Author's Notes: This is undoubtedly crack. Pure, unadulterated crack. So I don't apologize for the OOCness or the fact that Daniel and Jonas are both here.
Calvinball
Colonel Jack O'Neill was bored. There was no getting around it. He was completely, utterly, totally, down-to-the-bone bored.
Idly, he twirled a pen between his fingers as he thought. What could he do? Catch up on some paperwork? He glanced at the stack on his bed. Nah. The "to do" pile was considerably smaller than it had been when he'd arrived that morning. Enough paperwork for a week or two. Besides, paperwork was even more boring than being bored, and he didn't want that.
With a sigh, he stood and wandered over to his closet. Opening the doors, he glanced around inside. Cologne. Clothes. Hangers. Mirror. Razor. Football. Empty picture frame.
Wait a second. Football? He picked the ball up and tossed it into the air. Hey, that was cool. He tossed it again, higher this time, and watched as it spiraled back into his hands. He grinned. Yeah, that was really cool.
There was a knock at his door then. Two quick raps, followed by a third, almost as an afterthought. Carter's knock.
"Come on in, Major!" he called, catching the ball. He waited for the door to open all the way before he chucked the ball again, this time at Major Samantha Carter. "Catch, Carter!"
Sam squeaked-she actually squeaked-as the ball soared to her. She dropped the folder she'd been holding and caught the ball, staring at it in bewilderment. Jack erupted into laughter.
"Sir?" His 21C's voice was more than a little confused, and he thought he could detect a bit of amusement in there as well. Which was good. For a split second, he'd been afraid that she'd be angry with him. But she just held the ball, absently picking up her folder, and waited for his explanation.
"Sorry, Carter," he shrugged. "I'm bored."
Sam snorted, rolling her eyes. "Of course you are, sir."
O'Neill raised an eyebrow. "Hey, it's not like there's anything to do" he said defensively. "No apocalypses today or anything." He thought for a second, then added apprehensively, "Right? No apocalypses?"
"No, sir, no apocalypses," Sam grinned. She tossed the folder down on his bed and examined the football. "Sir...if I may ask...why do you have a football?"
"Hell if I know," Jack shrugged. "Come on, give it back."
Sam smirked. "I don't know if I want to." She paused. Then, "Sir."
O'Neill's eyebrows shot dangerously close to his hairline. He spoke carefully, testing the waters, so to speak. "Excuse me, Major? Just what are you saying?"
"You're not the only one that's bored," Sam shot back. She grinned, challenging. "So you can have your ball...if you can catch me."
And with that, she whirled and disappeared down the hall. Jack stood there blinking, dumbfounded, before what had just happened finally sunk in. Grinning, he took off after the Major.
For a second, Sam thought he wouldn't follow. She slapped herself internally; of course he wouldn't follow! He was her CO for God's sake! What the hell did she think she was doing, playing around like this? It was unacceptable behavior, especially while they were on duty!
But then she heard heavy footfalls behind her and knew he was giving chase. Eyes wide, she sprinted a little faster, skidding around the corner with the football tucked comfortably in the crook of her arm.
"Gotcha!" Jack's rough voice tickled her ear. He grabbed the back belt loop of her pants and tugged. Expertly, he plucked the football from her arm. Jack kept his hold on her belt loop, both of them laughing. Finally, he let her go.
"So you wanna play?" he grinned. She just shrugged nonchalantly; though she had a feeling the look in her eyes gave her away. As long as she was being honest, yeah, she did want to play. She was just as bored as he was. Nothing was going to happen while they were on duty. Besides, most of the SGC staff was on down time anyway. They were running with minimal operating staff for the whole week. Only two teams were off world at the moment. So it's not like she was busy or anything.
"Okay, then, we'll play," Jack's voice drew her out of her thoughts. "Here are the rules: whoever gets the ball to the next level gets a point. We play all the way to the surface. Whoever has the most points when we get there wins."
"That's it?" Sam sounded surprised.
"That's it," the colonel affirmed. "I'll even give you a fifteen second head start to make things a little more interesting."
He held the ball out to her. Sam looked at it, a smile tugging on her lips. "You're gonna lose," she said matter-of-factly. Then she took the ball and ran with it.
O'Neill grinned. Sweet.
His voice followed her down the hall, counting off the seconds just a little too quickly. Sam glanced around her. She knew she couldn't beat him to the elevator, or even the stairs, especially not with the way he was counting. So, thinking fast, she headed for one of the doors to her right and slipped inside.
"Major Carter?" Jonas looked up from his desk, frowning at his teammate. She held a finger up to her lips, pressing her ear to the door as she listened for Colonel O'Neill. Jonas, of course, did not take the hint right away.
"What are you doing, Sam?" he asked, standing up. "Is there something you need?"
Sam closed her eyes. "Yeah, actually. Colonel O'Neill is probably going to come in here looking for me," she explained. "Tell him he just missed me, okay? And if he asks you where I went, tell him I was heading toward the commissary."
"Okay...?" Jonas agreed, though confused. His confusion grew as Sam dove into his closet. Brow furrowed, Jonas sat back down at his desk. Even after a year, he couldn't even begin to guess as to why humans did the things they did. The members of his team were no exception.
Seconds later, as Sam had predicted, Colonel O'Neill burst into his room.
"Where is she?" he demanded.
"Where is who?" Jonas deadpanned loyally. O'Neill scowled.
"Sa-Major Carter!" he barked. "She's gotta be here somewhere. You seen her?"
"Just a few seconds ago," Jonas nodded. "She told me not to tell you that she was going to the commissary."
O'Neill froze, and Jonas had the common sense to act like he was mortified by his 'slip'.
"Thanks, Jonas!" Jack said quickly, sprinting out of the room and disappearing around the corner. Sam almost immediately fell out of Jonas's closet, giggling like a teenager. She held the football protectively in her hands.
"Major Carter?" Jonas said pointedly. Carter looked up at him, hopelessly trying to curb her laughter.
"Yeah (snort) Jonas?"
"What...what are you doing?"
"Playing a game," Sam said simply. She opened her mouth to explain, then snapped it shut as an idea raced around in her mind. "Hey Jonas?"
"Yes, Sam?"
"You wanna play too?"
"What? Me?"
"Yeah," Sam shrugged. "Why not? Look, all you have to do is get the ball to the next level and you get a point. Just wait for me there."
"That's . all?"
"Yeah."
Jonas thought about it for a moment. On the one hand, he did have things he should do. On the other hand...he didn't want to do them. Then he grinned. He'd play, he knew, but maybe he could get something out of it first. "I don't know. What's in it for me?"
Sam's eyebrows rose in surprise. She searched his face for some sign that he was joking...and found none. She sighed. "Well, I guess I could teach you to drive."
Jonas's eyes lit up. He'd been badgering everyone to teach him that for months! "Deal!"
Sam smiled brilliantly, tossing him the ball. He caught it clumsily. "Just take it to the next level, right?"
"Yeah," Sam nodded. "I'll find the colonel and distract him. Okay?"
"Okay." He left the room and headed for the elevator. Sam grinned and went after O'Neill.
O'Neill scanned the commissary quickly. No Carter. So either he just missed her again or, and this was what he thought to be more likely, the little minx had faked him out.
"Colonel O'Neill?"
Jack jumped in surprise and turned. "Hey, Daniel. You seen Major Carter today?"
"Not since early this morning," Daniel shook his head. "Why?"
"We're playing a game," Jack said vaguely, much to the surprise of his teammate. "And she is not going to get that ball to the surface. Not if I have anything to do about it."
"Um...okay," Daniel said slowly, frowning. "I, uh, haven't seen Sam, but...I did see Jonas not two minutes ago."
Jack stared blankly at Daniel. "So?"
"He was carrying a football."
"He was what?" Jack exploded. So she had faked him out! "She's cheating! That's so unfair!"
Daniel just stood and stared as his team leader ranted. Suddenly, the man stopped short and turned to look at the doctor. Daniel gulped. "Jack?"
"Daniel," Jack said congenially, throwing an arm around Daniel's shoulder. "You wanna do me a favor?"
"Catch Jonas?"
"You got it!" Jack grinned. Smart boy, Daniel was. "Just get that ball from him. It can't get to the next level!"
Daniel frowned. "Next level?"
"Or Carter gets a point."
"Technically, Jonas does."
Jack blinked. "Yeah, whatever. Just get that ball!"
"Well... Okay," Daniel agreed. "What about you?"
"I'm going after Carter, of course."
"Of course."
They stood there in silence for a moment. Finally, Jack swatted at Daniel. "Why are you just standing there? Go find Jonas!"
Daniel smirked and walked off. He'd get the ball, sure. But he wouldn't be giving it to Jack O'Neill. Nope, he had a mind to win the game himself.
Target sighted, Jack thought to himself as he watched, concealed, as Sam hesitantly rounded the corner. She had her arm curled by her side, her other hand over it protectively; therefore giving the appearance that she was holding something. Which, Jack knew, she was not. Vixen!
Grinning triumphantly, he charged out of his hiding place and headed straight for his 2IC. Sam yelped and ran the other way.
Teal'c watched calmly as Jonas walked right toward him. He'd heard the conversation between Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill, if entirely by accident. They were being childish, he knew, but it was an intriguing idea. And he wanted to play.
As Jonas approached, Teal'c stepped out of his waiting spot and into the man's path. Jonas's eyes widened and he clutched the football protectively.
"You are playing Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter's game," the Jaffa stated bluntly.
"Um. Yeah."
"You are on whose team?"
Jonas smirked. "Well . I'm supposed to be helping Sam. But...I don't want to anymore."
"Then you are attempting to get the football to surface level yourself?"
"Surface? Is that where you have to go to win?"
Teal'c just raised his eyebrow. Jonas nodded vigorously. "Yeah, then. That's what I'm doing."
"Then I am sorry to inform you that you will lose," Teal'c said. Before Jonas could ask him what, exactly, he meant, the Jaffa plucked the ball from between his fingers. Smiling his cool smile, he jogged easily toward the elevator, leaving Jonas standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hallway.
And that was exactly how Daniel Jackson found him nearly five minutes later. Triumphantly, Daniel seized Jonas by the shoulders.
"Daniel?"
"Hey Jonas," Daniel smiled. He reached out to snatch the football, only to snag thin air. He blinked.
"Teal'c, um, took it," Jonas muttered.
"He took it?"
"Yeah."
"What for?"
"He, uh, wanted to play, I guess," Jonas said in a wondering tone. Daniel did a double take.
"Teal'c wanted to play?"
"Um, yeah."
"So now he has the ball?"
"Yeah."
"We've gotta catch him!"
"Yeah."
The two took off after Teal'c.
Doctor Janet Fraiser looked up as Teal'c made a beeline through the infirmary.
"Teal'c, hel-"
"Hello, Dr. Fraiser." Teal'c didn't even stop moving. "Goodbye, Dr. Fraiser."
Janet frowned. Was that a football the Jaffa was carrying? Janet glanced around. They won't be needing me for...at all, she thought to herself, standing. With a grin, she exited the infirmary...
...And ran right into Major Carter and Colonel O'Neill.
"Sorry, Janet," Sam blushed. "We, ah, we were just-"
"Did you two see Teal'c?" Janet interrupted.
"Teal'c?"
"Yeah. He just ran through the infirmary carrying a football. You didn't happen to see where he went, did you?"
"A football, you say?" O'Neill raised an eyebrow. He and Sam exchanged a look.
"Yes, a football," Janet narrowed her eyes at the two. "Okay, spill it. What's going on?"
"You don't think he's playing, do you, sir?" Sam's voice was heavy with disbelief.
"Playing what?"
The military unit of SG-1 exchanged another look. Sam took Janet by the arm and led her down the hallway. "We'll explain as we go. Now, we have to find Teal'c."
Daniel and Jonas burst out of the stair well at the same time as Carter, O'Neill, and Dr. Fraiser emerged from the elevator. The five stared awkwardly at each other.
"So you're playing too?" O'Neill finally ventured.
"Yeah," Daniel agreed. He nodded toward Janet. "You too?"
"Uh, yeah," Janet shrugged. "Why not?"
"And so's Teal'c?" Sam asked.
Jonas mimicked Janet's shrug. "Apparently so."
Another moment's silence. Then, as if on cue, Daniel, Jonas, and Janet all broke up and headed in different directions. Sam and Jack stood where they were left.
"See what you started?" Jack finally demanded.
"Me, sir?"
"Yeah, you."
"It's your ball."
Silence. Then, as one, the two said, "Our fault then?"
They laughed. "I never expected I'd be doing this," Sam giggled, shaking her head.
"This in particular?" Jack asked, indicating the two of them. "Or...the whole thing in general?"
"The whole thing in general," Sam explained. "Somehow, the thought that I'd end up playing Calvinball with my co-workers never occurred to me."
"Calvinball?"
"Yes, sir. It's a, uh, game in a comic strip-"
"Calvin and Hobbes," Jack finished, grinning. "Quintessential reading, Major."
"We'd better get moving," Sam said suddenly. "If we want to catch Teal'c."
"Or whoever else has the ball by now."
The two split up.
Jonas ran up behind Teal'c and snatched the ball. Before Teal'c could react, Jonas quickly changed direction and sprinted back the same way he'd come. By the time Teal'c managed to turn around and follow Jonas Quinn around the corner, the man was nowhere in sight.
Jonas watched from his hiding place as Teal'c stopped and turned around in confusion. The Jaffa turned in a circle, once, twice, three times before picking a direction at random and jogging away. Jonas smirked and raised the vent. He hopped out of the air duct and trotted happily toward the stairs.
Sam found Janet and Teal'c talking animatedly at the intersection between three hallways. Okay, so Janet was the one being animated. Teal'c was nodding where it was appropriate.
"You lost the ball?" Sam demanded of Teal'c during a lull in the conversation.
"Jonas Quinn took it from me," Teal'c affirmed. Sam's eyebrows rose. Teal'c shrugged. "I am going to find him."
And with that, he left the two women. They stared at each other.
"We can't let Jonas win," Sam finally said. "He won't let us forget it."
"He'll gloat," Janet agreed. Simultaneously, the two shuddered.
"Work together?"
"Agreed."
"He'll be going for the stairs," Sam said confidently. She pointed. "If you go that way, and I go this way, we should be able to intercept him."
"After that, every woman for herself?"
"Seems to be that way already," Sam muttered. "Uh...well, every...being for himself...herself. You know what I mean!"
Janet smirked but didn't answer. Sam just stuck her tongue out and shoved past her friend, down the hall. Janet moved in the opposite direction.
This cannot be happening! Sam almost growled out loud. One minute she'd been happily tracking Jonas, thinking of various ways she could get the ball and keep it away from everyone, including her current partner in crime Janet, and the next she was being stopped by some kid and grilled about one of the less-important studies happening up here on level...uh, what level were they on now? Fifteen. Level fifteen.
Just as Sam was about to lose it and shove the kid aside, there was movement in the corner of her eye. Cautiously, she glanced to the side. Jonas! So he thought he could sneak by her, did he? Hah! Not a chance. She turned back to the one-sided conversation and pretended to be very interested in what she was being told.
Jonas, sticking close to the wall, was going to try to sidle his way right past her. She almost snorted; she hadn't joined the military for nothing! And sneaking was definitely not Jonas's best skill. Sam edged closer to the soldier in front of her, pretending to scan the very official looking paper he was holding out. She turned slightly, exposing more of her back to Jonas, trying to lure him into a false sense of security.
It worked.
He allowed himself to drift away from the wall just a few inches. But a few inches was all Sam needed. Swiftly, she pounced. Whirling away from the soldier, she sprang at Jonas and grabbed the football. Before Jonas could get over the sudden attack, Sam was off and running, her laughter echoing behind her. Jonas blinked.
Then he, too, took off down the hall.
The poor, nameless soldier just stood there, blinking in surprise.
"Man," he muttered to himself. "SG-1 is even nuttier than everyone thinks."
Sam disappeared into the wall. Football tucked securely against her body, she used her free hand to grip the rungs of the ladder. Bracing herself against the wall with her back, she climbed swiftly up, past level fourteen, thirteen, twelve, eleven. Finally, she reached the top of the ladder and exited, emerging safely on level ten.
There was no way any of them could catch up to her now. She'd win for sure.
Someone snatched the ball right out of her hands.
Colonel O'Neill turned around briefly enough to flash the biggest shit-eating grin she'd ever seen, then continued on his way. Sam didn't waste any time wondering how the hell he'd caught her; she just ran after him.
But Jack knew that Sam could fight like a motherfucker and had absolutely no desire to prove himself right. He made sure that he was gone before she rounded the corner.
Sam gaped. No way that just happened. No way.
"So where'd he go?" Janet demanded.
"How the hell should I know?" Sam growled. "I didn't even know you guys were up here!"
"That's my fault," Jonas smirked, not at all apologetic. "I figured out you must have used the ladder, and I knew that one ended here on level ten."
"So you gathered an ambush," Sam concluded. Jonas nodded proudly. "So where are Teal'c and Daniel?"
"Don't know," Janet said. "They wouldn't work with us."
"Our best bet is to go with the elevator," Jonas said. "But maybe we should...split up?"
"Yeah, whatever," Sam muttered. "You go that way. I'll go this way."
"What about me?" Janet demanded.
"You're with me," Sam grabbed Janet's sleeve and pulled her down the hall with her.
Jonas wasn't particularly pleased with the way the game was going now. The plan had been so simple to start with: pretend to help Sam when really, he was going to win himself. Then Teal'c had to ruin that, and now here he was chasing after Jack O'Neill. He knew that if Jack won, none of them would ever live it down.
Not that they'd be able to live it down if he won either. But it would be worse if it were O'Neill.
"Psst, you!"
Jonas started. Daniel poked his head around a door and pulled Jonas roughly inside someone's quarters.
"Daniel?"
"Who has the ball?"
"O'Neill."
"Damn," Daniel swore. He fixed Jonas with a firm stare. "You know we can't let him win, right?"
"No, we cannot," Jonas agreed.
"Right then," Daniel nodded. "Let's go."
The two slipped out of the room quietly and walked together down the hall, each keeping a wary eye out for Colonel O'Neill. Suddenly, Jonas grabbed Daniel's arm and pulled him close against the wall.
"He's down there," he muttered, indicating the corner they were about to turn.
"How do you know?"
Jonas just smirked. "Look, if you chase him down that corridor to the left, at the end of that hallway, then he should run right into Sam and Janet. Think you can do it?"
"Of course I can!" Daniel huffed. He turned to go, then paused. "What will you do?"
"What do you think?" Jonas asked. "I'm going to try to get the ball. Same as everyone else."
"You're not going to win."
"No, Jack O'Neill is going to win. Unless-"
"I can get him," Daniel ground out. "Fine."
He took off, skidded around the corner, and nearly collided with Colonel O'Neill. "Hello, Jack."
Jack grinned. "Think ya can catch me?"
"Know I can."
Jack just raised an eyebrow. He turned, exactly the direction Daniel wanted him to go, and ran. Daniel quickly ran after him, slightly behind and to the right of his team leader. Jack cast a glance over his shoulder, frowning, and turned into a corridor to his left. He was well aware that Daniel was up to something. So aware, in fact, that he didn't notice Sam and Janet till he ran into them.
Janet didn't waste any time being shocked; she just pounced on the ball.
"Ha!" she cried. "Mine now! Bye!"
And then she was running down the hall, leaving Sam and Jack in a pile on the floor. Daniel emerged then, glanced quickly at his teammates on the floor, then down the hallway. He didn't even stop to help them up. He chased after Janet.
"Dammit," Jack growled, picking himself up. He extended to an unhappy looking Sam. She took it and allowed him to pull her up.
"She's going down," the woman stated bluntly, taking off. Jack was right behind her.
With an extra burst of speed, Sam caught up with Daniel. She pushed him out of the way. "You aren't going to get away with this, Janet!"
Janet just laughed and kept running. Teal'c suddenly stepped out of a corridor, seeming almost surprised to find Janet Fraiser barreling toward him full speed, football clutched to her stomach. Much to the surprise of everyone watching, the doctor nimbly evaded the Jaffa's outstretched arms and continued toward the elevator. She practically slammed into the wall, pressing the button hurriedly.
"Get her!" Daniel yelled. Sam threw all her weight forward as Janet tumbled into the elevator. She frantically pressed the door close button. By now, Sam could almost see the whites of her eyes. Hah! She was going to make it! Just ten more steps.
The elevator doors started closing.
"No!" The word fell from Sam's lips almost involuntarily. She pumped her legs harder. Eight more steps. Janet stuck her tongue out. Five more steps. Three...two...
Sam leapt at the elevator, but it was too late. The doors slid shut. The major crashed into them and slid to the floor.
"Sam!" Jack whined as he trotted up. "You let her get away!"
Sam growled at her CO. Daniel, Teal'c, and Jonas appeared out of nowhere. Teal'c reached down and plucked Sam from the ground. He stood her up and made sure she could balance on her own before letting her go.
"That elevator won't go all the way to the surface," Daniel pointed out. "It ends at level three."
"Then I suggest we use the stairs," Jonas said.
The five glanced around at each other before lunging as one for the stairwell.
Janet was supremely surprised to find herself surrounded as soon as she stepped out of the elevator. She hadn't expected them to climb the stairs so fast! Glancing around for an escape route, she found that her best bet was to run right between Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter.
Crap.
She was going down.
"Can't we...talk this out?" she asked weakly, holding the football against her stomach. A low growl came from Sam's throat. Janet laughed. "No, huh? Didn't think so."
She threw herself forward. Neither Sam nor Jack blinked; Jack threw his arms out to catch the doctor. Janet stopped moving. The football didn't. It sailed through the air in a perfect arch. Simultaneously, Sam, Daniel, Jonas, and Teal'c dove after it. Sam, being closest, caught it perfectly and darted down the hall toward the other elevator. However, instead of getting into the car, she made for the stairs. No way was she going to be ambushed getting out of the elevator.
She made it up one flight, two, with the five other players pounding noisily after her. The closer they got to ground level, the more crowded the stairwell became.
Sam tried her best to avoid running into people; that would seriously slow her down.
"Sorry!" she yelled as she threw herself up. She held the ball close to her body protectively. "Sorry again! Pardon me! Excuse me! Coming through! Move, dammit!"
She burst out the doors on level one and made instinctively toward the entrance. She could feel the others right behind her. Still trying to avoid running into anyone, Sam forced herself to run faster.
An arm suddenly wrapped itself around her waist; Jack hit her with a flying tackle, his other arm joining the first around his 2IC's waist. They hit the ground hard, and the ball bounced out of Sam's hands. Daniel and Teal'c were almost neck-in-neck as they ran by. O'Neill was on his feet in an instant, pulling Sam with him, and then they too were flying after the ball. Jonas and Janet suddenly bolted around the corner. Janet skidded to a stop; Jonas ran into her. O'Neill noticed too late that Teal'c and Daniel had also come to a stop. He veered as best he could around them, taking Sam with him, and also stopped. Sam collided with his back.
The ball wasn't moving.
It lay motionless on the ground. The six players formed a semi-circle around it, each about ten feet away. Sam slowly pulled her hand out of Jack's. They all eyed the ball.
The whispers started then; onlookers watching in wonder at the loonies from SG-1, who just stared at the football. What in hell were they doing?
Then Janet darted forward, picked the ball up, and ran toward sunlight.
"No way!" Jack yelled and took off after her. Sam took off after him, followed by the three remaining members of her team.
Somehow, Sam and Daniel reached Janet first. Sam threw herself at her friend, wrapped her arms around the woman's slender waist, and pulled her to the ground. They hit and rolled into sunlight. Daniel was there a second later, on top of the two, then and Jonas and finally O'Neill. Teal'c stayed well out of the way.
None of them noticed the ball bounce out of the pile.
"It's mine!" Janet yelled. "I won!"
"No way!" Sam protested. "I got it here! I won!"
"It's my ball!" O'Neill cried.
There was a sudden cough. The five of them went very still and looked up.
General Hammond was looking down at them. He was holding the ball.
"General..."
But Hammond held up one hand. He coughed again, as much to get their attention as to keep himself from laughing.
"All of you in my office," he ordered in what he hoped was a stern voice. "Now."
Slowly, they all pulled away and stood. Sam helped Janet off the ground. Slowly, heads hanging, they turned to walk sedately to the elevator. Teal'c and General Hammond followed close behind.
Sam suddenly snickered. She whispered, "I totally won."
"Oh, you did not!" Jack whispered back.
"Did so!"
"Did not!"
"Did so!"
"You cheated!"
"So did you!"
"We all cheated," Daniel pointed out.
"And I won!" Janet said vehemently.
"I got it up the most levels," Sam muttered.
"Did not," Jonas contradicted. "I did."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did-"
"Be quiet!" General Hammond barked. The team, plus Janet, filed into the elevator silently.
Sam poked Jonas and mouthed, "Did not."