Waiting.
That was all Mathias really could do now.
Wait.
Hours upon hours.
As the world continued to move around him, Mathias waited.
He waited for what he deep down knew would never come back.
Lars.
Day after day.
Mathias drank more to put his mind at ease. Beer bottles flooded the floors. Dirty dishes left everywhere. Mathias no longer cared about any of the mess. He cried at night. So much so that he would have to drink himself to the point of unconsciousness just to be able to function the next day.
No would could help him. Anyone who tried to reason with him didn't end in a good state. Mathias was unstable.
"Mathias. Grow up already. He's not coming back. He's. Dead," Lukas tried to get Mathias to snap out of his phase.
"He's not! He'll be back! I know he will! There's no way he died!" Mathias yelled back, tears already threatening to fall.
"You need to shut up about him! He isn't coming back! He is dead at the bottom of the sea, Mathias!" Lukas raised his voice in an attempt to get through the to him.
Mathias glared at him before ramming a fist into Lukas' jaw. "Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! You're a liar! Leave me alone!".
Lukas fell backwards onto the floor, smashing one of the many bottles in the process. He hissed as he stood up. He said nothing else as he walked to the door. "I hope you enjoy being alone then," he said coldly and walked out.
Mathias scoffed. He didn't believe them. He didn't believe the letter either. The navy had sent him a letter only saying that Lars could not be found. Not that he was dead. Mathias knew that he would come back to him.
That was almost three months ago now.
Mathias continued like that. After seven months of drinking the pain away, Mathias started to believe he wouldn't be back. Mathias sat at his window one night instead of drinking. He started to cry as he looked at the night stars.
He wore the last possession of Lars' that he had, his most precious scarf. It warmed him. It made him feel as if Lars was there with him. As if Lars was cuddling him like he always used to.
Mathias sniffled and used his sleeve to wipe away his tears. "Lars... Please come back... I miss you so much it hurts..." He muttered to nobody.
Mathias kept crying as he tried to think of the happy times he had to cheer him up.
One afternoon, Lars had come home with a new bunny for Mathias. He named it Lancelot and they were both so joyous for the rest of the day. They played with the new bunny and Lars' bunny together. They ended up falling asleep on the couch snuggling together with Mathias' bunny perched up in Lars' hair.
Mathias smiled at the memory as he cried more that he would never have another one like it. He would never find someone else like Lars.
There would never be another pointy-haired, money loving, Mathias loving Dutchman.
Mathias held his chest as he swore he felt his heart breaking. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want to be this broken. He knew Lars would have wanted him to stay strong but he couldn't.
Mathias eventually cried himself to sleep just there on the windowsill.
The next day, Mathias did something he hadn't done since he had revived the letter about Lars. Mathias went out to visit the memorial for the lost soldiers. He sniffled as he walked up to the memorial. He found Lars' name easily since there was only ten names. He placed a bouquet of tulips at the base of it.
"I'm so sorry that I haven't been visiting enough Lars... I got.. A little caught up.. I haven't been good. I miss you. I just don't want to have to believe that you're really dead.. I will try to visit more though. I've been meaning to leave the house.." Mathias continued to talk to the stone about. Anything.
Mathias went home and attempted to clean some of the mess. He cleared most of the bottles before he gave in. "I'll finish it tomorrow.." Mathias weakly said. He was going to do anything to keep his mind distracted from suicide.
He went back to the windowsill again that night to think as he once again wore the scarf.
He thought back to a bike trip the two of them had taken. Mathias believed that he had really seen a ghost at one of the camp sites they stayed at one night and Lars called him an idiot about it. But Lars had still cuddled him for the entire night that Mathias was scared.
Lars had always made him feel strong again.
Mathias was going to propose to him. He was going to once Lars had returned safely. He kept the ring locked in his draw now. He couldn't even bare to think about it now. It only made his chest hurt again.
He sighed. But for once in many months, could he sleep without crying or drinking. Only the occasional sniffle.
Mathias kept trying to fix himself. He visited the memorial everyday to talk. He had cleaned his house and had attempted to lessen his drinking. Every night he would think back to the happy time he had with Lars. But it only made him miss him more in the morning.
Mathias wore Lars' scarf all the time now so that no one else would forget about Lars.
But one day. Everything was wrong. Mathias broke down just simply making breakfast. He couldn't hold himself up today. He missed Lars too much. He couldn't stop making himself feel worse by thinking about him more.
Mathias went into his bathroom and opened the cabinet. Whilst crying, Mathias swallowed five, six, seven pills. He hated that he was taking the selfish way out but he was only going to get worse again if he continued.
Soon enough, Mathias laid limp on the floor of his bathroom. Lifeless.
Mathias woke up in a field of green. He stood up and questioned where he was. "What the..?" He looked around before seeing a familiar figure in the distance.
He grew wide eyed and ran towards him. "Lars!" He smiled happily and tightly hugged the Dutchman. "How are you here? Where even are we?" He asked as he looked around. He swore the last thing he remembered was his bathroom and the numbness of death.
"You died Mathias," Lars answered simply. "We are dead,"
"So you did die..." Mathias squeezed him tightly. "But. We're together now, right?"
The Dutchman nodded. "I watched you the whole time Mathias," he hit him in the back of the head. "You're an idiot,"
Mathias whined and rubbed the back of his head. "I only missed you... A lot..." He pouted and just hugged him tighter.
"I know. I'm sorry," Lars kissed him gently.
Mathias kissed back before pulling away and nuzzling him. "I don't want you to leave ever again," he muttered into his chest. Lars nodded and held him. He purposely didn't mention the fact that Mathias had committed suicide to end up here. He would talk about it later. There was no need to guilt trip Mathias just as soon as they were reunited.
It eventually took weeks for anyone to realise that Mathias was dead. All of his friends mourned for a small while before they continued on with their lives. Everyone had known Mathias wasn't mentally stable anymore. A few people blamed themselves for not being able to help him before moving on.
Mathias watched as his friends buried him near the memorial for Lars and the other soldiers. He sighed a little before hugging Lars. "I love you," he mumbled.
Lars patted his head gently as he held the shorter Dane. "I love you too, Mathias," he replied. Mathias soon fell asleep against Lars' chest.
They were both happy now. Mathias was beyond happy.
Happy in their own perfect little world.