapnBrass: Tweeting?
Brassy26: I'll show you Twitter later on, Dad. If you get a headset, you can even get on Skype.
CapnBrass: Let's keep it simple for your old pops, okay? Lemme get used to this IM thing first.
RedHeadCSI: Good idea. You can use IM at the station, you know.
CapnBrass: I can? Huh.
CapnBrass: Heh, heh, heh...
RedHeadCSI: Oh, God. Ellie, what have you done?
*****
CantHelpBeingHip: Hey Cath, who showed Brass how to IM?
RedHeadCSI: Ellie. Why?
CantHelpBeingHip: He's bugging me by IM for results. The phone texts are bad enough, but this is adding insult to injury.
RedHeadCSI: I'll talk to him about it, Greggo. I think he's just having fun right now.
*****
HookEmHorns: Uh, I just got an IM from Brass. I didn't know he knew how to use a computer.
RedHeadCSI: He's smarter than he looks.
HookEmHorns: No fooling. Now could he just give it a break? I'm starting to twitch every time I hear my computer ping.
RedHeadCSI: I'll see what I can do.
*****
SliceNDice: Catherine, I have three autopsies scheduled for tonight, two more bodies waiting in the hallway, and David is out collecting a multiple. Will you please talk to your SO and tell him to knock it off with the damn IMs?
RedHeadCSI: He's messaging you, too?
SliceNDice: Unfortunately. He may be hot shit with a gun, but he keeps this up and he's gonna find out firsthand what I can do with a bone saw.
RedHeadCSI: I'll try. By the way, SO?
SliceNDice: Since January, about two weeks after Grissom left. Took you long enough -- I was starting to wonder if I'd have to lock you two in the supply cabinet. And no, I'm not going to say anything to Ecklie.
RedHeadCSI: Thanks, Al.
SliceNDice: Thank me by getting him to stop, otherwise it's Bone Saw Time. I'm not kidding.
*****
Morpheus: Catherine, why am I getting IM messages from Jim?
RedHeadCSI: Oh, God -- not you too?
Morpheus: I take it he's been IMing the other CSIs?
RedHeadCSI: Apparently he's going a little overboard with it. Oh, and Morpheus? Really, Ray? Really?
Morpheus: Keep all sharp objects away from my reality bubble, Catherine. :-)
*****
DHodges: Catherine, this is ridiculous. Captain Brass has been texting me all day for trace results on the Briggs case. I can hardly run the GC/MS if I'm replying to his fourteen -- no, make that fifteen -- instant messages.
RedHeadCSI: *sigh*
*****
RedHeadCSI: Stop harassing my CSIs, Jim.
CapnBrass: What?
RedHeadCSI: You're being a back-seat IMer.
CapnBrass: Excuse me for taking advantage of the technology.
RedHeadCSI: There's a difference between "taking advantage" and "overusing to the point of annoying people."
CapnBrass: Did I annoy you?
RedHeadCSI: Honey, you'd have to do a lot more than send me some IMs to annoy me.
CapnBrass: Good to know.
RedHeadCSI: Anyway, Hodges and Henry are working on the Briggs case evidence, so I'm outta here.
CapnBrass: I'm right behind you, toots. And it's a helluva view.
RedHeadCSI: Dirty old man. I should moon you for that.
CapnBrass: I'd like to see you try.
RedHeadCSI: ( | )
CapnBrass: Ha. I do believe that's sexual harassment, Ms. Willows.
RedHeadCSI: I certainly hope so. (o)(o)
CapnBrass: Perky. Honey, where did you learn this stuff?
RedHeadCSI: I have a teenaged daughter. So, harassed enough?
CapnBrass: Ohyeah. Not to mention strangely turned on.
RedHeadCSI: Good. Meet me at my place?
CapnBrass: You have to ask?
*****
TinyDancer: Oh, God, can I come over there?
Brassy26: What's wrong?
TinyDancer: Quasi-parental sex noises. I have my earbuds in and I can STILL hear them. Yuck.
Brassy26: *sighs* Leave them a note and meet me outside in 10. We can hit the Galleria.
Brassy26: Make that 15. Just got another IM -- need to answer it.
TinyDancer: Please hurry. I'm gonna need therapy if I hear any more of this.
Brassy26: Put on Evanescence and turn up the volume.
*****
Brassy26: Heya, Doc.
NevVet: Greetings and salutations, Miss B. How's life in LV?
Brassy26: It's all good. I got in for the summer semester at Western LVU.
NevVet: Congratulations! I told you they'd take you.
Brassy26: Yeah. I'm still sort of freaking about it, though.
NevVet: You're going to do just fine. Does this mean you'll be around the first weekend of June?
Brassy26: Yup.
NevVet: Good. I'm attending a veterinary science conference at the Convention Center -- there's a dinner and drinks event on Friday night, which is a good place to meet and greet local vets. If you like, I'll get you a weekend pass.
Brassy26: Cool. Oh, wait -- Dad and C are going to Cancun that weekend.
NevVet: Is that a problem?
Brassy26: I told them I'd keep an eye on Lindsey. She's okay during the day, but Dad wants me at Catherine's in the evening.
NevVet: She could come with us. Would she be interested in new non-invasive techniques for feline UTI treatment?
Brassy26: Not so much.
NevVet: Figures. Can she be bribed?
Brassy26: :-D Possibly, but the price will be high.
NevVet: Hmm. Beyoncé will be playing in LV that weekend. What if I get tickets for Saturday?
Brassy26: You listen to Beyoncé???
NevVet: Nope, but one of my younger patients named a cat after her. I assume she's popular?
Brassy26: You have no idea. Hold on.
::TinyDancer has been added to the conversation::
Brassy26: Linds, if you come with the doc and me to a veterinary dinner the weekend Dad and C are in Cancun, we'll score tickets to the Beyoncé concert the next night. Sound good?
TinyDancer: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NevVet: I'll take that as a yes.
*****
CapnBrass: Hi Gil. How's life in the jungle?
N_vespillo: When did you start using IM, Jim?
CapnBrass: The kid dragged me into it. By the way, what the hell does N_vespillo mean?
N_vespillo: Nicrophorus vespillo -- Latin for carrion beetle.
CapnBrass: Why am I not surprised? How's Sara?
N_vespillo: Busy and happy. How's the lab?
CapnBrass: Overworked as usual. Langston's fitting in nicely, though -- good hiring call there.
N_vespillo: I thought so. So, was this a social IM or did you have something specific to talk about?
CapnBrass: Something specific to ask.
N_vespillo: So ask.
CapnBrass: I can't say that this is going to happen any time soon, but if I get up the stones to ask a certain strawberry blonde CSI of our mutual acquaintance to marry me, would you come back and be my best man? Make sure I don't pass out at the altar, that sort of thing?
N_vespillo: You and Catherine? It's about damn time. Sara says congratulations.
CapnBrass: I haven't asked her yet. Thought I'd talk with you first.
N_vespillo: That's the wrong order, Jim. Go propose, then line up a best man. And give us two weeks' notice so that we can make the travel arrangements.
CapnBrass: Gotcha.
N_vespillo: And Jim? I'm happy for you both. Of course, you've now put ideas in Sara's head.
CapnBrass: Take your own advice for a change, Bugman.