A/n: This fic. Is to 'In loving memory' by Alter Bridge.
I do not own the TMNT or any other affiliated characters.
Evergreen
Thanks for all you've done
I've missed you for so long
I can't believe you're gone
You still live in me
I feel you in the wind
You guide me constantly
The untimely death of their beloved Sensei and Father had hit the four brothers hard, driving them all into deep despair. Yet he had died how he wished, just like his Master, fighting for what he believed in. If anything, his death made the turtles realise just how much family truly meant. However, the grief that they felt made them fall apart.
Leo tried his hardest to take on the responsibilities his father had once held, much to the displeasure of Raphael. The eldest just wanted his disbanded family to become what they once were. Yet the red clad turtle didn't make it easy for him. The arguments between them became more frequent and violent. They now clashed more often than they got along, which was a rare occasion indeed.
He blamed himself. It was, after all, his duty to take care of his family; to make sure they were all still together. It would be what his father wanted. But Leo, try as he might, could not do it, and he fell further and further into despondency. Anything he did just made matters worse- especially between himself and Raphael.
It was in the end Michelangelo who managed to unite the family. His optimistic persistence and sunny smile brightened even the darkest moments. It had been sorely missed by each brother, though they would not admit it. So when the youngest had literally begged them all to become the family they were supposed to be, the three brothers could hardly say no.
Now, Leo sat beneath a large weathered oak tree that stood tall and proud in the pastures of Casey's grandma's farm, reminiscing about those joyful past family times when they were all still together; still a family.
"How'd you do it Mikey?" Leo asked sadly, looking up from his book on feudal Japan for a brief moment, the new scars that aligned his twenty-one year old body stretching with the small movement.
"Well, you climb the tree, then kind'a hook your legs over the branch and dangle like this. Voila, Turtle bat!" The young orange banded turtle grinned from his topsy-turvy perch upon the tree Leo was sitting beneath.
Leo shook his head in disbelief. "No. How do you keep smiling? Even after everything that's happened?" the eldest sighed, glancing upwards to his youngest sibling.
Michelangelo smiled softly, swinging into a sitting position upon his branch. "You worry too much bro," he replied. "I smile, because that's who I am. I'm the optimist. I mean, someone's gotta be. You guys all look like you're chewing on a wasp!"
"I resent that," Leo pouted, glaring light heartedly at the sea green turtle.
"Just because you know it's true," Mikey sang teasingly, his eyes glinting with mischief.
"I don't know what we'd do without you," Leo admitted, a sad frown crossing his face as he leant against the tree. "You're the one that keeps us together. That and you stop Raph from killing us all… And us from killing him."
Mikey laughed, "Dude, It's all in the innocent grin." He paused, watching his eldest with a crocked smile. "What you've gotta remember is, Raph isn't as hard as his shell. He's just like us when it comes down to it. All he does is react with anger."
"Don't I know it," The blue clad turtle sighed exasperatedly. "I just wish I could… be like you."
The orange clad turtle fell back into his upside down position, looking as his oldest brother with an understanding smile, "You are bro. More than you know."
Leo felt an overwhelming sense of purpose flood through him. He wasn't leader just because he was oldest, but because he was also a good brother. Slowly, a smile adorned his lips, his eyes twinkling with adoration as he thanked Mikey silently, shaking off the small tear that fell down his cheek.
"Soppy reptile," Mikey teased, earning a small laugh from Leo as April leaned out of the back door and announced lunch.
I've never knew what it was to be alone, no And I know, you're a part of me
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
And ill come home and I miss your face so
Smiling down on me
I close my eyes to see
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
The TV was a comforting background buzz as Donatello sat alone at the kitchen table, immersed in his fiddling with one of his many projects. Occasionally, his eyes would lift from his work to glance at 'Heroes' as it flickered across the screen. Usually, he would relish being alone, and love the silence it brought. But today, he felt the need for that small noise.
A grin alighted his face for a moment as he watched the characters move through the scenes before it reverted back to his concentrated façade as he returned to his work.
"What'cha doing?" Mikey asked, a blatant bored undertone to his voice as he peeked over the back of the couch.
"You know that flying toy helicopter you've been bugging me about?" Don let an exasperated smile cross his beak as he took a brief glance towards his brother.
"You're actually making it?! Dude! I ever told you that you're my favourite turtle?" Mikey grinned, hopping on top of the backboard of the worn couch to gain a better view.
Donnie laughed, looking up from his project to the youngest turtle, who sat wide eyed and intrigued before him. "I'd better be after the amount of trouble this thing's caused me. I could be working on Raph's trashed shell cycle. Poor thing will never be the same." He shook his head dejectedly.
"Aw, but I'm so much prettier than Raph. And better tempered!" Mikey fluttered his eyelashes delicately, his blue eyes turning large and innocent.
"You can say that again," Don muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes as his mind wandered back to that night when Raph had wandered in with half his skin missing. A bike accident, he'd said; though Don had smelt the alcohol on his brothers' breath. The shell cycle had been another victim in the incident, both of which were Donnie's duty to patch up.
Sometimes, there just weren't enough hours in the day.
"Lighten up, Don!" Mikey exclaimed jovially, rolling his eyes dramatically. "You work way too hard. Take a break; relax. You need some Donatello time."
"But I don't have time, Mikey. That's the thing," Donnie sighed, placing his tools carefully on the table. "There's too much to be done and…"
"And nothing. You're just making excuses now," Mikey scolded gently.
"I… I know. It's just," Donnie paused, averting his eyes sheepishly. "I don't know how to switch off."
Michelangelo smiled, falling backwards to the soft cushions of the sofa and patting the seat beside him invitingly, "Then it's time you learnt Grasshopper."
Donatello shook his head in disbelief, a small grin spreading across his beak as he soon found himself on the comfortable piece of worn furniture beside his youngest sibling. His eyes stared at the television for a moment, 'Heroes' still playing across the screen before he looked to Mikey.
"Now for lesson two," the orange clad turtle congratulated him with a wide grin as he moved his feet demonstratively so they sat upon the coffee table in front of them. He watched his brother, raising an eye ridge supportively.
The purple clad turtle mimicked his brother's movements, even sinking into the couch further, the cushions moulding around his form comfortably.
"A plus, plus!" Mikey grinned. "Now just sit back, relax and enjoy."
Donatello lay back, shuffling into a better position before letting his hands fold across his stomach, letting thought drift away from him as he watched Hiro Nakamura steal a fake sword from a museum in New York. He found himself thoroughly enjoying the experience, and let a small happy smile filter across his beak. It had been so long since he could just let himself unwind. It was wonderful to not be doing anything.
"Donnie?" Leo called, stepping into the adjoined kitchen and living room, eyes moving to the table. Raising an eye ridge at the absence of his purple clad brother, he turned immediately to the noise of the television. "Hey, Don?"
"Uh huh?" Donnie's voice answered distractedly from the couch.
"Just wondering what you were up to…" Leo replied quietly, an undertone of disbelief to his voice as he looked from the unfinished project back to the small mound of green that was his brother. "Mikey rubbed off on you."
"Hey!" the youngest turtle exclaimed, a pout quickly forming on his beak as he folded his arms moodily across his plastron.
Leo cracked a grin as he watched his brother shoot a soft glare in his direction as a Mikey-esque pout adorned his features. "Training's in ten minutes," he said quietly before leaving the room, a small sad smile drifting across his face as he disappeared from view.
"Rude turtle, interrupting our program like that. The nerve!" Mikey chastised cheekily, the annoyed façade failing as he revealed a trade-mark Michelangelo grin.
Donatello let out a small laugh as he ran out his ten minutes watching the last of 'Heroes'. As the credits rolled up the screen, he shot an appreciative smile to his youngest sibling, clicking the off button on the TV before departing to the outside world.
Silence once more reigned through the empty room.
I carry the things that remind me of you I've never knew what it was to be alone, no
In loving memory of
The one that was so true
Your were as kind as you could be
And even though you're gone
You still mean the world to me
Cause you were always there for me
You were always there waiting
But now I come home and it's not the same, no
It feels empty and alone
I can't believe you're gone
Spinning kick. Right hook. Left Hook. Upper rising block. Left hook followed by roundhouse kick…
Each movement was merely a fleeting thought to Raphael as he attacked the air in front of him. It was a distraction; a way to pass the time and work out his anger. He didn't like having this raging fire welling inside of him, it was just who he wad. He wasn't calm like Leo, or intelligent like Donatello, and he certainly wasn't as carefree and optimistic as Michelangelo.
That's probably why he loved the youngest turtle so; he could just get on with everything and no matter what could always find the silver lining. Raph admired Mikey so much for being able to do that, and wished that he could walk in his brother's shoes, even for just a day.
Glaring at the ground in front of him, a mixture of emotions ran across his face and through his soul; grief, longing, fury, regret, and memories of once being happy.
Upper rising block. Snap kick. Right hook. Rolling kick. Left hook…
Life was never straight forward. There were lumps, bumps and brick walls that seemed to constantly get in the way. And most of the time, the only thing you could do is avoid them. But then, you had that looming threat of those problems coming back to kick you up the butt.
"Du-uu-ude!" Mikey exclaimed, eyes widening in shock as he only just managed to avoid being hit by a high rolling kick.
Raph stopped, breathing heavily as he wiped the light beads of sweat from his brow. His eyes watched his youngest brother inquisitively, the orange clad turtle just staring back with a wide grin.
"You remind me of Leo when you concentrate like that," Mikey teased, his bright blue eyes twinkling with mischief.
Raph glared dangerously at his youngest sibling, arms folded across his plastron as he tried and failed to stop a smirk from crossing his face. "Don't ever say that again," he told Mikey.
"Aw, but it's too much fun teasing you," Mikey pouted, rocking on his heels.
"For you maybe, shell for brains," Raph rolled his eyes, the tension in his shoulders easing as he relaxed. In truth, he loved the little fights that he and Mikey had. They were fun; it was nice to just let loose and go a bit crazy.
"You say that, but you love it really," Mikey replied with a wide grin and a knowing wink.
Raph glared light heartedly at his brother for seeing straight through him. Then again, Mikey always had a knack for knowing what others were feeling. It was his strong empathy towards others.
"How do you dot that?" Raph asked after a moments silence, an inquisitive frown on his beak.
"You're going to have to be a tiny bit more specific bro," the orange clad turtle replied, raising an eye ridge in befuddlement.
"You know," the emerald green turtle said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "How do you always manage to see the silver lining?"
Mikey smiled, "Because there is always a silver lining. You just need to open your eyes a little wider."
His words in a weird way made sense to Raphael. He didn't know how, they just did. It was like watching the stars; you didn't need to know how they came to be there to appreciate their beauty.
"Hey, when did you get all philosophical n stuff?" Raph smiled appreciatively at the youngest turtle.
"Moi?" Michelangelo grinned, winking at his brother. "Nah, just watch a lot of the mystic channel. You should try it sometime. Ya know, work on your inner karma."
Raph snorted in wry amusement. "Yeah, sure," he retorted sarcastically, rolling his eyes in a playful manner.
"Remember," Mikey straightened, forcing the smile off his face as he put on an appalling Indian accent. "Path to inner peace begins with acceptance. A thousand miles starts with a single step. Don't hate, love…" The young turtle brought is hands together with a dramatic sweeping motion.
"Okay, okay. I get it Ghandi," Raph held up his hands in mock surrender.
"Good. Maybe now you and Leo might get along," Mikey smirked, raising an eye ridge at his hot headed brother.
"We got on fine," Raph noticed the look of disbelief on Michelangelo's face and sighed dejectedly. "Okay, you have a point. But I ain't my fault fearless has decided to take on the world by himself. He's so god damn bossy! He thinks that just because he's oldest, he knows best. I'm sick of it…"
"Half the time, Leo does know best," Mikey admitted to Raph, his eyes pleading with the red clad turtle to understand. "Not that I like to admit it."
Raph's face darkened, and he shuffled uncomfortably before the burning stare he was receiving from his youngest brother. What hurt him most was that Mikey was right, and so was Leo.
"Dude, what you have to understand is that Leo does this because he thinks it's his responsibility. You make it no easier for him to try and keep our family from falling apart. Leo won't admit it, but he needs you, Raphie. Just like you need him," the orange clad turtle stated, his voice soft and the smile on his beak was comforting.
Raphael turned away, the truth in his brother's words making him ashamed of his past actions. Leo was his best friend, as well as his brother. Raph hated it when they argued, but he just couldn't stop the verbal diarrhoea that spilled from his mouth. A sad frown crept onto his face as he stared up at the horizon, "I just want it to be like it was before; when we were all still together. A proper family…"
"We all do, but you can't change the past, or run from it, no matter how much it hurts," Mikey tried to console his dishevelled brother. "The future's where it's at bro, and that's what you've got to save."
His words stung Raph, but in a way that made him realise the hard truth of the situation. There was no turning back now. There was nothing he could do to change the past, no matter how much he wanted to. All he could do now was deal with what he had, and try to make life all that much better.
No matter what happens, life still goes on, and if you don't travel with it, you might find yourself being consumed by feelings you should've long since dealt with.
"The fact that you're right worries me, bone head," Raph replied affectionately, a fleeting smile alighting his beak as he turned back to a smiling Michelangelo.
"What can I say? I'm a genius," the orange clad turtle answered with an egotistical smirk. "And you sir, are a hot head."
"Cheese ball," Raph retorted playfully.
"Hose nose," Mikey shot back.
"Garbage breath!"
"Sewer slime!"
"Super zero!"
"Ninja dropout!"
"Ooo, I'll show you ninja dropout," Raph growled, cracking his knuckles and lunging at Mikey, who dodged easily with a quick girly scream.
"Raph! What are you doing?" Leo asked, his eyes sullen and tired, but his voice was lined with concerned confusion.
The red clad turtle in question wheeled round, raising an eye ridge at the sudden appearance of his eldest brother before motioning behind him to where Michelangelo had been standing only moments before. "It was Mikey's fault. He needs a good arse kicking…"
"Raph," Leo interrupted him with a worried frown. "Mikey's not there. Mikey's gone."
Raphael slowly turned, looking expectantly for his youngest brother, wondering where the mischievous young turtle could be hiding. "No, he was just here. Mikey? Come out you little wart!" The second eldest called.
Worried creases lined Leo's face as he placed a gentle tentative hand upon his brothers shoulder, understanding the red clad turtle's grief. "Mikey…" Leo inhaled, pausing for a moment. "Raph, Mikey's not coming back."
The red clad turtle's shoulders tensed, his eyes filling with tears waiting to be shed. "Mikey is coming back, Leo. I know he's coming back cause… cause he's gotta."
If Leo didn't know any better, he would've almost believed his brother. The conviction in his voice was just so strong.
Denial was a strange thing. It affected everyone differently. Some people didn't even get it. But soon, every body has to deal with it; has to face the truth, even if it's the hardest thing to do.
The truth that no matter how much you want to, you're never going to hear that person laugh again, or see there bright smile, or watch them as they slept peacefully through the night. The truth that you're never going to hold them again in your arms, or play video games with them, or sit up talking late into the night with them.
The truth that they're never going to come back.
Raph felt himself being drawn into an embrace by his older brother, silent sobs shaking his body as tears began to fall down his cheeks- tears for every single note of laughter that would never be heard. Both turtles took solace in that single embrace, the comfort of someone close to them allowing the tears to flow freely, releasing the pain that had been for so long locked inside of them.
The two brothers stood in each others arms for some time, neither wanting to release the other for fear of loosing them too.
"Come on, they're waiting for us," Leo finally said, wiping the tears that soaked his bandana across his arm, puffy red eyes staring at the glistening tears that fell down his brother's cheeks.
Raph nodded solemnly, rubbing the palms of his hands across his cheeks, attempting to dry his moistened eyes.
The momentary perpetual bubble of calm before the oncoming storm was one which both siblings took comfort in. Neither spoke as they made their way slowly across the soft field of grass to a small clearing in a grove of evergreens that was to be the site of Michelangelo's grave.
And I know, you're a part of me I'm glad he set you free from sorrow And what you did you did with feeling
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
I'll still love you more tomorrow
And you will be here with me still
And You always found the meaning
And you always will
And you always will
And you always will
The funeral was a simple affair seeing as not many people actually knew of the turtle's existence. The Justice force, Angel, and the Daimyo were just a few of the people who attended along with April, Casey, and the three remaining mutants. All came to bid farewell to a well loved friend and fellow comrade.
Soon though, the sun began to waver, and every one parted their separate ways, leaving the five closest companions standing before two knolls.
The older mound of earth had a grassy top now, and held the headstone of Master Splinter, beloved father and teacher. Michelangelo was laid to rest beside him, the fresh mound of earth and new headstone marking his grave. Father and son lay forever beside each other, beneath the trees of evergreen.
The sun stretched out its limbs, basking the small group in a golden radiance as it streamed through the trees. April leant against Casey, fresh tears glinting on both their cheeks as they huddled against each other, looking for comfort. They'd each lost a close friend in the young turtle, and mourned his passing dearly. But they found themselves walking away in each others arms, leaving the remaining three brothers to pay their last respects in private.
Silence reigned amongst the three brothers as they stood side by side before the grave of their youngest sibling. The fresh tears that fell washed away the light layer of dirt that covered their faces, but they didn't care. Nothing mattered to them anymore; nothing but the absence of their smiling brother.
They'd lost him. They'd lost the centre of their family, the one that brought them back together; the one that made everything better; the one who could see through the dark and turn on the light. He kept them smiling throughout. Without him, the turtle's found themselves walking aimlessly through life.
Leo choked back a sob as he stared at the marker for his brother's final resting place. It was wrong to have to bury a sibling so early in life. It was wrong not to see his brother standing beside them. It was just all wrong, and it tore him up inside.
But something kept him from breaking down, a soft smile that he felt inside of him, pulling him from the pit of never-ending darkness. He knew that Mikey wouldn't want to see him tearing himself up in guilt; he didn't know how he knew, he just did.
He smiled softly through the tears, the ghost of Michelangelo's laugh dancing on the breeze as it toyed with his bandana. Stepping up to the grave, he transferred a kiss from his fingers to the marker. "Love you Mikey," he whispered before walking away, listening to the smile on the wind.
Donatello's eyes never moved from the mound of earth as his older brother left. His eyes hadn't moved from that spot since everyone had left. Thoughts raced through his mind, emotions he didn't like bubbling inside of him. He didn't know what to do.
This was something he couldn't fix, no matter how many calculations he did; no matter how many late nights he spent at his computer. His intelligence couldn't help him out of this situation. It couldn't bring his brother back.
Mikey would've known what to do, Donnie was sure of that. No matter what happened, the orange clad turtle always had an answer, no matter how far-fetched.
That's when Donnie realised that Mikey did have the answer.
Family.
If nothing else, Don was sure that his family would be there until the end, even if they weren't there in person. It made everything seem that little bright to know that wherever he went, Mikey would always be there. Because they were family, and no matter what, they would always be together.
"Thanks Mikey," Donatello whispered, a little sad smile creeping onto his face as he left, feeling the kiss of a warm breeze on his face.
Raph offered a fleeting smile as his brother placed a comforting hand on his shoulder before he walked away, leaving him by himself in front of Michelangelo's final resting place, haloed by a golden glow.
It was weird to think that he'd never see his brother again. He'd always thought of Mikey as indestructible. No matter what happened, he was always there; always smiling. Even through all of Raph's hissy-fits, Mikey had never wavered once. It was unfair that he'd been taken from them so soon. Mikey should be with them to the very end.
Raph choked back a sob, letting silent tears stream down his face. He wished he could go back; he wished he could save his brother; he wished he could stop this whole stupid mess. But you couldn't change the past not matter how hard you tried, only your future. And that's what he needed to save.
"I'm gonna miss you little brother," Raph whispered into the fading light, a warm breeze whipping his mask tails affectionately as it lifted the tears from his cheeks, whisking them off into the trees.
Taking one last glance at the headstone, Raph walked away, breathing in deeply the dusk air.
"Here lies Michelangelo Hamato
1984 - 2005
His love was Evergreen."
And I know, you're a part of me
And it's your song that sets me free
I sing it while I feel I can't hold on
I sing tonight cause it comforts me
End…