Not So Powerless
He stood in the back of the room and watched her slowly walk towards the podium. She didn't know he was there. It was better that way. He watched her clear her throat and look out at the people sitting in front of her.
"Hey," she said.
"I'm Dani…and I am powerless," she continued. Dani closed her eyes and tried to keep from crying. She didn't need to cry about this. She'd only done what he'd asked so she would have some time to let the rest of the squad know what was going on.
"I…I was doing pretty well for a while," Dani said, gripping the podium tightly.
"But I had a relapse a few days ago. It was big…real big," she expounded.
"I hated how it made me feel. I felt like I was drowning and I couldn't get out of it," she added before stopping. She took several deep breaths to compose herself. She even let a sniffle escape her.
"I'm not proud of what I had to do…but I did it because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be standing here right now," she finally continued.
"I can't believe it, but that night, drinking saved my life. But I don't ever want to be there again. I need help…so I'm asking all of you, please, help me never go back there again," she pleaded before stepping down the podium. She took her seat and dabbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. She received several supportive pats on the shoulder after the group ended for the night. She tried to force a smile but it failed miserably. All she wanted was to go home and be alone. No such luck though. She tossed a napkin in the trash and found a cup of water being shoved into her hand. She looked up to see Charlie standing in front her, holding the other side of the cup.
"Crews, what are you doing here?" she asked.
"I'm offering my support," he answered, pulling her into a hug. She was definitely shocked but she didn't push him away like she would have normally.
"You heard me babbling like an idiot huh?' she asked after he let her go.
"You weren't babbling," he retorted.
"I keep thinking it wasn't worth it. I should have just let him try and shoot me," she whispered. Charlie led her to a more remote area of the room so they could talk.
"You did what you had to do to survive, Dani," he said, instructing her to drink the water.
"I knew you'd be there…" she trailed off.
"You're my partner. Of course I would be there. Besides, I wasn't going to let him get you," he consoled. They stood there, Dani drinking her water and Charlie watching her until they were the last ones in the room. Dani tossed the cup into the trash and they walked out to the parking lot. Charlie walked her to her car but didn't open the door. Dani just stared at him for a minute.
"You never answered my question," she accused.
"What question?" he asked, feigning ignorance.
"That night…I asked you if what I said was Zen," she clarified. Charlie just smiled that smile that said 'I'm not going to answer you'. She caught it and glared at him.
"Oh come on, Crews. It's a simple yes or no answer," she begged. He didn't say anything for a while. Dani just kept looking at him, daring him to walk away again with giving her an answer. He started to walk away and she caught him by the arm to turn him around.
"Yes. It was very Zen," he answered. She let a little smile creep onto her lips. She let his arm go and watched him walk away. Maybe it was the fact that she'd been wasted when she'd said it that had bothered her so much. She climbed into her car and was about to shut her door when she heard Charlie's voice again.
"Hey Reese," he called.
"Yeah?" she replied, leaning out the door.
"You're not powerless," he answered. Her smile grew as she shut the door and headed home.