Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Story Notes: This story starts off in New Moon, right after Bella has jumped from the cliff. Alice did see the vision, but the reaction is different. Bella is able to move on without any sudden interference from the Cullens, and the chance to explore her feelings for those she loves. Sometimes, the easiest path to take...isn't always the best.

"A human life is a fragile thing, but a human heart is even more so"

CHAPTER 1 :::FRAGILE:::

As we drove back to my house, I sat silently in the passenger seat of my truck. Cold shivers ran through my body in unsettling bursts, I tried to steady my breathing in an effort to control these tiny destructive quakes, but to no avail, they continued to assault my body, like an unforeseen assailant. I attempted to convince myself that these shivers were directly related to my noble effort of jumping off the cliff, and not the fact that I had come so close to leaving everything I knew behind.

It was all worth it though, cold or no cold - life or no life, I had heard my Edward. I carefully replayed his words in my head, Bella...Please don't do this!. My heart crumbled, or what was left of it. I felt the tiny pieces fall into the vast hole of desolation that enveloped my chest. I found it hard to breathe.

That is what was left of me...nothing. I had become nothing but a hollow vessel since the love of my life had made the decision for us and left me. I'd never had a say, being left behind to deal with the pain and so desperately wanting to wake up from this nightmare. But it was a nightmare, one that I realized I'd never wake from. I instinctively wrapped my arms around myself, in an attempt to hold it all together. I was trying to keep the pain at bay, maybe, just maybe if I held myself tighter, I wouldn't have to feel it. I clinched my eyes tightly, holding back the ever present tears. This was nothing new to me.

I opened my eyes when a soft cry broke through the silence in the truck. Jacob's head swiveled to me instantly.

"Bella?..Are you okay? Are you hurting?" His voice thick with concern, immediately brought me back to reality.

Hurting. Yes, I was, more than he could ever imagine. I debated answering him honestly, telling him how I knew I'd never feel whole again, that the pieces to the puzzle in my life were missing. That other part of me was out there somewhere and I'd never be complete without Edward, my soul mate. I shook the thoughts out of my head instantly; knowing I couldn't tell Jacob how I really felt, it would only hurt him. I managed the best fake smile I could and didn't look his way. "No, I'm just freezing. Once I get home I'll be able to get a hot shower, I'll be fine."

Wrong answer. Next thing I knew, I was being pulled next to him and his arm protectively sprung around my shoulders sending heat radiating through my body. I looked up at him through my lashes. "Thanks" was all I could manage.

"No problem, it's just a good excuse to get you next to me." Jacob flashed an authentic smile as his eyes lit up. He gave me a quick wink before focusing his eyes back in front of him.

We sat in awkward silence as I struggled through my memories of today's events. I had temporarily managed to forget the most important event of the day. The wolves had been chasing Victoria. I had been too busy wrapped up in performing my death-defying feat, only in the hopes of hearing his voice one more time. Pathetic, the pack was busy risking their own lives; trying to literally keep me safe, and I was doing the opposite. I had let them all down, especially Jacob. I had selfishly put my own life at risk, and wasn't turning out to be the good person I had always thought myself to be.

If it hadn't been for Jacob I would be dead, but having the vision of Edward, somehow made it all worth it. Edward had looked so beautiful floating there beside me, descending with me as fate claimed my very own existence. He had not abandoned me in my final moment; he had reached out to me. I had never felt so peaceful before in my entire life. His presence, and his devoted smile, had brought a familiar calmness to the chaos around me, encapsulating us in our own indestructible bubble. I remembered trying to reach out to touch his pallid face, but my brain had ceased all communication with my limbs.

And then there was the red, I remembered seeing the flaming mass of red in the distance as it came hurriedly towards me. Fear. I remember feeling mind numbing fear. Once again I had tried to move, but my body had failed me. My body was suspended in slow motion. The weight of the water pushed against me, and the next thing I remember was seeing Jacob's face. I shivered at the thought of the fear I had felt, as I mentally compared Victoria's face with the flaming red mass. I turned in my seat to face Jacob.

"Did..did the pack kill Victoria today? She's dead right? Please tell me she's dead Jacob!"

Jacob sighed. "Sorry, she got away from us, I chased her to the cliffs and lost her from there. But, don't worry Bella, we're going to catch her. She can't run forever."

"You...you chased her to the cliffs?"

"Yeah, the nasty leech stopped on the edge of the cliff and tried to provoke me into following her. She gave up when I didn't and plunged straight in. Then I saw your crazy self jump immediately after. That's how I knew you were in the water! I wasn't going to take the chance to see if you would surface on your own, not with Victoria so close to you."

"Oh no" Tears began to fill my eyes. "Thank you so much Jacob." No, that wasn't good enough. "I mean..I owe you more than a mere thank you...I owe you my own life!" I climbed onto my knees and reached up, wrapping my arms around Jacob's neck hugging him tightly."Thank you so much!" I sobbed into his neck. "I'm so stupid, I don't know what I was thinking!"

"Bells, you're not stupid! And you don't owe me anything...I already told you that I'd do anything for you" He let out a short laugh shaking his head. "Besides, you don't need to owe anyone your life; you have a hard enough time trying to keep up with it yourself."

I let a soft chuckle escape me as I playfully grabbed his head into my hands. I placed one hand behind his head and the other on his forehead and brought him to me planting a playful soft peck on his temple.

"Um, can you..uh...can you take your hand off of my face?, I kind of need to see the road if you want to make it home safely tonight." He let out a burst of laughter almost bouncing in his seat.

I removed my hands and turned back around in my seat, folding my hands into my lap and tried to laugh with him. There was no escaping reality, and even though it felt good to laugh, it wasn't going to erase everything I had facing me. I immediately felt myself slipping back into a somber mood. I sighed out loud to myself as Jacob pulled into my driveway.

I was home, and my nerves automatically went into overload. I wasn't sure if Jacob was expecting anything from me, he had been trying to get awfully close these past few days and I was unsure of his intentions. I was hoping that my sincere hug and thanks for pulling me out of the water would be enough for him. I didn't want to be in this position right now, there was no strength left in my heart to fight.

I quickly decided to play it normal, nonchalant; if there even was a normal for Jacob and I. We definitely had a rare friendship, an uncommon bond. We held each others secrets from the rest of the world, and truly understood each other. Or did we?

I quickly plotted an escape from my own truck.

Jacob reached out and wrapped his strong arm around my neck gently pulling me to him. I could feel his dark eyes boring into the side of my head. I had to react quickly. I could handle being playful, but my heart couldn't handle anything intimate. I decided to take the serious route and spoke up.

"Thank you Jacob. For everything you've done for me today. Thank you for pulling me out of the water. I don't know what I'd do without you." I smiled not knowing how genuine it came across.

I honestly tried. I removed his arm from around my neck and inched toward the passenger door to open it. "I need to get inside before Charlie gets home and catches me soaking wet."

Suddenly, I found myself being reeled back into Jacob's arms. I turned my head to react, and met him face to face; too close for my own comfort. I felt the heat of his breath dance on my face as he spoke.

"Hey, you aren't getting away from me that fast."

He silently beamed at me what seemed to be an eternity before he spoke again. "As I said before, you don't need to thank me for anything. I'd gladly do anything for you Bella; you don't know how happy you make me. And honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you either."

He leaned his face closer to mine while studying my expression. I smiled weakly as I understood he'd taken my last statement as I hadn't intended him to. He was taking it to mean that I couldn't live without him, which I don't think I could at this point in time in my life, but not in a romantic way. Not the way he wanted.

The feeling of warmth on my lips quickly jarred me out of my thoughts. I had been staring at him while my mind wandered and he must have taken it as an invitation, that I'd wanted the same as him.

I let out a sharp gasp and rapidly lowered my face towards my lap. Tears started to well up in my eyes. "Jacob...I'm sorry...I -" I was suddenly cut off by the ringing of a cell phone.

I looked at Jacob confused. My eyes darted back and forth around my truck as it struck me that it was my phone ringing. Thankfully, I'd left it in the truck before I'd busied myself putting my life on the line at the cliff.

"Are you going to answer that?" Jacob seemed amused at my bewilderment.

I opened the glove compartment to pull out my cell phone and flipped it open. 'Incoming Call' I frowned in confusion as the last ring echoed off the metal walls of my truck. I heard Jacob let out a muffled laughed as he shook his head.

I looked up at him with a quizzed look. "What?"

He continued to laugh. "You are looking at that phone like it just grew three legs!"

I raised an eyebrow at his comment. "No, I just don't know who it is calling."

Jacob seemed to be lost in thought for a brief moment as he stared out the windshield. "Maybe it was your Dad making sure you were okay." He shrugged his shoulders. "You know he doesn't like working late shifts and leaving you home alone."

I nodded in agreement and shifted myself to face the door. "Thanks again Jacob, I really mean it. I need to go inside though, it's been a long day and I should get some rest." I opened my door and swiftly climbed out.

Jacob peered at me through the windshield as I crossed in front of the truck headed for the front porch. I heard the truck door open and close behind me, then footsteps quickly approaching me.

I stepped up onto the first step and turned slightly to face him, focusing my eyes down at the ground in front of me. "Goodnight Jacob." I refused to meet his gaze knowing he was expecting more. I didn't want to see the hurt in his face. I couldn't bare it.

He let out a content sigh as he reached up and tenderly placed a stray curl behind my ear, my body stiffened in response. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him wince in reaction to my silent rejection. He dropped his hand and took a hesitant step back, "Night Bells"

Before I could apologize he was gone. I watched as his shadow disappeared into the wood line, listening until I no longer heard the leaves rustling beneath his feet.

The ringing of the house phone broke through my thoughts. This was a good thing; as I had begun to remember how Edward used to stand at the wood line waiting for me at night so he could meet me in my room. This was painful and I didn't need it, not now, not again. I quickly let myself in the house, turned on the light and darted for the phone. It was probably Charlie calling to check up on me, to make sure I was home safely. Always the protective father. I smiled at the thought.

I reached for the phone to answer it as I glanced at the caller id. 'Private' I paused. What was with these calls tonight? I continued to stare at the caller id as if were going to change. I shrugged to myself and figured if it was anything of importance, they'd leave a message. This was by far, the least of my worries.

I raced upstairs to the bathroom, turned the hot water on as high as I could get it, and stepped into the shower. My body adjusted to the steady heat of the water as it rippled over my skin. I tried to let the waves of anxiety and guilt wash away from me and down the drain; closing my eyes to envision it to make it more of a reality. It wasn't working, the sadness and heartache was overwhelming my body and I let myself break down and cry. It was better to do this alone. Charlie nor Jacob or anyone for that fact needed to see me like this.

I clenched my chest where my heart sat, shriveled and worn from the torment Edward leaving had brought upon it. I slid down the shower wall; my skin burning. I couldn't tell if it was from the hot water or my own pain. I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around my knees and leaned my head back, letting the water wash away my tears. I was beyond tired, I was exhausted, exhausted physically, mentally, spiritually, and most of all emotionally. I was in my own personal hell and there didn't seem to be an end in sight.

Chapter End Notes: Please be kind and leave me a review! ;) I would love to hear about your thoughts and ideas! I know the first chapter has started off slow, but please don't give up on me as Bella continues to explore her emotions and questions her own sanity. Has she had enough or is she just really loosing her mind?

Coming up... Chapter 2 'Sanity"