Title: Breath
Rating: K+
Notes: Idea from the song Breath by Breaking Benjamin
Warning: Yaoi. Ryuuga x Tsubasa
Summary: Tsubasa needs a break, he needs his own space, but he is about to learn that a letter will give him more space than he really wanted.
Tsubasa had heard enough, he had seen enough. The longer he stayed with him, the more he felt like he was losing himself.
I'm tired. He thought to himself, deciding that it was time, he had to get away; I can't do this, I can't. He'll kill me if I stay.
The white haired teen packed what little he needed although his heart beat a bit faster as he was doing so, knowing that when his lover returned he would be angry, but what more could he do? He felt his own personality fading, disintegrating from him and he needed to be free. He needed to become Tsubasa once more and not be in his lover's shadow.
'An eagle boldly flied through the sky, even in a storm! It feels wind that we cannot see and using their wings, they soar!'
Wasn't that what he told Yu when they battled for the first time? Wasn't he like an eagle? And right now he was suffocating. Too closed off from others, unable to have his own space and he needed to get out.
I can't just leave. Not like this. He realised and sighed, he didn't want a confrontation, a fight would break out and he didn't think he would win, all he wanted to do was to let him know what was going on, how he felt; I just… I need him to know the truth… I'm not happy; I am like a shadow of who I used to be. How can I stay?
X
When the L Drago wielder returned to his apartment he found the note left for him, reading it and crushed it into a ball.
Why am I surprised? He thought to himself, opening the letter again and re-reading what Tsubasa had written. He felt a pain in his heart, feeling the anger return but knowing that everything that the other had written was true.
Those amber eyes, the same colour as his own held something different within them. They held warmth, but over time he began to notice that the warmth had faded and became something else. Not hate, not coldness, but emptiness. He hated that look; he hated to see what his lover wasn't happy and knew that it was going to be over soon.
I am not going to tell anyone what happened between us Ryuuga. I just can't do this, we can't do this. Tsubasa had written and he found himself nodding.
We can't do this. He felt his heart sting as he thought over those words; You want to be free, then be free. An eagle can't be chained to someone that it doesn't care for. He growled, wanting to find Tsubasa and prove himself, but he also knew it would be pointless; How can I fight for someone who doesn't trust me? He pondered and looked around the flat; He planned this. He wanted to leave.
He sat down and kept re-reading the note.
I don't know what Doiji did to you, I'm not even sure why you are so cold and cruel to people, bladers or not, you don't seem to know what it means to be nice? No, civil. When did you lose that Ryuuga?
I'll confess now that I don't want this to be over, I know that you aren't evil or psychotic, but I can't stay be with you. Something is missing, I don't know what and you refuse to talk about it.
Maybe if you know what is missing then we can talk. But right now I just need space, please respect that.
He let out a breath; he knew what Tsubasa was talking about, how could he have always been a cold and cruel blader? In truth he hadn't been, but circumstances had meant things changed, his personality had changed, but it was before he had even met Doiji.
That fool couldn't make me hate people. He thought to himself, remembering that man, who always wore expensive suits, although he had no idea why, who always acted like he was so upperclass, when Ryuuga was well aware that he was nothing of the sort.
He folded up the letter and placed it into his pocket, coming to a decision.
I need to figure this out.
X
As he walked into the WBBA building he noticed that Kenta was waiting for him, holding an envelope and looking rather pale.
"Kenta?" He crouched down to the boy and was startled to see that the younger boy was holding back tears; What happened?
"Ryuuga wanted to give this to you, but he said that you didn't want to see him," Kenta began, keeping his voice from wavering and gave him the envelope.
"Did he say anything else?" He asked, wondering why Kenta would be so close to tears over this, he knew that Ryuuga and he had travelled together, which at one point he had found rather odd; but they had gotten close.
"Just that he was leaving," Kenta wiped his eyes and now Tsubasa understood.
He might have been cold to most bladers, but to Kenta he had helped him become stronger. I bet Kenta views him not as a friend, but a brother. He remembered the younger boy's reaction when they found Ryuuga out cold after the battle against Rago. He himself had felt the slither of dread when he saw him lying there, wounded and making no motion to stand up.
"I guess he didn't say where," Tsubasa stated.
"No. But I don't get it, I thought you guy's were okay…" Kenta said softly and Tsubasa looked at him in shock, wondering how he knew when the boy shook his head quickly and waved his arms; "No, no. No one told me, it's just… I know you two. I probably know Ryuuga better than most people, I could just tell,"
Tsubasa gestured for him to walk with him, going towards his work space, which was in a quiet corner and no one was around them.
"When did you figure it out?"
"Er… A few weeks back," Kenta admitted; "I don't know how long it's been going on but I always thought Ryuuga acted differently, but I wasn't sure who it was towards and then I saw the two of you alone…"
"Spying?" He accused the other.
"You were in the park," Kenta defended himself.
"Oh," Tsubasa looked at the envelope and opened it; "Sorry…" He looked up and noticed that Kenta was walking away; "Kenta!"
"Yea?" The boy turned to look at him, curious as to the reason why he would call him.
"I…"
"It's okay, I'll see you later. A few of us are going to hang out at Madoka's tonight," Kenta told him and waved, continuing to walk away.
Tsubasa looked at the letter and read it through. Then he re-read it again.
Does Kenta know of this? He thought to himself, unable to believe what he was reading.
I am respecting you leaving me. However I thought it would be 'civil' to send you a letter back, just to let you know my own plans.
I am not going to give up on you so easily Tsubasa, I am possessive, we both know that. However, you are right; you were losing pieces of yourself due to me. I'm going to remedy that, I will be gone for some time; however I know that Kenta will delivery any letters that I may send back.
He folded the letter away and tried to focus on work, but he knew that he would need to speak to Kenta, who might have an idea what Ryuuga was trying to prove. He just had to wait a few more hours.
X
Kenta didn't really know what was going on between the two, although he knew that the two teens were in a relationship and it was obvious; at least to him; that Ryuuga was happier than usual.
He was watching a beybattle when Ryuuga walked over to him, his amber eyes cold and he felt a shiver go up his back.
What happened? He wondered to himself; "Hey, what are you doing here?"
The older teen glanced at the battle in front of them and scoffed before returning his attention to Kenta; "I need you to give this to Tsubasa,"
"Huh? Why can't you…" He began to ask, he didn't want to be obvious that he knew of their relationship.
"You know what is going on between us," Ryuuga stated and Kenta felt a blush crawl up his cheeks; "He wants some time alone, I have some business to deal with,"
"So you're not running away?" Kenta asked and realised that he should have thought about what he was asking first.
"I don't run," He growled out, his amber eyes gaining a reddish glow to them; "Tsubasa wants space, since he works for the WBBA he's more likely to run into me, whether by accident or not. I'm going to make his life easier,"
"But what are you doing?" They moved away from the battle, moving further into the park where they drew less attention.
"I need to find someone," He admitted; "I'm doing it alone, it's easier and I can move faster,"
"But how are we going to know that you are okay? It's not like you are going to be able to email or anything," Kenta told him, trying not to sound like he didn't think Ryuuga could take care of himself, he knew full well the older teen could fend for himself perfectly well. But he would worry about him, he was his friend after all and he also knew that Tsubasa would worry too,
"If you want me to write I will," He said reluctantly, glancing over to see the shorter teen smile brightly and nod; "All right," He took the letter and added to it, before putting it into an evelope and handed it to Kenta; "Just make sure he gets it,"
"When will…"
"When I find what I am after, I'll come back. I make no promises though…"
"What!"
"He needs to understand that this might change nothing," With that said Ryuuga left, not seeing that Kenta was trying to keep the tears down.
Ryuuga, what are you doing? Who are you looking for? He tried to figure it out, but no matter how much he thought it through he couldn't come up with anything.
When he was at Madoka's, after giving Tsubasa the letter, he had butterflies in his stomach.
Tsubasa didn't even know that I was aware of them being together. He mused; I guess that shows how perspective Ryuuga is.
"Kenta," Tsubasa walked over to him, looking tired.
"Hi," Kenta said with a smile; "You read it?"
"Yea, yea I did. What is Ryuuga hoping to achieve?"
"I'm not sure, but he said to tell you that it might change nothing," Kenta informed him; "Whatever he's doing, it's for you,"
Tsubasa looked down; "I know, but if it was suffocating before…"
"Relationships aren't easy though," Kenta said and the older teen was startled; "If you guys can't talk to each other about certain things, then what kind of relationship do you have? If you both can discuss things and talk over the problems that are going on then maybe it's okay,"
"Then what we are doing could ruin it?"
"I think Ryuuga was going to do this," Kenta admitted; "When I travelled with him, he had been moving around for some time before that star fragment hit his bey. I think when you two got together made him stop searching for whoever it is he was looking for,"
"So it's my fault…"
"No, no. Ryuuga should have been open about what he was up to," He sighed; "I don't know who he is looking for either. All I know is the person must be important to him if he is so willing to leave like that,"
"I guess…" Though Tsubasa also felt the stab of jealousy flow through him, as well as that dark voice in the back of his head;
Haha! Maybe he doesn't need you any more! Maybe he has someone who is willing…
"Tsubasa!" Kenta tugged at his shirt and he looked to see the younger boy look up with worry.
"Sorry…"
"The darkness, it's happening to you again," Kenta stated and tried to figure out why; "Let's battle!"
"All right," He agreed, hoping that this would shut up his darker half.
He was surprised to find that although he kept defeating Kenta, the boy kept going, kept battling him over and over again, until Madoka demanded that they both stop, berating them both for the damage that they had caused to each other's bey's. She promptly took the bey's from their hands and went to fix them, grumbling about how they didn't seem to care.
"How do you feel?" Kenta asked quietly, not wanting Madoka to yell at him again.
"…" Tsubasa was about to answer when he noticed something, his dark half had gone once more; "That is weird…"
"It worked with Ryuuga, figured it would do the same for you too," He said with a slight nod, looking a bit proud of himself.
"Don't worry about him Kenta, he'll be fine," Tsubasa reassured him with a slight smile.
X
The two had become closer, with Kenta considering Tsubasa almost like a brother, given how he helped the younger boy when he was training, pointing out flaws in his technique and just let him hang around him.
They both received letters from Ryuuga, the older teen was now in Scotland and it appeared the trail that he was following was getting warmer.
"It's almost been a year since he left," Kenta said softly and Tsubasa nodded; "How long…"
"It's Ryuuga, he'll take as long as he needs until he reaches his goal,"
The two became silent as they read their own letters; both hoped that his search would over soon; both knew that it probably wasn't likely to happen.
"Who would be in Scotland?" The younger wondered; "He was in Egypt before…"
"Brazil, then Mexico…"
"Wasn't he also in France?"
"Yea. Egypt, Brazil and Mexico, ancient civilisations… Where we went to search for the Legend Bladers," Tsubasa remembered, but he didn't understand why Ryuuga was retracing his steps, what was he doing?
"He won't tell us," Kenta said softly as he looked at his letter again; "Doesn't matter if we ask, he won't tell,"
"We just need to wait,"
"And hope,"
The two just nodded and decided to beybattle, trying to get their minds off of their far away friend.
He should return soon.