Faith's POV

I fucking hate the holidays. Yeah, I said it. Everyone walking around with their stupid cheery-ass smiles and stupid sweaters and stupid music. It's just, well…stupid. When I was a kid I used to believe in Santa Clause. Can you believe that shit? Some fat old man sneaking into your house and bringing you presents cause you've been a good little kid all year? Don't think I didn't try. Cause I did. Especially around November. Know what I mean? I mean you could be a little shit all year, but come November and you started to try to go the straight and narrow. I tried so damn hard, for like three years in a row, until I finally asked my mom what the hell was up, why the fat man wasn't stopping by our apartment. She just looked at me, with that spaced-out drunk look she'd get, and asked, "Guess you were bad this year?"

Bitch.

But hey not bitter. It didn't take me long to figure out that one dude could not get all around the world in like one night. I mean how stupid do adults think little kids are? I assure you if I ever have a kid, there will be no Santa, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy shit. None of that crap. Not going to lie that's for sure. Of course, not really planning on having kids anytime soon…or ever for that matter, but still, it's good to plan ahead.

So seriously, I didn't give a shit that B and the little Scooby gang didn't invite me to their dumbass Christmas thingy. Or whatever it was. Holiday extravaganza, B called it. (Yeah I was thinking the same thing.) Apparently Willow's like Jewish or something, and well, you know, I don't really know the religious affiliation of the rest of the super geeks but whatever, I didn't care. But, by the way, that Anya chick gets invited no questions asked. Sure she's Xander's chick or whatever, but hey I got there first. Doesn't that least warrant an invite, at least for all the pain and suffering and shit.

God, sometimes I'm so funny I make myself laugh out loud. See that's my gift to myself this year. The loyal gift of humor, you have to have one when you've got nothing else. But hey, at least I got an apartment. And a job. That's good isn't it? Better than my first time around in the cheery hellhole known as Sunnydale.

And on Christmas Eve I'll spend the night staring at the gifts I bought the gang. Put a lot of time into it too. I know, pathetic huh?

Oh fuck this. I needed a good slay. And a good drink. And maybe something else. Merry freakin Christmas.

Buffy's POV

I totally had forgotten food. How stupid is that? Thank god for Tara. I think that I'm mentally deficient when it comes to holiday cheer. How could I forget food? And I gotta go to Faith's cause also, big shocker, I forgot to ask her. Tara pointed it out.

"Buffy?" She was standing at the doorway to the bathroom.

"Hmm?" I said, brushing my teeth.

"I was wondering if Faith's coming?"

I turned to look at her, "Sure she is. Everybody's coming. Why did she say something? God is she bailing?" I felt my stomach do a little twist.

"No," Tara frowned a little, "she didn't say anything to me about it today at the shop."

I washed out my mouth. "Good. She's known for disappearing."

"No, I mean, she didn't say anything about it at all. In fact," she paused, "when you mentioned it today, she looked kinda shocked. She took off right after that."

"Took off?"

Tara sighed a little before smiling slightly, "you did tell her about it, didn't you?"

I stared at her. Dammit. Stupid Buffy. "I'm sure I mentioned it," I told her.

She smiled again, "are you absolutely sure, cause she really did look well," she hesitated for a minute, "kind of hurt."

Thinking back on it, I'm sure I didn't mention it. I forgot. How damn dumb can I be? And then she heard us talking about it and…that's just great Buffy, give her another reason to hate you.

Standing outside her door banging incessantly, I thought for a moment she wasn't home. That is until she ran straight into me when she opened the door.

She looked a little surprised but quickly hid it, "Hey B," she muttered, shutting the door behind her. "What ya doing in my neck of the woods?"

"Where you going?" I asked her.

"Oh you know places to go, people to do, things to…how the hell does that go again?"

"I don't know Faith. Aren't you coming to the house?"

"Whose house?" She asked, staring past me. She fidgeted with her jacket. I love that jacket. I tried it on once, when she wasn't looking. Actually she was fishing around my fridge for something that had more than, as she put it, five calories in it. So I tried it on. It was a little big, but for some reason I didn't want to take it off. Maybe it was the leather…yeah that's it, that leather is really soft.

She waved her hand in front of my face, "Gonna get out of my way, sister?"

"I asked you a question," I told her.

"And I told you none of your concern."

"Jesus Faith you don't have to be rude," she didn't say anything. I continued, "Where are you going? I thought you were going to come to my house. But then Tara said that she thinks that you didn't know and so I came over here to make sure that you knew. Cause I know I told you about it. It was probably one of those times you weren't listening. You are always not listening Faith. It can get aggravating. You should pay attention more." Yeah that's it, lie.

She looked at me strangely for a minute, tilting her head like a puppy, "Did ya hit the eggnog a little early B, cause that made not one bit of sense."

"Where are you going?" I asked again. This crap is frustrating. She frustrates me. Why does she have somewhere to go? Who is she going to be with?

Faith's POV

Where am I going? Where am I going? "To a friend's." Smooth Faith.

"What friend?" She asked, actually looking concerned. Yeah like she would be here if Tara hadn't pulled the guilt trip on her ass.

"Some chick I met over at that bar, the Witch's Brew, on East Street." Yeah good thinking, she never goes over there.

"Chick?"

"Uh, yeah."

"She a witch?"

"Yeah sure, I guess."

"Oh, what's her name? Willow and Tara know all those that dabble in the Black Arts." She smirked.

Fuck. "Jill. She's new in town. They probably haven't met her."

She sighed, "Come on Faith, why are you lying?"

"Fuck you B, I'm not lying," I was getting pissed, "And even if I were, kinda uncouth of you calling me a liar and all." Hah, kill her with big words.

"Faith are you coming to my house or not?"

"Why would I come B? You didn't invite me." Shut up Faith.

"Uh, yes I did."

Oh, who's the liar now? "Uh, no you didn't. I think I would remember. I mean, I know you think I'm stupid and all. But I would've remembered."

"I'm sorry."

Okay, wasn't expecting that.

"No big. It would probably be uncomfortable anyway. I'm really not the life of party when it comes to the Scoobs." Oh god, don't be sappy Faith.

She stepped closer to me, and put her hand on my arm, "Of course you would be the life of the party," she smiled at me. "Please come. I want you there. Really," she said, smiling up at me.

I opened my door and stepped back inside my house, "I don't know. I got somewhere to be and all."

She stepped inside and looked to my table, "What's this?"

Fuck, the gifts. "Nothing."

Buffy's POV

Oh god, she got presents. How sweet. Faith is so sweet sometimes. I know she hates others to know it. But she really is.

"None of your fucking business," she says.

See, sweetheart.

"Faith, attitude. Not cool. Are these for us?" I can't help it, I love presents. I really do. I was so spastic at Christmas. I remember when Dawn graced us with her presence and I had to wait to open presents, I mean we had to take turns. I'd open one, she'd open one. Back and forth, waiting for the eternal slowpoke to slowly, slowly, slowly open one little package taking like fifteen forevers. She was so put on this earth to torture me.

"Jeez B. Stop jumping up and down," she said.

Ok, I'm not jumping up and down. I'm just excited. I see one with my name on it. Or my initial, whatever. I know it's mine.

"Ooh, is this one mine Faith?" I say reaching for the present. It's kind of big, and I pick it up to shake it.

"Nope," she says, rudely jerking it from my hand. She puts it back on the table, "It's for my friend, Bertha."

Ok, I am not that dumb. "Bertha? You have a friend named Bertha? Why haven't I met this Bertha? Where is she from? I don't think I've ever met a Bertha. When can I meet her?"

"Shut up, Buffy."

Uh-oh full name, I hurt her feelings. "I'm sorry Faith." I stepped away from the table. "Are you coming?"

She turned her back, "Umm, I don't think so B. I do actually have some stuff to do and all."

God her feelings really are hurt and I feel like an idiot. I had no idea how to make this better. "Come on Faith," I said, walking up to her, "I do want you to come, really." I tried.

She wouldn't turn around. "Nah. I'm cool B. Just gonna hang here for a while."

Useless. She shut down. She does that, shuts down, when she gets her feelings hurt. Which, I by the way, seem to do a lot of lately.

I backed out of the door, "Well, if you change your mind. I do want you to come. We all do."

She didn't say anything, so I stood at the door for a few moments, "Well, Merry Christmas Faith," I said.

"Yeah, and Happy Fucking New Years," she whispered as I shut the door.

-----------------------------------

Faith's POV

Isn't that sweet? Coming by to invite me to the party as an afterthought. She forgot. Not that I'm surprised. Nothing B does ever surprises me. At least she tries. I means that's more that she used to do. And why am I sitting here taking up for her? Stupid holidays, making me all mushy.

I swear to god, I almost started crying. I mean, what the holy fuck? I wanted to cry. I haven't wanted to cry since I was like…well I can't remember exactly but it's been a long fucking time. See why I am not a big fan of Christmas?

I should've have given her the present. She wanted it. She was like a little kid, bouncing all around. I love it when she gets excited. Not much seems to excite her since Mrs. Summer's…all hell I feel like a heel. I'm sitting here stirring in my own juices and she and Dawnie are spending their first Christmas without their mom. Why do I always have to be so selfish?

I ran my fingers over the gift. Like I said, I spent a lot of time picking out the perfect present for B. And just as many hours imagining her face when she opened it. I went from store to store, actually going to the mall (a horrible experience let me tell you) and roaming around for hours. I even ran into Anya there. Imagine trying to get out of that one.

I was walking out of the lingerie store (I know, I know, in my dreams) when I ran into her.

"Faith," she said, rather loudly, "Faith. Hey it's me. Faith"

Damn. "Umm, hey Anya. What's up?"

She looked around me for a moment, "Are you alone?"

"Yeah?" This chick is weird.

"I wasn't sure if it was you. You were actually in that store," she said, pointing to the lingerie store I had tried unsuccessfully to sneak out of.

"Well, yeah, I do wear underwear on occasion."

"Yeah, well I thought that surely can't be Faith. Maybe it is an alternate reality Faith. That thing is not uncommon here in Sunnydale. Alternate reality people. Of course, then you might be a vampire or something. I would be very afraid to fight you if you were a vampire. An evil Faith seems scary to me." She paused for a moment, "Oh, wait, you were evil, weren't you? I had forgotten. That was right after you slept with my Xander."

Ok, I officially need a break, "Yep, I was evil. And I slept with Xander." Do you know how many times we have actually gone through this, "and I don't want to sleep with Xander again. I promise," I said, holding up my hands.

"Well that's good. As long as you are not buying sexy underthings for Xander."

"Nope, Anya, not buying sexy underthings for anyone. Just browsing."

She smiled, "that's funny. You don't seem like a browser. Did you steal something?"

Jesus Christ, this chick. "No, I did not steal anything. I was just looking."

"Oh. You like sexy underwear." She nodded to herself, "you would probably like Buffy in sexy underwear, wouldn't you? You know she sleeps in those stupid cow pajamas, but I bet that is because she doesn't have any sexy things. Maybe if you bought her some, she would wear them. Then you guys could finally have sex. I think that would make everyone happy."

What the hell? "Umm, what are you talking about?"

"Oh, it's okay Faith. I know that you have a crush on Buffy. It's very obvious. I'm sure she would look quite nice in whatever you pick out," she said, nodding towards the store.

"Ok, number one, like I said earlier, I also wear underwear and that's why I was in there. Number two, I do not, and let me repeat that just so we're clear, I do not have a crush on B. Understand?"

"I guess you're right," she said, looking a little thoughtful, "it really is more than a crush isn't it?"

I nodded, "yeah, it's …wait a minute. No, it's not a crush, or anything else. B and I are just friends."

She smiled a little, gathering her ten thousand bags, "Oh, right you don't want anyone to know. This is nice that you and I share a secret. Of course, don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It can be just between you and me. I am very good at keeping secrets."

"There is no secret, Anya. I don't know what you're talking about," I was getting agitated.

She turned to go, "Right. Right," she nodded, "I get it. We can't talk about it in public." She looked around the mall, "Of course you and Buffy are just friends," she said incredibly loud. She turned back to me, "that good?"

"Arrgh." I mumbled walking off.

I totally realize that the woman spent years as a demon, but still she was around humans, right? I mean, you think she could figure some things out.

"Don't worry Faith," she called after me, "your secret attraction to Buffy is safe with me."

I swear to god, I think,she was actually screaming after me. I do know that Slayer speed accounts for something, and I was using all that I had to get the friggin hell away from her.

So I didn't buy Buffy lingerie. Why would I do that? It's not like I imagine her in a lacy red thong, or maybe black, or…like I said, I'm not imagining her in anything. Besides, Buffy is straight. Super duper arrow straight. I don't think there is a person alive straighter than Buffy. Not that I care or anything. It's just sort of obvious, you know?

So anyway, I walked around the mall for like hours. Trying my damndest to avoid Anya and find B a gift. And then I found it. It really was stupid of me not to think of it earlier. But sometimes, I admit it; I'm a little slow.

Not that I wanted her to have it now. I pictured giving it to her a thousand times. How her eyes would light up and she would be glowing. She actually glows when she's happy. It's the weirdest freakin shit I've ever seen. It's like there is this light inside her or something. And then I don't get invited to their stupid party or whatever, and you know what? I don't care if she gets a gift or not. She's probably got a hundred anyway. They probably shower her with presents, since she's so fucking special.

I really wish I had bought myself something. I started to. I'm telling you, I look really hot in sexy lingerie myself. But, I don't know, it's seems sort of pathetic buying yourself something for Christmas. Then again, it probably would have been the only gift I would have gotten. So, stupid me.

Buffy's POV

I think I stood on her doorstep for ten minutes at least. I even entertained the thought, at one point, of actually jumping her when she came out of the apartment. But she never came out. I started to knock again. I was close to begging. I can't believe she thinks we didn't want her at the party.

Well, okay maybe some people would be uncomfortable with her there. Xander is still a little intimidated by her. And Willow, well she's trying. Of course, Dawn loves her. And Tara loves everybody. And Anya. Anya seemed to hate her until about a week ago. Now she says there are best friends. That she and Faith share a secret, and that's what best friends do. She seemed very happy with herself the other day at the Magic Shop.

"Hey Faith," Anya said, when Faith walked in, "How is my best friend?"

Yeah, that sent me for a little loop. Best friend?

Faith looked at her kinda funny for a moment, and then a little shadow fell over her face, "I'm fine Anya." She walked a little closer to her, "How are you?"

If I hadn't been mistaken, I would have thought that Faith looked a little threateningly at the girl behind the counter.

Of course, Anya was oblivious, "Oh, good, good Faith. I am doing wonderful. I was just telling the gang, how you and I are friends. That we share a wonderful secret between girls."

Faith looked like she was about to bolt. I thought it was weird. What secret were they sharing? When are they together anyway? Why, out of all people, did Faith choose to confide in Anya, for god's sake?

Faith smiled around the room, before cutting her eyes at Anya, "so guys," she said, ignoring the ex-demon, "what's up?"

Anya cut in, "Oh right, right. I forgot. We are not supposed to talk about having a secret or what it is. I'm sorry. Sometimes all of these little idiosyncrasies you people have gets confusing. Like you obviously are attracted to someone, but you don't tell them. I don't understand why that is. It's strange how humans never say what they are feeling."

Faith looked like she was about to revert back to old ways, and Anya took notice, "but hey," she said lightly, shutting the cash register, "I guess I will just have to learn."

Faith took a deep breath. What the hell is Anya talking about, I wondered. Why does she share a confidence with Faith? Who has feelings? Does Faith have feelings? What kind of feelings is she having? I wonder who it is? Why is Faith having feelings about someone, and why the hell did she tell Anya and not me? Why were they staring at me?

"Umm, Buffy," Willow said, waving her hand in front of my face, "meeting, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Right. Meeting." I sat down.

I don't remember much else about the meeting because all I could think of was Faith and her feelings for whoever the hell they're for. Everyone was shifting around in their seats. Probably trying to figure out what the heck Anya was talking about. Faith looked around the room about a thousand times and when I tried talking to her she responded with one of her many grunts. We finally just decided to end the meeting early cause I think everyone but Anya got a little uncomfortable. And of course, Faith high-tailed it out of there as soon as it was over. Probably going to meet whatever goodie she was crushing on.

I thought about knocking on the door again. I wanted to ask her who she 'had feelings for'? Did they invite her to Christmas dinner like me? Why didn't she want to come? I told her I was sorry. What was she doing in there? I wonder if the gang would notice if I was late?

Oh well, I thought. I've got to get home. Dawn probably wanted to open her presents. She was so excited when she thought that Faith was coming. She got her a pair of earrings. It took her like ten forevers to pick them out. But she was really proud of them. I think Faith would like them to. She's not much for jewelry, but still…she'd love anything Dawn gave her. And I had a gift for her too. I drove all the way to L.A. to get it. I guessed it didn't really matter now though.

I tried to gaze in the window again. She was standing at the table, running her hand over one of the presents. I wished I could see her face. Dammit Faith! Come outside! Hell, even if she did I knew I couldn't make her come with me. I just wish… I don't know what I wish anymore. I hate Christmas.

Faith's POV

She was still outside. Yeah, I can feel her. Weird, huh? It's gotten more intense. This connection we have. I'm not sure why, but it's nice, at least most of the time. Sometimes it gets too much like when we get into an argument or something and she hangs the fuck around, kinda like she was doing right now.

So was I supposed to sit here and wait for her to leave or what? Why the hell was she still here anyway? Fuck Buffy, why the hell do you do shit like this?

Okay I was going to count to one hundred and if she was still out there I was going to go out there and … well I was just going to go out there and see what the hell she was doing.

I looked out the window. Still out there. What do I do?

I finally opened the door. She was sitting on the steps outside of my apartment with her back to my door. "Uh B," I asked, "whatcha still doing here?"

She turned around, "huh?"

"Don't you have to like go home or something?"

She chose to ignore my question. "Where are you going?" She asked.

"Come on. I already told you. You already know. Your super buds are going to be wondering why you're not back yet."

She sighed. "Why do you do that, Faith?"

I sat down beside her. "Do what?" I asked, looking out into the night.

She turned to me, "Do this," she said, making a sweeping motion with her hand. "Hide behind this tough act. It gets on my nerves Faith. It really does."

I turned to look at her. She looked tired. "Gets on your nerves? What the fuck Buffy? Why do you do that?" She looked inquisitive but I wouldn't let her interrupt, "Don't. You always sit in judgment of me. You know it must get tiring being so much fucking better than everyone else. I just don't know how you do it." Hah.

She turned away from me, "Fuck you Faith," she said simply, "Fuck you. You are the one who doesn't want to let anyone in. I just want to… I don't know, I just want something."

What was she talking about? Why do I never understand her? "What? What do you mean, you 'just want something.' What do you want, B? Cause I gotta tell ya, I'm sick of trying to second guess you all of the time."

She stood and turned around to face me, "Second guess me? You've got to be joking. All I do is sit around and wonder what the hell is going on with you. What your stupid little secret is with Anya? Who it is you have feelings for? Why the fuck do I care?"

I stood too. "My stupid little secret? See, this is what I'm talking about. Why the fuck do you care, B?" I couldn't look at her. I chose to look down at my feet. You know my shoes were really interesting, if you just took the time to study them.

I heard her sigh again, but I didn't look up. I didn't want to look her in the face. It felt like we stood there for hours, but it was probably just a few seconds. Finally I heard her speak, "One day Faith," she spoke slowly, "I really hope we just …" her voice started cracking. Oh fuck B, don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I couldn't look up. She continued, "I really hope we fix this." She finished, gulping.

Don't look up Faith, don't look up. I couldn't look her in the eyes, and so I tried my voice. It sounded thick in my throat, "me too B."

And then she did the most incredible thing; she leaned forward and put her hands on my cheeks, bent my head down and kissed my forehead. I felt my stomach tighten when she pressed her lips to my skin. I couldn't look at her. I think I was crying.

She took my hand and I continued to look down. I saw her turn to look to the side, away from me. She ran her thumb inside the palm of my hand, back and forth not saying anything for a moment. I was looking down and she was looking away. I wanted to say something, to tell her that I wanted to fix it too. But I couldn't. She finally sighed and let go of my hand, and turned to walk away. Only then did I look up.

I watched her walk a few steps, and then she stopped. She didn't turn around but only stood still for a moment before she spoke, "You know Faith," she said very quietly, "Sometimes I think you are the only thing real in my life." I saw her shoulders sag, she still didn't turn around, "I don't want to lose you. I hope you understand that." She never turned back around but just stood still a moment longer before walking away.

I stood and watched her leave. I should have run after her. Told her that she was the only reason I got up every morning. The only reason I was alive. And yet my chest felt like it was going to explode every time I took a breath, and so I just stood there like an idiot and let her leave. I looked down at the hand she had been holding and took another shaky breath, turned around, and walked back inside.

Buffy's POV

Stop crying, idiot. Why do I let her do this to me? Why can't I just tell her everything? Why didn't I drive to her apartment? All of these thoughts were running through my head as I ran back home. Tears streaming down my face.

I stopped about a block from my house and tried to pull myself together. I wiped furiously at my eyes, thinking, albeit probably in vain, that I could make myself a little more presentable before going back inside.

Finally I made it home and walked into the house. Dawn barreled over me at the door.

"Where's Faith?" She asked, too goddamn chipper for words.

"She's not coming," I said, taking off my coat.

Her face fell, "Why not?" She asked accusingly.

"I don't know," I said moving past her.

She followed me into the living room. The gang was all there. "Why not?" She tried again.

"I said I don't know, Dawn."

"Well, alrighty then," Willow interrupted, standing up, "who's hungry?" She asked looking around the room. She moved over to me, and put her hand on my arm. "Are you ok, Buff?" She whispered.

I nodded and followed the guys into the dining room.

We sat down silently and fixed our plates. At that point I was wishing for a tall glass of something and was thankful when Tara pulled out the wine bottle.

"Oh, oh," Dawn said, "Can I have a glass?"

I must have looked at her with the 'are you crazy' glance, cause she just huffed and mumbled, "Spoilsport."

"It is so nice to sit around and celebrate the birth of our Lord Savior," Anya said after a few moments of silence.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked up at her.

"What?" She asked, turning to look at Xander, "isn't that what Christmas is? I thought you people worshipped this carpenter person."

Xander looked like he was going to try and explain. Good luck, I thought.

"Well, see," he started, "We aren't actually religious. I mean, I don't think any of us are. Are we?" Everyone shook their heads. "So we just, you know, celebrate the more festive parts of the holiday. Not the actual bible-y parts."

"Oh tradition. I see. Well that makes sense. We used to have traditions. Every ten years we would ritually castrate a man. It was quite fun. Afterwards we would all have punch and sing songs. Sometimes it got messy, especially if he was a screamer. Luckily I was very good with the knife, so when it was my turn to do the ritual I would just take it and…"

Xander grabbed her hand, "Well alright honey. Think that's enough sharing for right now. Maybe we should eat before we talk about castration?" He asked.

The rest of us nodded our heads vehemently.

"Oh, was that inappropriate?" Anya asked, looking at Tara.

Tara smiled at her slightly, "Well, it's not really polite to speak about umm…castration at the dinner table. But you can tell us later if you want." Tara, always trying to rectify the situation.

This made Anya smile, "Of course I will. I just don't get it sometimes. It's like Faith coming out of the underwear store in the mall. I mean, it was obvious she was wanting to buy Buffy some sexy panties or something. I don't know why she just didn't ask me to help her pick them out. I am incredibly sexy and would have instantly known what to get. I don't get the shyness of you people. Why is talking about panties inappropriate?"

Everyone stopped eating. Faith wanted to buy me panties? What???

"What?" I said.

Anya actually put her hand over her mouth, "Uh-oh. Damn. I forgot the secret. I will never learn this stuff. Please, just forget I said anything and then Faith won't kill me." She stated, sort of matter-of-fact like.

I know I must have looked as freaked as everyone else. Willow's mouth was hanging open so wide I could have crawled into it. Okay, scary visual there. Tara was fidgeting in her chair. Xander looked like he had already gotten his Christmas present. And Dawn was laughing. Yeah laughing.

"What the hell is so funny?" I asked her. I couldn't take my eyes off Anya though, who was busy eating, and smiling at me.

Dawn caught her breath. "I'm sorry but you and sexy panties," she stopped and started laughing even harder. Oh great Dawn, glad you find this hysterical. She wiped at her eyes, "It's just you and Faith. What a joke?"

I could feel my face getting red, "What do you mean what a joke?"

"Oh, come on Buffy. Faith is like this hot super chick or something."

Treading a thin line here, little sister. "And what am I?"

"You're like my creepy older sister."

Ok, I am going to kill her. Merry Christmas to me. Dawn's slow death. And painful. Did I mention painful?

Xander grabbed my hand, "Ok, everyone just calm down a minute. I'm sure this was all just a misunderstanding. Right honey?" He asked looking at Anya.

She nodded, "Oh yes. Misunderstanding. Faith was not buying panties for Buffy. Dawn is right. That makes no sense."

Which one of these am I going to kill first?

Willow spoke up, "so how about it being Jesus' birthday?"

Tara patted her hand, "Why don't we all just eat?" She asked. "Our food is getting cold. And then maybe we could open a few presents. You like that Dawnie?"

Dawn nodded vigorously, and started stuffing her face. Apparently the idea appealed to Anya as well, who clapped her hands and started eating as well. Yes, I thought, enjoy your meals now, cause I am pretty sure it will be the last ones you eat.

I stared at my plate for a minute, and then realized that I wasn't hungry. I would just be glad when this whole damn holiday thing was over.

Faith's POV

I looked over at the clock. 10. I could still go, they're probably not finished with whatever it is they were doing. I could go. I could go. I can sit here and tell myself to go, or I could just get up.

Ok. I'm going.

I'm so happy I've got a car. I love to drive. It's nice just knowing that I can get the hell away if I have to. Not that I'm going to go anywhere, but still. It's like insurance or something.

B walked to my apartment. Wonder why she did that? Oh wait, I remember, she drives like a maniac. Ok, really I didn't forget. I tend to remember those times when I am near death. Especially at the hands of my sister slayer.

We went to get something to eat once after some massive slay or another. I commented that I was starving and she said let's go. I don't think she completely got exactly what I was starving for, but I was hungry also. I told her I was craving Italian and she said she knew this restaurant on the other side of nowhere. Well, she didn't say that, but that was where it ended up being. So, naively I might add, I allowed her to drive me there. Yes, I am a dumbass.

"Whoa, B, holy fuck, you need to like slow down," I screeched holding onto my seatbelt. Get it buckled, hurry, I told myself.

"I'm only going seventy," she said, looking over at me innocently.

Jesus. Seventy. She acted like that was slow or something. I didn't want to die. I really didn't. There was really so much I hadn't done yet.

I tried a different approach, "How about if we go a little slower?" I whispered, doing my best to sound afraid. (Which, believe me, wasn't very hard).

She looked genuinely concerned, "Oh. I'm sorry."

I decided to milk it. "Yeah, it's just…well I had this wreck with my uncle when I was a little kid. I hate going fast. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything." So sue me. I lied. Desperate times called for desperate measures. I'm pretty sure that being frightened for your life is an excusable reason to lie.

"Sure Faith," she said looking over at me. Look at the road B. Look at the road. "I'm sorry." She sounded sorry. Like I said, I'm a heel. But hey, I lived.

You know, we actually had a lot of fun that night. Just me and B. No Scoobs, no crazy ex-demon chick, not even Dawn. Don't get me wrong, I love Dawn, and Tara, and well…I love Dawn and Tara. But still, it was just nice to spend the evening with B. No distractions.

And it wasn't what you think either. We just had dinner. Talked about silly stuff like that show where they go on dates for money. Who Wants to be a Millionaire or something? Ok, so I don't actually watch a lot of TV. I prefer to read. I'm sure most people would be shocked to learn that, but I don't give a fuck what most people think. So mostly B talked about the show. I am content just to listen to her rambles. Some people would probably call them inane, but I think they're cute. And it was nice to see her smile. She's so animated sometimes.

Yeah, that was a good night. I was still thinking about said night when I pulled into the driveway.

Well, everyone's car is still here, I told myself. Lights still on, check. Now I've just got to open my door and get out. Ok, here I go. I'm gonna get out any minute.

And…no I'm not. What the fuck was I thinking? Fuck this. I put the car into reverse, and turned to back out of the drive.

"Faith." Shit. I heard a knocking on my window, "Faith. Where have you been?"

"Hey Dawnie," I said, rolling down the window.

"Where have you been?" She asked again, opening my car door, "Were you leaving? Why are you leaving?"

I turned the car off. "Umm, no," I told her leaning back in my seat. I put my hands on my temples, "Just parking the car."

"Oh well good," she said, pulling me from the seat, "Come inside. I've been waiting on you. Buffy said you weren't coming, but she's a retard. I don't listen to anything she says."

I got out of the car and followed her to the door. Oh fuck, I can't go in there. I think I'm gonna faint or something. Why the hell did I feel like this? Oh shit, Dawn was still talking to me.

"…And then I told Buffy there was no way you'd be buying her any underwear. She thinks she's so hot sometimes. But I was like whatever."

Huh??? Did she just say something about buying underwear? What the hell was she talking about? Oh fuck, Anya. I'm gonna kill that crazy bitch.

Dawn paused, "Faith aren't you coming?" She asked, pulling on my sleeve.

Uh nope. No way in hell. Nah-ah. Over my dead body. Underwear. I'm not showing my face in there, no mam.

I turned back around intent on leaving when I heard my name again, "Faith?"

I spun around to the door, "Oh, umm…hey B." I said. I wished at that moment that some supernatural hole would open up on her porch and swallow me whole. No such fucking luck. What the hell is the point of living on a hellmouth if you can't use it to your advantage?

Buffy's POV

Oh Faith! She was here. She looked flustered and cute. Hee. I wonder why she looked like that. I looked at Dawn.

"So I thought I would come after all." Oh, she's talking. Pay attention Buffy.

"Well I'm glad you did."

"Buffy tell her about the underwear story. That was so funny." Dammit Dawn! I was so going to hurt her. She was not getting any presents. Ever again. "I told her they weren't for her. But she is so full of her self sometimes." She said turning to Faith.

I do not understand why I could not have just gotten a puppy when I was little. I did not want a little sister. I made that crystal clear. Sometimes I would forget that she was annoying, but then she would go and pull some stupid stunt like this.

Faith must have noticed my murderous gaze, "Oh, you know how Anya is Dawn. She gets a little confused sometimes," she said smiling at me a little.

Thank you Faith. I wanted to kiss her. That a way to end the discussion.

"Are you coming inside?" I asked her holding the door open, "Everyone was waiting on you."

She hesitated for a moment, looking back and forth between Dawn and I. "Yeah, sure."

She shuffled in behind my evil sister and I, and instantly looked like she was going to bolt when I shut the door. I put my hand on her elbow and led her into the living room.

"Look who's here," I said.

Everyone looked up. Don't freak her out, I wanted to tell them.

Willow smiled, "Hey Faith."

"Merry Christmas, Faith. I'm glad you came." Tara added.

"Yeah, me too," Xander said.

"Please don't kill me." Anya threw in.

I waited for Faith to ask her why, but she didn't. She just stood there looking all uncomfortable.

Tara stood up, "Are you hungry Faith? We still have a lot of food left over."

"Umm not really. But I could use something to drink if you got it?" She said looking imploringly at her.

Why wasn't she hungry? She really was freaked. That made me sad. I wondered why Tara could always put her at ease. I felt a little pang of jealousy wash through me as she and Tara headed into the kitchen. I went to follow them.

Willow called me, "Uh, hey Buffy. Why don't you stay in here with us," she whispered. "She seems a little weirded out. I'm sure she'll be fine in a minute though." She said when I looked down, "Tara has that effect on people."

I did't want Tara to have that effect on Faith. I wanted to have that effect on Faith. Why did Tara get to soothe her? I wanted to soothe her. Ok, not that way. Not that Tara was soothing her that way. I don't know, maybe she was. Ok, right, now I was starting to make stuff up.

"So, can I? Can I?" Dawn was asking.

"Can you what?"

"God Buffy. You are a spaz. Can I open a present? Just one. I swear."

I just nodded my head. As slow as she was at opening presents it would take until tomorrow morning anyway. I wondered if I could open one present? Did Faith bring my present? Wonder if she would let me open it?

I looked over at Dawn. She was still busy removing the paper from the gift. Good gracious. Hurry up girl. She finally made it into the box. What was it? I couldn't even remember.

"The watch I wanted. Thanks Buffy," she said, barreling over to me and hugging me.

Right. I had forgotten I had bought it. She'd dropped enough hints. Oh, look, she was smiling. I'm glad she liked it. I'm such a cool sister.

"You know you're actually a cool sister," she said.

I nodded sagely. Dawn was so smart sometimes. And perceptive. I decided not to be mad at her anymore. It was Christmas after all. And Faith was here. Granted she was in the other room, but it was progress. My Christmas was slowly getting better.

Faith's POV

"Here you go," Tara said handing me a glass of wine. This was one cool chick. Alcohol, I needed it and she knew it. "So I'm glad you came," she said.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"It really wouldn't have been the same without you." See what I'm talking about?

I turned to look at her, "Look, I just wanted to say thanks for sending B my way. I mean, I just really appreciate it and all. Between you and me, well, I didn't really have any other plans. I don't know. Maybe they don't want me here, but I wanted to tell you thanks. You're really…"

She interrupted me; "Of course they wanted you here."

"Well I don't know about all that, but I know that you did. So thanks and all."

"Oh, Faith, sometimes I just want to smack you," she said.

Ok. What the hell?

She looked apologetic, "Oh, I don't mean literally. It's just that you are being a little dense, don't you think?"

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Dense?"

She smiled, "I don't mean it in a bad way. I just mean that of course we wanted you here. Especially Buffy."

Apparently Tara had been partaking in some sort of mind-altering activity before I arrived. "Whatever," I said, trying my best to sound indifferent.

"Whatever," she smiled. "Buffy was really freaked when she thought you weren't coming. She cares about you Faith. We all do. But Buffy," I must have looked at her like she was crazy, cause she hesitated for a moment. "Let me explain it this way. Say Willow's name for me."

Yep she has to be on something. "What?"

"Humor me Faith. Ok?"

"Willow."

When I said her name, Tara got this instant smile on her face.

"Every time someone says her name I feel like smiling. I can't help it. She makes me happy. And every time someone says your name, Buffy gets the same sort of smile on her face."

Yeah right. "Sure."

"I'm serious Faith. Look, you'd have to be blind, or naïve, to not see that you umm…like Buffy."

I looked down. Am I that easy to read? Jesus, I need to work on my skills a little.

"Well, maybe not blind. Maybe it's just me. What I'm trying to tell you is that she feels the same way." I started to ask her why but she stopped me, "And don't ask me why I know. I can just tell these things."

"Am I that easy to read?"

She smiled, "it's okay. I completely understand."

If it had been anyone else, I would have probably hit them. But it was Tara. Know what I mean? And I finally felt like a huge burden had been lifted or something. I wanted to hug her. "God I'm so glad somebody knows," I said.

She put her hand on my cheek, "I think it's sweet. I think you're sweet too. You're way to hard on yourself. I know the first time around here was sort of difficult for you, but you've got people on your side now. Try to remember that."

God, this girl was golden. She really knew how to make you feel special. "Thanks Tara. I'm glad I came."

She smiled at me, "Merry Christmas Faith," she said, bending to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"What the fuck?" I heard come from the kitchen door at the same time.

I turned to look. Buffy. What the fuck indeed?

Buffy's POV

"Umm what's going on here?" Why oh why is Tara kissing Faith?

Tara smiled at me, "Nothing Buffy."

"Doesn't look like nothing," I said focusing on Faith.

Tara giggled, and walked by me going back into the living room, "You two need to seriously get a room," she said as she patted me on the shoulder.

Huh? What? Did Tara just say we needed to get a room? We who? Me and Faith? What is she talking about? Why was she smiling? Why did she leave me in here with Faith?

"Who was she talking about?" I heard myself ask Faith.

"I don't know," Faith sorta mumbled.

Ok. No need to go down that street. Let's see, what do I say? "So you came?" Duh, Buffy.

"Umm, yeah." She said, looking at her shoes. She loves those shoes. She is always looking at them when we talk.

"So did you bring my present?" Oh god, somebody shoot me. Did I actually just ask that?

She looked up and laughed. Hah! I'm so witty. "Yep B. I brought your present."

I walked to the bar stool and sat down facing her. "Good. Cause you weren't going to get yours until I got mine."

Her face lit up. I loved to see her smile. She's pretty when she smiles. She has these really gorgeous dimples. I wished she'd smile more.

"You got me a present?" She asked, blushing. Did I mention how adorable she was?

"Of course I did, silly," I told her, "It took me forever to pick it out too. You are one hard girl to buy for."

She was beaming. "You really got me a present."

Why did she think I wouldn't get her something? Did she really think I wouldn't…why would she think that? "Faith, I..." I was stumbling over my words. Focus Buffy, "Faith, of course I got you a present. You know, you are an important part of my life; uh I mean, our lives, our lives. Dawnie loves ya. In fact, you are all she ever talks about. I think she wishes you were her sister. She was talking about how you were the hot super chick and I was her dumb old sister. The little shit. You know, I resent that too. I am hot and super as well. I don't know why she can't see it. I guess cause I'm her sister, huh? I mean, it would be kinda gross if she thought I was hot. But still, can't I at least be cute or something?" I was rambling. Shut up. Shut up.

Faith cocked her eyebrow. I love when she does that. "Course you're hot B."

She thinks I'm hot. She thinks I'm hot. I was not going to do the little dance. But I wanted to. "Really?"

She moved around the counter and stood next to me. Oh, she smelled good. I wondered what kind of perfume she wore? She was looking at me. Was she talking to me? Did I mention that she smelled good?

"You're really a whole lot more than hot, actually," she said leaning closer.

I smiled up at her. I am an idiot. Say something. "Really?"

She smiled back. She pushed a piece of hair from my face. "Merry Christmas B," she said, and bent over to kiss my cheek.

I could turn my face, I told myself. Kiss her. Kiss her. Why did I just sit there? I wanted to kiss her. She backed away and looked in my eyes.

"Buffy…I…just wanted to say…that…" What Faith???

"Buffy? Can I open another present?" Dammit!!!

We both spun towards the door. "Huh?" I sputtered.

Dawn walked in, "What are you guys doing?" She asked.

"Nothing," Faith and I spat out at the same time.

Dawn looked at us quizzically for a minute, "Yeah right. Look I so don't care. Can I open another present?"

Get out Dawn! "No." I said.

"Why???" She whined.

"Cause, Christmas is tomorrow. One present that was the rule, remember?" Now get the hell out of here.

"Please?" Oh, she was not whining. Take a hint and leave. I wanted to hear what Faith was going to say.

I just stared at her. She stared back. I could feel Faith's eyes on both of us. She was moving her head back and forth like we were some sort of tennis match or something.

"No Dawn. Tomorrow." Now go away.

"Fine," she huffed. She reached for Faith's arm. "Come on Faith, I want to show you my watch." Oh, you little shit, you.

Faith followed behind her, before turning to look at me. "Sorry," she mouthed walking out of the kitchen.

Come back here! Why was she leaving? We almost kissed. I want to kiss you. Oh, god, what the hell?

I sat in the kitchen for a minute thinking about what she was about to say. Ok, get yourself together Buffy, I told myself. I finally got up and went back into the living room. Everyone was sitting around watching some movie on TV. About the kid with the sore ear. You know the one, with the angel and every time a bell rings. That sort of thing. Anyway, they were all just sitting there. Faith almost kissed me, I wanted to scream. Course, I didn't. She was sitting next to Dawn on the couch. They were all engrossed in the movie. Ok, I can do this. I walked over and tried to sit down beside them.

"Scoot over Dawn," I said.

She huffed but moved. I scrunched myself between her and Faith. I couldn't look her in the face, but that was ok, cause she was looking straight ahead. Was she avoiding me?

"Buffy?" Huh? Who's talking to me?

"Buffy." Oh, Anya. "I really like that lipstick." Huh? What lipstick? "It goes great with your complexion. But next time, you should try putting it on your lips and not your cheek. I'm sure Faith wouldn't mind letting you borrow it," she smirked.

Everyone giggled. Except me and Faith. Ok, first kill Anya. Next kill Dawn. Then, take Faith upstairs and … Oh god, what the hell is wrong with me? Ok, I knew what was wrong with me. In fact, my 'problem' was blushing twice as much as I was. She's so cute when she blushes. She's cute all the time. I wondered if I should tell her. Uh-Oh, I'm staring. Got to stop that.

I looked around the room. Everyone was watching the movie again. Except now they all had stupid smirks on their faces. Fine, I'll show them.

I turned to Faith, "Merry Christmas Faith," I said, and kissed her on the cheek. I turned to look at Anya who was staring open-mouthed, "So does my lipstick look as good on her. Or should I try for the lips next time?" I turned back to watch the movie. Hah! Who's smirking now?