He did a backwards somersault and landed with the most stylish ease. The great hunk of Paris, Adrien Agreste was cruising down your main street and was feeling the absolute power in his savage glutes.

Plagg was sitting in his custom flying saucer (made of cheese) and flew over to Adrien with sass. "Hey, my homie, did you hear the big news?"

"No," said Adrien as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a flute. "But I do have a way to cross the bridge without fail!"

Plagg gasped. "The PokeFlute! You intend to awaken Snorlax?"

"Nay, there are worse problems lying in wait of the luscious hero that I am," said Adrien as he spun around and transformed into the delicious hero of the ages: Chat Noir.

"I see," said Plagg as he remained intently focused on the great aura shining from Chat's bummy. "But what shall you do about the calamity?"

Chat Noir put the flute into his mouth and played the Song of Time. It was finally back to the dawn of the first day and the moon was back in its place.

"Prime!" cried Plagg as he filled his entire head with cheese. "Now, Adrien, will you save the world from chaos?"

"Indeed, good sir," said Adrien with the essence of hot looks. He glared at some passing women and they fainted over his hunkiness. He then ran off to the source of trouble. "What and I up against, bro?"

"It is Nino," said Plagg. "Nino ate the Crystal Gems and became the Universe Miraculous!"

"Oh dear!" cried Adrien and he posed on the spot so that his captain's quarters looked like the stars, deep and bright.

Meanwhile, at the ocean, Marinette was busy listening to "Mo Bamba" on her Parisian iPphone X. When she heard the grand lyrics by Sheck Wes, she was immediately overcome with the thought of Adrien's steamy cinnamon buns.

"They are better than Kim's," she said to Tikki.

Tikki pulled out a rifle and shot down a seagull. She then proceeded to dine on its feathery flesh. The meal gave Tikki righteous biceps used to crush girly men like toothpicks.

Marinette thought more deep thoughts about how she adored the saucy-man. She then heard danger and looked at the ocean horizon.

It was Nino! He was rising from the waters like stinkin' Godzilla!

"I had no idea that Nino was fifty meters tall now!" said Marinette with shock and thoughts about Adrien's squeezers of humanity's hope.

"We cannot defeat him due to the sacred code!" said Tikki as she shot down another seagull.

"Jedi Poodoo!" growled Marinette, she transformed into the amazing bug person she was and used her Spiderman powers to attack the giant Nino.

Nino breathed plasma and tried to kill Marinette. Just then Chat Noir and his heroic rear showed up and swatted Nino in the face with a humongous chicken tender.

"My gorgeous Nino face, dude!" cried the monster of doom.

"This Paris day is a horrible one!" cried Adrien to Marinette. "Yet I still wish to know who you are truly!"

"You will never know the truth!" roared Marinette as she called upon her stand to beat the booty-cakes off of Adrien. No one would ever know their secret identities now.

"Dude! Chat Noir is a loser!" cried Kim from the beach as he soaked his ugly toes in the salty blue. His rump was seriously not cool.

Chat Nour awakened from his fight with Marinette's stand. He then called upon his own and dueled viciously with Marinette.

Nino watched with chaotic Nino eyes. "This is indeed a problem," said he.

"Where is your code of honour, Chat?" Marinette shouted angrily.

"It is wedged in the endzone!" cried Chat Noir with the knowledge of American football.

Marinette noticed how hot this was and used her stand to send her love and adoration for Adrien.

Then Gabe the Babe saw the chaos around him. He put tea into his cup and drank of the spices such as nutmeg and quinoa. "I can see that Nino is evil, but I can also see how Chat Noir and Ladybug are fighting amongst themselves." He evilly made a righteous drawing of a hippo. This was the end of humanity as we know it.

"Hark!" cried Marinette as she saw the hippo drawing. "We must quell this new evil!"

Adrien saw the unrighteous deed as well. "Nino, I command you to destroy that horrid abomination!"

Nino obeyed and blew his plasma breath all over Gabe's secret lair. Gabe was forced to give up and he lost his famous artist trophy forever.

Adrien high-fived Nino and then Nino went back to normal Nino form.

"That was amazing, dude!" said Nino cooler than an icy glass of tea.

Adrien smiled at his friend and also at Marinette. "I hate our relationship! Shall we reveal our identities to one another?" he asked with slick, delicious smirk.

"No, you are still just my acquaintance!" said Marinette and she exited stage right.

Adrien wept and Nino comforted him with a warm blanket-like embrace of true bro-ship.

THE END