My Last Day

Summary: [One-Shot] Someone tells the story of his last few years in this harsh world. From being outcasted by his family to his last night.

Disclaimer: I don't own Rugrats, if you sue me all you will get is a binder full of songs/poems... Actually no you won't because I refush to give it up. You can have a cookie instead.

Rating: Strong PG-13... on the verge of R

Warnings: Mild Slash, cutting, depression, harsh language, suicide


A/N: I don't know where this came from or when I wrote it. I just happened to stumble across it as I was looking at old files on my computer... I decided to finsh it up and stuff... I find it weird that I found it on a night I was depressed... I wasn't gonna post it, but I decided to... I actually like this piece... Well read and review please! [One-Shot]

" o the wind change doth blow in which direction, who can know, I dare not ask, I turn and go I'll find out when I get there"- Cique Du Soleil (Not sure what it is, but my buddy sent it to me and it sounded cool)

"Everything is black
Everything is cold
I took it to far
You never cared
I guess this is goodbye
It's over now
I'm numb, I'm gone
I left you behind this time"- clip from my song 'Alone'

Have you ever felt like the world has turned it's back on you? That you are alone, that no one cares. You ever felt like you could do anything and get away with it? I mean it's not like anyone is watching your every move, they could careless. I mean if I wanted I could jump off a bridge, get high, drink some alcohol, basically do what I want.

My family turned their backs on me, because of who I am. They grew cold, they grew distance, because of a few words, "I'm gay." Those little words ruin years and years of closeness, in just a few short minutes. First there was shock, then there was denying, then the yelling and finally hurt.

If only they could see the looks they gave me, looks of disgust, hate, and worst of all disappointment. As they outcasted me I decided my life wasn't worth living, I didn't need to be here. No one gave a shit about what I did, or where I went. I would have probably been kicked out of the house, had I been old enough. It's been over five years since I last talked to my family, five fucking years. I walked out of the house as soon as I turned eightteen, as soon as I was legal. Ever since then I've been living with a friend, a true friend. He never judged me, and he couldn't careless about what I was.

As I stayed with him, the days seem to fly by, they didn't drag on like they ususally did. He was so kind, so open and so carefree. He had no worries; he didn't care. People made fun of him, because of me, but still he stayed by my side. I don't know why he did, but it seems as if we-I don't know.

It's like he is the only person from my past that accepted me. My other friends, whom I known since I was in diapers, ditched me. They acted as if we were never friends, but then there he was. He practically threw their friendships out and helped me. I don't know why he did, but I guess there are somethings I won't find out.

I still can't figure out what I did wrong. I mean it's not like I can choose who I love. It's kinda like music, you like the kind you like. You can act like you like a different one to impress people, but it gets annoying, pretending. That's what they expected of me, they expected me to change who I was. To act like I wasn't gay, act like things didn't change. I couldn't go on like that, I mean if you really hate a band and are forced to listen to it over and over you're gonna snap-right? Or maybe, they are right, maybe I should have changed myself. Forcing myself to be something I'm not isn't as hard, I mean put up a little mask and prance around like there is nothing wrong. How hard can that be?

If that is the right answer how come when I told my friend about it he freaked? He said that they aren't true, that they should accept. He told me that there are so many people out there who can be better friends then them. I told him I wasn't worth a friendship, and he snapped. He asked me how I could say such and thing, and that it wasn't true. The anger in his eyes were so- there isn't a word to explain it. I still don't know why he stood with me, because I believe that I am not worth friends.

It's what they told me, they said I was weird, they said I shouldn't be here. Those words hurt so much, I wanted to die so fucking bad. Just fucking jump of a bridge, take a gun to my head, anything to stop the pain, but then I found a new best friend.

My new friend was a box cutter, really sharp. It had a blue plastic covering with a black top. The blade was a dull gray color that would be turned red. It was a beautiful sight to see, the red blood streaming down the plastic. The dull gray blade making contact with my pale skin, staining it red. Oh I can feel the release now, it was so good. Of course he found out about it and took my friend away from me. He told me that I needed to talk about these things, instead of cutting. I knew he was right, but still he-he took away my relief, the thing that made me forget the pain.

I didn't talk to him for days, and he kept his distance. I knew he was concerned, but I just couldn't bring myself to face him. I was just so- confused, why did he care so much? He was so different and I couldn't help but be attracted to that. I buried the attraction deep down though, I couldn't be feeling this, I mean he was straight. He had been kind enough to accept me, but I believed he would have thrown me out if he knew about my little fascination with him. I had to live with this for awhile and it became harder. My little attraction grew into a crush, which grew to an obsession.

Soon the days became longer, like it was when I was with my family. I couldn't stand the pressure and I had to break free. That night I tore out of the house, he looked up and called out to me. I couldn't look back, I had to move on. As I was running I heard footsteps behind me. Shit, I thought, he's following me. I pushed myself to go faster, soon my chest started to burn and my legs felt weak. He's still behind me, but I couldn't run anymore a just fell to the ground. I could feel him come up next to me, he demanded to know what was wrong.

That was the night I told him, told him everything. How I felt about him and how I was afraid of what he would do. He just looked at me, dumbfounded, confused. Then he started to laugh, and he pulled me into him. He told me what had been bothering him and everything. He told me how he felt attracted to me too and how he was scared about what I thought. That night we decided that we would leave this world forever. My family didn't accept me, and his family didn't like his choice. The world was against us, so we decided that life wasn't worth living.

That night is tonight, he grasps my hand and we stand in front of the bridge. It's a good hundred foot drop, the impact should kill us. Suddently I heard my named being called, and as I turned I saw you. There you were, my older brother, the one who hated me. You had tears in your eyes and the crowd behind you. It seems that someone called the cops and you guys. You're all telling us to step away from the edge. And I just told you the story, the story of my worthless life. I see tears in your eyes, and I see mom and dad begging me to come down. You keep telling me not to do this, but why should I listen to you. When I needed you most you threw me away, you didn't listen to my side of the story, why should I listen to you? Now you are yelling that you are sorry, that you love me, but how can you? Remember I'm just a little freak! I'm stepping closer to the edge, him at my side. Our hands grasping tightly, and piece of rope holding us together, so we can be together forever.

I hear you yelling, T. I hear you screaming, you know you want me dead, it's been over five years. You could have saved me, if only you tried. You could have T. I love you, always, but I know you hate me. I know you don't care, you're feeling guilty that's why you are here. I don't care though, I blame myself for not being stronger. I love you mom and dad, T you are my bro I love you. But my time has come, my life is over. The darkness is waiting for me and my love, maybe one day we will meet again. But now it's over and I'm leaving this harsh cold world. Goodbye!

And as I said that we jumped, the water is getting closer and closer. I fell the impacted and the water is icy cold, Phil's and my fingers are still entwined as darkness takes over. The pain I once felt is gone now, it's replaced with--something numb.
A/N: I hope you liked it, please review and tell me what you think... This is one of my darker pieces and I know it's kinda confusing to read, but it is told by a depressed young man right before he commits suicide... I don't know... well review please, and if you didn't like it... then please don't flame... I'm already feeling depressed and I don't want to hear about how much it sucked and stuff... Flame it in a week or two... ok going now...

CrazyLake42