Once upon a time there was a kingdom (for now we'll just call it the Combined States of Ericaqui). The Kingdom was a great and wonderful place that was the most powerful and respected in the world. It had won it's independence from the Nation of Tea and Crumpets over 200 years ago and although it had some problems in it's time it was getting along very well. The king of the Combined States of Ericaqui, King Cigar, had put out many decrees allowing for the upper middle class to get jobs and keep the money flowing through the kingdom and tried to help the moral of the citizens of the Kingdom. King Cigar also did many things for the international community, he tried to keep the peace between the Land of the Leprechauns and the Nation of Tea and Crumpets, he had tried to keep the peace between the fighting nations in the Holy Land of Many Religions. He also helped out comminutes in the Balkans (ah hell I can't think of any symbolic name for that). All and all King Cigar was a pretty good King.
However, King Cigar was a very charismatic king, needless to say he had a little affair with his servant. His wife, Queen Carpetbagger was upset but didn't leave him. The uptight fuddy-duddies of the Kingdom became enraged with his actions and tried to kill him. They failed. (haha take that!).
The time had come for the King to step down, he wanted to hand the kingdom over to his right-hand man, Rigid Gored. Rigid Gored was all too happy to become the next king of the Combined States of Ericaqui. However the uptight fuddy-duddies had another plan. Among them was the former king, Pussy-cat (if you can't figure out how I got that name you need to get out some more.) King Pussy-cat had been beaten by King Cigar eight years ago and was hoping for revenge. In a secret meeting the uptight old fuddy-duddies of the kingdom deiced on their course of action.
"We need a king who will be our tool, who we can control in every way. Who we can have pass the most outrageous bills, give all power to the fuddy-duddies and take it away power from the lovey-dovey liberals."
"Yes, exactly we need some one who will appoint a raciest, women-hating, homophobic, man to be the leader of defense."
"I agree but were will we find someone so dumb?"
From the shadows stepped former king Pussy-Cat.
"My son is the perfect man for the job."
"You mean, Stupid-Stuckup-Fratboy-Alcoholic-Hypocrite-Monkeyface Pussy?" Asked an old fuddy-duddy.
"Yes." Replied the former king
"But he just may just too dumb."
"I understand," Answered the former king, "But he will just be a front behind him will be a smart man, Dickinson Right."
The rest of the fuddy-duddies smiled and agreed. They went on to drink heavily and engage in homosexual sex, even though they publicly say that anyone who is not straight is the spawn of Satan.
Meanwhile in the castle Rigid Gored was speaking with King Cigar.
"I have chosen my right-hand man." Gored told the king, "May I present Man-of-different-Religion" (yahhhhhh for Gored hipp-hipp horah!, finally someone who can see past stupid bigotry!!!)
The king looked over Man-Of-Different-Religion with a heavy heart. He knew that it was the right choice but he also knew that the people of the Combined states of Ericaqui were not ready for such a change.
*In Stupid-Stuckup-Fratboy-Alcoholic-Hypocrite-Monkeyface Pussy's room*
Former King Pussy-Cat walked over to his son who was amusing himself with a ball of string. (YEAH SATERDAY NIGHT LIVE!).
"Son," he said "I have some exiting news."
Stupid-Stuckup-Fratboy-Alcoholic-Hypocrite-Monkeyface Pussy put down his ball of sting and looked up at his father confused. Former King Pussy-Cat was used to this look, it had been on his face since the day he was born.
"What daddy? Did you get me one of those scooters? Huh, did you did you?"
"No son," Stupid-Stuckup-Fratboy-Alcoholic-Hypocrite-Monkeyface Pussy looked upset but his father continued "You are going to be king of this kingdom."
"What's a king?" Stupid-Stuckup-Fratboy-Alcoholic-Hypocrite-Monkeyface Pussy asked stupidly.
"It is the ruler." Said his exasperated father.
"Oh," said Stupid-Stuckup-Fratboy-Alcoholic-Hypocrite-Monkeyface Pussy "but I wanna scooter daddy! Pleaseeeeee."
"Fine, once you become king you can get a scooter." Said Pussy-Cat as he patted his son on the head.
Stupid-Stuckup-Fratboy-Alcoholic-Hypocrite-Monkeyface Pussy smiled and went back to his string. The former king left the man's room and began to think out loud.
"Now, how to get rid of Rigid Gored, that is the question." He mused.
At that moment a page burst into the hall.
"Former King I have news concerning Rigid Gored."
"Well out with it." The former King said
"He has picked his right-hand man, it's Man-Of-Different-Religion!"
Pussy-cat smiled as he rubbed his hands together menacingly.
"That's perfect! All of the stupid-bigots are on our side this is just what we need to ensure that my son is king. MWHAAAAA MWHAAAAAA!"
to be continued
I wrote this cause if you can't guess, I hate W! um review now! Could you guess who everyone was???J