The Following Trailer Is Rated NM For No Mercy!
As the monster of modern entertainment continues to ruin beloved classics with halfassed reboots, behold yet another remake that tries to be interesting and original, by removing everything that made the classic interesting and original in the first place and replacing it with cheap, trendy bullshit.
Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!
Enter the latest reboot of the TMNT, as everyone's favorite turtles continue to prowl New York City, just as they have since the 80s, only this time, they have no personalities, no charm, and no original villains to fight.
Say goodbye to the individuality and family dynamic that was the heart and soul of TMNT as the turtles regress into a quartet of wisecracking idiots with the same personalty as Mikey. Let me repeat that, ALL FOUR OF THEM ARE NOW CHEAP CLONES OF MICHELANGELO! See April O'Neil, now an aggressive, sassy, street smart black woman who chews on rats and beats the crap out of people with a baseball bat, and Splinter, once the devoted and revered teacher and father, is now a fat, verbally abusive asshole who refers to the turtles by their colors instead of their names, just like any other father does.
Enter a bold new world where absolutely nothing is too batshit insane to make an appearance, where Praying Mantises run salvage yards, mutant capybaras run dog shelters, and Baxter Stockman is now a whiny stock boy at the local supermarket.
So sit back, enjoy the pristine animation and fast paced action, and try to ignore the fact that your precious childhood nostalgia has been dumped into a blender and turned into a shit smoothie for your consuming pleasure, all in the name of cheap profit.
Starring:
Party Dude 1- Leonardo
Party Dude 2- Donatello
Party Dude 3- Raphael
Party Dude 4- Michelangelo
Samuel Whiskers- Splinter
Where the Hell am I?! Shredder
April O'Getto- April
Baron Cena- Baron Draxum
Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turds!
Anyone notice a pattern here? First they made Mary Jane Watson black, now April O'Neil is black... Hollywood has officially declared war on redheads!