I felt the need to write Hao/Tamao. Hence, this. I think I was inspired to write one-shot Hao stream of consciousness by Apple-chan's latest fic The Wedding (read it. I command you.), only I can't pull it off nearly as well as she does. Oh well.
Disclaimer: If I owned Shaman King, Marco would not be wearing short shorts at the beginning of volume 25. [shudders and goes to wash out her eyes]
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"You please me even more. You have certainly become someone worthy of being the wife of the Shaman King." I said those words to Anna once, during the Shaman Fights. You were there, I remember, looking utterly appalled at my boldness. Did the smallest bit of you ache with a twinge of jealousy that such words were for Anna and not for you? I know many things, but I do not know your heart, quiet and unassuming as it is. I do not quite even know the reason it came to my attention at all. I can see how you would feel no jealousy; your decency would recoil from my touch, from my burning, proud gaze. You were too innocent, and still are.
Yet perhaps you were jealous. Fit to be the wife of the Shaman King. Of course I meant me when I said Shaman King, but I know what you never doubted that my brother would be the one to hold that title. So my words would be a small bit of hope to your stifled spirit, that someone saw within you that which was worthy of my brother. But what does it matter? That was years ago, and my words were for Anna, to whom my brother belongs.
I know what it is to want something terribly, so much that the ache of that desire never truly leaves you, even at your happiest moment. I know how you keep your quiet yearnings for Yoh, and how perhaps he is the only person quite completely unaware of that. But I do not know how it is that you love and wish silently as you do. Whenever I wanted something, I went out and got it. Well, mostly, but I could not have Anna. Why she chooses to be tied to Yoh, I'll never know; perhaps it is also the reason he submits to her iron reign. And there we are the same, you and I. I am denied the fiery itako by my soft-smiling brother as you are denied his affections by his tyrannical fiancée.
Yet there we are also different. I cannot say I loved Anna, though I wanted her. I wanted her strength, her stubbornness, her unwavering loyalty, and that delightful novelty of having someone with the backbone to talk back to me (or even slap me.) What are other people but tools in the end? Oh, yes, I was married five hundred years ago, but my wife was there simply to bear me progeny (sometimes I regret it; they've been a bit of a nuisance) and unwittingly aid my ruse of a normal life until the time of the Shaman Fights came and she was of no use anymore. I was killed then; I wonder what happened to her.
So, you see, I don't quite relate to this feeling you have for my brother, how you can quietly wish for him and yet be glad when he's happy, or how you can feel fulfilled (if only for a little while) just by being close to him.
I know you won't explain it to me, that you'll be shy and wary of me, but sometimes I wish you'd at least try. Why? Because…because I am Asakura Hao and, knowing just about everything, I should understand most everything, and it irks me when I don't. Yes. That's why. But it really matters little to me. There is no real reason such sentimentalism should be of any importance to me; I am free and love does not touch me. I do not need it of anything or anyone else. Let mortals play with it if they like; I know I wait with great anticipation for the inevitable unfolding of events as my brother's friends grow older and being to realize the finer points of the opposite sex.
Perhaps you'll find yourself caught up in the silliness, but if you don't, you're welcome to observe it with me, Tamao. You'll need to not mind being on the outer fringe of the happenings, of course, but sometimes you already know what that's like. No, don't look so crushed; I know how it feels too. It's not pleasant feeling unwanted, is it? Ah, well, you grow used to it after a millennium.
Come, sit a while. You've finished your chores and Anna won't be wanting your help in the kitchen for another hour. I'll be here a scheme longer, watching the world age, and it's been a while since I've had much company.
Owari