No Luck With Guys

High School Girl Willow tries to get herself turned into a vampire, but she's never had much luck with guys; not even undead ones.

I do not own any of the characters in this story. They belong to the producers of the TV series "Buffy: the Vampire Slayer".

No Luck With Guys

Hello Spike the Vampire:

I would like you to explain to me, why you stood me up this past weekend. I am a 16 year old high school girl, who's never had any luck with guys; not even you undead ones. You and I agreed that this weekend, you'd see to it that my luck would change; but it didn't. Now I'd like you to explain to me why it didn't.

I am a Sunnydale High School girl; and here in Sunnydale, we high school girls are always getting killed by vampires. Saturday night it was my turn, and Cordelia's turn and Harmony's turn.

We were asking for it. Dressed to kill (That not a figure of speech in Sunnydale.) in shorts and halters, looking to pick up guys and do the deed. We'd put ourselves on the menu this past Saturday night.

Three vamps had us pinned down, pressing our bare backs against the pavement, in the parking lot behind the Laundromat. It's one of the local spots where Sunnydale's vampires prefer to dine.

In the dark shadows behind the Laundromat, Cordelia and Harmony were squirming, squealing and dying beside me. Warren's fangs were stabbed deep inside Cordelia's neck, and Jonathan's fangs were killing Harmony the same way; but my vamp Andrew was taking forever to get started.

"Come on!" I told him, "Get on with it already!"

Then his cold mouth was against my neck. His heavy sharp fangs began stabbing.

I squealed! I started to squirm!

I felt his fangs pull out, and his cold tongue licking the puncture holes.

He hasn't killed me? I wondered. He's nibbled and he's taking sips?

"Andrew," I asked, "what the hell are you doing?"

"I can't kill you Willow." He said, "It'll put me in too much danger."

"Ahrgh!" I bellowed, "I don't believe this! Every time I get nailed by a vampire, there's never any follow through! All I get is this nibble and sip crap! Is there something the matter with me?"

"No. It isn't you. I'm hungry for your body and blood Willow. I want to make a full meal out of you."

"Then why aren't I dying right now, like Cordelia; and Harmony who's already dead, instead of listening to you talking about it?"

"You were best friends with Buffy Summers, the Vampire Slayer."

"But Buffy was killed six months ago." I told him, "You Vampires are in charge in Sunnydale now. The three of us are adapting to the way things are now, and we've decided that it'll be best for us to join your team."

He said, "We'll only be in charge, 'til the new Slayer shows up. That should be any day now."

"Oh! Stop being a freaking weenie Andrew! Act like a vampire and kill me already!"

Then Andrew was gone; so were Warren and Jonathan.

Cordelia and Harmony were dead on the pavement beside me. Their bodies were fatally drained of blood; just like anyone would expect them to be, and just like I'd expected to be myself.

The three of us had planned to come back undead, and transfer to the night classes at Sunnydale High together. That's where all the freshly vamped, really cool kids are enrolling, and Cordelia and Harmony are sure to start dating cooler guys than Warren and Jonathan;

But instead of that, I had to show up at school alive on Monday morning, with a hicky!

Back to Saturday night: I got up off the pavement and left the two dressed to kill girls, lying dead behind the Laundromat. I decided to head on down to the Bronze. There's always plenty of action going on there, in the local teen hangout. There was no way I'd have gotten out of that place alive that night.

I stepped out of the parking lot, onto the dark side street, just off Main Street. Here a different vampire had a trim figured woman, in shorts and a halter, gripped tight in his arms, with his fangs chomped deep into her neck, and he was sucking the life out of her fast.

He was you, Spike; the coolest vampire stud in all of Sunnydale!

I thought. This is great! Who needs Andrew? I'm one lucky gal tonight!

How do you like this Spike? Now that the Slayer's gone, you've got women lining up for you!

The woman in your arms was dying...dying...dead. You let go of her, and she collapsed to the pavement. I recognized the successfully dressed to kill woman, lying dead at your feet. She was Miss Calendar, my 10th Grade History Teacher. It looked like she'd be joining the other undead members of the faculty, who've now begun teaching night classes at Sunnydale High.

I walked up to you, as you belched softly.

"Hi Spike."

"Good evening Red." you said.

"Spike." I told you, "I hope you're not too busy. I'd like you to do me a favor. Could you just take a minute, and give me a kill?"

"I'd love to Willow, but it seems like everyone in town wants to get vamped tonight. She's the third meal I've had this evening, and I'm totally stuffed. I just can't force another gulp down."

"Ahrgh!" I howled again. "I don't believe this!"

"It's okay Willow." You told me, "Just come back here tomorrow night, right after sunset. I promise to make you my very first kill, and it won't be like this wham-bam thank you ma'am. I'll do you in, the way a lady should be done in. We'll make a night of it."

"'A night of it'?" I smiled, "You mean a date? A date with death?"

"Exactly." You told me, "Dinner, dancing and death."

Then I spoke to you, uneasily. "Spike. Since it's gonna be a real date, instead of just a kill, could you do me one favor, before you kill me?"

"That depends." You asked "What is it?"

"Well, one thing I don't want to do is die a virgin."

"You?" You said, "You mean you're 16 and you haven't…"

"Yeah, and neither have a lot of other 16 year old girls, along with a lot who are older than me. I hope that isn't a problem for you."

You told me, "No problem at all Willow. I'll be glad to take care of that for you!"

I said, "Thank you Spike!"

So the next night I showed up at the same spot, again dressed to be killed, this time by the coolest vampire stud in all of Sunnydale. But you never showed up! I waited there for three hours, but you never showed up for our date!

Now I'd like you to explain to me why you didn't?

Thank you.

Willow

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Hello Willow:

I truly apologize for standing you up. The idea of holding your eager warm body in my arms, with my fangs plunged into your neck; and your warm blood spurting into my mouth while I gulped it all down, was something I had no intention of passing up.

As a matter of fact, I was on my way to meet you at the time and place where we agreed. I'd just turned the corner from Main Street into the dark side street, and saw you standing there. I truly was ready to pounce and vamp you then and there. The problem was that you weren't alone.

You were speaking with a dark haired young woman, just around your age. I don't know if she identified herself to you; but I knew who she was. She was Faith; the new Vampire Slayer herself. If you remember, she was carrying a large handbag. To me it looked big enough to contain a sharpened wooden stake.

I quickly retreated back around the corner onto Main Street; where I waited to see what she would do.

It's a good thing for you that Andrew was a weenie the night before. If he had vamped you, and you were standing there displaying your brand new fangs, Faith the Slayer might have rammed that stake through your heart; and you'd have never dated me, or anyone else again; not even Andrew.

I wasn't close enough to hear what either of you were saying. You only spoke for a few minutes. Then she stepped away from you and moved further away from the lights of Main Street, going deeper into the darkness. I had a good idea of where she was going, and I wanted to get there ahead of her. If I did, I'd be ready to put an end to her, before she put an end to Cordelia, Harmony, Warren, and Jonathan. I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted to that to happen to any of them; not even to Andrew.

Maybe I should have come over and explained things to you then; but I didn't think I'd have the time. Well I would have had enough time to take a moment and give you a kill, as you'd originally asked; but I had promise to give you an entire evening of dinner, dancing and death; and that's exactly what I still intend to do, if you still want it.

Now to get back to what I did do with Faith. It turned out, that as a Vampire Slayer, her skills were barely adequate. She tried to fight me, but I got my fangs in her neck, and killed her with no problem at all. You may have seen the TV News Report, showing the headless body of a young woman, who was found with a sharp wooden stake sticking out from between her naked breasts. She was Faith: the Vampire Slayer.

I now have her head in a clear plastic Ziploc bag. I'm wondering if I should give it to you as a gift, when we finally do go on our date. Would you like to reschedule it for this coming Saturday night?

If not, I hear that Andrew I still hungry for you; if you're willing to give him another shot.

Spike