Howdy, howdy. If you're a fan of my Chuck work. Yes, yes I know I'm a douche. I'm sorry! But I just don't have the inspiration to write the next scene. ANYWHODIDDLES! Whilst laid up in bed with the food poisoning (Malaysia...grr) I reread my Skulduggery Pleasant books. Then my own fanfic and decided to expand on the English Sanctuary. Consisting of:

Phoenix 'Fen' Guardian: The most powerful Fire Elemental in the world and since Eachan Meritorious died, the most respected Grand Mage in the Magical World but sometimes looked down upon by his American counterparts for having a sense of humour.

Frightening Jones: Old flame of Tanith. An Adept who often keeps silent and observes what is in front of him with the cool calculated gaze of a hardened man of war. Second-In-Command.

Kingsley Tower: An Adept who is Frightening's best friend and comic foil to his serious nature. Very intelligent with the ability to remember every fact and figure. He provides knowledge that sometimes even Fen doesn't know.

Two figures made their way down a basement corridor under the House of Commons. One was tall and thin...too thin in fact. As he passed under a flickering light, the reason for his thinness was revealed. He was a skeleton. Odd as it may be, he walked and he talked and he even fought evil too. That was nice of him. All of these things would make him Skulduggery Pleasant. Next to him was evidently a girl around the age of 21. And if that was Skulduggery next to her it would mean she was Valkyrie Cain. His feisty young partner who was now shooting glares at him.

"There's nothing to burn through but bone." He said conversationally.

"I'm hoping it'll still hurt." She replied in the same tone.

"That's nice." He said as though commenting on the weather.

"Will you please tell me why we're here? Why we had to drive eight hours after a case that has left me without sleep for about three days?"

"Can I point out if we'd taken the M4 it would have taken nine and a half hours."

"Skulduggery..."

"Since Meritorious was done away with, the title of Chief Sorcerer of the Magical World automatically fell to the Head Elder of the English Sanctuary." Whilst the mortal world had the United Nations. The Sanctuaries of the world made up their own magical version.

"Uh-huh. I know that." Valkyrie said slowly.

"He wants to meet us."

"Ok...Fen had to call us all the way here for a cup of tea?"

"Not exactly."

"Then why does he want to meet us?"

"Well I assume its due to how impressive I am...I don't know why he wants to meet you." She threw a fireball at his suit.

"That's not very nice you know."

"Ghastly makes fire-proof clothes for a reason."

"I don't think the reason was so that you could set your mentor on fire."

"Hm. I'll have to ask him about that. Till then.." she cut off and threw several more at him until he folded his arms and tapped his foot.

"Done?"

"Yes."

"You can walk home." Skulduggery said flicking imaginary lint off his shoulder.

"That's fine. Tanith's in town anyway." She said buttoning her coat nonchalantly.

"I sometimes wonder why I took you on as a partner."

"I sometimes wonder myself. Then I realize I make you a better person."

"Skeleton."

"Whatever." They were cut off by a scuttling. Both reacted instantly by lighting balls of fire in their hands.

"I would plead with you Mr. Pleasant to keep your voice down and quicken your pace. You're making our Cleavers on Camera Security rather anxious." Said a voice from behind a wall.

"Ah, Mr. Fuss. Good to...hear you again." The wall next to them seemed to melt but really the colour just floated away to make a square revealing a man standing behind a wall of glass, the glass then slid away.

"Step through please."

"Val, this is Mr. Fuss, he's the Administrator of the English Sanctuary."

"Pleased to meet you Ms. Cain. Your exploits have had us all admiring you for a time."

"Well...thanks. what happened to Veronica Prime?"

"Ms. Prime retired and set sail to the Bahamas a few months ago." Fuss said as he led them into the hall.

"She's spoken of doing that the 100 years I've known her." Skulduggery said absently.

"Mr. Pleasant, the Grand Mage is waiting for you in the Chambers."

"Already? Well that's quick." Skulduggery said in surprise.

"I'm sorry?" Fuss said as they walked down the marble hall with Cleavers positioned around it.

"We usually have to wait several hours down in Ireland." Valkyrie said.

"Well to be fair Guild doesn't like us." Skulduggery said.

"No, no. He hates us." Valkyrie corrected.

Portraits of three men adorned one of the walls. To the left was a tall black man with dark sunglasses. His head was evidently shaved bald he had a single silver hoop in his ear. He had his arms folded and was looking down slightly. The background behind him was black but still a darker black was seen in cracks that made their way in from the frame. He was in robes of silver lined with black. The words.

FRIGHTENING JONES

Were on a plaque beneath it. Next to him, in the middle was a tanned man with desirably messy brown hair. It looked like he was walking away then turned as though his name was being called his robes of scarlet and gold whipping behind him. The effect was good. The background showed half a phoenix rising from flames as his body blocked the rest. Beneath him read the words:

PHOENIX GUARDIAN

And the last portrait was of a Caucasian man with lighter brown hair than that of Phoenix Guardian's, his body was angled away but he was looking over his shoulder with a look of foreboding expectation. His robes were blue lined with black. Behind him was a purple night sky with a twinkling crescent moon but a grey stone tower rose behind him.

KINGSLEY TOWER

"This wasn't here last time." Valkyrie said as they walked down a corridor lined with paintings of famous battles, weapons that were no longer useable and excerpts from books that promoted England magic.

"No." Skulduggery said.

"Have their egos finally expanded this much?"

"No." Skulduggery said softly as they approached a set of tall double doors.

"Sure they act arrogant. But they vehemently denied the portraits being put up. But if you see its not pictures but paintings. Fuss ordered them done. Its tradition or something." Fuss opened the door and led them into a dim hall.

"Grand Mage. Elders. Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain for you." Announced Fuss before leaving. Lights blared on revealing the three men from the portraits further down the hall.

"How many times do we have to tell him to cut with the theatrics? I swear if he introduces one more person with the lights out, I'm firing him." Kingsley Tower said.

"Later Kingsley." Said the soothing voice of Phoenix Guardian. The men were not dressed in robes. Phoenix was in a black suit...having dispensed the jacket, rolled his sleeves up and opened the top button of his shirt. Frightening Jones was in grey pin striped suit pants, no jacket like his colleague but a black pin striped shirt with a white collar and cuffs, his red tie was tight around his neck. Glasses and a earring in place. Kingsley Tower was in jeans with a grey shirt, sleeves folded. The portraits, which had been blown up, hadn't shown how huge these men were. Kingsley, the shortest, had to be easily six feet three. Bulging muscles were barely hidden.

"Skulduggery. Old friend. Its been too long." Phoenix said coming forward. He shook Skulduggery's hand warmly.

"Valkyrie Cain, Valkyrie Cain. Still causing trouble?"

"Don't need to, trouble has become a close friend of mine. It wont leave me alone. Its good to see you Grand Mage."

"Please! Call me Fen. Everybody does."

"Not really. You realize everyone's too scared." Kingsley Tower said shaking Skulduggery's hand.

"Well...everybody should start calling me Fen other than you two."

"Hello Valkyrie." Kingsley smiled.

"Eld-." She began shaking his hand.

"Don't." He said pointing.

"Kingsley." She said with a small smile.

"A pleasure as always. Skulduggery, you cradle snatcher." Fen sighed and bumped his friend away with his shoulder as Valkyrie tried not to blush, Skulduggery remained silent.

"Frightening old boy! where are you hiding yourself?" Fen called oblivious to his guests reactions.

"Cool your jets." Said a deep voice from behind him.

"Skulduggery." He said shaking his hand.

"Frightening."

"Ms. Cain." She nodded as he encased her petite hand in his humongous one.

"A sit-down I think. We've been working all bloody morning on this Sherlock Holmes thing."

"I'm sorry?" Skulduggery asked as they walked out of the hall.

"Yes, someone's been impersonating Sherlock Holmes and Watson committing crimes all over London. Finally we ourselves had to go out and apprehend him."

"How it took Remus Crux three months to find absolutely nothing is beyond me." Kingsley said in disbelief.

"Remus Crux is here?!" Valkyrie exclaimed.

"Oh yes. He applied here shortly after he was released from the Wexford Asylum for the Magically Insane. We thought it would be better to keep him under watch. But since Arthur Call was killed last year he's been our only detective. Almost every time one of us has had to go out ourselves and solve the case." Kingsley continued. They emerged onto a terrace that was impossible. Impossible because there was no ceiling but a bright tropical sky. They couldn't still be in London when there was a beach right here. A cobblestone path led them to a parquet square with a round table for five.

"So. Are you going to ask me now?"

"You are the world's greatest detective." Fen said raising an eyebrow. Two young mages appeared and served tea. Interns apparently.

"It doesn't take a genius to figure out you want something. Years of being in your position and you call me down officially now. One can only assume you want something."

"One assumes correctly," Fen sighed. "A very prized artefact of the Sanctuary has been stolen, we believe it to be an inside job."

"What artefact?" Valkyrie asked.

"The Medallion of Merlin." Kingsley answered.

"I see." She said slowly.

"The Medallion bestows unimaginable power upon anyone who wears it. Imagine the most powerful being of every discipline of magic, imagine their powers being combined into one and then multiplied a hundred times over." Kingsley explained.

"You guys keep that thing around?"

"It comes in handy from time to time." Frightening said taking a sip of tea.

"Fen is the only sorcerer capable of taking the power and not have it corrupt him or have horrifying side effects."

"As long as I take it off before 48 hours."

"I remember that. 1872. Almost every council in the world had to unite to try and stop you. Not counting the civilians." Skulduggery said.

"Yes...well. it takes a millisecond to do to any other mage what it took two days to do to me. Whoever's taken it is very dangerous."

"And you expect us to find it." Skulduggery stated

"We're asking you to help us. You're the world's greatest detective." Frightening said.

"Why hasn't this Medallion been destroyed?" Valkryie asked.

"We tried several times. We lose our nerve when Fen uses it to stop unimaginable evil every so often." Kingsley said.

"Fine. I'll need unlimited resources. Access to your security centre. And.."

"You'll be finely compensated."

"Can I get a motorcycle instead of money?" Valkyrie asked.

"Cer-."

"No." Skulduggery said firmly.

"I'm 22."

"21."

"I'm 22 in a month!"

"I'll leave you two to decide payment. Let's get started." Fen interrupted.