Renouncement: Ginny's Regret

by chochowilliams

All Ginny wanted was to have a long and happy life with her childhood sweetheart just like her parents. She thought that was what she had, until the day when what she thought was her dream come true became her nightmare. AU, Post-Hogwarts, Post-Epilogue, Epilogue Compliant, Drama, Angst, M/F, OFC, Not Brit-Picked

Renouncement: Ginny's Regret

One-Shot

Written by: chochowilliams

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the characters, places or names. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Summary: All Ginny wanted was to have a long and happy life with her childhood sweetheart just like her parents. She thought that was what she had, until the day when what she thought was her dream come true became her nightmare.

Warning: AU, Post-Hogwarts, Post-Epilogue, Epilogue Compliant, Drama, Angst, M/F, OFC, Not Brit-Picked

Pairings: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Unmentioned Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy

Inserts:"Renouncement" by Alice Meynell

A/N: This is written from the point of view of Ginny. The plan is to write this fic from the point of view of Harry eventually. Until then please enjoy.

oOo

I must not think of thee; and, tired yet strong,

I shun the thought that lurks in all delight-

The thought of thee-and in the blue heaven's height.

- "Renouncement" by Alice Meynell

I

Once upon a time, Ginny would have proudly proclaimed to have no regrets. She was married to her childhood sweetheart whom she was deeply in love with. They had three beautiful children who were all at the top of their class. They had just purchased a new home, a centuries old manor with a good track of land, in Shropshire. She had a new job as the editor for the sports section in the Daily Prophet. Harry and she were discussing renewing their vows and possibly having another baby. Life was good.

That changed in an instant.

II

As newly divorcée Cordelia Ho sashayed through Diagon Alley, the crowd parted before her. Men gazed after her lustfully, women enviously. Cordelia flipped her blond curls over her shoulder and stuck out her ample bosom. There was a self-satisfied smirk on her cherry-colored lips as she walked with an exaggerated swing of her hips passed an exceptionally delicious looking man.

A wolf whistle had her checking out an equally attractive specimen across the way. She winked saucily at him. He grinned back and started through the crowd towards her as if imperiused.

"Oh," Cordelia exclaimed wide eyed with a hand to her mouth. She watched as a woman, who had been chatting with another woman by the display window of Limoux Accoutrement, march after the man. The woman's face was set in a scowl. Having caught up to the man, the woman started to bean him about the head with her black mesh accordion purse. The man cowered before her wrath.

Movement out of the corner of her eye tore Cordelia's attention from the feuding couple. She turned to see another couple who appeared to be arguing as well, if the adamantly wild hand gestures were any indication, at the mouth of an alley between Stephen Jones Millinery Ltd and Louisa Buffon, which sold high-end purses. While she could not make out who the one individual was because his-her?-back was to Cordelia, she immediately recognized the second fellow. It was Harry.

Cordelia was about to call out to Harry when said man grabbed the arm of his companion and vanished into the alleyway behind him.

Curious, Cordelia pushed through the crowd after them.

Raised voices met her at the mouth of the alley. The voices were muffled, so Cordelia could not make out was being said, but whatever they were saying was being said very heatedly.

She peeked around the corner of the building into the alley and squeaked at what she saw.

Slapping her hands over her mouth, Cordelia ducked back out of sight and flattened herself against the brick façade of the hat shop. Her eyes were wide with shock.

Gathering herself, Cordelia threw a glance over her shoulder into the alleyway before pushing into the crowd and making her way to the Leaky Cauldron.

Poor Ginny, she thought. This was going to kill her.

III

Humming along with the new song by Sister Troll playing on the wireless, Ginny stood at the kitchen counter with her chin propped in her hand and a quill in the other that danced upon the sheaf of papers before her. Her ginger hair was pulled back into a chignon. Chocolate eyes stared unseeingly out the window over the kitchen sink.

A chime sounded through the house just then.

"Kreacher! Get the floo please!"

When the chime sounded again a few moments later, Ginny growled and tossed her quill down. Grumbling about ineffective house-elves, Ginny made her way to the fireplace in the front sitting room. Along the way, she spotted her husband's decrepit house-elf scurrying out of sight up the stairs.

"Kreacher," she called angrily.

The chime sounded a third time.

Beyond annoyed, Ginny spun away. "What's the point in having a house-elf when I do its job?" she grumbled as she marched into the sitting room. Just as the chime sounded throughout the manor a forth time, Ginny released the wards. "Cordelia?" Ginny blinked at the woman who stumbled out of the mosaic fireplace.

"Oh, Ginny," Cordelia cried. She performed a little pirouette before collapsing into a straight back armchair with a hand draped across her brow.

Worried, Ginny perched on the edge of the coffee table closest to the woman who appeared to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. "Cordelia, what happened? Are you okay?"

Dropping her hand, Cordelia raised her head and stared intently at Ginny. "I'm not sure how to tell you this," Cordelia said carefully.

Ginny gulped. "You're scaring me."

Taking a deep breath, Cordelia plunged ahead. "I saw Harry in Diagon Alley."

Ginny blinked. "He was probably working on a case."

Cordelia shook her head vehemently. "No, Gin. He…"

"Delia?" Ginny called softly. Her voice trembled as she took in the uncertainty on her friend's face, the way she uncharacteristically bit her lip. "What about Harry? Is he-?"

"Oh, he's fine," Cordelia assured the woman with a nonchalant wave of her hand.

Ginny breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank good-"

"Or he was when I saw him sticking his tongue down some tramp's throat."

Ginny stilled. Her mind went blank. "…What…?"

Cordelia leaned forward and clasped Ginny's ice cold hands. "I am so sorry!"

Cordelia's mouth continued to move, but Ginny could not hear a word over the roar in her ears.

This was not happening.

It was a joke. It had to be.

Her Harry would never cheat on her. He was not that type of person. He wasn't. He…

It would explain a lot. The late hours. The unexplained floo calls. The last minute schedule changes. The secrecy.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.

IV

Ginny was not sure how long she sat there perched on the edge of the coffee table in the formal sitting room that was used primarily as a receiving room for those arriving at or departing from the residence via floo. By the time she came to, Cordelia was nowhere to be seen. It was useless to question Kreacher as the house-elf outright ignored Ginny; she had complained to Harry countless times over the years about Kreacher's behavior, but nothing was ever done.

Standing up, Ginny knelt before the fireplace with the small white ceramic bowl that usually sat on the mantle. She lifted the lid and placed it on the mosaic tile besides her. Leaning forward, she tossed a pinch of green floo powder into the flames and called out, "Ronald Weasley."

It did not take long for her brother to appear in the flames.

"Hey, Gin. What's up?"

"I have a question," Ginny said as she set the lid back onto the bowl before setting the bowl aside. Even to her ears, her voice sounded robotic.

"Are you alright?" Ron questioned with a frown. "You don't sound too good."

Ginny shrugged. In all honesty, she was not sure how she was feeling. "Do you know if Harry is on a case right now?" she inquired instead.

"Yea-no, wait," Ron interrupted himself as well as Ginny's relief. "He was on a case, but Robards took him off it for some reason." His dark eyes were squinted and his forehead creased. "Something about-You know, I am not really sure why, but I heard some of the others talking about something being 'compromised', or Harry not being subjective enough. Something like that. Why? What's going on?"

Once again, Ginny ignored the question. "When was he taken off the case? What was the case about?"

"Today actually. And you know that I cannot talk about ongoing investigations."

That last fact has been a constant thorn in her side since Harry joined the Aurors. Not knowing where her husband was, who he was with, what he was doing. Was he okay? She always thought she would go prematurely gray.

And now…

Her eyes welled up as her heart lay shattered about her.

She had been holding out hope that there had been a reasonable explanation for what Cordelia saw in Diagon Alley. From what Ron just told her, there very much was an explanation. Just not the one she wanted to hear.

V

The sound of shattering glass accompanied by a feral-sounding cry filled the otherwise silent house. In the master bath, Ginny stood before the double vanity. A section of the mirror hanging over the vanity was pulled away from the wall to reveal a medicine cabinet. Inside, bottles and containers were tipped over; their contents spilled everywhere. The vanity itself was stained with various colored liquids and littered with pills and pieces of glass.

Ginny reached into her husband's medicine cabinet and pulled out a bottle at random. Part of her recognized the green flask-like bottle as the cologne her brothers had all gone in on for Harry as an engagement present; apparently, it had been quite costly. The rest of her was too enraged at her husband's treachery to care about anything other than freeing herself from his constant reminder.

With the cologne bottle clutched tightly in her hand, Ginny pivoted towards the bathtub. With a grunt, she heaved the bottle into the bathtub where it shattered with a great tinkling. Several pieces of glass bounced up out of the tub to land at her feet. The liquid that had been within the bottle splashed up the wall to join the dozens of other various liquids that now stained the antique wallpaper as well as the inside of the brand new bathtub.

Immediately, the bathroom filled with the overwhelming scent of pine trees.

Her chest heaved with each harsh pant. Her normally light complexion was flushed an angry red. Her eyes were hard and narrow. Her hands were clenched into tight fists; her fingernails dug half-moon furrows into the soft flesh of her palms.

Never before had she known such anger.

Suddenly, her legs gave out and Ginny collapsed to the red bath mat. She stared blankly at the antique white knobs that adorned the converted antique dresser.

Just like that, her anger vanished and in its place was despair. Her face crumbled. Tossing her head back, she wailed into the night, unsure if she should be cursing the day Harry Potter or Cordelia Ho walked into her life.

VI

That night, the house was quieter than usual. The sounds were louder. Every creak, every groan, every pop was like a firecracker. The shadows were darker. They seemed to be reaching out for her.

Ginny lay huddled beneath the white homemade quilt her mother made for her and Harry as an engagement present. At the moment, her eyes were dry, but they were red and swollen from having cried all evening. Her despair, her anger, the denial were gone now. There was nothing but mind numbing nothingness, which was a blessed relief after the roller coaster ride her emotions had taken her on that day.

She had never been gladder that her children were away in Hogwarts. The last thing she wanted was for her children to witness firsthand the disintegration of their parent's marriage.

At the thought of her children, Ginny started to cry again. Soon her lithe body was shaking with sobs.

All she'd wanted was to live a long happy and healthy life with the love of her life just like her parents. That wasn't too much to ask for was it?

When the wards chimed, Ginny cried harder. As they continued to chime, Ginny curled tighter and tighter into herself. Her hands clapped over her ears. But the wards kept chiming.

VII

Instead of being relieved when the house fell silent again a short time later, Ginny grew anxious. This caused her to start fidgeting. There was a growing expectation that cause the air to grow thick, making it increasingly difficult to breathe. Her stomach churned in nervous anticipation.

Then she heard the distant sound of voices. Like a deer caught in the headlights, Ginny froze. Her mind went blank briefly before it reeled like an out of control carousel.

What should she do? Run and hide or stand her ground?

"Gin? Honey?"

Just like that, her uncertainty and nervousness vanished. In their places was determination.

Ginny unfurled herself, ignoring the aches and stiffness from having remained in one position for so long. As she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, there came the sound of footsteps on the staircase. The stairs creaked as the footsteps ascended. She turned her head slightly to listen as the footsteps grew closer.

"Why were the wards locked? And why is the house a mess?"

The footsteps stopped outside the bedroom. The doorknob turned. Then the door swung open soundlessly.

"Gin? You in here?"

Grabbing her wand from the nightstand, Ginny flooded the bedroom with light nonverbally. She had to fight the urge to keep a tight hold on her wand. Instead, she deliberately placed her wand into the drawer of her nightstand. There was no telling what would happen if she kept her wand on her person.

"Hey. What's going on? Didn't you hear me?"

The floor creaked and then the bed dipped. She was grateful that her husband had remained on the opposite side of the bed from her.

"Gin-?"

"Where were you?' Ginny asked rather matter of fact, belying the turmoil within her.

There was the briefest of pauses before, "What?"

"Where-were you?" Ginny's voice was tight as she fought to keep it casual.

"When? Today? At work." He sounded confused.

Ginny nodded. "Go into Diagon Alley at all?" She tried for nonchalant, but was not sure if she succeeded completely.

"No. Gin, what is going on?"

Ginny stood up and strode to the window. She pulled down several of the slats in the muggle blind Harry refused to get rid of to gaze out into the night.

A sea of stars twinkled above. Fireflies flickered below. A sliver of a moon rose behind the distant hills. What was most prominent was the silence. It was very different from the hustle and bustle of London.

"So you weren't in Diagon Alley this afternoon? Say…in the company of a gorgeous blond?"

"I just told you I wasn't." There was an air of exasperation in his voice. "I was stuck in a meeting with Robards all damn day and then just as I was about to leave, one of my CIs was arrested, so I had to deal with that." A frustrated huff sounded. "Why?"

Ginny gave a lazy shrug and then turned to study her husband.

She knew in a glance that he had lied.

His Auror robes were hanging from the corner of the door. The black button down shirt he'd worn underneath was half-undone, showing the white undershirt beneath. His worn blue jeans were dirty at the knees and there was a tear in the left thigh. There were bags under his eyes and his hair was worse than usual.

Anger rose unrestrained within her.

Crossing her arms over her chest, she eyed the man across the bed. "I don't believe you," she said calmly. "So you'd better start talking Harry James Potter."

Harry frowned. "What do you mean? Ginny, what is going on? What is this about?"

Ginny turned away from her husband in disgust and stared blankly at the far wall. After a few silent moments, she turned her head slightly and gazed out of the corner of her eye at the man she once believed could do no wrong. "Cordelia stopped by earlier."

"Yeah?" Standing up, Harry pulled his shirt out of his jeans and then unbuttoned the sleeve cuffs. "No wonder the house is a mess!" Harry grinned in amusement, no doubt remembering all those occasions where he had come home to a two women train wreck. His amusement was short lived, though, as he took in the stoic expression on his wife's face. "Gin, you're starting to scare me. What is going on?"

"She saw you," Ginny said forcibly.

"Who?"

"Cordelia."

"Oh? When?"

"This afternoon-in Diagon Alley when you were supposedly 'in a meeting'," she mocked.

Harry blinked. There was a blanket of confusion on his face. "That is not-"

Ginny watched as realization caused him to go pale. She turned away as what was left of her heart swan dived into her stomach. "Get out," she whispered with unshed tears stinging her eyes.

"What?"

"Get out," she yelled, clutching her hair. "Get out! Get out! Get out!"

There was a sound of footsteps. "Ginny."

Ginny spun around. "Stay the hell away from me," she yelled on the verge of hysteria.

Harry stopped short. He held his hands up, palms facing forward, at chest level. "Gin? Wha-?"

"Don't," she sobbed quietly. "Just-don't."

"I don't understand. What happened? I-"

"She saw you! She saw you kissing that woman!"

"Ki…Gin, c'mon. You know me!"

Sniffling, Ginny shook her head. "I thought I did, but…" She strode forward. "Tell me she was lying! Tell me she didn't see you kissing some woman! Tha-that it was someone polyjuiced as you! Please! Anything!"

Harry gazed at her sadly. "It's-not that simple."

Ginny took another step forward. "It is that simple though!" She searched those gorgeous green eyes. "Please!"

"Gin," Harry sighed.

"No," Ginny sobbed with a vehement shake of her had. "No!"

Harry ran his fingers through his hair before lacing them behind his head as he started to pace before the foot of the bed.

"Just tell me you didn't cheat on me," Ginny pleaded. "That's all I'm asking."

Harry halted his pacing with his back to Ginny. He remained silent and hunched over as if he were in pain. That was all she needed to confirm her suspicions.

"Get out," she sobbed quietly into her hands.

"Ginny please," Harry pleaded.

Ginny shook her head. "I can't. I just-can't."

An uncomfortable silence settled between them.

"Please, Harry, just…" Dropping her hands, she said, "I want you gone by the time I get out of the bathroom." She turned away and started towards the closed door of the master bathroom, pausing when a hand closed over her arm.

"Ginny. Please! I love you! Don't do this!"

Ginny stared straight ahead. "If you loved me," she turned to face him, "you would tell me the truth." She waited a heartbeat, but Harry remained stubbornly closemouthed. "But you won't, will you?" She shook his hand off her arm and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Leaning against the door, Ginny let her head fall back and with a sob, slid down the door to curl up on the floor where she wept.

VIII

"Please, Ginny, can't you trust me just this once?"

"It's hard to trust someone who refuses to be honest with you."

Ginny woke with a start. The sudden movement sent jolts of pain through her body. She hissed as she sat up and then groaned as she stretched the kinks out.

She was still in the bathroom.

Light was just beginning to filter in through the lace curtain.

Not surprisingly, the mess she created during her meltdown the day before still littered the bathroom. She decided to ignore it for the present moment and deal with it at a much later time.

Climbing to her feet, she turned to face to the bathroom door. With a hand on the doorknob, Ginny closed her eyes and took a deep breath. What would she see when she opened the door? Had Harry listened to her when she told him to leave? Or had he blatantly ignored her demands? Was he waiting on the other side of the door ready to talk whether she wanted to listen to his excuses or not? With her heart racing in anticipation, Ginny opened her eyes and turned the knob. She paused to listen. All was quiet. But that meant little. She opened the door and peered out into the bedroom. Her heart plummeted. Again, that did not mean anything. He could very well be downstairs or in the guestroom or even in one of the children's bedrooms.

"Harry?" she called. Stepping out of the bathroom, she once again paused to listen. The house was silent. In fact, it was quieter than it ever was. She felt nauseous. "Harry? Kreacher?" Her voice broke when she realized that was it. Her husband's house-elf that he inherited from his godfather may not listen to anyone but Harry and the children, but she could always hear him shuffling about and muttering obscenities, but there was none of that. There was nothing but the song of the birds playing outside.

As her throat started to ache and her chest became tight as she fought the urge to cry, Ginny found herself on her knees.

He was gone. He really was gone.

She did not understand. Last night, all she'd wanted was for Harry to disappear from her life forever. Now that he was gone, all she wanted was to be in his arms once again.

Dropping her face into her hands, Ginny burst into tears.

She may have just made the biggest mistake of her life.

IX

It was the warming charm the barista has cast that kept the tea warming Ginny's hands and the aromatic steam caressing her face. Otherwise, the tea would have gone cold long ago. That much was true even though Ginny was not sure how long she had been sitting there on the barstool staring down into her tea, hypnotized by the rings caused by her steady breathing. In fact, she could not remember even coming to-wherever it was she was at. That seemed to be the norm for her these days: large chunks of her day unaccounted for as she became lost in her chaotic thoughts.

It has been a year, almost to the day, since she kicked Harry out of the house and ten months since she has heard from or seen-at least in person, but Harry being Harry, he was in the paper on a daily basis-her husband. Her turmoil over her relationship-and thus her future-with Harry has not lessened. If anything, it had only increased.

For a week, she had locked herself away, wallowing in her misery, ignoring everything and everyone. After being dragged, literally, out of bed kicking and screaming by Hermione, she had eventually contacted Harry. They argued for a bit before finally deciding on couples counseling. That lasted all of one session. It ended with Harry storming out. That was ten months ago. She has not had any dealing with him since other than through their children.

How pathetic was she?

With a disgusted sigh and a belly full of self-loathing, Ginny shoved her tea aside. Standing up, she pulled out her money pouch and left enough to pay for the tea plus a tip plus a little extra for taking up valuable space for so long.

She smiled at the barista who wished her a good day.

As Ginny turned, her smile froze.

There in a corner booth under the curved staircase that led up to the second floor was Harry. He was sitting against the wall. His raven hair was slicked back neatly. Emerald eyes, free of their usual glass frames, were crinkled in laughter. A wide grin displayed bleached white teeth. Ginny took in the outfit next, which consisted of a black leather jacket over a purple paisley button down shirt and black vest. The leg sticking out from under the table showed black pants and heeled boots-possibly dragon hide. Ginny thought he looked incredible.

The urge to join him was strong, but her feet refused to move. It was as if someone had used a permanent sticking charm.

There was a jumble of emotions at war within her at the sight of her estranged husband. The most prominent of which was love.

Ginny was still very much head over heels with her husband. It was not so surprising given that Harry was her first love. He was her childhood sweetheart. She has been in love with Harry for as long as she could remember and she always would be. That was not going to change no matter what became of them as a couple.

But as potent as love is, sometimes it's not enough.

It was only when Harry reached across the table that Ginny noticed the second person occupying the booth with her husband. If asked, Ginny would not be able to say anything about Harry's companion aside from the white blond hair for her gaze was locked onto their clasped hands. As she watched, Harry's date turned his hand over and laced their fingers together. Something died within her at the sight. On the verge of tears, Ginny tore her gaze away from their joined hands to Harry's face. She was taken aback by the expression there. Never had she seen him look at anyone, let alone her, like that.

And that was when she knew.

Her vision blurred by the sharp sting of tears, Ginny tuned and made a beeline to the door.

X

"Are you sure?" asked a soft female voice.

Standing at the kitchen sink staring sightlessly out of the window, Ginny whispered back, "No."

"Then-?"

"I can't do it," Ginny whispered brokenly. "I just cannot do it, 'Mione."

With unshed tears glistening in her eyes, Ginny turned to regard the woman sitting at her kitchen table. A cup of tea with a lipstick stain around the rim sat besides a sheaf of papers on the table before the woman. With her straightened hair pulled back into a low ponytail, and a pair of rimless glasses perched on her nose, Hermione was smartly dressed in a black pantsuit with a crisp white blouse.

"Oh, Ginny."

Ginny turned away from the pity and sorrow.

"You still can't believe that Harry cheated on you."

"…It doesn't matter," Ginny said as she gazed back out the kitchen window. There was a flower box hanging from the bottom of the window. A myriad of colorful flowers filled the container. As Ginny watched, a bee buzzed around the blossoms.

"But you can't give up!"

Ginny shrugged but remained silent. She was resigned to that fact that her fairy tale romance had not ended with her being swept off her feet and carried upon a white stallion into the sunset with her Prince Charming.

Her ears perked at the sound of a chair being pushed back.

Ginny turned to face her brother's wife. "Why not? He has. He's moved on." She noticed a distressed look pass quickly across Hermione's face. Ginny narrowed her eyes slightly. "Did you know that?" she questioned lightly. As one of Harry's best friends, he was apt to be more open and honest with them then with her. It was another fact of their marriage that had never sat well with her. She was his wife for Merlin's sake. There is nothing he couldn't have told her.

Glancing aside briefly, Hermione bit her lip before sighing. "Gin…"

Exhaling sharply through her nose, Ginny shook her head.

Pushing away from the sink, Ginny rounded the kitchen island counter and crossed to the table. She fell into the chair opposite her sister-in-law as the last of her strength left her.

"I was going to tell you," Hermione insisted. "I just….I-"

"I saw him in Diagon the other day," Ginny interrupted smoothly as if she had not heard Hermione speaking. She stared blankly out the screen door behind her brother's wife at the once gorgeous garden that had quickly become overrun with weeds now that Kreacher and Harry were not there to tend to it. "He looked so happy!" Ginny tore her gaze from the back yard to Hermione. She searched the woman's face-looking for what, even Ginny was not sure. "'Mione, I've never seen him that happy before. He was practically glowing! How can I compete with that?"

Hermione offered Ginny a sad little smile as she reached across the table to clasp Ginny's hand. "I'm sorry."

Returning the smile with one of her own, Ginny gave Hermione's hand a squeeze. "Me, too." Sniffling, she retracted her hand and brushed away her tears before they could fall.

She heard a shuffling of papers.

Then silence.

"So this is really happening then."

Ginny dropped her hands and gazed at Hermione who was looking down at the sheaf of papers gathered in her hands.

"…Yeah." Ginny's voice cracked. Her vision blurred behind a fresh wave of tears. "Guess so."

"I'll…I'll file the papers then." It was said with a reluctant lilt.

Unable to speak, Ginny nodded.

It did not take long for the dam to break and a flood of tears to course down her cheeks. As her body shook with unrestrained sobs, Ginny felt arms envelope her from behind. Hermione held her as she mourned the end of an era.

…The End…

A/N: It should be said that Harry did not cheat on Ginny.

Also, for those of you who read my Drarry one-shot, "Another Misunderstanding", it has an all new extended ending. Please check it out.

Anyway, please leave a review. Thanks!