Enough
She sees the way his eyes snap to Skye's every time danger arises. She could say it is because Skye needs his protection and she doesn't but she knows the truth. She knows because at the same time her eyes scan for Phil. It's a reflex. She has to know that her person is safe, but it just proves that they are passing time together. It might have been something more if they were just desk jockeys at the cubicle farm, but they are on the front lines. They face life and death daily. They need more than just enough and she sees the way he looks at Skye. And she wants someone who looks at her like that.
She knows that he cares about her. She can see it in his eyes. She has heard him come to her defense, but it's not the same. When he looks at her it makes her feel like a broken china doll. He is watching her for signs of a crack, and she hates it. The only thing worse is when he doesn't look at her at all.
Sure he makes the usual comments. The obligator groans and gasps, but their eyes never meet, because neither really wants to be there. They know it is just sex, good sex, but just sex. And it's just not enough anymore. They both want more.
She hates thinking about the moment when she told Phil. The look in his eyes, not hurt, not surprise, just acceptance. She hates that he has come to expect this from her. All he asks is that she end it if it becomes a problem.
So now she'll do it. She will end it, because it is a problem and not just for them.
She finds herself spending more time with Skye. Not by choice, but the girl seems to be like a baby duck looking for the mother she lost so long ago. May tries to ignore it, to keep that distance that has always protected her, but it's not working any more. In spite of herself, she is beginning to enjoy their time together. Skye, the girl that death follows, is growing on her, and it scares the crap out of her.
Not because she fears death, back at her desk she was just waiting for it all to be over, but she worries for the team she is a reluctant part of. They are all too loyal for their own good. She sees that way they eat together and play together and all this bonding is going to make them easy pickings when someone finally comes for Skye.
And then there's Phil. The man she has loved for years. They are ships passing in the night, both knowing that what they need can never be. He will be the first one to lay his life down for Skye. He has already shown how much he cares for the girl. There is no doubt in her mind that he would die for any member of this team, but what then. She has already lost him three times. Can she handle losing him again?
She is barely clinging to sanity as it is, knowing what SHIELD is capable of, what they did to him, well let's just say the threads are unraveling fast. And she longs for her desk job. Print, staple, file. Order in knowing what every day brings. This life on the BUS, it is a problem.
So she goes to him in the middle of the night, just like before. He makes the same manly posturing invitation and she takes him up on it one last time, because maybe they both just need to feel for a little while. They both know this is the last time without ever saying it. When they're done he holds her in a crushing grasp and she lets him. In the morning she wakes up felling refreshed. Like she has finally gotten a weight off her chest.
After her shower, she wonders into the kitchen where Phil is making waffles for the team. The same waffles he used to make her in that shitty apartment they shared in Chicago. He starts chattering the moment she enters, while she goes about making the coffee without saying a word. When Fitz and Simmons stumble in a moment later, she starts to boil some water for tea. Greetings are mumbled, but the scientist are mostly quiet this early in the morning. Phil is the only one talking, until Skye joins the group. She takes the seat next to Simmons and using her friend's as a pillow, while recapping last night's episode of Arrow for the team.
This kicks Fitz, who had been using Simmons other arm as a pillow, into life as he begins to explain how the creators of the show have completely ruined the story with their major character changes. Phil is right in the middle of the argument as he puts the plate of waffles in front of his team, handing her a plate that is made up just the way she likes it. She hands him the coffee she made, before handing Skye her juice and the Brits their tea.
She is taking a seat next to Phil when Ward comes in from his work out. His eyes immediately find Skye and sparkle a little as he watches her verbal spar with Fitz. Mid-sentence, Skye feels his gaze and turns to him grinning, offering him a fork full of her waffles. He scrunches his nose at her offer, taking sip of the juice in front of her instead. Skye teases him about misses out on the good things in life, while he reminds her that they have training in an hour.
May watches the exchange knowing that she has made the right decision. This is how things are meant to be. Maybe it will all go to hell tomorrow, but at least for today their little family is happy, and she feels like for now that's enough.