Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this fan fiction except my author name and my original character. This is a parody.

Now presenting……a parody by an author nobody gives a $$% about…..

You've Just Crossed the Line!

No. 1: Pink Haired Menace

It was a warm, sunny day at the hidden village of Konoha. Of course ever since power hungry Sasuke Uchiha betrayed them all for Orochimaru about three years ago, it didn't matter how nice a day it was outside to Naruto. But some things never change….

" Whew, that was some serious training!" Naruto exclaimed as he finished punching a tree into oblivion. Behind him, Sakura sat on a tree stump reading a medical book. Naruto thought for a moment and then exclaimed some more, " Hey Sakura, would you like to get some ramen with me?"

Sakura's eyebrow began to twitch (cue evil sounding music, preferably the Akatsuki theme) and she slowly turned her head to look at Naruto. Right then and there, Naruto knew he was gonna hurt for a while after this.

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Back to the show!

" CHA! I SAID NO!!" Sakura roared as her fist inched towards Naruto's face. "Nooooooooooooo!!" Naruto cried in slow motion. But just before her fist connected, an indigo blur appeared in front of Naruto and took the hit for him! Said indigo blur was flung into the nearest tree.

" Hinata!!" Naruto screamed as he rushed to her. " Are you alright?!"

Hinata slowly rose into a sitting position, and smirked at Sakura. Wait a moment…smirked?! She then fainted from the punch ( and perhaps from being next to Naruto).

'What is that-' Sakura started to wonder, but was interrupted by the sudden appearance of…..fifty Hyuuga ninja! Who all looked extremely pissed off. And Sakura, being the somewhat smart person she is, realized the following: when she had tried to hit Naruto, Hinata must have been nearby. The same Hinata who followed Naruto around almost everywhere before he left on his two and a half year journey. And who must have seen herself hitting Naruto on countless occasions. In other words…..Sakura had JUST CROSSED THE LINE!

" Uhhhh……" Sakura stuttered " I didn't mean to?" And then she did what any somewhat experienced ninja would do in that situation: scream and start running like hell.

" After her, she injured Hinata-sama!" Neji, who just happened to be among the fifty, commanded. And so the most epic chase in Konoha's history began.

One Minute Later…..

Team Ten walked out of their favorite barbecue place, trying to keep Chouji from collapsing. After their sensei Asuma's death (and subsequent successful revenge mission against his killer, Hidan), the three had decided to keep eating there once a week in his honor. This time Chouji had eaten so much in "Asuma sensei's honor" that he became sick.

As they slowly limped away from the restaurant, Shikamaru and Ino saw it.

Back to the Epic Chase

After about a minute, Sakura decided that she had had enough. So in true Sakura fashion she turned towards her pursuers, gathered chakra in her fist, and punched the ground in front of her. And while that move did put a few of the Hyuuga nin out of the chase, it also destroyed the barbecue restaurant. Uh oh……

With the Now Pissed Off Team Ten….

" Why that big-forehead little…." Ino ranted as their favorite barbecue place crumbled. " I'm gonna-"

" Barbecue gone? CHOUJI ANGRY!!!!!" Chouji roared as he grew to a height of fifty feet.

Shikamaru stared at him in disbelief at first, but then muttered, " Fortress formation; that troublesome pink witch must pay."

So it was that Team Ten joined the chase, with Chouji running after Sakura, Shikamaru on his right shoulder using their combined shadow to attempt to capture her with the shadow possession jutsu, and Ino on Chouji's left shoulder waiting for Shikamaru's jutsu to connect so she could throw a kunai at Sakura.

Near Hokage Tower, Two Minutes Later…..

Sakura ran towards her last hope, Tsunade's office. Surely she would tell the others to stop trying to kill her, right? But what she didn't know was that Tsunade had just finished a very stressful meeting with the village council, and had already drank three whole bottles of sake.

As Sakura came within twenty feet of the tower, she cried out " Lady Tsunade! The Hyuuga and Team Ten are trying to kill me! Help!"

Sakura's hopes were raised when she saw Tsunade shuffle out of her office.

Tsunade looked at the smoke in the distance, and then at the rapidly approaching mob. She swayed a bit before drunkenly shouting "About time your temper got the best of ya! You're on your own this time!" And then she blacked out from her overuse of sake.

"Damn you Tsunade!!" Sakura bellowed before running again, for Shikamaru had nearly caught her.

The Forest of Death, Five Minutes Later…

Sakura leapt into the highly dangerous forest from which few willingly enter, and even fewer manage to escape.

' Oh yeah! This'll get them off my back!' Sakura cheered in her mind as she journeyed deeper into the forest.

While Sakura continued to show off her insanity…..her far more sane pursuers stood in front of the forest gate.

Shikamaru stared at the forest, before muttering " It's not worth it…."

" For once I agree with you Shikamaru, let's go." Ino said.

Team Ten walked away from the threshold, while forty nine Hyuuga ninja looked to Neji for his decision.

" ……Those three may be on to something here." Neji mused. " I will not let this day be known as something like the 'Great Hyuuga Massacre'. We go home."

And so the Hyuuga also broke off their pursuit. But while it seems that Sakura emerged victorious from the chase, her two biggest foes are yet to come!

Back With Sakura….

After running through the forest for about five minutes, Sakura finally felt that she had escaped capture and subsequent harm. A bush rustled to her right, startling her. Sakura then proceeded to throw a wicked punch at the bush. Sasuke, Karin, Juugo, and Suigetsu were sent flying high into the air screaming. " Team Taka is blasting off again!"

…..

….

Bzzzt! Technical Difficulties!!

" Huh?" Author Sage Lightning muttered as his computer suddenly crashed. The number five then appeared on the screen, followed by four….three….

" Holy crap! Run away, run away!" Sage Lightning yelled as he dashed into the hallway. His computer promptly exploded, destroying the refrigerator (the computer was in the dining room), some boxes, ten cans of mountain dew, and two bags of Snyder of Hanover honey mustard and onion pretzel pieces.

Sage Lightning crept back into the destroyed dining room to survey what had been destroyed. Upon viewing the ruins of his favorite food and drink, he dropped to his knees and cried (Darth Vader Style):

"!!"

A sinister chuckle echoed across the house, a chuckle that oddly sounded like…..

" SASUKE UCHIHA! DAMN YOU!!" Sage Lightning roared.

" Humph. Don't you ever compare my team to those losers from Pokemon again. Oh, and I also suggest that you write myself defeating Danzo, Madara, and still being free while dating Sakura Haruno. Don't piss me off again." Sasuke's voice then went away.

Sage Lightning stood up and started his laptop computer. " No, Sasuke, I think not. In fact I will fight you myself! Or at least my alter ego shall…" Sage Lightning uttered as he began to type.

….

….

Fan fiction restored on backup computer.

Sakura continued to run deeper into the forest. Why? Because she had awakened the one true master of the Forest of Death: Anko. Sakura screamed and ducked behind a tree as 2,345,674,123,000,000,007 cobra snakes flew at her. Anko then summoned a thirty foot snake with an odd eyepiece and jumped onto its head.

" Vegeta, after her!" Anko commanded

" Crap, I hate being trapped as a snake!! And don't ask how I got this way either! I can still kill you!" Vegeta roared as he slithered after Sakura.

Sakura started to run even faster when she saw the odd snake. Vegeta tried to swallow her whole, but missed. Anko, atop of Vegeta, threw round after round of poisoned kunai at Sakura, but Sakura used the trees as cover.

The battle continued in that fashion until Sakura saw the central forest tower. Thinking she was saved, she dashed towards it. But just before she could enter the tower (cue Darth Maul vs. Qui gon & Obi wan theme music) the door opened.

A seventeen year old young man stepped out of the tower. He was about 5' 10" tall, had brown hair and eyes, light tan skin, and was wearing black pants, a black shirt, black boots, and a yellow trench coat. The newcomer unsheathed a sword with a yellow blade, and black handle. And seemingly tattooed on his right hand were three triangles, the bottom two of them glowing.

" Sakura Haruno." The newcomer stated " My name is Lightning, the Author's alter ego. And I'm afraid that you've just crossed the line so…..YOU MUST DIE!"

Lightning threw his sword into the air and pointed his right hand at Sakura. The sword suddenly started spinning, much like Naruto's completed rasenshuriken, and rushed at Sakura.

With Anko and Vegeta the Snake

"Who the hell…." Anko growled as she saw Lightning throw his sword. " How dare he ruin my fun!" Anko started to make hand signs.

" You shouldn't do that…."

" And why is that, Vegeta?" Anko venomously asked.

" Because, I can sense power levels and his is OVER 9000!"

"…..Damn."

Back to the Tower Fight

As the sword furiously spun towards her Sakura decided to try to punch it out of the way. As she raised her fist to do so, Lightning used his power to electrify the sword. The sword and Sakura's signature fist connected in a titanic struggle for….

" AUGHHHHAHH ($%) AHHHGHHHH($%) ERAHHHHHHH(%^&*)!"

Sakura screamed as the sword sliced her hand off like a hot knife slices butter.

" ….You….tried to punch….my sword…..in that mode……..what are you, stupid?" Lightning asked in disbelief.

" I'LL KILL YOU!!" Sakura bellowed as she took out a kunai with her left hand.

Lightning just shook his head and chuckled. "Okay, and how are you going to accomplish that feat? I mean, your right hand is gone. That means your taijutsu is impaired, as is your kunai throwing skills and, unless you were taught to use one-handed jutsu, you can't use what little jutsu you do know. Basically, you've already lost."

Sakura threw her kunai knife to the ground and said " Just kill me already, then."

"No. I have a better idea. Itachi!"

The laws of death were reversed for .000345th of a second, long enough for Itachi Uchiha to come back to life, with a bonus.

" Hm. I'm alive…..wait…..how did I get the Perfect Mangekyo Sharingan?" Itachi asked.

Send Sakura into a coma with your Tsukiyomi and I'll let you keep it.

"Done."

" Undone!" Sakua objected.

"Done." Lightning said.

Itachi then used the Tsukiyomi Sharingan on Sakura, forcing her to be punched in the head by Lee without his weights on for 72 hours. Sakura promptly slipped into a coma afterwards.

Lightning then stood there for a moment, thinking. Then he asked, " Anko, Itachi, I have a proposition for you. I am planning to stay in Konoha until Sasuke shows up. I need to 'take care of him' as well. So until then, could the two of you help keep my presence here a secret?

"I'm in." Itachi declared.

" What's in it for me?" Anko demanded.

Lightning put his hand to his chin in mock thought. " Hmmm…. Well, I won't have to kill you to keep myself a secret."

" Are you dumb?! Agree already!" Vegeta said in a panic.

" Fine then." Anko relented.

" Good. Now then, Anko? Could you dump the scary pink blot at Konoha's hospital. Oh, and include a good cover story too.

End of no. 1

Sasuke Uchiha: ( hanging on a branch attached to a volcano which is erupting) I'm going to kill you, Sage Lightning. Your pathetic alter ego can't protect you forever!

Karin: (the rest of Team Taka is also present) Sasuke is sooo hot!

The branch snaps.

Sasuke: ( starts falling) I HATE YOU SAGE LIGHTNING!!!