A little silly story taken from an idea I had.
Their story, I don't own, 'Nuff said.
Bleep Censor
"%#&!" Sabretooth cussed.
Upstairs at the Acolyte base, Sabretooth paced his room. Downstairs he could hear Pyro and Gambit playing Guitar Hero for the fifty thousandth time murdering Ace of Spades. Most things he had learned to tune out due to his super-hearing but tonight it was just making him angrier. He hadn't been able to bust out on a mission in over a month and Raven refused to see him since the last time he was over.
Worse of all, he was out of beer.
He didn't know how much more he could take.
...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
"%$#&*!"
"Miss! Miss! Miss!" Pyro yelled.
"Shut Up, Pyro!" Gambit yelled back. He was trying to concentrate but Pyro kept distracting him.
"Dude, you suck!"
"I do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Da, you suck." Piotr said. He was sprawled out on the sofa watching Pyro and Gambit but he wasn't really that interested in the game. He'd rather be reading or painting but he'd already read most of Magneto's vast library and he was out of painting supplies.
"Here, gimme that." Pyro said, taking the guitar controller out of his hands.
"Hey!"
"If I hear you %$% kids playing that game one more *&^%$() time, I swear to God I'm gonna kick all of your $$......"
Sabretooth had ran down the stairs so fast that he skidded the last two steps and slid to a sudden stop on the bannisters.
"Man, Vic, anyone ever tell you you got a potty mouth?" Pyro said. All of the Acolytes had stopped what they were doing and now stood staring at Creed standing in the doorway.
"A what?!" He yelled.
"Oui, mon ami, dere's children's in de room." Gambit said.
"Now that just tears it!" Sabretooth roared. "Ya'll better get your prayers in order 'cause I'm about to go Pete Townshend on your....."
"Who..?" Pyro asked. "Oooooh....whoa!"
If it were at all humanly possible Sabretooth grabbed Pyro guitar and all and started banging it up and down on the rec room floor. Pyro bounced along while the controller's tiny plastic fingers went flying around the room, red green and blue lights flashing on the wall.
"Pyro, let go!" Gambit yelled.
"Help!" Pyro screamed, his head whipping around while Sabretooth continued his carnage.
"You.....!!...%$^&^%!"
SMASH!
".......(breath)....you ever........!"
SHRRIIIP!
"Help me!" Pyro yelled. "Piotr! Gambit! Mommeeeeee!"
"Jump Pyro, Jump!" Piotr shouted.
Sabretooth was still whipping him and the controller around the room, knocking over the lamps and smashing the coffee table.
"And another thing!"
CRASH!
"....##!%^&......(breath)...!"
BANG BANG BANG!
"*()&^%$!.......(breath)......"
BAM SMASH!
"Did you %$#&*^-ing hear me?!"
KERPOW!
"......#%&^........you little....."
"I can't look!" Gambit finally said.
"Poor little guy." Piotr agreed.
"#%^&*()........*&^%$#!"
SPROOIINGG!
".....So There!" He finally heaved.
He had let go of what little there was of the controller, just a few wires and one very weak and sorry looking blue LED light still flashing. He held his hands on his knees, out of breath and apparently out of curse words.
"Holy......."
"....$#*&..." Gambit whispered. His accent made the word sound like three syllables.
They both stood with both of their mouths open taking in the wrecked room and processing what they had just heard.
"Man, I didn't know dere were dat many swear words." Gambit said, almost in awe. Coming from him that was saying a lot.
"In so many languages." Piotr answered.
"Who knew Vic could be so creative?" Gambit said.
"Did I win?" Pyro asked before passing out.
"What is all this racket all about?" Magneto shouted. As usual he glided instead of walked, his eyes looking at the destroyed room and making adjustments as he went.
"I don't care what they say, I never get tired of that." Piotr whispered to Gambit.
"It is pretty *&^%-ing awesome." Gambit replied.
"%#$ yeah." Piotr agreed.
"What did you just say?" Magneto asked.
"Nothing!" They both answered at the same time.
"Sabretooth! What is the meaning of this?!" He demanded.
"#%$ off." Sabretooth huffed. He was still pissed and was only catching his breath before the next go-round.
"Excuse me?" Magneto said, his head whipping around to where Sabretooth still stood kneeled over.
"Err, Vic, not the best thing to say right now." Gambit whispered. A knock-down drag-out between Magneto and Sabretooth would not be a good thing for the base.
"You heard me, $$&^%#." Sabretooth challenged.
"That is enough!" Magneto shouted, the fragments of Guitar Hero suddenly wrapping itself around his body and pinning him. "Do not under estimate me, Creed." He said.
"Wait!" Piotr suddenly yelled. "Mags, um, Magneto, don't blame it all on him. Pyro here kind of deserved it." He said poking a toe where Pyro lay in the middle of the carnage.
"Yeah! You see, he's out of beer and all, and well, you know, he hadn't been over to Raven's lately." Gambit grimaced. The last words were said in a whisper and hurredly under his breath.
"Why you little......." Sabretooth growled.
Of course he had heard everything and he would have finished except Magneto had strapped the metal lamp to his mouth. Pinned down by Guitar Hero parts and lamps made it difficult for him to talk back.
"I feel this cursing has gotten out of control." Magneto announced. "Not only is it a lack of education and values but any kid can bypass the ratings code and read everything we say." He eyed looking up towards the screen.
"As supervillains, we are here to fight against superheroes, not to deprave young impressionable children that are way too net savy not to watch their parents' adult videos on the computer."
"Uh, yeah." Gambit said. "What he said."
"Not to mention YouTube." Piotr said. Magneto and Gambit looked at him. "What? You'd be surprised by what you see on there."
"Regardless! I have now found a solution to the rampant cursing we have allowed Sabretooth to get away with for far too long!" Magneto announced.
"Mmrrrhattt?" Sabretooth kind of replied through the lamp.
"I now announce my latest invention!" He shouted. "The breakthrough of the century! Decades of research and development! The latest in high tech technology! Behold! The Bleep Censor....9000!"
"The what?" Piotr asked.
"The Bleep Censor 9000." Magneto said.
"What? That little thing?" Gambit asked. Instead of some magnificent invention, Magneto held aloft a tiny USB drive like it was the next best thing since Velcro.
"Da, they've been using that on TV for years." Piotr said.
"Whyn't we just put a cardboard cutout of a black circle around his head?" Gambit said. That had to be the lamest invention ever.
"Oh, yeah, well, can their Bleep Censor do this?!" Magneto asked. Suddenly the USB drive hovered in the air, spinning around before them, it's metal pointing right at Sabretooth.
"Mrruutt Mrrow." He said.
"Sabretooth is the best candidate to try my latest invention on. Since he's nearly indestructable, immune to pain, and dumb as a box of rocks, he's perfect to experiment on." Magneto said.
"Whhrr've I hread rrat onne rephore?" Sabretooth muffled.
With a sharp piercing crunch and squish Magneto buried the Bleep Censor 9000 deep into Sabretooth's skull. He only had enough time to widen his eyes before the Bleep Censor 9000 connected with his cerebral cortex, burrowing deep into his language center and re-programming it.
"Now, as you see, every time Sabretooth says a curse word, it will give him an overwhelming jolt and presumably 'train' Sabretooth against cursing."
"Oh, like a V-Chip for the brain." Piotr said.
"Man, dat was in de South Park movie." Gambit said.
"No it wasn't! That was my idea! My idea I tell you!" Magneto said overly hysterical. "Look! Say a curse word Creed!"
"Mrry can'tt." He said.
"Oh yeah. Ok, try it now." Magneto said, releasing the bonds of the Guitar Hero. "Mine is so much better, so much better." He laughed.
"This is the dumbest $#!^ I've ever heard." Sabretooth said.
Except for a volt of electricity that would have knocked down a lesser man or even a bull elephant, Creed began tearing apart the bonds that held him. He easily overcame the shock and stepped out of the cords.
"What? You never read Wolverine #90?" He asked as Piotr and Gambit stared at him.
He'd had worse walking through an entire field of overly electified fencing laced with security alarms and psychic chains. Magneto's Bleep Censor was nothing. Absently he popped his claws out and dug around the back of his skull until he could feel the censor in his brain. It was almost dead anyway so it wasn't that much of a loss. Absently he tossed it aside, popping his neck and wiping the extra blood on his pants.
"&%# this $#!^." He said. "I'm going over to Raven's."
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
Later that night.......
"Ok, Ok, fine. So the Bleep Censor 9000 doesn't work." Magneto admitted, but after listening to Pyro and Gambit's whining he had finally given in. "But I did find something that will stop all this cursing." He said.
"Really?" Piotr asked.
"Yes, I should have thought of this sooner, actually." He said. On cue, four brand new Guitar Hero controllers appeared along with four brand new game consoles. "There, that should take care of it."
"No way!" Pyro yelled.
"This is the best thing ever!" Gambit said.
Immediately they all started playing Guitar Hero, their favorite song Ace of Spades throbbing in the background. Pyro and Gambit were on lead guitars while Piotr played the drums and Magneto tapped along with kitchen utensils.
"This is bull$#^()!"
Suddenly they heard the door slam and Creed's unmistaken heavy footsteps on the stairs. "I can't believe that b*%$#." He said, closing the door behind him.
Sabretooth was back a bit too early and by the sound of his voice, he was not a happy camper. Apparently his date hadn't gone that well and he was still pissed off.
"Not again." Piotr sighed. They all knew what this would mean and groaned inwardly.
"Seriously, if I have to put up with another two weeks of this $%& then I will tell Raven myself, personally." Pyro said rolling his eyes.
"For crying out loud...."
"F%$..." Magneto said
To be continued..........