Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at /works/11969394.

Rating: Not Rated Archive Warning: Major Character Death Fandom: Gravity Falls Relationship: Stanford Pines & Stanley Pines Character: Grunkle Stan | Stanley "Stanford" Pines, The Author | Original Stanford Pines, Fiddleford H. McGucket, "Manly" Dan Corduroy, Ma Pines Additional Tags: Character Death, Grunkle Stan Dies, Arguing, Alternate Universe - Grunkle Ford Never Went Through The Portal, Wakes & Funerals, Guilt, Swearing Stats: Published: 2017-09-01 Words: 982 Easier Than Falling Asleep

by Merlin_Wolfgang_Trades_Hale

Summary

After being burned and branded, Stan stayed on the floor. Ford realizes the portal's been activated and scrambles to turn it off. While that was happening, Stan comes to some hard realizations about who exactly ruined his life. He runs out into the storm without knowing where he was going. He's found some days later...all things considered, freezing to death is one of the gentler ways to go. Like falling asleep.

"You ruined your own life!" Ford yelled at him before he kicked Stan into the side of the control panel, branding the symbol onto his back. Stan screamed and fell to the floor. Whatever hatred the argument caused stopped for a moment and Ford was worried about his brother. "Stanley! Oh my gosh I'm so sorry! Are you alright!?"

Stanley didn't get up from the floor. His mind flashed back to some of the horrors he's endured over the past decade. The smell of burning clothes and flesh didn't help at all. Ford's words echoing in his mind on repeat.

You ruined your own life! You ruined your own life! You ruined your own life...

He had, hadn't he?

None of his schemes worked, he lived out of his car, he wasn't the handsome devil he thought he was, and nowhere near as cunning. It wasn't Ford's fault he was stupid. It wasn't Ford's fault he couldn't settle down and find a purpose. It wasn't Ford's fault...

"Oh gosh!" Ford looked around and saw the activity going down because of their scuffle and scrambled to the emergency override system and shut the portal down. Ford stared at the portal until it was completely offline again before looking back where Stanley was. Only to find him gone.

He heard heavy footsteps overhead and didn't even think twice before running after his brother. Ford nearly tripped over the Journal he had asked Stanley to take far away from here. But that wasn't important at the moment. Stanley was hurt, it was his fault, and he had to make it right.

Bolting through the door he froze, pun intended, as he realized how cold it was and how badly the snow storm was raging on outside. The horrible storm Stanley had run into.

"STANLEY!" Ford yelled once before grabbing his coat and heading out to find his brother.

"You ruined your own life!"

"You're worthless!"

"Who gives a damn about a piece of shit like you?"

Echoes of people's words ran through Stanley's mind as he trudged through the woods. Every so often he crashed into a tree or slipped and fell. He was so cold, it hurt. But at the same time, it made every physical pain go numb. It felt like heaven against his latest burn.

He lost track of time easily. It could have been five minutes or five hours since he bolted from Ford's house. Coming was a mistake. One of the thousands he's made.

All your fault, you screw up!

"I just...I wanted...I wanted..." What did you want? Mooch off your brother forever? "No! I...oh who cares?" No one. No one ever has and no one ever will. Why do you keep hoping someone will?

The voice was right. Or maybe he was just too tired. Yeah...that was probably it. He still had a lot of bruises and cuts from his previous job gone awry. He hadn't slept in days, much less as he drove to Oregon with the stupid hope that he might actually finally get his dues. But fuck, no one owed him anything. Because he never strived for anything...he didn't deserve anything.

Stan didn't remember lying down...maybe he fell again? God, it was so cold! He curled up into a ball and closed his eyes, dreaming of a better place like he's done a million times. Tonight will just be a million and one...the final time.

The cold winds howled through the trees as the snowstorm raged on. Ford eventually had to find a small cave to hole himself up until he was able to see again. But the moment he could see an inch in front of his face, he was off again.

"Stanley!"

Most of the time, Ford's cries of his brother's name were swept up by the howls of the wind.

"We found him..." Dan told him with a solemn expression.

Ford's eyes widened ever so slightly but he forced himself to remain calm on the outside. "I...I see...was...did he...?" He had no idea how to form the question.

"I've seen a lot of people go in different ways out here in these woods at different times of the year. All things considered, it was one of the gentler ways to go. Most likely just fell asleep..." and never woke up again.

"I...thank you, Dan." Ford thanked the lumberjack.

"You need me to call McGucket?" Dan offered.

"Um..no. I...I can. Later. I just...just take me to my brother, yeah?"

"Course."

"I know...I know it's not fair...but...I need you to keep this with you. Take it, where ever you go...no matter where okay? I...I took the portal down. I realized a lot...and I'm..I'm sorry. I...I was mad, but I never wanted this. Oh god, Stanley!" Ford tried so hard to be strong, but in the end, he crumbled and fell apart.

Fiddleford was there to help him. He adjusted the Journal 1 in the casket before helping Ford over to the side.

"My little free spirit!" Came the heartbroken cry of a woman.

"Ma..." Ford stood up, looking towards his mother with tear filled eyes. But the woman didn't pay him notice yet, her own tear-filled eyes were frozen on the casket that held her little troublemaker. She sobbed as she approached. She lifted her hand and gently brushed Stan's hair out of his face like she did when he was a child. She leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Go cause some mischief for grandma and grandpa, kay Stan? I...I love you baby boy!" She began to sob more. All the guilt Ford felt up to this point was nothing compared to how it was now.

This was his fault.

He had to do something. He had to!

P