Author's Note: My family was making the 6-hr trek from PA to CT when I had the inspiration for this song. I finished most of it on the ride…then finished it up in between classes. :) If you haven't heard it, go listen to "Wipe Your Eyes" from Maroon 5's newest cd…that's where I got the idea. :) I'm a little foggy on the details of the season finale…so bear with me. :)
Disclaimer: I make no claim to the characters or songs…but I do own a sweet Copepod plushie.
As soon as I broke through that stretch of underbrush, I was presented with the hardest decision I've ever face. On one side of the clearing was the man who had treated me like a daughter, the man who held the people of Terra Nova together as a family in the face of adversity, the man who I'd so blatantly betrayed. On the other side, was a broken genius…the man who'd forced me to do his bidding, who'd burned my beloved home and imprisoned it's people…the man I loved. Either way, my choice would irrevocably change not only my life…but the lives of the two men I hold closest to my heart. One choice makes me lose everything…everything but him. The other choice makes him lost everything. Neither choice is appealing…but I'm tired of the facades. Tired of forcing smiles and hiding tears. So I made a choice…and that choice left two broken men bleeding on the ground; and it left me with a broken and bleeding heart. But I didn't shed a single tear…not while I dragged Commander Taylor through the jungle, not as creatures crept behind…drawn by the scent of blood, not when we got back to Terra Nova and I was repeated congratulated on killing "that bastard", not even when I got a hug from Mom. No, I didn't cry until that night. When I was alone and all I could see was his face. It replayed in my mind…that moment when I saw acceptance in his eyes. Even while I was riddled with uncertainty, he knew how it would end. He might have never admitted it, but I think I'd become a lifeline of sorts to him. I was the one who could calm his racing mind…keep him focused on one thing. My uncertainty didn't just stem from the fact that I loved him…but what would he do when we left? Where would he go? There was no doubt in my mind that he would survive…it's who he is. The knowledge that he was hurt and alone…that I'd left him that way…that's what made tears stream down my face.
In the beginning of our relationship…if you could call it that, I refused to cry in front of him. I refused to cry at all…I needed to be strong for Mom, for Commander Taylor…even for Josh. But the double life I led was taking its toll…and one day it all came crashing down on me. I'd just given Lucas the key to destroy my home…I hadn't even made it a stone's throw from their camp when I broke down. I couldn't tell you how long I stood there and cried, a minute? An hour? But I do remember when I heard someone walking towards me. I quickly started to walk and tried to inconspicuously wipe away my tears.
"Don't hide from me Bucket." Somehow, I'd known it would be him. Whenever he was around, he wove a spell about me…and I couldn't deny him. I stopped, but didn't turn around, maybe showing one small form of defiance. But it did me no good, as I soon felt him grabbing my arm and turning me towards him.
"Breathe, Bucket." He cupped my cheek with his rough hand, and used his thumb to wipe at the remaining tears. "It'll be okay. I promise."
For some reason, his promise and uncharacteristic show of compassion reopened the floodgates. Maybe I just needed to be weak…to finally have someone who didn't need me to be strong…either way, it was embarrassing how easily I walked into his open arms and cried. He didn't say anything…just held me in his arms. I always thought people were stupid for saying it…but in his arms…it felt like home. And yea, I'm supposed to hate him and everything he stood for…but I just couldn't. We didn't speak when we parted. He just kissed my forehead, turned me towards Terra Nova, and gave me a gentle push. As I walked away, I realized that it didn't matter that he was the one who caused me pain…because that one moment in time gave me more comfort that any words or gestures could from someone else. From that point on, it became an unspoken agreement between us…when I needed to cry, or just needed someone to hold me…I went to him. Even when I had to pretend to hate him, and make a grand show of not wanting to see him…especially when he stood behind Commander Taylor's desk…there was still a part of me that needed to be with him…it's like my body knew it would only find solace in his arms.
But today changed everything…a page was turned that can never be reread. I cried for his broken heart, but I also cried for me. I knew that he wouldn't be there to let me cry on his shoulder. He wouldn't be there to hold me and promise me that tomorrow will be better. He wouldn't be there to tell me just breathe. He'd shown me a side of himself that very few every saw…and I let him down. I know that I made the right decision…but as I lay there in bed…I wished he were there to wipe away my tears. But I couldn't lose faith that he was out there…he'd promised that he'd always be there to wipe away my tears…I just needed to breathe.
So the ending was kinda eh…but I just wanted it off my computer. Haha. Thoughts?