"Oh, before I forget – what did Penny say about Alexander?"
"Oh, nothing, just some silly stuff that didn't really make any sense."
He looks deflated. For a moment, her heart tightens until she sees the pass of the brief emotion on his face and she asks: "Why?"
He looks up, his eyes a little wider than they had been before. "Because my middle name is Alexander."
She feels her emotions do a flip. "I thought your middle name was Edgar?"
"Hm, been perusing the personal sections of the Richard Castle website again, have we?" She can tell he's enjoying this. She rolls her eyes. "No, I changed my middle name to Edgar, for Edgar Allen Poe, back when I changed my last name to Castle. My given name is Richard Alexander Rogers."
She tries to keep everything off of her face, so she tilts her head in an impressed gesture.
"What a coincidence, huh?"
He smiles at her and walks away – just as her heart melts.
She shakes her head. She doesn't believe in all this psychic business. None of it's logical. No one can hear spirits or speak beyond the grave. It's impossible and it's naïve.
But this is ridiculous.
No way is Castle's middle name really Alexander. Because if it's true, if he isn't just playing with her, she doesn't know what to think. Penny told her that the Freemasons had murdered her mother. While it hadn't been exactly right, it had led them to the killer eventually. Now they have her behind bars. All because of Penny.
It's all because of Penny.
And it's mind boggling to her. She doesn't understand it. She can't comprehend how something she's always thought was so futile may actually exist – psychic communication.
She closes her eyes, frustrated, and walks back to her desk to finish her paperwork. She's annoyed. And her mind is twisting.
Okay. So she'll admit it. She was in love with him – was. At the beginning of the summer, she'd loved him. But not now. No, she's moved on over their separation and now she doesn't think like she had. She's free now, and while he's still her best friend, any thoughts of hi that are more than platonic are far in the depths of her mind.
She turns in her seat and watches as he steps into the elevator, his face pensive. She wants to know what he's thinking about, what's on his mind. She hasn't told him what Penny really said – that this 'Alexander' that she would meet would supposedly save her life. He doesn't know that part, as far as she's concerned, but he's concentrating hard on something and she wishes she knew what.
She glances down at the white and black sheets underneath her and groans. They're longer than usual because of the double homicide they'd uncovered. Picking up her pen, she sets to work.
It's late – around seven – by the time she's finished. She grabs her coat and her bag and walks up to the steel doors of the elevator.
She presses a button and waits, fiddling with her phone impatiently. It's been such a long couple of days, and this case has had her mind spinning and searching for answers so much that all she wants to do is take a nice, long bath.
She feels it buzz in her hand, indicating that she has a new message. She looks down, knowing who it will be because he has his own personalized vibration sequence.
Dinner with me and Alexis tonight? She hasn't seen you in a while.
She tries to suppress her smile but fails. She loves it when he asks her over, although she'll never admit it. She knows he's with Gina, but they're friends. She's been to his loft plenty of times.
Sure, she types, but you haven't already eaten?
The elevator chimes as she hits the send button. Two minutes later, she feels the phone move again.
She's been at the mall all afternoon, so nope. See you in a half hour?
She grins as the NYPD-stamped box descends down the shaft.
Yep.
He'll get a kick out of that English, she thinks. Getting into her car, she remembers his address effortlessly.
Then she remembers the doorman.
She wonders absentmindedly if she's on the entry list. She knows it's a high-security building, and she's been there before with a bit of flirt work, but maybe Castle's actually remembered to add her name this time.
"Ah, Detective Beckett. Evening. You remember the floor?"
She smiles. Apparently he has. "Yes, thank you."
Another elevator ride. He lives on the top floors of the structure, so she leans back against the wall and waits again.
Then it chimes, and she steps out.
She feels her fist hit the door three times, but her mind is elsewhere. She stares around the hallway, marvelling in the grand attire of the walls and floors. She's never been anywhere like this – not even in crime scenes.
She almost hits the person who opens the door – and they both laugh as Castle pulls her through the opening.
"Detective Beckett!" She hears a light, happy voice ring out from the kitchen, and she finds herself suddenly hugging a young, lively redhead. Smiling, they sit down at the table.
Alexis turns to her father, banishing him to the kitchen. Kate laughs.
"Fine," he pouts. Then he turns to the detective – who's sitting in his chair, he notices – and whines, "See what you've already done to her?"
A flirtatious smirk and a laugh force him into the kitchen to continue making the rest of their dinner as Kate and Alexis move to the couch to talk. Stories about cases, memories and embarrassing moments with none other than a certain writer pass between them, giggles floating through the air.
It's only a few minutes later that dinner is on the table – and since Martha isn't home and Alexis seems to be extremely interested in hearing more tales of the precinct, even over food the conversation doesn't cease.
Castle's pouting and Alexis is smiling, and Kate's never felt more at home. She knows she doesn't belong here, and she knows that maybe she never really will. But the atmosphere here is so welcoming and warm, and it makes her feel like everything is great in the world. It makes her daily lifestyle of fighting crime and catching criminals fly out the window.
And somewhere in the back of her mind, she's wishing she could be here for real.
For real as in belonging for real. To be a part of this every day. To come home to this and see this place every morning and every night of her life. She knows she's going back to the way she used to think, opening that thick metal door in the back of her mind that barricaded all feelings for Castle and shoved them away. She feels it again, that dizzying, head-spinning feeling that she recognizes oh-so-well. Every time his blue eyes meet her emerald ones, her heart flips and her cheeks heat up.
If she's being honest with herself, it terrifies her.
Because he's with someone else – someone richer, someone prettier (from her perspective), someone with a better and more stable career. She doesn't have a chance anymore and she knows that.
It doesn't make it hurt any less.
Pushing the thoughts to the back of her mind, she jumps into the conversation with yet another story to highlight the silliness of Castle's early shadowing days.
"Oh come on," he laughs. "You saw that guy! If he says get out of the car, you get out of the car."
"You do realize there's a lock on that door, right?"
The conversation goes silent as Alexis smacks her hand against her forehead and Castle purses his lips.
"I'll admit it. I didn't think of that."
The laughter returns full-force as Alexis flicks a pea at her father and applauds. He uses his spoon as a shield and flicks it right back.
He's a good father, she thinks. She's always found it hard to believe that he could possibly have raised someone like Alexis all on his own, what with his likeness to a nine year old and his tendency for innuendos and inappropriateness. But now, seeing the dynamic between he and his young daughter, she sees it. She sees that he really is responsible, and smart.
She smiles knowing this. It's sweet.
When she hears the door click, her first thought is that it's Martha. So she doesn't stand or collect her things, as she's sure she'll get as much of a welcome from the actress as she did from the teenager.
But it's not the voice of the dramatic woman that she hears behind her moments later.
"Rick?"
Alexis' laughter stops abruptly, as does hers. Castle chuckles as he turns towards the source of the high-pitched, wind-chime voice – and then his face goes serious as well.
Crap.
"Gina!" he exclaims, standing and walking over to her. He gives her a quick kiss on the lips, clearly being careful not to linger for more than necessary. Awkwardness quickly descends on the room as Alexis purses her lips and looks down at the table, and Kate looks everywhere but behind her.
"Rick, who's this?" She's clearly miffed about it. Kate cringes.
Castle clears his throat. "Oh, uh, Gina, this is Detective Kate Beckett. She's the cop I've been shadowing for Nikki Heat."
Hearing him refer to her as 'the cop' makes something inside of her want to punch a wall. She knows they're past that stage of formality. He knows they are too.
So the jealous feeling that quickly sets over her confuses yet angers her.
She stands then, quickly grabbing her bag and moving to the door. Castle excuses himself and she feels him behind her.
"I'm sorry," he whispers as she steps into her heels. "She was supposed to be at a meeting tonight."
She shakes her head, biting her lip. "It's fine, Castle. She's your girlfriend. She's allowed to show up whenever she wants."
He sighs. "I just – "
It's her turn to sigh. "Don't. I…I should go. See you tomorrow?"
He opens the door for her, making her realize for the first time their close proximity.
"See you tomorrow, Kate."
I know this seems, right at this moment, like it's a 'Let's-all-hate-Gina' fic, but it's not. Far from it, actually. It doesn't seem like much right now, but it will make sense in the long run.
As for updates, I promise nothing. If you follow some of my other stories, you've probably figured out by now that I am absolutely horrible at keeping with deadlines. So, be patient with me, and the more reviews I get the more I'll be inspired to write this. *wink*