The blood flowed down the edge of the cage. The fur on Nori's back had been shaved off in uneven chunks, some parts in bloodied frays and showed bits of flesh and bone.
Nori had become an odd and distorted creature in the middle of it all.
Some parts of him were still moving slightly. His little nose wiggled. His ears twitched. But his eyes stayed wide open and his head had been chopped clean off his body.
"She passed out"
"It's disgusting. . ."
"Her or the rabbit?"
"Shit, Both! Look at that thing. She must be a monster to destroy her pet like that."
"It was her older sister's rabbit."
"Does she really hate her sister that much?"
"We recommend that she sees a psychologist. We don't know the limits of her insanity. It's her parents decision they want her to keep going to school."
"Parents? She lives here with her sister. Her mom is working in Inaba."
"Call her mother then, she probably won't have a choice but to attend if no one can care for her."
"What was the patient's name again?"
"Tsukiko Kirasaki."
"Kirasaki?"
After that day, my home was cleaned and my sister never mentioned what had happened ever again. I never saw Nori ever again. Sister had already buried him the before had gotten back to the hospital. All she let me see was the wooden box wrapped in red velvety cloth next to the tree in our backyard.
No one knew who I was once I made it to high school. Like everyone had completely forgotten what had happened. I could forget what I had seen.
"So you don't remember anything that happened before you got home?"
"No. I walked into my room and I saw Nori. Then I was in the hospital."
"No one else was inside of the house after Nori died. Your sister called an ambulance when she saw you in your room. Do you think there is any reason why you might have wanted to hurt Nori."
"I would never hurt Nori! Nori was my friend...Me and Ami used to play with him when we were younger."
"Is there any reason you might have wanted to hurt Ami?"
"S-She's my sister! We used to fight a lot but Nori we both loved Nori!"
"What did you used to fight about?"
"Ami was always smarter than me, so I would steal her math notes. When I realized I was better at history than her so she ripped my test scores. Mom bought Nori for Ami two years ago and Ami couldn't take care of him on her own. Me and Ami would bathe him and feed him together. A couple months ago, she let me have Nori since she would be going away to college later this year."
". . ." The lady wrote everything I said down. Her eyes were cold, unsympathetic.
She asked me more questions. Like our living situation, the last conversation I had with my sister before the incident.
"Me and her have been living together so mom could run the family tea business in Inaba after our Uncle died. I think we were talking about my plans after I go to college."
The days turned to nights and hours seemed to churn endlessly.
It was then, two years later that I had heard about them. The Phantom Thieves.
My eyes were red and I was sitting down in a pool of sorrow and anguish. Both mine and her's.
Her beautiful blue eyes. Her straight black hair. That sweet pink-lipped smile I knew hid all of her secrets. Hid all of the answers to the questions I wanted her to so desperately answer. All I could do was sit down and cry.
Cry until my eyes had turned red and blood streamed down my cheeks. My curly brown hair hair she had hated so much. My green eyes she wanted to carve out of my skull. The bruises and cuts on my skin covered by bandages I covered with my long clothing that began to become unbearable as the summer months trickled nearer and nearer.
There was something that separated me from the other girls at school. My hair was dyed a silky black and my eyes were covered by sparkly blue contact lenses. I had a large scar at the corner of my eye. My hair was cut in uneven and messy chunks until I had gotten it cut chin-length.
I thought I would stand out but, then the mysterious boy sat next to me. He never paid attention in class, but usually he got the answers right when the teacher called on him. Rumor had it he had been put on probation. It seemed like every teacher stared at him for a little too long. Their eyes less than that of a stern teacher's and more like that of a cautious civilian glaring at a criminal chained against a wall. It showed too clearly, that at every staff meeting he was the topic of conversation as it seemed like the teachers never called on anyone else but him every since school started.
He always talked to the loud and obnoxious boy named Ryuji. There was also an extremely pretty girl named Ann he talked to as well. She was gorgeous. She was probably a model. Actually I think she is a model. People tended to avoid the three of them. Ryuji had caused a scene with the gym teacher Kamoshida more than once making him known as a the classic rebellious teen. Ann was too pretty, too perfect to talk to. People felt almost undeserving of her gaze and it didn't help that she spoke perfect English and Japanese. That and she was known best for being in a relationship with Kamoshida.
But what made him so special? A black haired boy with glasses. There was no way someone like him would be put on probation . . . could they? I didn't know much about he besides the fact that he had a record. I didn't even know his name.
Then again there was me. I almost seemed normal in comparison. I was just the girl with short chestnut brown hair and green eyes who wrote poetry. But could I even do that anymore?
Everything I had wrote on the pages had been torn the second I got home and I found myself typing it all on my laptop before I even thought about stepping into my house. I thought about never writing again but when I wrote, my emotions seemed to come pouring out of me.
It was very freeing. The way I could write something and maybe someone could try and guess how I was feeling. Maybe there would one day be someone who could see behind the fancy and the intricate patterns of wording I had learned from father when I was younger.
To pursue my true self. I guess that would be difficult considering I had no idea who my true self even was.
Maybe I'm not here at all
Look, the fakers
Blinding us with lies
The breakers of us all
I quickly typed it up and saved it onto my laptop and into my backup folder.
I had opened a new tab to search up something for my history project when I noticed the news tab had been opened.
"The Phantom Thieves Strike Again?" I read the title aloud.
It was then the eccentric blonde haired boy named Ryuji had walked past my booth. "So ya heard bout u-"
"Shut up Ryuji!" Ann had dashed in and covered Ryuji's mouth shut.
"Hey! What was that for?! I-I was just...uh askin' whether or not she'd heard of the Phantom Thieves?" Ryuji said it in a nervous almost forced casual manner that was covered by a nervous laugh.
"Nice to meet you, I'm Ann Takamaki." She gave Ryuji another quick glare before focusing all of her attention on me
"I-I know we have class together. I sit across from you." The sudden attention made my movements extremely stiff. I began to bite at the tip of my soda straw and drum my fingers on the keyboard. The sound started to annoy me so I settled for putting both of then on my lap and pulling at my stockings or my sleeves.
"Oh right! Isn't it Yukiko Aragaki?" The fact they seemed to recognize me was surprising considering they were the loudest most eccentric people in the school.
"C-Close. It's Tsukiko Kirasaki." Ryuji seemed to notice my unease and leans over the table as if to get a better look at my face.
"No need to be shy Tsukiko! Spread the word 'bout the Thieves. Guess ya' can say we're interested in the splendor, the majestic, the righteous, justice seeking-" He shouts loudly and uses his arms in exaggerated heroic poses until Ann pushes him into the seat across from mine and stands with her arms crossed.
"Shut up idiot! Do you even know what half those words mean? We aren't supposed to be promoting them so openly like this!" Ann crosses her arms glaring at Ryuji before sitting next to me in the booth and typing a website into my tab. "Submit something here if want to report any. . .injustice." The way she says it makes me feel uneasy.
"Oh. Okay." I look down at the web page. "Maybe I'll try it sometime." Suddenly there is a slight buzz that erupts from the table. It was far too strong to be from just one of their phones and both pick it up with a serious expression on their faces. They swipe. They read. At the same moment they look up at at me.
"Yo! Tsukiko, we've gotta hit up a lame ass study group in ten. See ya round'! Remember to drop a message by that page anytime ya kay? 'm sure the Thieves 'll preciate it." And with that they walk away briskly, making no conversation with each other in almost a half jogging motion as they weave their way through the busied crowds of Tokyo.
And then I was alone again. Sipping my coffee.
A mirror right in front of me
That's where I find
An empty glass
Reflecting the sad truth
It's telling words not to be told
I need the mask
I had written a couple of poems that day and I wondered whether I would every truly see them again. My fingers wanted to dance over the keyboard. But she was still my sister.
A sister that I had loved. But had she loved me?
I smelled the sweet scent of foreign wine. My sister's beautiful face in the middle of metal, dirt, oil, and grime. She built robots, computers, developed software, and reworked all of the mechanics of our small home with high tech devices our father would have never allowed.
I set my ink pen and notebook down at the kitchen table and began to write. Black ink. The scars began to open. One drop of red. Two drops. And soon it began to almost pour out.
It was dizzying. The girl who wore all black at night. Who left without a word. The girl who needed to get money somehow. She didn't know I followed her one night. When I thought we were more than just sisters.
I thought she loved me.
I thought we were friends.
The dirty smoke. The gases and fumes. Flames set next to cigars. Drugs inhaled and pierced through skin. Water rolled down my cheeks. But I couldn't tell anyone what I saw next. The money she had stolen. The destruction she had caused.
"How is it that you can do whatever the hell you want!" Sometimes she would cry in her room. When her eyes were closed and tears rolled down her cheeks and she couldn't see my green eyes and my curly chestnut hair, she let me comfort her. She looked so weak and fragile.
The nights when dad had yelled at her. When she was always angry with me.
Would bringing her to justice really hurt her?
I had no idea. The thought itself seemed to be separate from my own mind. Like someone else had put the words in my mind.
Isn't what your doing wrong? Just waiting for something to change.
The post was short.
I typed everything as bluntly as I could.
The last line I wrote was just to reassure myself.
. . . My sister needs help.
It was that next Saturday night I felt a change in the air. The Friday that passed seemed almost unimportant. Mundane. The post I had sent that night had just been apart of mirage in the memories I had kept with with me. Those two blonde haired strangers I had met at the diner were just small bumps in a steady road. A sharp contrast to the steady grey mirage of blurry colors that were strict constants in the metronome.
So why had that Saturday, Ann looked to me with a smile? Why did Ryuji salute a wave in my direction? And why did the black haired boy I had sat next to look at me for a brief second?
There was something his eyes. Like he knew all of my darkest secrets. Like he was insane. They weren't the same eyes my sister possessed when she came back from college. Somehow his insanity was almost...reassuring.
The entire day, I couldn't stop thinking. At night, something told me to walk a different route home. To text my sister I would be at the Library studying for a test that would never come.
To not scream in fear when I saw a young man with a strange aura and dark blue hair.
"Tsukiko? Am I correct?" He spoke with an elegant prose. Like his very existence was oozing with artist fervor.
"Y-Yes. And who are you?" I couldn't help but look at him in awe.
"My name is of no importance. I am with the social security officers and we have been anonymously reported about a case of abuse." His suit looked almost out of place on him.
I rolled my sleeves and black stockings and I took out my contacts a towelette to my concealer. The result was a sympathetic gaze from the man. "I-I don't have any photos... B-But Ami talks to her friends about their...deals everyday in the underground walkway in Shibuya."
"Please tell me, what is your sister's name?"
"Amaterasu Kirasaki."
"Thank you for your assistance, Kirasaki-san. It is an honor meeting the daughter of the great Junichi Kirasaki."
And with a bow and a blink of an eye. The man with the mysterious aura was gone.
That night I fell asleep, I felt like I was looking inside of a moving picture book. There was four thieves and a cat mascot fighting a giant robot. And inside of the giant machine was Ami
It was a cute story. It made me happy.
"Daughter of Poet Does Deals?"
"Oh hey it's you again! How's it goin' Tsukiko?" Ryuji's smile was filled with sympathy. Even his bright attitude had been mellowed like he had been speaking to an injured puppy.
"I-It's fine I guess...I'm glad she's in jail now. She can finally get better."
"You look a bit different today." Anne looked me up and down. Both of them felt like friendly interrogators.
"Um...I-It's the hair isn't it?" I had washed out the chestnut brown hair dye yesterday and I was starting to let it grow out.
"And your eyes too!"
"Y-Yeah. G-Guess I was just looking for a bit of a change."
Then there was a boy with dark blue hair that I had never seen before who accompanied them. "I'm glad you are doing alright." He spoke with a refined elegance I could connect to someone else but for some reason, it was as if those two pieces of the puzzle hadn't wanted to be put together. "I'm sorry, but I can not help but noticed the resemblance between you and your father."
"Y-Yes... Actually I write too. A-Ami was p-pretty u-upset when she realized she'd have to run our family tea shop in T-Tatsumi Port Island. I'm surprised she admitted everything so easily though. . ."
I couldn't help but smile at the company I made. But just then. There was a buzz. A buzz that was too loud to have come from just one of their phones. "Uh. I've gotta run. Mom's makin' burgers tonight and I've gotta go pick up the. . . stuff. Catcha later!" Ryuji was the first to run out the door.
"I have a hair appointment in five! Gotta dash!" And then Anne left.
"Excuse me miss. I do not wish to be rude upon our first meeting. My name is Yusuke Kitagawa and I hope that I will we be seeing each other again. But must be pardoned. I am soon to be tardy for my art class. Perhaps you can be the subject of my next piece." And then Yusuke left after scrawling his number on a piece of paper.
So I decided to leave as well after I finished drinking my melon soda. I walked outside and I saw them all running in the same direction together. And that is when I made eye contact with the black haired boy. In the blink of an eye, they were all gone.
"I'm sorry Tsukiko! I'm sorry!" I was walking down the narrow and crowded streets when I saw her screaming my name. The police fought to restrain her. "I did it! I sold all of the drugs! They gave them to me!" She points to five college students.
"Shut up Ami!"
"Stop lying!"
"It's no use guys they already know it was us! Damn you Ami!"
They were all shoved into a police car. Several pictures were taken from different angles and a title was slapped onto each and every one of them, placing it a nice spot as the second biggest news story. Right next to, "The Phantom Thieves Strike Yet Again!?"
Fire in every breath
Fire inside your head, your heart
And as your crippled brain
Tries to fight in vain
Your empire will fall apart
I looked on top of my bed and I saw a small note.
You are free to do whatever you want Tsukiko. Please don't waste your life worrying about me. I will always be here for you-
-Ami
There was a picture behind the note. It was us. Together on our eleventh birthday, with Nori in our arms.
"Thank you..." For some reason, it wasn't that elegant and refined social worker I thought of right then. It was the dark haired boy with the black hipster glasses. What is his name again?
You can feel their eyes following you.
My every motion seemed to spectated like an animal in a cage.
Though she was gone I could still hear their voices.
Why do this to you? Now they are watching and they won't stop. Why won't they look away?
But not all of them.
They are watching you. They won't stop.
"Shut up!"
There are more eyes now. There is no where to run.
"Shut up!"
No matter how loudly you scream, all you're doing is making more people-
"SHUT UP!"
I was blind. I couldn't see.
But you can. Just because you don't want to see them, just because you blurred their faces with your tears doesn't mean they aren't there.
All I could do was try to walk away from the scene.
No you ran. You could have stayed but all you did was run away like a baby. Breathe.
All I wanted was for this voice inside my head to shut up.
You could have stopped me a long time ago. Accept that it is her fault. Accept that I am thou and thou art I. Accept that you were dragged into a life you wanted nothing to do with, because of your sister, your mother and your father. Accept that none of this is your fault.
All I wanted was for their eyes to go anywhere but on me.
You want their eyes you go nowhere except for you on you.
I just want to blend in.
All you every wanted to do was stand out right? Aren't you jealous of your sister right now? She's so popular because she's in jail. Can't you remember the headline! "Daughter of Famous Poet Commits Horrendous Crime!"
I want to objectify my feeling so maybe someone can understand.
You want to be objectified. You want to be needed like someone needs food.
None of this is fair.
I saw the way you were looking at the student council president. Do you even believe you have the chance to be her friend?
I need to just give up already.
I was alone.
You aren't alone. Admit that you deserve to have friends. You deserve to be needed.
There was no more pain. I didn't have to watch Ami suffer anymore either.
But I was still lonely.
Maybe it was the was because sister used to always be there. I knew she was in the room next door or out with her friends. It was painful to be around her.
Around all her medals and awards. Looking at her smile even.
And when all that was gone, it was painful to see her suffering.
Now, it's painful to not see her.
I walked carefully through my school's hallways and spoke to no one. And no one spoke to me. I only had one more year.
I had never seen a brighter day.
Well maybe I had but that was besides the point.
It didn't take long for me to understand how selfish I had been.
"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative."
I felt as though I was sinking. Perishing slowly day by day. It was a pain few could understand. Watching someone else smile and feeling hollow as they laughed alongside people.
It wasn't hard to understand other's emotions, why they felt certain ways and why they cried into each others arms reaching desperately for their touch.
Reassurance.
"Yo! Wanna meet up later!"
"Nah, I've got a shoot later this evening."
"You know Ryuji, if you have all this time on your hands you could probably devote your efforts towards something more productive."
"Productive...shit are you talkin' bout studying!"
"I believe it to be in your best interest Ryuji."
"I don't wanna think about that crap!"
"I must depart as well, you know where to find me if you need anything."
"Fine..."
The days felt empty as they seemed to almost float by. My grades had severely improved since Ami left for college and they were even better after she had been sent to jail.
I walked by the Shibuya Underground Walkway from time to time. Drinking smoothies on Sunday afternoons or I would walk by the Underground Mall and buy some random items Ami might've liked. She used to like metallic jewelry and said it made her look like she was part-cyborg.
But today something felt...off.
I tried to ignore it and walked towards the Underground Walkway, sitting next to a wall and began writing.
The voice of the wind sheds drops of light onto you as you sleep
I won't forget your kind smile or your eyes hidden with sorrow
Even though it hurts to make a wish
I received the courage to fight from you, so I will leave
If I awaken from this dream,
I'll be able to see you again
"You do know it is rude you follow people."
"I-I'm sorry, I was just walking in the same g-general direction and landed in the same general a-area."
"So you are saying it is complete coincidence that we have met here, while I was just issued an assignment about Junichi Kirasaki? His daughter who I had previously assumed to be spying on me claims that we were just walking in the same general direction and the same general area despite both of us being meeting at almost the same exact place."
"Y-Yes?"
He stares at me a long moment.
"Y-You're Kitagawa-san correct? M-Madarame's pupil c-correct?"
"Former pupil."
"O-Oh...I-I see." I look back down at my notepad. I sat there for a long while, and Yusuke stood there for even longer pulling out a sketchbook and eventually sitting next to me. We didn't speak more that day.
But he came back almost every day.
I saw his friends, Ann, Ryuji, the boy with the hipster glasses, and even the student council president Makoto Nijima around, but he always came back alone. Some times Mr. Glasses would come and whisk him away or just stand in a different spot observing people for several hours.
"W-What's his name?"
"I have no clue who you are talking about."
"H-Hipster glasses."
"So, you mean him. . .Why do you ask?"
"H-He sits next to me in class. I-I never got to asking his name."
"Akira."
"Huh?"
"His name. Akira Kurusu."
"O-Oh."
Silence. It had been almost two weeks and I had made no progress. Is it always this difficult?
"S-So...What are you drawing."
"Nothing in particular."
"Ah . . . I-I see."
He never looked up from his sketchbook. I looked back down at my notebook.
This emotion is called desperation.
"K-Kitagawa-san. . .W-Why do you come back here everyday?"
He heaves an sigh and for the first time stops his pencil. "I enjoy observing people so that one day I may be able to capture the inner beauty of their souls."
"Y-You believe that human nature is beautiful?"
"No...I do not."
"H-Huh?"
"People are naturally tainted, ugly, impure. I am searching for the light in their hearts as their selfish and hungry hearts starve for their own salvation. And that impurity has bleed into my own artwork. Their disgusting desires only tarnish the true beauty of the world."
"T-Tarnish? S-Selfish desires?" I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes.
"That is why I watch the people here. They are unaware of how filthy their hearts are. I wish to find what motivates them to dirty themselves so much."
"It's because of hope."
"I do not comprehend."
"Haven't you learned anything from my father? Everything he wrote was supposed to convey, that the
'human desire is not something to be unquenched for the time spent mourning lost time only sheds empty tears.'
'A memory is made from chance to dine on the sweet sorrow of death.'
'Time slowly disappears as the sound of your heart's beating chimes the final hour of our love however even then shall the chime only be muffled by my coffin like your gentle embrace on a dreary winter afternoon.'
Desire is far from evil!"
I did not realize that I was shouting until people began to clap around me.
"Wow she must be a devoted fan of his work."
"At such a young age too."
"No it kid of looks like she was just telling her boyfriend off while quoting Kirasaki."
"Kirasaki? Oh yeah didn't his daughter get thrown in jail recently?"
Someone even tosses a hundred yen coin into my bag. "I-I'm s-sorry K-Kit-Kitagawa-san." I look down and begin to pack away my things.
"I seems we have caused quite the commotion."
"...I'm sorry."
"Hm. That is quite alright Kirasaki-san."
"H-Huh?"
"Such bold words. Like a bird breaking from it's cage. Honestly, I did not expect you to be such an inspiring muse."
"A m-muse?"
"Precisely. I truly must thank you, Kirasaki-san."
"Oh uh, yeah. Y-Your welcome? And Kirasaki-san is my f-father, you can just call me Tsukiko."
"It is an honor. I must go now but I truly do hope we meet again. Same time tomorrow?"
"O-Of course!"
"Desire is not evil," if only thou heeded.
"Hey!" A few days later while strolling around the Underground Mall, I saw Ann.
"H-Hello Takamaki-san."
"Oh, no formalities please. Just call me Ann."
"O-Okay, Ann. . ."
"What're ya here for? Are you hear to buy jewelry, perfume, clothes...?"
"A-Actually, I'm just looking from something m-my sister might like."
"What is she like? Maybe I can help!"
I stare at her for a few seconds. "K-Kind of like you. She was always cheerful and had lots of friends. She likes anything silver and kind of blocky colors."
"Ah so she's into mech crap right!"
"Y-Yeah how did you-"
"Intuition mostly! Or maybe I'm psychic!"
"Really?!" She gives a small laugh.
"No not really, remember you told me about her before. You said she was really into advanced tech, not to mention her-" She seems to reconsider her words. "Ah...no never mind."
We stroll though the mall and find an assortment of jewelry and clothing. She picks up a clunky silver bracelet that looks like it belongs in a 70's night club with so-tacky-it's-cool style. "Ha! I found it!"
"W-What is it?"
"This dress! She would look really pretty in this shade of blue and green."
"T-That's amazing Ann! Y-You haven't even seen her yet and you know what colors suit her already."
"What do you mean? Of course I've se-" Ann stops talking and seems to reconsider her word for the second time tonight. "I-I mean I've seen her picture on the internet!"
"I-I've been ignoring the articles."
"You must really love your sister."
"O-Of course I do. . .it's just hard to admit that I was part of the reason she was put in jail in the first place."
"Hey, I know what it's like to hurt someone who is close to you. It was hard for me too, and when I realized what I had done, I-I. . ." Unsure of what to do I rest a hand on her shoulder.
"We need to get stronger, right Ann?"
"Y-Yeah."
"Then we don't have time to feel guilty about what we've done. All we can do is welcome them back into our lives. Your talking about Shiho-san right? When she comes out of the hospital show her how much stronger you are. And when Ami gets released, I'll show her how much stronger I am too. Deal?"
"Yeah. Yeah! You're the best Tsukiko! I had no idea you had it in you!" She flashes me a bright smile. "You really are amazing. I need to tell Akira right away! Let's hang out again soon!" She shoves the dress into my arms and runs off to the station leaving me to pay for my things.
To have strength for another, thou shalt first have strength for thyself
The next afternoon, Yusuke invited to his dorm room at Kosei. Something about painting my aura…
"Please dispose of your attire and I will begin painting."
"H-Huh... Oh that kind of painting?" I turn around a start to take off my leggings and plaid skirt.
Most of my scars had healed and the ones that hadn't we're hardly noticeable. The bruises had all gone from dark blotches to angry red patches across my skin.
It was going to be a bit unnerving having someone stare at me naked and paint my portrait but, the women my father had wrote about always seemed uncomfortable until he began to talk to them. By the end of the night they would smile and thank him for the lovely evening while I served them tea.
"Not exactly. . . To capture the essence of what I wish to achieve with this painting, I need wanted you place you in a situation where you'd be most uncomfortable. However you are taking this idea unexpectedly well."
I had gotten around to taking off my uniform shirt and the long sleeved shirt underneath.
"F-Father—" I heard a loud knock on the door.
"Hey Yusuke, dude. Let's go somewhere. I can here so ya' won't have ta worry 'bout the train fare."
"Ryuji..." Yusuke is silent for a moment staying stationary until he burst into erratic movement. "This is... This is perfect!"
"Dude ya' still in there?"
Yusuke rushes to open and unlock the door to reveal a very surprised Ryuji.
"I need your help with something. Please come in. "
"Wait! Wha-What is this!? I'm not into that bro!"
"Huh? Y-You aren't into what?"
"T-Tsukiko? What happened to your clothes? Why are you naked? I need answers man!"
"She's not nude yet Ryuji. She is my muse!"
"Y-Yet!"
"Um... Y-Yusuke said he wanted to c-capture my aura with his brush."
"That's some kinky shit man!"
"Ryuji, sit over there."
"Fuck no! Shit, I'm outta here!" Ryuji's attempts to run away fail soon after Yusuke sits him in the chair and locks the door once again.
"Your turn Ryuji." Yusuke grins and let's out a small chuckle as Ryuji grumbles snide remarks.
Soon enough we are both nude and awkwardly sitting next to each other.
"Talk about desire."
"D-Desire! Is this some weird matchmaking scam!"
"W-We could start talking a-about hope?"
"Hope and Desire...? Fine, what are your hopes and dreams." He let's out the last part in a bored almost monotone voice while not looking directly at me but at...the wall I guess?
"I-I don't really have any. Like what job want?"
"Yeah I guess."
"M-Maybe a p-poet?"
"You into poetry?"
"Y-Yeah, I guess. . ." And then the conversation just kind of ended. Yusuke stared at both of us with a frown.
"What has happened to all of your motivation? That fire that had burned the insides of my soul!"
"Um. I-I dunno. H-He doesn't seem like he disagrees with me at all. . ."
"Ah. So all I hafta do is disagree with ya! Well game on! Poetry is boring as shit!"
"Y-Yeah, I guess it kinda is. . ."
"What! Really? You're just gonna let me trash your hobbies like that!?"
"W-Well poetry isn't meant for everyone and I would hardly call the activity, 'fun.' I-It's more relaxing the same way sleeping or listening to classical music is."
"So ya just sit there and write all day ta feel relaxed?"
"W-What do you do for fun then?"
"Run 'round, play video games, eat. That sorta stuff."
"W-Weren't you on the school's track team last year? W-Was that fun?"
"Sorta yeah. Made a whole buncha friends there too."
"F-Friends. . . M-Maybe I should join the track team. . ."
"What! No, track ain't for just anyone! Do ya' even like runnin'?
"N-Not particularity. . ."
"Then don't join the damn club!"
"S-Sorry. . ."
"I've been meaning to ask ya' this anyway. Why haven't you joined that Literature Program at Kosei anyway, if ya wanna be a poet so badly?"
"O-Oh um. M-My sister w-went to Kosei on their Computer Science Program. . . M-My parents got angry and they switched her to the Literature Program halfway through her first semester. I-I don't know how she would handle it if I went there voluntarily and even though she got good grades she was known as the girl who didn't really want to be there. A-And if I went-"
"So ya scared of being compared to your big sister and that's why you ain't goin' to the damn Program."
"Well. . .Y-Yeah."
"You're weaker than you look if you're lettin' some shit like that stop ya'"
"W-Weak?"
"Hell yeah! Come on' I mean, I get you're scared of your sister being offended since you're takin' a class she hates and all. And it prolly get people talkin' even more if ya' suddenly waltz into a damn Literature class you're sis didn't give to crap about. But damn, you gonna let all that shit stop ya' from goin' somewhere ya' wanna go then. . ."
"I-I can't walk into a room a-and have people t-talk about m-me like that! W-Where people judge you w-without knowing a-anything about you! D-Do you realize how terrifying that is? H-How you look a-around a-at a b-bunch of p-people only t-to realize their talking shit about you?!"
"Course I do! Do ya know how many freakin' rumors spread about me once I got kicked off the damn track team?"
"Y-You were like that before you joined the track team! You've always been confident."
"If you honestly think that you ain't nothin' better than all those shitheads yer scared shitless of."
"M-Maybe so. B-But do you honestly believe you could have handled that alone. . . Y-You had friends. P-People who stood by y-you no matter what! P-People who dispelled all those stupid rumors. . . People who knew you weren't a worthless good-for-nothing delinquent."
"Don't ya get get it! This ain't about that. I. . . I didn't have any friends after I left the track team. I dealt with what they said my own way. If they thought I was a delinquent, I wasn't gonna tell them any different. It was easier to play the part than hafta get into an argument with someone about that shit."
"W-What are you trying to say? That it doesn't take guts to not care about what people say about you?"
"Fuck no! I'm sayin' it takes a coward to pretend they're somethin' their not. I didn't make friends with anyone until Akira came along and pulled my head from out of my ass! I didn't talk to anyone. I just ran home everyday. . . like a coward."
". . . So you're suggesting I run into a battlefield blind."
"Listen, I don't regret my beating the Hell outta Kamoshida that day. I don't even regret makin' my team hate me after that. Call that bravery or whatever but I knew what I was gettin' into when I shoved my fist into that bastard's face. And I wouldn't have where I belong if I hadn't done any of that."
"W-What i-is that place exactly?"
Ryuji gives a gallant smile. "Right next to Akira of course!"
". . . Oh um. I-I didn't know you um r-ran for t-that team. . . I-I support y-you're d-decision." I give an impish smile as Ryuji blushes.
"Very, interesting indeed Ryuji. You are sitting in front of a naked woman and you are talking about how you belong to a man. I applaud you for your loyalty."
"N-No! W-Wait fuck no! I forgot we were naked! Shit! I seriously forgot you were here!" Yusuke shrugs and goes back to his painting.
"M-May I-I be invited?"
"Fucking where!"
"T-To the w-wedding of course!"
"Seriously! You were actin' all shy just a second ago and now yer cracking jokes. . ."
"To be honest, I had not anticipated such passion from either of you. Especially you Ryuji. It seems I have learned much more about both of you."
"What the Hell 're ya drawin' over there anyway!?"
"Ah...give me a second." He adds a few dabs of paint and I look to see his masterpiece.
"W-Wow. . .It's so, I-I can't even. . .it's beautiful. I can tell which one is me and which is Ryuji just from the colors and designs even without the silhouettes." It was a picture of a boy and a girl. The boy was being thrown through the sky and the girl was falling. However, if you turned the picture over, the reverse was happening. If you turned the picture to the side, they were standing side by side together and being pulled apart. If you turned it to the other side, both were hanging upside down and being forced apart as if by gravity itself.
Even though it was a picture of a boy and a girl, there were only about 7 colors used in the piece. The girl had dark grey eyes and clothing and the boy yellow eyes and clothing. The background split in half diagonally, as if it was a tear in both their realities. The girl was pushed into the yellow background while the boy was thrust into the navy blue one.
There were two silhouettes next to the boy and girl. All of them held out there hands for each other, the boy and girl grasping for each others touch. The boy's silhouette was white with a black outline and the girl's was black with a white outline leaving her eyes white and his with black pupils and irises.
The silhouettes seemed to move in a separate realities themselves. While the colored pictures were torn apart, barely touching by the fingertips, the silhouettes got closer and closer together.
From the colored pictures showing the closed eyes of the girl as the tears spilled out of them as she screamed out in pain to the boy's eyes widened in shock as he reached out helplessly.
The second showed both of their eyes open in fierce determination as their fingers were touching but their palms empty as if both were making a pact.
The last one showed both their eyes closed. Both smiling with their foreheads resting against each other as the girl gave a closed lipped smile and the boy a cheesy grin. Their fingers laced together as their hands managed to rip through the tear in the fabric.
That's not even mentioning the rest of the detail in this. The movements were so fluid. Even the jacket the boy was wearing seemed to follow the rules of gravity. Their hair flew in nonsensical directions leaving it to the viewer's interpretation who was falling and who was floating if not for the position he wrote his name in.
"Why'd he draw us for though!? They don't look anything like us!"
"Y-Yeah. B-But it's diffidently us."
"Yeah. . . I see whatcha mean."
Even though my eyes were green and my hair was curly and light brown, somehow, this girl with straight black hair felt like me. Even though, Ryuji's hair was short and blonde, a few extra inches styled differently made him look like a totally different person.
"A-And e-even though they're holding hands, they d-don't look like l-lovers at all."
"Yeah. . ."
"H-How long have we been here?"
"About a few. . . Woah! Almost five hours!"
"Aww, I-I missed lunch. . ."
"Hell me too! Wanna grab dinner on the way back?"
"S-Sure. Y-Yosuke? Do you want to come too?"
"I'm afraid I do not have enough money for both the train and a meal. . ."
"D-Dinner's on me tonight. D-Don't worry."
"I couldn't possibly allow you to pay for our meals."
"W-Why not? I-I have enough savings. M-My parents still send more than enough food money for me and A-Ami. A-And I've been saving since I have skipped g-grocery shopping to eat out instead."
"If you say so! Let's get somethin' cheap like Big Bang or ramen! I'll even pay the train fare for ya'!"
The sorrow of not understanding one another. The majesty of rejoicing in the beauty of one's differences. Thou shall first make the effort to know oneself.
I ate all of the brownies.
Well actually if I did that, it wouldn't be too embarrassing.
I decided to visit Ami before her trial started. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if giving her brownies was even allowed.
I turned off the oven.
The brownie mix never even made it inside that far.
Sometimes I hated how much I loved sweets. Even worse, the unbaked kind.
So instead I studied. Father used to always tell me that a poem written when angry, almost never sends an invoking message. And the ones written when feeling hatred over oneself are overdone and make the author seem depressingly emo. Not his exact words but. . . Good enough?
On the way to Lablanc, I saw an annoyed Ryuji being pulled by a very determined class president.
"Yo Tsukiko!" Ryuji looked at me as though I had become his savior.
"H-Hi R-Ryuji. . ."
"Now's not the time Ruyji! I we need to write this now." Makoto Nijima, the student council present was talking to Ryuji.
No matter how many times I look at them together it just, looks so wrong. The girl that gives out detention and the boy who gets detention.
"W-Write?" What could these two possibly be writing together? Maybe they were studying together which was odd considering they were in different years.
"Oh it's nothing. You're Kirasaki-san right?"
"Yeah that's her."
Ryuji stares at me for a second before he breaks out into a wide grin.
"Yeah. Yeah! Hell yeah! Why didn't I think about this before? It's just too perfect!"
". . .What is it?"
"Tsukiko is into all that literature crap! She should totally write the calling card!"
"Ryuji!" Makoto glares at him and turns towards me sheepishly. "Ah, don't mind him Kirasaki-san! We were just leaving!"
Ryuji looked confused for a second before his eyes widened in shock. "Oh shit sorry!"
"C-Calling card?" Like the one's the Phantom Thieves use? When I first met Ryuji he seemed so obsessed with the Theives. Does that mean he. . .
"It's really nothing Kirasaki-san, we should really get going. . ."
"O-Oh I get it!"
"W-What? Y-You do?"
"Sorry Makato, guess she already kno—"
"Y-You guys help the Phantom Thieves!"
"Yeah we… what?"
"Y-You write calling cards for them and then the real Phantom Thieves go and change their hearts! S-Spreading publicity for them w-while they watch i-it all h-happen in their s-secret l-lair!"
"Oh yeah it's something like that…"
"Well now that you know our secret, you can help us write the calling card."
"I-I c-can!?"
"Oh shit, Makoto! I think we made her cry!"
"Kirasaki-san, are you alright?"
"C-Call m-me, T-T-Tsukiko!"
"She's a pretty big fan."
"I-I can tell Ryuji!" I quickly let got and look down embarrassed. "Anyway, lets go write that calling card. Me and Ryuji will take care of the rest Tsukiko."
Sir Junya Kaneshiro the money devouring sinner of gluttony,
You indulge in scamming others with horrendous methods that target minors exclusively. We have decided to make you confess all of your crimes with your own mouth. We will take your distorted desires without fail.
From, the Phantom Thieves
"T-Tsukiko. . ."
"Y-Yeah?"
"How did you. . . We haven't even told you anything about the next target yet!"
"Umm. I-I. . .I-I can explain! I-I just sort of w-wrote whatever came t-to my h-head!"
"Yeah but that doesn't explain how she knows so much about Kaneshiro." Makoto stared at me with an accusatory gaze that almost made me shiver in fear. "Please, explain yourself." Even though she siad it so kindly, there was a certain venom to it that made it more of an order or a demand than a request.
"I-I really don't know anything about this... I only know about the Disturbance."
"What Disturbance?" Is it really okay to tell them if they don't even know about the Disturbance?
"S-Someone made a s-scientific breakthrough and the research was destroyed a c-college s-science group was given e-extra f-funding s-so the s-students could experiment with idea of cognitive p-pscience. Once they began p-producing results, t-they were f-forced to s-stop p-paying f-for the r-research."
"What does that have to do with you knowing so much about this damn case!"
"Why would they stop paying for the research?" Makato ignored Ryuji's comment and continued talking. This is starting to sound like an interrogation.
"Th-They were forced to c-cease funding but I d-don't know why."
"So that was The Disturbance?"
"N-No, the D-Disturbance w-was the destruction of s-significant l-landmarks on the c-cognitive m-map. . ."
"What is the cognitive map?" More questions. This is even more scary and annoying than my visits the psychologist.
"A-A m-map of the c-cognitive world. P-People began disappearing. Once the P-Phantom Thieves showed up, landmarks disappeared but t-their weren't any d-disturbances. . ."
"But how do you know about this? Why do you know so much about the cognitive world and Kaneshiro?"
"I-I can't access the cognitive map myself b-but. . . the lines between the cognitive and real world are beginning to blur as more landmarks are destroyed. S-Soon the d-disturbances will become so c-common that the general p-public will become unaware of the people dying. I-I'm just. . . aware of t-the changes m-made t-to t-the world."
"I see." It's over. She takes a deep breath in what I believe signals the end of this weird interrogation but her eyes snap to me once more in sharp determination. "And why is that?"
"T-That's uh. . . I-I m-mean. S-She. . . t-tells m-me." There is no way she is going to believe me. "T-The v-voice s-she t-tells m-me. . .w-what I n-need t-to. . ." No that's stupid. I'm insane.
I can't. It's not real. None of this is real.
But it is real.
No it can't be.
But it is.
"S-Stop saying that!"
None of this is real. You're just inside of my head.
"G-Go away!"
None of it is your fault.
Yes it is! Ami is in jail! She was suffering! When she leaves, what's going to happen to her? She can't inherit the family business, she can't follow her dreams! It's my fault! "S-Stop saying it's not my fault!" If only I was stronger. . . If only I said something!
There is no way to go back.
I ruined her life!
You choose suffering instead of acceptance. You choose sympathy instead of pride?
Yes!
Then why am I here ignorant child?
What even are you?!
I am the part of you that despises your sister and your parents. You hate this feeling of loneliness, you don't blame yourself at all do you? You don't need to hide anymore.
"I-I don't deserve them!"
Do you really believe that? You want them. You want to belong with them.
I belong with them?
Yes, child you belong with them.
"Tsukiko! Dude are you okay?" I look up, my face covered in tears. I was curled up in a fetal position, hyperventilating, and all I saw was a yellow and brown blur infront of my face.
"I-I'm f-fine. . ."
I don't want to lose them. Does that mean I belong with them.
"Like hell you ain't 'fine!' You look like shit!"
My future really with them?
"Here." I was handed what I believed was a handkerchief. "I'm sorry Tsukiko. We should really get you home."
I want them to remember me.
"I-It's f-fine. T-The v-voice. . . s-she's g-gone I-I t-think."
I don't think I need her anymore.
I feel an arm pull me up and I immediately clutch their chest. "H-Hey, you sure yer' okay?" It was Ryuji. I could tell once I opened my eyes. The bright yellow shirt I chose to lean against was blinding and his voice was next to my ear. I pull away and wipe my face with my arm once more.
I don't want to ever forget how worried they are about me.
"Y-Yeah. I t-think, I f-feel a b-bit better." Everything looked much clearer. "M-Makoto? W-Where is your b-bathroom?"
"Down the hall, first door to the left." I washed my face off and gave a smile. I realized that it helped to do that whenever I was having a breakdown. Smile. Smile! SMILE! See, it's painful but it works! I make silly faces in the mirror blow my nose and wash my face until even I could barely tell I was crying. I smile one last time.
I don't need to pretend anymore.
"O-Okay l-let's go! Y-You probably have to g-go deliver t-that c-card right?" Both look at me in shock at my sudden change and we walk back to the station in silence.
You must realize the truth before thou earns another's trust.
In the month of August, I had very little to do. I still met Yusuke and Ann at the Shibuya Underground and Ryuji had invited me to play video games a few times at the arcade.
I slept in a lot nowadays and I added cleaning my Ami's room to my to-do list.
Since summer break began I had fallen into a routine of sorts. I took the bus to Yogen-Jaya on days I refused to make breakfast since the food.
I did this long before Ami had come back from college though, but the days where I just couldn't bring myself to go to the grocery store or cook a proper meal became more often singe then.
I found Cafe Leblanc quite a while ago. After dad had gone on his trip to Italy and mom to help my aunt in Inaba. When Amo began studying for her test more often and the diner in Shibuya was too expensive for my laziness.
I had gotten off on the wrong stop and found myself near an abandoned theatre and alleyways. I landed myself at Cafe Lablanc in Yogen-Jaya.
I was surprised by the quality of the coffee and came back almost every day after school. I guess you can say I quickly became a regular.
The owner didn't talk much either. He seemed annoyed whenever anyone asked questions but held a decent conversation despite his obvious distaste.
Even after being here for so long, I never made an effort to talk to the owner.
There however, was a woman named Kiyomi Suzumura who had made an effort to talk to me every Wednesday.
That was just the type of person she was. She asked me how school was and my favorite type or coffee but never why I was alone.
"You're a pretty girl, do you have a boyfriend? "
"N-No. But thank you. . ."
"I have a boyfriend, we've been together since highschool and I'm just waiting for him to propose!"
"W-What is he like?"
"He's tall, he's waiting to get his business up and running. Oh but he hates coffee, he's more of a tea person. We met in English class. I was terrible but he was really good at it so he gave me "private lessons. "
"T-That sounds very romantic."
"Hey Sakura-san! Give me and Tsukiko another brew! It's on me sweet pea."
The owner sighs and mumbles something about her acting like he was a bartender.
"Actually I have to leave after this cup, but I'll see you next week, kay? I have a date with Yuya at five."
"B-But it's only twelve."
"Aww, you are so cute. I need at least two hours to get ready. About thirty minutes to get there and maybe 5-10 minutes to get to the 1 o'clock train. That is of course factoring traffic and I need to catch the 4 o'clock train walk to the restaurant in high heels which makes everything go slower, and knowing him he will probably be 30 minutes early so I don't want to make him wait too long."
I stare at Kiyomi. "O-Okay. . . G-Good luck on the date."
"Thanks sweet pea. You should know how she's likes her coffee by now Sakura! Poor girl's been here for a couple of years it's the least ya can do."
". . . Extra milk. Lukewarm, one extra sugar cube." The owner sighs before making my coffee.
We drank our coffee in silence. No one else was in the cafe and no one else came in.
"Bye sweet pea! I'll tell ya how my date goes next week, kay?" Kiyomi gives me a wink and runs off towards the station.
". . ." The owner sighs once again. "So what is a kid like you doing here. You're my youngest costumer."
"I-I didn't feel like making breakfast this morning."
"Hm. You sound a lot like Futaba."
"F-Futaba?"
"Heard my name!" An orange haired girl burst through the doors. "I was waiting to make a dra-ma-tic entrance." She smiles with pride but as soon as she notices me she hides underneath the table. "S-Sojiro! Y-You didn't t-tell me there were people here!"
"You came in before I said anything."
"But still!"
"She doesn't bite. Hell, she hardly talks. Almost everytime she's here she just plays with that laptop thing."
"W-Wait she plays computer games!" Futaba jumps out from her hiding place. "Futaba Sakura, nice ta meet cha!"
"I-I'm Tsukiko Kirasaki."
"What kind of name is that!? It's so depressing."
"S-Sorry?"
"Nevermind that lemme see your computer games!"
"I-I don't have many. . ." Before I can properly respond, she is digging through my bag and pulling out my laptop. "H-Hey."
"Danganropa, Danganronpa 2, Danganronpa V3, Danganronoa Another Episode. . ."
Now she's flicking through my game file.
"Visual novels. . .DRAMAtical Murder? Didn't peg you as that type of girl."
"S-Shut up. . ."
"Oh, MMOs!" Her eyes widen. "W-Woah, you have more than I do! Even Ryuji doesn't have this much. . . Holy Feathmen! You have FRO and TSO!"
"Y-Yeah. . ."
"These are both like, super expensive limited edition boxed sets!"
She stares at me for longer, her glasses falling back into her face.
"How did you get these anyway?" Her voice drops from it's excited tone to something almost venomous. "They're all limited edition from twenty years ago."
"O-Oh um, I-I don't know. My sister had all of these and I-I decided to take care of them for her."
"And you don't know where your sister got these from?"
"N-No." My heart dropped. Was this something else my sister did? Stole video games? It sounded so. . . Stupid. But from the way Futaba talked about these games, they must be really important."
"So you've been leveling up for her."
"Y-Yeah."
"Hm... "
Her serious face and tone suddenly disappear into one that was almost devious.
"Want some help."
"W-What?"
"I won't tell the cops you're harboring possibly stolen goods if you allow me to level up for you."
"B-But I'd have to give you my sister's email and her password, I'm not sure if she'd be okay with that. . ."
Her grin is finally filled with the childish glee it held at the beginning of the conversation. "A deals a deal isn't it! And of it helps I can get that on my own."
"H-How?"
"You have your secrets and I have mine!"
She quickly types address on an empty note page.
"Drop them by my place and perhaps you shall see the glorious Futaba Sakura destroy monsters and giant robots in Featherman Ranger and Trinity Souls Online!"
She scurries out the door.
The owner sighs. Honestly, I almost forgot he was here.
"Akira's been working on her, she's still shy so she could use someone like you. Most of the friends she made are a pretty rowdy bunch. I like them enough though."
"R-Ryuji, Ann, Akira, Yusuke, and M-Makoto? Y-Yeah, you're right. . ."
"Oh so you know all of them? They usually come by here after closing hours. If you want to catch them come by then."
"I-I don't want to intrude."
"Nonsense. They're your friends aren't they?"
"M-My friends? I-I'm not sure if I'd call them that."
"Futaba's taken a shine to you at least. If you're like that with any of them, I'm sure they wouldn't mind."
". . .M-Maybe one day." I realize that I had long finished my coffee and said goodbye quickly.
Throughout the week, I came back everyday as per usual, but the mysterious girl never came back. Sojiro, welcomed me with a smile every time I came in too.
The next Wednesday however, I had come back to the cafe and was planning on delivering the game to Futaba the day after or maybe if the coffee motivated me enough, I go right after I left the cafe that day.
Sometimes there were other people in the cafe but usually there weren't. Kiyomi told me that on a Thursday nigh. She saw Ace Detective Prince Goro Akechi inside the cafe drinking coffee.
Today, a man and a woman with blonde hair came by the café. Both looked very wealthy and it was almost looked as though they we're out of place in the cafe.
I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw a furious Kiyomi staring at the couple. "Sweet pea, I need you to do me a favor."
"Um... S-Sure?"
"I'll buy you some coffee. When Sojiro finishes making the black coffee spill it on that man over there. Extra points if you get it on his brand new tie."
"W-What?"
"That bastard. . . Can you do it?"
"O-Okay. . ." Sojiro hands me the coffee with a knowing glance.
"E-Excuse me sir?"
Tie in target.
"Ah!" I do my best face scream and fall and hit the floor with a thud. I look up at the tie.
Bullseye.
"Shit! I just got this tie."
"No! I just got you that tie! Who is this Yuya?"
"K-Kiyomi, it's not what you think!"
"Well it looks like you've been cheating on me!"
The blonde lady suddenly stands up shocked. "What?! I thought you said you broke up with her three months ago!"
"Y-Yes I did she's crazy!"
"We went on a date yesterday! I thought you we're going to propose! Is this what you needed to tell me?! We're though asshole!"
"We are too!" The blonde lady slaps him.
Kiyomi glares at him and both women saunter off before Kiyomi turns around. "Actually, you know what? I could use some more coffee. How about you leave?"
"W-Wait b-but..."
"Awe come on, think you're being too nice on him, we should make him pay. What's the most expensive thing on the menu?"
"Sorry honey, but this place is nice and cheap." The man scurried out the door leaving twenty hundrend yen at the counter.
He pushes past the group of colorful looking teenagers. "Is this a bad time?" Makato Nijima, student council present standing next to a bunch of unruly teens.
"His room is all yours, just try not to be loud. We have costumers after all." Sojiro gives me a nudge as they start to walk across the café towards the attic.
"Uh. Makato, Ryuji, Yusuke, Ann, Futaba, Akira. . ." I had their attention now. Crap. I stood up and took a low bow. "I-I uh. I-I mean. I-I. " I was quivering. "I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY!" I chug my coffee and run out the door.
I could feel their stares as I ran out the door and towards that station. I didn't even care that I had practically burned through the roof of my mouth at this point.
I made progress!
Trust that you are worthy of their friendship.