Japan never felt comfortable sleeping around other people's houses. He felt like he intruded in the host's lives or maybe it was his uptight polite personality preventing him from making himself at home. So when China offered to take him in for the night after another meeting at his place, the Japanese man was unsure but obliged out of courtesy. What made him feel uneasy when China proposed he stay round his was the tension between them. Japan after all gave his former guardian a large scar trailing down his back in 1937, as a strange token of appreciation. China removed the title of brothers for the both of them after that incident.
So it came to no surprise when the unsettling emotions crept inside Japan after seeing how China's house never changed. Walking up the dusty road, he could remember, as a child, holding the Chinese man's hand while approaching the red rectangular shapes inside the circular windows on the creamy white walls and the dark brown, tiled roof covering the top of the house. Even the white long sleeved shirt and brown trousers China wore bared some resemblance to the ones he wore in Japan's memories. "We're here," China said in a casual tone instead of the cheerful, "We're home," like he used to and lead Japan inside.
After China pushed the big, wooden doors open, both nations slipped their shoes off near the doorway. While China made his way to the kitchen, Japan walked across the wooden floor and stared into the giant living area; the walls were still the same yellow as they were during his infancy and everything from the red couch, the mahogany dining table and ornaments on display shelves remained in practically the same layout. Japan's brown eyes turned to the patio door; which he approached and slid open. His eyes trailed from the concrete steps that lead to the big space of green grass and a wall of the bamboo thicket forest a little further away from the house. Everything here was untouched and unchanged. That's what haunted Japan the most; he could clearly see all kinds of memories playing out in front of him without having to adjust the scenery at all in his mind. His thoughts were finally disrupted to the present day when he heard China's voice from behind him. "I see you're taking in the scenery aru," he said.
Japan shook his head before turning to his former guardian. "If you don't mind me asking, how did you keep this place looking the same? I would have presumed there would have been some changes since…" He trailed off the end of the sentence when he realized he was dredging up the old memory of the day he left China permanently.
The longhaired Chinese man sighed. "So many things have changed for the past few thousand years or so. I just want some things to be familiar in a world that changes so quickly aru." China glanced to the side. "It may sound something like an old sentimental man like myself would say, but all nations understand how nice it is to return to a place they can call home. Wouldn't you agree?"
Japan nodded. "Of course. I too have wished for things to go back to the old simple ways of life many times." It was seconds after what he said provoked a moment of silence between the two nations. How they wished the world could be in peace so they wouldn't have to worry about the stresses of political strains and how Japan wished he didn't follow his boss' orders to drain his former guardian's morale by giving him a deep scar. China finally snapped out of his fugue state after seeing the steam rising from the cooking hob in the kitchen.
"The rice is done. Dinner will be ready shortly aru," he made his way into the kitchen as Japan lowered himself at the small dining table in the living area. He could imagine the kitchen being the same inside as everything else in China's house. He always liked everything to be in the same place where he could find them: frying pans, woks and other kitchen utensils hanging off the rack attached to the ceiling and ingredients in the same locations as he could remember.
"Nothing seems to be out of place there," Japan thought as he scanned the room looking for anything that might have indicated some kind of change. Apart from new ornaments he never had before, nothing. Japan stopped playing that game when China came into the room with the food on their bowls and plates. Despite everything settling down, no proper conversation took place in the tense atmosphere. There was the odd small talk here and there but it was nothing of significance. Normally, Japan would have been fine with this since he would refrain from speaking, but since it was round someone else's house that he frankly would rather not be in, he felt like he should say something but didn't know what to say. No discussion took place while China and Japan cleaned the dishes after dinner. They probably felt that if one person started talking, the subject would at some point steer towards Japan's unforgivable act and then an argument would erupt in the once tranquil household. Neither of them wanted that to happen so silence was their only option.
That silence drove Japan to bed early since there was nothing else to do and nothing to talk about with his former guardian. He just wanted to get over the night and get out of the house that plagued his mind with memories. He didn't want to deal with the guilt of causing China that pain on his back. As surprising as it was, he fell straight to sleep instead of tossing and turning restlessly. That was until several hours later, he awoke to singing. The dark haired man sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes while trying to find some familiarity in that voice.
"Xiǎo yàn zi, chuān huā yī
nián nián chūn tiān lái zhè lǐ,"
("Little swallow, dressed colorfully,
Comes here every spring,")
Japan blinked a few times knowing whom that voice belonged to. He not only recognized the Chinese language but also the melody, despite it lacking energy.
"Wǒ wèn yàn zi nǐ wèi shá lái
yàn zi shuō zhè lǐ de chūn tiān zuì měi lì."
("I asked her, "Why do you come here?"
She said, "The spring here is the most beautiful.")
Japan gathered some of the material of his navy blue jinbei top and slowly stepped out of the spare room, being careful not to make the floorboards creak. His eyes darted in all directions making sure it wasn't a burglar, despite logic dictating that they wouldn't normally sing out loud while committing the crime of stealing.
"Xiǎo yàn zi gào su nǐ
jīn nián zhè lǐ gèng měi lì."
("Little swallow, let me tell you,
It's more beautiful here this year.")
The voice lead Japan towards outside into the garden but he didn't have to step outside onto the concrete when he saw China sat on the top step of the stairs. The Chinese man's black hair trailed down his back now it wasn't tied up; his body was dressed in grey pajamas as it leaned against one side of the huge green and red gateway. Japan took some very cautious steps towards the man, being careful not to disturb him at the wrong time in case he unleashed a punch or some kind of attack unintentionally. Ever since the allies had tried to take advantage of him before, China had trained himself in the art of self-defense when someone disturbed his thoughts or sleep.
"Wǒ men gài qǐ le dà gōng chǎng
zhuāng shàng le xīn jī qi
huān yíng nǐ
cháng qī zhù zài zhè lǐ."
("We've built large factories,
And equipped new machines,
Please live here forever.")
Japan officially recognized China's voice singing the song; which also meant it was the same song the younger nation remembered while listening to it. It was 'Xiǎo yàn zi' also known as 'Little Swallow' in English. China used to sing that to him whenever he couldn't get to sleep and it sounded lovely when it lulled Japan to sleep. But how China sung the song, it expressed sadness from the tiredness of the tone more than anything. When the Chinese man finished singing the song, Japan hesitated on whether he should say something like, why was he sitting outside singing a childhood song? Finally, Japan decided to try to lure him indoors. "China-san, what are you doing outside? You'll catch a cold if you stay out here at this time of night."
"Is that you Japan?" The older nation said slowly, only moving his head slightly to see from the corner of his eyes. "Please, sit next to me."
Japan couldn't flout his former guardian's wishes and lowered himself next to him on the step. China's dark brown eyes glazed, his expression looked dazed as though he wasn't sure what he was doing outside himself. Japan shuddered at the lack of life in them before fidgeting with his fingers. "That song… 'Little Swallow' was it?"
"So you do remember," China snaked an arm around the gateway post as though he sought comfort in the cold pillar. "I used to sing it to you all the time under the moonlight whenever you had a nightmare and couldn't get back to sleep. Actually, I sang it to Taiwan, Honk Kong and South Korea when they were little too aru. I liked those nights when we all sat out here, watching the full moon like this one while I sang you all to sleep." China let out a sigh and raised a sad smile. "Oh how beautiful those nights were." On cue, Japan turned his gaze to the silver moon suspended in the black, star filled sky. They evoked nostalgic emotions as he recollected those conversations he and his former guardian used to discuss under the moonlight. Those talks seemed appealingly child-like at the time even as Japan became an adult. That was when the conversations became more philosophical and evocative. He discussed his future plans and goals to China like a child would with their parents after all. Japan recalled his answer when China first asked him about what he wanted to achieve: he wanted to become stronger and fight the approaching western powers if they seemed hostile. Japan fiddled with the cloth on his jinbei until China spoke again. "Tell me Japan; are those rabbits in the moon making medicine or pounding rice to make mochi aru?"
As nonsensical as his former guardian was being, Japan felt compelled to answer as he turned to the slumped man. "They are pounding rice into mochi."
"Same answer as always," China let out a chuckle. He still hadn't moved from his position until he wrapped the pillar with his other arm into a hug. "Our responses say so much about us aru. I like to care and help you younger nations when you need me, like if you want food or water I'll provide it for you. If you were sick, I would do everything in my power to make you feel better afterwards. If you had a bad dream and you can't go back to sleep, I would sing you 'Little Swallow' so you could fall back into slumber aru." China turned to head to meet Japan's face with a tired look. "I would do anything to make sure everyone is happy, you know?"
"Of course," Japan nodded and placed his hands on his thighs to show he was still listening. China stared at him for a moment before watching the glowing moon again.
"Your answer however shows practicality and resourcefulness. You're willing to work hard towards your goals and you will not be satisfied if a job is done badly." The Chinese man drifted his eyes to the concrete ground in front of them and squeezed the pillar into a tighter hug. Japan never really thought about what the rabbits were doing on the moon in such a way as China described; that conversation seemed so innocent at the time. Just when he opened his mouth to talk, China interrupted him by choking, "It's all my fault aru. I've put so much pressure on you to succeed that you would kill yourself if you failed at anything."
Japan let out a small gasp and snapped his head towards the other man who right now was behaving out of character. "Pardon me but what makes you think the way I turned out is your fault?"
China hid his face behind the pillar he continued to hug and sobbed into it. "I must have done something wrong in order for you to hurt me the way you did! I know you didn't look grateful a lot of the time but for you to give me that scar… it's the most painful scar I'd have to live with aru! Why didn't you say what was wrong to me? I would have made things right for you no matter what! Tell me what was wrong and I will sort it out for you! Why weren't you happy with me aru?"
Japan pitied the older nation wailing in front of him. Indeed what he did was unforgivable to China; he threw everything he did for him back in his face by giving him that painful scar in return. That scar not only hurt China physically but mentally too. But no matter how hard he tried; he couldn't summon any guilty feeling towards the overwhelmed nation. "I only did it because my boss told me to. I could not disobey him at the time. I had no choice."
"Of course you had a choice!" China screeched, nearly scaring Japan. "You could have just pretended you done it!" He cried for a minute before reducing the volume to sniveling. "I'm sorry… it's my fault you were like that; I taught you to be polite and obedient towards any high authority regardless of how terrible their intentions are. They're the true monsters, not us. We're just here as mascots and puppets to their games."
The thought that China revealed all this in his sleep finally struck Japan; China would never talk about such events; which scarred him and many other nations badly. He only wanted to focus on the present. It was like the quote from the Kung Fu Panda movie they along with Taiwan, Hong Kong and South Korea watched round Japan's house that time, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift. That's why it is called the present." He even commented saying it was the wisest thing said in the whole film. Japan never really thought about it until now mainly because he focused so much on the future, developing his country for the better.
Still, it was sad to see a nation so used to taking on everyone else's burdens break down the way China had, even if it was in his sleep. As much as he didn't want to make to much physical contact with him, Japan reached for China's shoulders and attempted to peel him off the pillar. "China-san, if we don't get inside, we're going to catch a cold." His former guardian had an iron-like hold on the pedestal, not daring to let go while weeping into it. There was no way Japan was able to remove him that way without waking him up. After a minute or so of not moving him, the Japanese man let out a sigh seeing how he was going to play the role of the adult on this occasion. He leaned his lips a bit away from China's exposed ear in hopes his voice would sedate him.
"Xiǎo yàn zi, chuān huā yī
nián nián chūn tiān lái zhè lǐ,"
("Little swallow, dressed colorfully,
Comes here every spring,")
China stopped whimpering and listened to the calming melody from Japan's mouth as the tension in his body loosened around the pillar.
"Wǒ wèn yàn zi nǐ wèi shá lái
yàn zi shuō zhè lǐ de chūn tiān zuì měi lì."
("I asked her, "Why do you come here?"
She said, "The spring here is the most beautiful.")
Japan never admitted he had the best singing voice in the world, but it sufficed enough on this occasion as he carefully took hold of China's slender figure and stood him to his feet. Fortunately, he complied into standing up and walking alongside Japan when he started to move towards the patio door.
"Xiǎo yàn zi gào su nǐ
jīn nián zhè lǐ gèng měi lì."
("Little swallow, let me tell you,
It's more beautiful here this year.")
China's head bobbed up and down with a dazed expression on his face. Japan assumed it was his determination of getting to bed and will stop at nothing until he gets there. He always admired China's willpower to carry on regardless of the condition he's in, but then being disciplined from a young age was most likely where it came from. They wandered the house together before they finally reached China's bedroom.
"Wǒ men gài qǐ le dà gōng chǎng
zhuāng shàng le xīn jī qi
huān yíng nǐ
cháng qī zhù zài zhè lǐ."
("We've built large factories,
And equipped new machines,
Please live here forever.")
Japan lowered the other nation into the futon bed and gently pulled the duvet over him. By the time the Japanese man sang the last word, China's eyes closed and breathed softly through his nose. Japan watched him slumber for a few minutes to make sure he didn't wake up again until the next morning. It wasn't until he saw a stuffed panda toy lying at the side of the bed that Japan picked it up and slipped it into China's hands. He considered it kind of charming how the Chinese man's fingers curled around the toy and let out a content smile. That's an image no one got to see often because he was so used to being ready for anyone like France to take advantage of him in his sleep. But anyone would sleep more soundly at home than anywhere else, Japan figured as he let out a relieved smile and exited the bedroom to get back to sleep in the spare room.
Even though he promised himself not to apologize to China for inflicting the scar on his back until his government admits whatever leader ordered the invasion of China in 1937, the least he could do for him was to be civil around him and never hurt him in the same way as he did before. Seeing China in that state in his sleep was more than enough to prevent hurting his former guardian further than he already did.
!
I didn't really have any special reason to writing this at all. I was just in the mood to write something but I didn't know what to write about. So I picked two characters names from my Hetalia character generator (also known as several pieces of paper with the characters names on each piece inside a hat) and put my iTunes playlist on shuffle and based it on whatever song came out first. In this case, it was Adam Lambert's 'Sleepwalker'. One thing lead to another and I came across a Chinese children's song, 'Xiǎo yàn zi' ('Little Swallow' in English) and that was then I realized I had so much symbolism going on here.
Anyways, review and fave! I would be really grateful if you did.