Fortunately/Unfortunately Episode I
as written by Hannah and Bec2
Fortunately, it was a bright sunny day.
Unfortunately, that was because we were stranded in the desert.
Fortunately, we were able to find refuge in the Sand Village.
Unfortunately, Gaara wanted to kill us.
Fortunately, Gaara didn't know we were there.
Unfortunately, it didn't matter because they blew up our planet to make way for an interstellar highway.
Fortunately, we hitched a ride on a spaceship.
Unfortunately, it was the Death Star.
Fortunately, Gaara was there and could beat the Storm Troopers with his Desert Coffin.
Unfortunately, due to his lifelong hatred of sand, Darth Vader had sand-proof weaponry.
Fortunately, we escaped.
Unfortunately, we asphyxiated in deep space.
Fortunately, we were thrown in a time hole back to Feudal Japan.
Unfortunately, it didn't matter since we were all dead.
Fortunately, we were resurrected from the dead.
Unfortunately, we were all in each other's bodies.
Fortunately, Becca was in Gaara's body.
Unfortunately, Hannah was stuck in the stupid gourd.
Fortunately, they were all just happy to be alive.
Unfortunately, that happiness didn't last long because we realized the strange old woman who had resurrected everyone was on a resurrecting spree and decided to bring back Kikyo.
Fortunately, they killed her.
Unfortunately, InuYasha was very angry.
Fortunately, Becca could just Desert Coffin him.
Unfortunately, Becca had no idea how to use her sand powers because she'd only been Gaara for twenty minutes.
Fortunately, InuYasha decided he loved Kagome anyway.
Unfortunately, Miroku wanted Becca to bear his child.
Fortunately, since Gaara was in Becca's body at the time, he killed Miroku.
Unfortunately, the perverted monk was now dead.
Fortunately, the old woman resurrected him.
Unfortunately, he was in Kikyo's body.
Fortunately, it was really funny.
Unfortunately, at that very moment, InuYasha decided he was in love with Kikyo again.
Fortunately, Kagome said "Sit boy!" before Miroku had a chance to be scarred for life.
Unfortunately, Becca accidently Desert Coffined everyone.
Fortunately, no one cared.
Unfortunately, we were now trapped in Feudal Japan with no way to get back to the present.
Fortunately, that's a good thing, considering in the present, Earth did not exist.
Unfortunately, they didn't have iPods in Feudal Japan.
Fortunately, they had CD players.
Unfortunately, demons stole all the CD players.
Fortunately, Becca killed them with her awesome Gaara of the Desert skills.
Unfortunately, Hannah was getting really tired of being a gourd.
Fortunately, the old woman resurrected herself and she knew how to change everyone back.
Unfortunately, she screwed up again.
Fortunately, Hannah was no longer a gourd.
Unfortunately, Gaara was stuck in his own gourd, not Becca's body.
Fortunately, they came across a village of people who knew how to fix everything.
Unfortunately, they said there was a demon attacking the village.
Fortunately, Hannah captured the demon in a Pokeball.
Unfortunately, Team Rocket stole it.
Fortunately, a very hot vampire named Edward stopped Team Rocket from stealing the Pokémon.
Unfortunately, Edward doesn't love Becca.
Fortunately, there was another very hot guy who did.
Unfortunately, it was Sasuke.
Fortunately, this was Sasuke before he was a jerk and left Konoha. So, in an attempt to be sensitive he wrote Becca poetry.
Unfortunately, it was emo poetry about his stupid dead family, which is even worse than Vogon poetry.
Fortunately, it didn't matter since Sakura interrupted him.
Unfortunately, she was mad because Becca stole Sasuke from her.
Fortunately, Becca could take Sakura in a fight any day.
Unfortunately, Naruto wanted to protect her, Ino was upset about Sasuke liking Becca, and Gaara just wanted to kill something, so now Becca had to fight four ninja.
Fortunately, Kagura came and killed them all.
Unfortunately, Hinata was very upset over Naruto's death.
Fortunately, Hannah helped her through the hard time and they became best friends.
Unfortunately, Kagura was still killing people.
Fortunately, Gaara could probably kill her.
Unfortunately, Gaara was dead.
Fortunately, the random old lady came back to resurrect everyone.
Unfortunately, she messed it up again.
Fortunately, Naruto was alive again, so Hinata was happy.
Unfortunately, Naruto was stuck in Ino's body.
Fortunately, it didn't matter to Hinata, and she decided she loved him anyway.
Unfortunately, Neji just thought she was exploring her sexuality and totally flipped out.
Fortunately, it was fun watching Neji flip out.
Unfortunately, he killed a bunch of people in the process of flipping out, and everyone was arrested,
Fortunately, everyone was put in a jail cell with Link, which meant there had to be a crawly hole out.
Unfortunately, Gaara couldn't fit through the hole.
Fortunately, when he took off his gourd, he could fit through the hole easily.
Unfortunately, Sakura's soul was in the gourd.
Fortunately, nobody liked Sakura so there were no problems with leaving her behind.
Unfortunately, Gannondorf attacked the group as they were trying to escape.
Fortunately, they ran.
Unfortunately, they weren't as fast as Gannondorf.
Fortunately, everyone was faster than Sasuke who was currently trapped in Sakura's body.
Unfortunately, they realized they were trapped on the island fortress from Windwaker.
Fortunately, Tetra saved everyone and they sailed away on her pirate ship.
Unfortunately, there were now a bunch or pirates and a bunch of ninjas and one vampire stuck together on a small crowded ship.
Fortunately, they reached an island, so all the non-pirates got a chance to stand on dry land.
Unfortunately, the pirates left.
Fortunately, the pirates who don't do anything appeared.
Unfortunately, they don't do anything.
Fortunately, Becca stole the Ocarina of Time and transported everyone to Hyrule's past.
Unfortunately, there were only three days to stop the moon from hitting the Earth.
Fortunately, there was a time turner.
Unfortunately, Hermione came to take it back.
Fortunately, they killed Hermione.
Unfortunately, Ron came and he was really angry.
Fortunately, he died too.
Unfortunately, Harry Potter got a sudden urge to avenge his friends (and not even a ninja can kill Harry Potter).
Fortunately, the moon crashed right into Harry Potter.
Unfortunately, it blew everyone else up too.
Fortunately, the random old lady came again to save their asses.
Unfortunately, she keeps messing up.
Fortunately, no one was a gourd.
Unfortunately, they were resurrected into baby sharks.
Fortunately, they could swim off the island now.
Unfortunately, they ran into a bigger shark.
Fortunately, it was Kisame, and he didn't want to eat them.
Unfortunately, he kidnaped Hannah.
Fortunately, he wasn't going to kill her.
Unfortunately, he wanted her as his fish bride.
Fortunately, she got to sit in a fish bowl and watch Kisame and Itachi kick ass, and Itachi is fine.
Unfortunately, Sasuke burst in and declared vengeance.
Fortunately, the Akatsuki killed him.
Unfortunately, Kisame tried to feed Hannah Sasuke's dead body.
Fortunately, Naruto decided to save her for no adequately explained reason.
Unfortunately, he was still in Ino's body.
Fortunately, he used the mind transfer jutsu to get back to his own body and was able to save Hannah from the Akatsuki.
Unfortunately, she missed Itachi's hotness.
Fortunately, Edward is hotter.
Unfortunately, he still doesn't love Hannah or Becca (or anyone but Bella).
Fortunately, they could still stare at him all they wanted.
Unfortunately, they were all baby sharks and he was the only one who wasn't since he didn't die in the explosion.
Fortunately, Edward found the old lady and made her change everyone back.
Unfortunately, Gaara was still pissed about being a Becca, a gourd, a Naruto, and a shark that he killed the random old lady.
Fortunately, everyone hated that old hag anyway.
Unfortunately, next time someone died, they were screwed.
Fortunately, no one died.
Unfortunately, staying alive was getting very boring.
Fortunately, they were able to entertain themselves by writing "Gaara the Musical."
Unfortunately, nobody wanted to give money to produce the musical.
Fortunately, Gaara just killed people and took their money.
Unfortunately, they couldn't find anybody to play the lead role of Gaara.
Fortunately, Mike came up and volunteered to play a really hot guy.
Unfortunately, there was no place to perform it.
Fortunately, they built their own theater.
Unfortunately, Mike looked really weird in eye-liner.
Fortunately, "Gaara the Musical" became a famous Broadway musical despite the fact that Mike looked really weird in eye-liner.
Unfortunately, it was discontinued due to the fact that Gaara would routinely Desert Coffin the audience.
Fortunately, Edward was in the audience and didn't die.
Unfortunately, he still doesn't love Becca because Becca is not Bella.
Fortunately, the random old lady came back and switched everyone's bodies and Becca was put into Bella's body and now Edward loves her.
Unfortunately, Sasuke was now in Edward's body.
Fortunately, the old lady raised the Uchiha clan so Sasuke was no longer an emo kid.
Unfortunately, he didn't know that.
Fortunately, he eventually figures it out.
Unfortunately, he still wants revenge on Itachi.
Fortunately, before the battle was over the random old lady popped up and switched their bodies again.
Unfortunately, Becca was no longer Bella.
Fortunately, Becca got put into Alice's body.
Unfortunately, the random old lady was going to change people's bodies again and Becca really liked being Alice.
Fortunately, Becca ran away.
Unfortunately, she fell into a warp tunnel.
Fortunately, it took her to Mallorea and she ended up with Belgarath, King Cherek, and his sons.
Unfortunately, they had just stolen the Orb from Torak and the Angaraks were really pissed.
Fortunately, Riva knew how to use the Orb.
Unfortunately, Torak was with them.
Fortunately, Becca's a vampire so she can't die.
Unfortunately, they have fire….. that means she can die.
Fortunately, Becca grabs the Orb.
Unfortunately, she was sent to a time she doesn't know.
Fortunately, there is someone she can talk to.
Unfortunately, it's Silk and he tries to rob Becca blind.
Fortunately, she's a vampire and his plan fails so she takes his stuff.
Unfortunately, he's pissed at Becca.
Fortunately, she threatens him and she has his weapons.
Unfortunately, he takes her to King Anheg and the Chereks.
Fortunately, she can kill them.
Unfortunately, they have fire.
Fortunately, Becca high-jacks a boat and sails to the Isle of the Winds.
Unfortunately, it's a small island with a boring city on it and everything is gray.
Fortunately, the Orb is there and it knows her.
Unfortunately, Garion has it.
Fortunately, Garion is an idiot and gives the Orb to Becca.
Unfortunately, Polgara scolds him.
Fortunately, it is funny to watch.
Unfortunately, Ce'Nedra is there and she annoys Becca.
Fortunately, she leaves because Polgara tells her to.
Unfortunately, Polgara tells Becca to give the Orb back.
Fortunately, she can't take it from Becca.
Unfortunately, the Gods and the other sorcerers tell her to give it back too.
Fortunately, they can't take it either.
Unfortunately, the random old lady raises Riva from the dead.
Fortunately, he's currently disoriented.
Unfortunately, he can take the Orb from Becca.
Fortunately, he thinks about it.
Unfortunately, he takes it.
Fortunately, the random old lady transports Becca back to her own time.
Unfortunately, the world is no longer there.
Fortunately, Becca's a vampire so she can't die from lack of oxygen.
Unfortunately, she lost the game.
Fortunately, she was sent back to Konoha.
Unfortunately, Sasuke is there.
Fortunately, so are Hannah and everybody else.
Unfortunately, the random old lady decides to switch people's bodies even though no of them are dead.
Fortunately, Becca is in her own body.
Unfortunately, she's not Alice anymore.
Fortunately, Sasuke is stuck as a gourd.
Unfortunately, Sakura is in Gaara's body.
Fortunately, this was funny.
Unfortunately, Gaara is Sasuke and pissed about being an emo kid.
Fortunately, he can't use his Desert Coffin.
Unfortunately, he killed everyone with emo songs instead.
Fortunately, the random old lady raised everyone.
Unfortunately, she screwed up again.
Fortunately, Becca was Edward.
Unfortunately, he's not Bella and he still doesn't love her.
Fortunately, she goes to the Sand Village.
Unfortunately, everyone is back where they started.
Fortunately, Becca knows where she is.
Unfortunately, she figures out who Bella is.
Fortunately, it's a hot guy.
Unfortunately, it's Sasuke.
Fortunately, it's funny.
Unfortunately, Edward is stuck as Sakura.
Fortunately, Sakura is a gourd again.
Unfortunately, Becca realizes that there was a major gender switch.
Fortunately, it's really funny.
Unfortunately, Becca wonders who played the "Change Sex" card from Munchkin and that makes Becca loose the game.
Fortunately, everyone finds a mob of hobgoblins.
Unfortunately, the hobgoblins attack and tie everyone up.
Fortunately, Kikyo shows up.
Unfortunately, they tie her up next to Becca.
Fortunately, Becca keeps her mind occupied by remembering the Columbian Exchange.
Unfortunately, they decide to burn Becca first.
Fortunately, Becca calls up her Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail skills and claims Kikyo a witch.
Unfortunately, a hobgoblin demands to know how you know she is a witch.
Fortunately, Becca continues with her awesome Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail skills.
Unfortunately, Kikyo can play too and she claims Becca a witch.
Fortunately, they don't believe her.
Unfortunately, they decide to burn them both.
Fortunately, Becca knows Vogon poetry and begins to recite it.
Unfortunately, hobgoblins don't understand it.
Fortunately, it sounds so bad that they release Becca to make her shut up.
Unfortunately, they don't release anyone else.
Fortunately, Becca demands their freedom or she will start up again.
Unfortunately, they release Kikyo too.
Fortunately, Becca claims her a witch again.
Unfortunately, the hobgoblins beat her with sticks to make her leave.
Fortunately, everyone leaves.
Unfortunately, so does Kikyo.
Fortunately, Hannah kills her.
Unfortunately, all the vampires go nuts and kill everyone else.
Fortunately, the random old lady shows up and raises everybody.
Unfortunately, she (of course) messes up.
Fortunately, everyone was their own gender again.
Unfortunately, everyone is their exact opposite.
Fortunately, Gaara is Edward.
Unfortunately, Becca is Sakura.
Fortunately, Edward is not emo.
Unfortunately, he is Naruto.
Fortunately, Hannah is Hinata.
Unfortunately, Edward doesn't love her.
Fortunately, Gaara, who is pissed off, can't use his Desert Coffin.
Unfortunately, he learns he can make girls do what he wants.
Fortunately, he wants Becca to love him.
Unfortunately, Becca is still Sakura and Hinata is in her body.
Fortunately, Hinata says yes.
Unfortunately, Kagura shows up and kills everyone again.
Fortunately, the random old lady shows up and raises everyone.
Unfortunately, Kagura kills her.
Fortunately, the old lady was finally right.
Unfortunately, when she got back up, she wanted to trade bodies with someone because she is tired of being referred to as the "random old lady."
Fortunately, the writers decide to erase her from the story.
Unfortunately, that means the story is over.
Fortunately, the writers don't have to write this anymore.
Unfortunately, they'll probably talk like this forever.
Fortunately, guess what they realized, the story wins!
Unfortunately, it doesn't have a plot.
Fortunately, it's still funny.