It's not something she understands but Olivia's the one who gets her heart broken in the end.
It's difficult to make sense of it. After all, she's the one who fools him, she's the one who uses his feelings for someone else, she's the one who tricks and deceives him.
She's the one who destroys the farce once he discovers the truth.
But she's also the one who loses what they had together.
Because he doesn't. She sees it the moment he realizes the truth. All the earlier warmth and affection gone from his eyes, replaced by a startling coldness, his mind already having moved beyond the knowledge of her fraud to thinking about her well-being and safety and getting her back.
That it doesn't even cause him a moment's confusion or loss to consider whether his feelings are altered by knowing who she really was…
It hurts more than she's prepared for it.
Is it so wrong to think that some part of those impassioned, half-formed utterances of love and affection, escaping his lips in the heat of passion… were for her after all?
He had said her name like it was prayer, grasped at her body like it was the totem that would keep him from self-destruction, looked at her face like it was enchantment itself.
To think… she thought she had known what love looked like before she met him.
She loves Frank, she really does. But this….. even she cannot resist being swept away by feelings that were so intense…so unlike anything she's ever encountered.
But she should have realized… those feelings were not for her. They were never for her to begin with.
And she knows it because he can mock her so callously when she's the one with a gun in her hand, forcing him to inject himself with something that could possibly kill him.
It's his way of letting her know how she really means nothing to him at all, that her threats are wasted on him.
She knows he'll feel the regret, the loss, the disappointment. He'll feel everything that she feels except it will all be for her.
Never for her.
She's cornered and she's caught. She sees no hesitation in his eyes when he points a gun at her.
It's not hate or resentment or anger that she sees. Its absolute indifference. As far as he's concerned, she's just a means to an end, one part of an answer to the question of finding the woman he loves.
She wants to tell him that he meant something to her, hoping her honesty will make him feel a little better because she has nothing to lose anymore. The truth might allow him to deal with the self-loathing he'll surely feel once it sinks in… what he has inevitably done.
He's disappointed but only because she doesn't have the answers he wants.
But there's nothing else in his expression except cool disregard, as he watches her being taken away.
He doesn't even believe her.
She hopes for his sake, that the woman he loves with such fierce determination will find a way of looking past this mistake that he never intended to make.
In participating in a deception not of his design.
Because Olivia can live with everything she has done because she did it for the greater good, for what she believed was the right thing…
One broken heart for the survival of a universe, it's a negligible price to pay
But she doesn't think even she could live with herself if he lost her.