Hey guys, it's me, Jesspikapal, but you probably already knew that! ;)

Anyways, what can I say? I joined the Wishful Secret Santa in hope it would spark something – so far, nothing. But I WILL write this. And one of the reasons I WILL write it, is because it is for a very good friend of mine. Paty. Or, Yuppirox as you probably know her around the thread. Yeah, you are my Secret Santa receive-ee. I sincerely hope you enjoy this piece from me. Merry Christmas and here's to hope we can get to be even better friends in the near future of 2013. :)

Anyways, to everybody else, I'll be rusty. No Wishful from me for months. So yeah, please review, tell me how you feel and if you would, if you think I should continue writing for Wishful or just stick to staying away from it like I have all these months. Happy reading~

PS: This IS in Cilan's view, and though he IS eccentric, I think he'd be LOADS more laid back when told from his perspective, so that's why the text is a little more... speech-like as opposed to character like. :)

~Jess~

X x

Stuffed Animal – The biggest comforts come from the smallest things.

X x

Why had I been so surprised when that had been what Iris had asked for? Ash had been so simple – food. Food was an everyday thing, but if it was that big a deal to him, I could make more than usual, just to fulfil the slight hint of a Christmas list he had. But Iris... where am I supposed to get a stuffed toy from? I don't want to disappoint her... oh, to see that look of disappointment and anguish in her honey-brown eyes... it would leave me devastated. And far past enjoying the special day that is Christmas. Empty, like a meaningless promise.

But how can I even do this? Where can I get one from? It isn't like I have a lot of options right at the moment when we're travelling along the snowy pavement of the huge city. I can't even remember the name of it... I'm so side-tracked by what Iris wants, I can't think straight. It isn't a problem of price, or time, but accessibility and that sense of being on the road to nowhere. I've followed Ash for so long... I'm beginning to think I'm just a ghost in his footsteps. Truly distasteful.

The buildings, tall and intimidating, towered over the two of us – Ash, as soon as he had stepped into the city, had torn straight from the path with no second thought and left for the Gym, proclaiming the badge would be his "early Christmas present". I suppose it's not such an unbearable statement, since I know he will win. He has been training hard, and Iris and I have helped him.

"Cilan, what should we do? I don't really feel like going to watch Ash – it's almost Christmas!" Iris cried semi-aggressively. I grinned, agreeing with her; I didn't particularly feel obliged to watch Ash either – the battles were always exciting, but somehow the thought of touring the city with Iris made the Gyms endeavours seem stale and lifeless. Walking with her is much better.

But walking with her won't solve my problem. The problem of no Christmas present. I really need to find something. Anything. Stuffed toy... stuffed toy... think, Cilan, think!

"Well, we can walk if you like, Iris. See what there is to see. What the city has to offer – I'm sure a city with such a profound earth-like scent holds no disappointments." I answered after a little thought. Though I haven't found even a poke-centre as of yet, this was the only place that a department store, or even a poke-mart, was going to be. And I couldn't give up on her. I won't. I refuse to. Iris depends on me, therefore I will be the one to fulfil her wishes – that's what I am meant to do. What a gentleman is meant to do. And it is what I will do, even if it's the last thing I do.

I watched her face flicker with promise, before that jaw-stretching grin broke out onto her face. "That sounds great, Cilan! We should definitely take a walk while Ash does his boring battle." Axew nodded from his usual perch in her violet tresses that I had always had an urge to brush out of her face... they look so soft and suit her greatly. I hope she never changes them...

"I wouldn't say boring..." I said, though the words were hollow. What else was I supposed to do, agree without hesitation? That isn't me. No matter the circumstances. I saw her face falter, before she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me. I backed off, holding my hands in front of my chest defensively, an almost sheepish grin resting on my face. She always catches me at my worst... when I'm not smooth and I'm stupid and meek in the face of somebody else. And it always seems to be around her.

I staggered when she shoved me. Blinking, I straightened up and blinked some more, all words gone.

"Yes you do say 'boring'. Don't try and lie to me." she commented, smirking playfully. The expression is beautiful... please wear it more, Iris. Please. She then continues to walk down the snow-littered path, catching snowflakes on her tongue like a little child; bemused, I copy her when I know she isn't looking. The water melts on my tongue and slips down my throat, reminding me of how thick the air I have been swallowing feels at the thought of not being able to give her the gift she wants. I have to stay on task:

Making Iris' Christmas the best it can be.

"Wow, Cilan, look at those!" I hear her voice and I rush to put my tongue in my mouth as I turn to her pointed finger, my eyes following the direction accordingly. What I see sparks my interest: it's a huge array of Christmas decorations stretching from one length of the street to the next. Santa's sleigh, the legendary reindeer that apparently pull the vehicle along the dark of night, not to mention flashy images of presents and plush toys and cars. They look so grand, and I feel a brief, yet sure, pang of homesickness. I am used to such reception back in Striaton – every year, me and my brothers fix up the Gym and make it look nice for the customers; we serve Christmas dinner, and play party games with the customers until the break of Boxing Day, in which we all go home with full bellies and happy minds.

But not this year. This year I will miss it. This year they will miss me. But I have written and wished them Merry Christmas. The only thing I can possibly do in my predicament. I suddenly remember Iris' outstretched finger (that is still there, amazingly) and find myself nodding.

"They're very impressive, Iris. I don't know how I missed them." I'm just not in the mood for metaphors; I feel pressured and stressed and tired. How can I possibly weave the magic I usually do with my words when no words will come? Regardless, I continue to grin and then begin to tell her about the lighting back in Striaton. And she listens and nods and laughs with me as I tell her about my memories and good times back at home; and suddenly, I don't feel so bad any more. I'm reminded it's Christmas. And everybody should be happy at a time such as this one.

"Seems you have a good time every year." the wild-child beside me smiles, her rosy cheeks catching the Christmas lights and making her eyes sparkle just that little bit more for me. I love to see admiration in her big, brown eyes – they're really something to be proud of. Beautiful and true, like a breezy Spring morning.

"Yes... I do. It's truly magical."

I don't realise until the words are said, how true they are. But they're not quite as magical as I'd hoped to be, because since I met Iris, everyday has seemed that little bit more mystical; she is mysterious and tries everything I've ever known to a whole different limit. It's been fun having a year with her, learning about her and her life. I feel overwhelmed with blessings in that single moment and reach out to hug her, completely on impulse. Even as I move towards her, I ask myself what I am doing. I don't know. But sometimes I suppose it's better to not ask why.

"Wh-What are you doing?!" she cries, though I feel her arms snake around my back all the same, her fingertips warm and gentle. I sniff back the cold, my nose twitching against her shoulder. She stifles a little giggle (I felt her shoulders jitter with effort) and finally relaxes into it.

"Just thanking you," I say as I pull away and hold her shoulders at arms length. "For everything. It's been a pleasure knowing you and travelling alongside you for a full year now. Thank you, Iris." I say and I mean it. The words I spoke just now are probably some of the truest I could ever speak. My dedication to her cannot be matched, and that is why I will scour this city high and low until I find myself a department store that sells what she wants. And I'll do it all with her as my witness, right by my side. My innocent alibi. Mine.

The girl snuffled. "You didn't have to do that."

"I know," I replied. "I wanted to."

Then, we continued our walk along the path in comfortable silence. I could see Iris' eyes trained on happy families – parents holding hands with their children and swinging them jokily; grandparents being tended to by eager children, the elderly handing out cookies to some of the young... everything seemed to be picture perfect. This city is just too good to be true; that, or the Christmas spirit here is blown way out of proportion. But... can there really be too much happiness? I think not.

What I should be focused on is a store. Any store... oh please, store, be here... I need you. Iris needs you. Well, strictly speaking, she needs your contents. I pay little heed to passing traffic as I block the noise out and search hard.

Poke-centre... one in a million apparently... flats...schools and churches... a shrine of some sort for a Pokemon... and more flats. Nothing I need. How convenient. Back in Striaton, it wouldn't have been hard at all – the market ranges from useless knick-knacks to exquisite items, both for battling and social affairs. But this isn't Striaton, and there is no market. Just a big, bleak, stretched-out row of buildings.

"You ok there?" it's her voice again. Her sweet tone, I'd know anywhere. Slowly, I turn my head to her and nod. She doesn't look convinced, but I don't think she would if I smiled either, so I settle for a light shrug and a peaceful close of my sharp green eyes as I nod again. She makes a small "hmm" noise and doesn't speak again, just continues to watch the lively flicker of the décor.

A medicine store. Stores... I hope this is the first of many.

To my delight, I notice a confectionery store beside it, eventually heading off on a long trail of shops and the rest of it. Slowly, my eyes rest on the biggest building of the lot. Beautiful, like the tangy taste of a satisfying appetiser... without thinking, I race towards it, unable to stop the grin that smears itself across my face. I hear the girl behind me squeak in surprise, before she runs to keep up with me – it doesn't take her long. She's speedy and agile, like a desert snake, and always finds ways to shock me with the speed at which she can move; the thought, for whatever reason, brings slight colour to my cheeks. Why am I blushing...?

I charge through the door, then inhale and exhale, my hands coming to rest by my sides. This was true beauty. This was, not just a store, but at least four in one. I tried to contain my excitement, barely managing, though I was a brilliant actor by default of being characteristically shy back at the Gym, and I was kind of renowned for it. I could do this... just find the children's section. To be totally honest, a year before, I would've visited the same isle – for myself.

I like my train sets. And my stamp books. And my fancy photo album covers. And even, when I was a little younger, Pokemon toys and figures.

"What's the big idea?!" Iris exclaimed as she arrived by my side once more (having being temporarily distracted by the flashy gifts and the like), shoving me lightly. I couldn't even begin to explain; what was she supposed to think of me racing towards the children's section with a grin across my face? I paused, thinking out a diversion – there was no way Iris could enter with me. She's not stupid, she would catch on almost immediately if she saw me looking skittishly amongst the stuffed Pokemon toys – so I did the only thing I could.

"Iris, could you go to the Cooking Utensils section and buy me another saucepan?"

She glared at me, her eyes narrow and hard. I gulped.

"N-No worries, I'll give you the money back!" I reasoned. She huffed and then nodded, going down the stairs once more. I knew perfectly well that the stairs were massively stretched, like a stormy sea by night, not to mention they were crowded with shoppers. It would give me more than enough time to find a good toy for her, pay for it and get it back to her before the night was through and the dawn gave way to Christmas.

Though there was a pang of guilt in my heart.

Oh Cilan... you devil, you know there's no Cooking Utensils section.

Nevertheless, I used my time wisely and ran into the section I'd been looking for since day one of December. The children chattering as they sifted through toys and fine chocolates and well-made clothing made me smile; it took me back to when me and my brothers would walk through the markets together, all conjoined by hands, while looking at the vast selection of gifts that could've been ours, had we had the money. Still, seeing them was enough for us, and it made us happy to think that every year, we could be blessed with such festive spirit.

"Happy Christmas, Mr. Cilan!" I heard, and turned, curious as to who it could be. I don't recognise their voice, and I don't remember meeting and associating with any small children – since that seems to be who the voice belongs to. Even so, I lay eyes on a small, young girl and smile – I'd never seen her in my life...

"Th-Thank you... Miss..." I replied back pathetically, feeling increasingly awkward as no known name for her came up in my mind. "U-Um, you too! Merry Christmas!" I added, slowly patting her head in what I thought was an appropriate manner. She giggled and hugged my leg. Oh my... how does this young girl even know me?! However, before I could ask, she had left, running back to her parent, who was smiling and beckoning her over. Seems she was a good, well-behaved girl. I hope she had a brilliant Christmas... though it's still confusing as to how she would recognise me.

Regardless of my confusion, I simply walked about the shop until I found what I was looking for. Toys. But none of them seemed good enough. I saw fluffy Frillishes, puffy Pikachus... even cute little Cubchoos, but none of their patchwork was perfect enough to match Iris. None of their shapes were just right – I hate to seem like a perfectionist, but I guess that's what I am at heart. I can't just walk to Iris casually and give her a second-best present! What kind of man would I be?! A weak, unforgivable man... the worst of the worst. The lack of product was beginning to infuriate me... this couldn't be all they had! Not after I'd searched so hard!

And then I saw it.

The last on the shelf, in a corner that had otherwise been forgotten... a gloriously adorable Axew sitting silently alone, collecting dust on it's otherwise perfect patchwork. This is a stuffed toy. This is what I've been looking for. Happily, I picked it up and hugged it tight. Feeling eyes on me, I simply walked down the isle, concealing myself behind a huge stand of Pokemon figures and ridiculously expensive, but signed, poke-dex mock toys. Signed by professors. Like Professor Rowan from Sinnoh, and even Professor Junipher from here, not to mention a shady looking Professor Oak. His scrawly handwriting, I admitted solemnly, could be equally compared to a five year old's. And that was being generous.

Quickly, I rushed to the till and purchased the Axew without even saying goodbye or leaving some kind of tip tip (I'm going to hell for that...) like usual, just threw the money at the server and ran out. Thinking back, that definitely wasn't the smartest choice I'd ever made. But now I had my gift! All present for tomorrow!

And Iris would be happy. This was most important. I couldn't wait to see her happy smile and hear her voice brimmed over with emotion... that would be the best Christmas gift yet, and nothing would beat it. Of course, I'd be delighted to hear Ash's compliments about my cooking, but it is a different sense of fulfilment. That, and he is no lady. Iris, by technicalities, isn't much of a lady either, but she is my lady, and I like her for who she is.

Now just to find her.

I ran down the stairs and stared into the huge cluster of people pathetically, thinking that, if I stared hard enough, I could just part them like the Red Sea and find the one I needed. Iris could not be far in – she must have gotten bored when she discovered that what she had been sent to look for didn't seem to exist. Surely she had. She couldn't still be searching...

Woefully, I shrank down to my knees and considered the thought of her trailing around the department store, looking high and low for the "Cooking Utensils", only to come back to me (by the end of it – no telling how long that'd be!) to find her "search" was all in vain, because the damn thing didn't exist. How could I have chosen to follow a scent so truly revolting? How could I have let my morals sink as far as Ash's gut after eating...? How could I have done this?!

I could picture it now:

"B-But... it was all just a di-"

"A dirty joke! A sick laugh for you, was that it?!"

"I-Iris, no..."

"W-Why, Cilan? Why? Why? Why...?!"

Smack!

I didn't exactly expect the wallop on my head just moments prior, but I did thank the cool metallic feel for the sense of "back-to-earth-ness" as my mind reeled back to reality. Slowly, I did a double take to see Iris standing firm with a spanking new saucepan in hand, the price-tag still dangling from it tauntingly, though the number wouldn't show itself. How had she even... in fact, I'd rather not ask.

It was only then did I feel the true impact of her unexpected smack; like a frozen dish served on a red hot plate, my head began to burn with pain. Clutching it tightly, I grimaced and dropped the stuffed toy, aware I was doing so, but unable to stop myself.

Well, I could count the surprise as ruined...

I saw Iris pick up the doll-thing in question and run her fingers over it. Then, turning her head to me, she let loose a small laugh; I peered up at her, my heart sinking. Was she laughing at me? And more importantly... why? She couldn't possibly getting enjoyment from watching me suffer, could she? What am I saying, this is Iris I'm talking about! Ashamed of the thought, I simply hang my head towards the floor once more, my cheeks burning and my eyes pricked with the odd sensation to cry. It felt as if I had ruined something – that her laughter would be traitorous and give way to tears of anguish and pain. And it would be because of me. Purely because of my silly little fantasies. The thought is enough to make my whole heart implode.

"...Aren't you a little old to be playing with dolls, Cilan?" Iris finished giggling, kneeling beside me and putting a gentle hand on my shoulder. Her dark fingers mingled nicely with my waiter's vest, I noticed, and I silently hoped she'd hold on just for a little bit longer. It made me feel considerably better, even in this mess I was in.

"It's not mine..." I sniffed.

"Huh," I heard. "I didn't know Ash was into that." with that, I paused in my wallowing. She said the sentence so bluntly, so purely oblivious, that I couldn't help it. The small bubble of a chuckle that had boiled in my throat over the few seconds was enough to break through into a heart-rushing gush of laughter. My sides began to ache and I knew for a fact my eyes were filling up... I just felt so happy in that single second, so humoured, and yet so sweetly distraught, I don't think I could've done anything else but laugh.

"O-Oh, Iris..." I managed to choke through my jubilant sobs. She peeped at me, her big brown eyes innocent and staring right at me, the Christmas décor once again making the colour radiate with promise and twinkle with wonder. She just continued to stare at my heaving back as I shuddered to a stop. "It's not for me. Or for Ash." I stood up straight, gently taking it from her hands, the material soft against my fingers. With my back erect once more I felt like I could think properly now, so I let a smile relax on my face as I touched the Axew-plush coyly. "It's for you, Iris."

Noted, it would've been quite a pain to wrap now that I think about it. Perhaps I would've just given it to her as it was in the first place. I don't know what I was actually so worried about... perhaps disappointment. But her face didn't look disappointed, oh no, quite the opposite, she looked sky-high with happiness.

"F-For me?"

I chuckled at her wondrous expression, feeling my heartbeat accelerate slightly as a warm, fuzzy feeling caressed my chest tenderly. She looked so content, so surprised, so genuinely excited and gleeful. And the thought that I had made that happen made me smile even more.

"Yes, Iris, for you." grinned the outer shell, who was semi-cool and relaxed, that was me. Inside, however, my innards were jelly. The curvy smile that rested on my face was a mere compensation for the true, utter, fulfilment I felt. She was happy, I was happy, Ash had probably beaten the Gym leader by now and was happy... everybody, and everything, was just so happy. I briefly wondered if my brothers were also this happy. I hoped so.

"Th-Thank you, Cilan... thank you." was all the female could muster as she ran towards me and hugged me tight. I could smell her earthly scent, so gentle yet strong. Just like her. I breathed her in guiltily, swearing to my inner gentleman that I'd never relish the memory other than in the privacy of my own mind. And by the time Iris had wrapped her long arms around me tightly, I couldn't feel anything but bliss. To think it wasn't even Christmas yet, but it was close, with the time already at eleven night. At what time does this shop close exactly? No matter, Iris had what she wanted, and I had what I wanted:

Happiness.

And a decent, patched-up Axew.

X x

…... Dies

Hate. My. Life. So sorry, Paty, I will try to do better if I ever ever ever get you again and boohoo, I suck. ;-; Oh well... Merry Christmas anyways! :3

Is it just me, or is 1st person f*cking confusing?! WHY did I write it in first person in the first place, right, gonna go bomb myself with pancakes now~

Review, please! :3

And also, a very happy holidays!

~Jess~