Money is Power
ChipsAhoypup
Disclaimer: I don't own Microsoft, Bill Gates, money, Death Note, Google, Wikipedia… etc.
A/N We all know that money is power. So, obviously Kira, a god, the most powerful being, needs to get rid of one of the wealthiest men in the world.
Light sat in his room, the desk lamp setting the blank pages of his study book aglow. He was studying for the big exam the next day.
Scratch that, he was pretending to study.
But, really, he was writing criminal's names in the notebook, causing them to die of heart attacks. Which is so much more believable than studying.
As he scribbled names down neatly, despite the fact that he was flailing his arm around as if it were on fire, he giggled demonically.
Ryuk, his pet shinigami, munched on apples that he had stolen from the poor elderly couple next door. They were now in need of new apple trees.
Suddenly, Light paused from his writing montage. He turned to observe the shinigami. "Ryuk… how would you define power?"
Ryuk stared at him blankly for a moment, his lips turned upward in that permanent grin. "Personally, I don't care much for something as stupid as power. And every one from the Shinigami Realm share my opinion on power. Aside from the shinigami king, of course."
Light stared dully. "Not that I actually care… but what do you think is most important in the world?"
"Apples," Ryuk replied without hesitation. Light snorted, turning back to his notebook of death. "What do you find so amusing? Most humans have a similar want. But, instead of apples, they want money."
Light's gaze was directed at the notebook still, although his eyes widened at Ryuk's words. "Of course… wealth…"
"And you're supposed to be a genius." Ryuk rolled his eyes, laying back on his "master's" bed.
"I wonder who the wealthiest person in the world is," Light muttered to himself, ignoring Ryuk's insult completely. It was a good thing he had the ability to let insults like that bounce off of him. Because otherwise, his giant ego would be popped like a balloon. If it could even be deflated that quickly.
The genius quickly pulled up the internet, and searched 'wealthiest person in the world' on Google. Because Google totally owns Yahoo.
The first link was 'list of billionaires.' Light clicked on it, declaring to no one in particular, "This is almost too easy."
The first person on the list was 'Bill Gates.' "Huh. I've never heard of him." Light clicked on his name, which took him to a Wikipedia page. Apparently, Bill Gates created Microsoft, and was the wealthiest person in the world.
"…The wealthiest person in the world created the internet," Light said in disbelief.
"LOL, irony," Ryuk laughed. Light twitched. Mainly because Ryuk had used the word 'LOL' in a sentence. But also because Ryuk was laughing at him. Laughing. At. Him.
"There's only one thing to do. I must kill him." Light picked up his pen. The pen tip hovered over the page in wait. He had only written in English once, when he had written down Lind L Tailor's name. And it took too long to write. And the table had become transparent. Could he risk it again?
Screw it. If I get rid of Gates, the world will be a better place. Everyone knows that Windows beat Microsoft anyways, Light thought. After his typical inner monologue, he copied the name exactly as it was printed on the screen. Because his penmanship was just that amazing.
Deciding to have a little fun with Gates, the murderer added a specific death that he alone found humorous. He proceeded to laugh like a chipmunk on crack, and Ryuk stared at him as in part concern. Yes, the shinigami was actually concerned. That's how creepy Light's laughing was.
"Light, were you smoking your socks again?"
"No, and I only did that once! Besides, it's none of your business what I do with my life!" The enraged brunette stormed over to his bed, plopping down on it. He went straight through Ryuk's body. To be more precise, his rear went straight through Ryuk's lap.
"…Well, this is awkward."
"Ryuk. Shut. Up. And get the hell off my bed!"
Meanwhile, at the mansion of a certain doomed billionaire, said billionaire was sipping tea and reading the newspaper. He was, of course, reading the Funnies, because who was interested in the news nowadays?
The rustling of a bush outside caught his attention. Bill Gates turned towards the window, where a bush was waving the slightest bit, as if something had jumped inside it. Or someone.
"Freddy Kruger? Have you come to get me?" Bill called warily, his eyes widening at the possibility of a frightening man with sharp claws jumping through the window.
Sadly, Bill hadn't watched enough horror movies to know that when you see something at your window, you're supposed to run away, not advance towards it.
A computer monitor smashed through the glass, hitting Bill directly in the forehead like in the Head-On commercials. Except, instead of healing his dry skin, it killed him. Gates lay on the floor. His own "son" had killed him, like in Halloween. Except his son was a computer. Not a crazed murderer.
The person who threw the computer stood up, brushing leaves off his white shirt. His messy ebony hair now had leaves tangled in it. "Watari, bring the ladder back down," The killer called. He blinked, turning to stare at the person who's head he'd smashed in with a computer. "…Whoa. I feel like I'm the cause of this. Although I can't recall why I would throw a monitor at someone's head."
He shook his head, mystified. The ladder lowered down beside him, and he climbed up it. "Um, Watari, do you remember why we were at this mansion in the first place?"
"Well, about forty seconds ago, you went into an odd daze and demanded me to buy you a computer monitor and drive you over to Bill Gate's house in my helicopter," Watari explained, looking just about as confused as the killer.
"…" The killer stared blankly. "I don't remember doing that."
Watari shook his head. "You sure are odd, L. Let's get back to Headquarters. The Task Force is just as confused as I am."
With that, the helicopter drove off. But not before a random little boy pointed at it and shouted, "GET TO DA CHOPPA!"
And somewhere out there, in a black notebook, were the words:
"Bill Gates. Killed when the World's Greatest Detective throws a computer monitor at his head."
A/N I hope you liked. Thanks to The iPod Addict for helping me brainstorm for this odd story. It's so late at night. I hope that explains its oddness. I'll probably wake up tomorrow and reread it. And say to myself, "This isn't funny at all." But oh well. I hope you enjoyed it.