Link to Banner: .
Banner by: CullenTwiMistress
TitlebyAuthor:Do I Make A Difference by: One of Eddie's Girls
Rated: M
Warnings: Rape is implied and Character Death.
Beta: PrettyKitty Artist
Summary: An unexpected vampire shows Edward what Bella's life would've been like if he hadn't come into it.
Dedication: This is for all those who fight each and every day against Cancer. For "Mom" even though it took you from us too early you are always going to be loved and missed.
***DIMAD***
I dropped Bella off at home after prom and decided it would be good to go for a hunt. As I ran I tried to think if Bella's life would've been better without me in it. I thought of all the things she's gone through since we've been together. Would she have been injured by James? Would he have even known about her? They most likely would've just done what they'd come here to do and left. I wouldn't have taken her to that baseball game, and he wouldn't have gotten a whiff of her.
I stopped dead in my tracks when I caught the fresh scent of a vampire.
"Who goes there?"
"Fear not. I am not here to hurt you, I think I can help you," the soft voice a female vampire said.
"Show yourself, please," I asked.
From behind a tall tree, out steps a short, honey blonde woman,- no more like a girl. She would give Alice and Jane a run for their money with how small she was. "I promise I don't wish to harm you. I can answer your question."
"What question are you talking about?" I wondered.
"The one that you've been thinking about the whole time you were running The one about Bella being better off without you in her life."
"How do you know what I was thinking?"
"I have a gift. I have the ability to see what a person's life would be like if they'd made different choices in life, a reverse of Alice's capability if you will. Where her's predicts the future dependent on someone's decisions, mine gives us the past," she explained.
"Okay, but that doesn't explain how you knew what I was thinking."
"Actually, it does because you were thinking of the different choices you could've made, which in turn change the visions I see."
"How are you going to show me then?" I asked.
"Oh, come on, Edward, you should know how I'm going to show you that. Same way you see Alice's visions -read my mind," she clarified.
"All right, on two conditions, the first, you tell me your name, and the other you, explain how you know me and my family."
"I know about you and your family because in an alternative life we would've crossed paths. A choice made by one of you changed the path we were going to cross, and the name is Katalina." She extended her hand for me to shake. Her thoughts told me that she didn't intend on hurting me, so I shook her small hand.
"This won't be easy to watch- please come and sit." Katalina ushered me to a fallen tree trunk. I really didn't think I'd need it, but then again, she was the one with the experience in these things, so I followed her suggestion.
"I think the best way to find out what a difference your life has made on others is to see what would've happened if Carlisle hadn't gone to work at the hospital the day you and your parents were dying."
Suddenly the image of my parents sweat-paled, flushed faces lying in a cot with hundreds of others appeared in my life of site. It was a surreal vision because I could also see myself as well, my own face wasn't as flushed as that of my parents, but you could tell that I was getting there. I then saw my father begin to cough until there was no air entering his poor body. He then slipped into an unconscious state, my mother's anguished face knowing that she'd just basically lost her husband caused a tightness in my non-beating heart. I watched my seventeen-year-old self cry silently. There were so many things I hadn't remembered about that time, which I was grateful for now that I knew how it'd been. Not long after my father went, my mother and I followed.
I saw Carlisle come in and ask if we'd improved at all and saw his reaction when they explained that my mother and I had passed along with a few others the night before. I watched him berate himself thinking he could've done something.
Then, the images jumped in time to the day that Esme was brought into the hospital. I saw the recognition in his face at seeing his beloved wife, broken and dying. The look of longing and pain so clear in his face. He just stood by her side holding her hand agonizing, on what he could do to save her and keep her in his life until she took her last breath.
"Wait, this can't be right. Carlisle and Esme have been together for years, they love each other. He changed her that day, he saved her life," I said. I needed to know of why he hadn't changed her in this alternative life.
"You have to understand something. Carlisle never changed you, he didn't think he could do it. He didn't want to risk doing something that he couldn't stop, so he just sat by her side and watched her die. See, Edward, without you there would never have been an Esme, a Rosalie, or an Emmett. Carlisle would've spent the rest of his existence alone, and likely depressed. You changed his life," Katalina explicated.
"Wait, what about Alice and Jasper, they would've eventually come across Carlisle."
"Actually, no. See, eventually Carlisle's loneliness and self-loathing would've been too much and he would've gone back to the Volturi and asked for his presence be put to an end. Alice and Jasper wouldn't have known about living alternatively and they'd spend the rest of their lives as nomads."
"So you're telling me that if I died with my birth family, my vampire family wouldn't exist?" I asked. I needed more clarification just to make sure that I hadn't understood her incorrectly. I really couldn't believe that my life could affect so many others.
"Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. You've made a difference in so many lives."
"I see how important my life has been to my family, but how has my life helped Bella's. I've put her in more danger in the few months we've been together than anyone can find in their entire lives." I needed to finally get the answer to that one question that played relentlessly in my mind.
"Are you sure you really want the answer to that question after what you've seen so far?" Katalina questioned.
"I need to know if my presence in her life has been good for her or not."
Katalina didn't say anything else, she just let the images play in her mind.
We were at Forks High, that first day she showed up in biology, but my desk was empty. I wasn't sitting in that desk alone, no one was.
"Ms. Swan, I hope you don't mind working alone. Unfortunately, everyone else is already paired up." I watched Mr. Banner tell Bella. Bella nodded her head and went ahead and walked to our desk- well, I guess her desk.
I watched as each of the boys in the class turned to try and get her attention. I had to clench my hands as I saw the lust on each of their faces. They all wanted my girl, I've always known that, but to have it thrown in my face like that wasn't easy. I watched as Mike turned around and tried to talk to her, as he tried to get her attention and how she worked hard to let him know she wasn't interested. I wasn't there to stop him, so I watched helplessly while he continued relentlessly. I watched as he asked her out to the dance, to the diner, even to the beach in La Push. The pathetic fool just couldn't take a hint apparently.
The images suddenly jump in time to that awful day of the accident. I watched as Bella walked to her truck with that damn golden onion in her hand. I watched as she stopped next to her truck looking down into her book bag. It seemed as if she was looking for her keys or something. I could feel the anxiousness build inside of me. I knew what came next. Crowley's van would come barreling towards her after driving too fast in the parking lot and losing control on a patch of ice. I held my breath as I saw the events happen just the way I remembered them, but this time I wasn't there to stop the car from crushing her.
Just like it did that day, everyone rushed to the accident spot, but Bella wasn't safe between the ground and the car. Her beautiful body was crushed-mangled really- it was impossible that there would be any part of her body that wasn't shattered. I focused on the faces of everyone in the parking lot while called the paramedics, called Charlie. I witnessed the poor Chief come see what was left of his little girl's body. I listened to her scream and agonizing yell of pain. I didn't think I could take hearing that sound. My heart hurt just knowing how much pain she was in. Luckily for me, I didn't have to listen to it much longer as her body and mind gave way to unconsciousness.
I watch helplessly as the fire department separated the two cars and Bella's body fell limply to the ground. I didn't need to be a doctor or touch her to know that her body was broken. What I couldn't tell was if there were other injuries hidden under her skin. The paramedic lifted her gently, placing the neck brace around her neck to stabilize her body. I'd never believed in God as a vampire, but I prayed with everything in me in that moment that she wouldn't die. That was something I didn't think I'd be able to take watching.
"Chief, I'm so sorry. God, you don't know how sorry I am. It was an accident. I slipped on ice. I would never explain how sorry I am," Tyler Crowley cried.
Charlie just walked away from Crowley, not even acknowledging the fact that he'd said something. I could also tell that he was just barely holding on to his control.
The image then jumped to Bella lying bruised and broken on a hospital room. Charlie and Dr. Gerandy speaking softly.
"She's very lucky to be alive. Her injuries are extensive- don't get me wrong, but she will make a recovery. I have to warn you though, Charlie, the likelihood of Bella walking normally again is slim. It will take months of therapy and she will walk, but due to the injuries to her hips and back she will need a cane to walk. That may be for the rest of her life. She is young, and I am hoping that will work to her advantage, but I'm being realistic as well."
'I will do anything for her, Larry. She is my baby, and I will be here every step of the way. I can't thank you enough for saving her life." The gratitude was so clear in Charlie's face and voice it was impossible to miss.
"Katalina, I can now see that Bella would've survived the accident without me there, so why show it to me?" I wondered.
"Ah, my dear, Edward, you need to know that because if this accident lots of other things happen to Bella. Some, I'm sorry to say will be the most difficult for you to live through watching, but they are what would've happened if you hadn't been in her life," Katalina discloses.
"Do I want to see this?" I ask warily. The thoughts of worse things happening to Bella were hard for me to accept.
"Let me ask you this first. Do you still think Bella's life would've been better if you hadn't entered it?"
"My lack of presence in her life wouldn't have saved her life from the accident, so, yeah I do."
"Then my dear Edward, you must keep seeing the events that follow." The way Katalina said that didn't make me feel comforted, but I would push through to watch.
I braced myself for the images I knew were about to bombard my mind. This time, we were standing outside the bookstore in Port Angeles. I knew immediately it was the night that those rapists tried to attack Bella. I saw Bella walking down the steps of bookstore, well walking was putting in nicely, and she was more like hobbling using crutches to help her along. I wondered how Jessica and Angela could've let her walk around anywhere alone. She obviously didn't have the strength to be walking alone, especially in a town she didn't know very well.
Then, I saw them, those four drunk despicable men, no not men, monsters.
"Oh, lookie what we have here," one of them said, walking towards Bella.
I saw how Bella tried to go around them. How she tried to avoid being in their presence.
"You're the pretty little thing we saw sitting by the window at the dress shop. Why weren't you trying anything on with your friends?" another one of them asked, grabbing one of the crutches out of Bella's hands.
Bella didn't answer them, she just stood there frozen as the men got closer and closer to her. I wanted to scream at her to do something, to run, to hit them with her other crutch, but I couldn't. I just watched helplessly as the bastards threw the love of my life on the ground. As they dragged her into the dark alley hitting her repeatedly, as they ripped her shirt and pants to shreds.
I knew what would come next and I knew I wouldn't be able to watch it so I begged Katalina to stop the image.
"Oh God, my poor angel," I cried. If I'd had the ability to cry tears, they'd have been pouring down out of my eyes. It was agonizing to think that those bastards tainted such a perfect heavenly soul.
"I warned you before we started that there were going to be things too difficult to watch." Katalina placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. I knew she'd warned me, but I still couldn't believe something so horrible could've happened to her if I hadn't been around.
"Is there more?" I needed to know if her life could've gotten worse without me. I kept the hope that without me, James wouldn't have ever known about her.
"One last thing, Edward, and I'm not going to lie to you, it may be the hardest thing you will ever see." I could see Katalina's sorrow and sincerity even behind her blood red eyes.
I nodded, awaiting the images that I knew were about to bombard my head.
Katalina didn't disappoint. What I saw was so heartbreaking. It was Bella sitting at the kitchen table in her father's kitchen. Eyes sunken in, dark purple, sleep deprived stains under them. Her normally expression-filled pupils were hollow, lifeless. The beautiful brown locks that I'd become accustomed to caressing as she slept was greasy, dull and limp. She was a shell of the woman I adored.
I was able to get a glimpse of the sheet of paper that laid on the table in front of her. It was addressed to Charlie, and fear filled me to about everything it said. The few words that I was able to spot were enough to tell me what the whole thing was. They were words like "I can't live with this pain any longer" and "Forgive me" or "I'm sorry". When she stood up from the table and walked to the counter, I guessed what she was going to pick up. Her body was badly bruised from what could only be the attack in Port Angeles.
I watched as she slowly walked to the woods behind her father's house with the largest kitchen knife I've ever seen. I sat helplessly as she brought the knife to her left wrist; it was the slightest cut before James appeared behind her.
"Oh, a snack," he sneered. The blood lust clear in his eyes.
Bella just continued with what she was doing, it was almost as if she hadn't heard him at all.
"Don't waste it. I will be more than happy drain you of your life."
The only sound that come out of Bella's mouth was a pathetic murmur of "please." I then saw as James drank from her wound until her body was completely drained and her heart no longer beat.
I didn't even realize I was letting out an agonizing sound, like what we'd expect a dying animal to make.
"Shhh, Edward. It's okay, it's just an image. It isn't real," Katalina comforted me.
I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I was holding and worked hard to calming my body down. I couldn't imagine living without Bella in my life.
"Do you now see how important you've been to Bella's life? How your life has affected your entire family?" Katalina wondered.
"Yes," I replied pathetically.
"Good. Now will you stop doubting and questioning your life with everyone?"
"Katalina, I don't know how I will ever thank you for showing me how important one life can be."
"I'm glad I was able to show you how one event is linked to so many others. One decision dominoes into the next and the one after that and so on."
I sat with Katalina for a while more mostly in silence until I asked the one thing that had been nagging me since the images had stopped.
"Will I ever see you again?"
"I don't know, Edward, only time and decisions will tell." She gave me a soft serene smile. One that told me saying goodbye was going to be as hard for her as it was going to be for me.
"I should head home. I suddenly have the need to hold Bella in my arms. Thank you." I leaned over and hugged Katalina.
"Goodbye, Edward."
I rushed home first. I wanted to thank Carlisle for making the right choice. I also wanted to see the rest of my family. I wanted to tell them all about amazing vampire who helped me see how important my life really was.
"I wish I would've had a chance to meet her, too. She sounds like a very special person," Esme commented after I'd filled everyone about my encounter in the woods.
I smiled at Esme before responding, "She was one of the most special people, other than my family, that I've ever met."
"I can feel your desire to go to Bella. Go hold her, tell her how you feel. We will still be here." Jasper smiled at me.
I didn't have to be told twice. I was out the door and through Bella's window faster than I'd ever been before.
"Edward?" Bella asked groggily.
"It's all right my love. I just wanted to hold you and tell you I love you." I wrapped my arms as tightly as I could without hurting her.
"I love you, too," she said before a yawn took over her.
"Sleep my love. I will be here when you wake up again."
And I would be. I didn't plan on leaving her side ever again.
***DIMAD***
AN: My deepest thank you's to everyone who donated and helped us surpassed the goal. Also to all those authors who took the time to donate for such a wonderful cause. Finally to Katalina for having so much strength to think of others before herself. I wish you a wonderful and swift recovery.