The rain was tumbling down outside. No need to look; he knew well enough what rain looked like, but he did anyway, as he had countless times before. Heero stared at the drops running down the glass and let them compensate for the tears he could not shed.

Why? Why was he still here, still living and breathing but without the humanity most people claimed was needed for the ownership of a true soul? Why wasn't he dead in that hellhole of a war? Relena had said that he was kind. Was he? Could he possibly be kind, with so many deaths under his belt, riding on his shoulders and whispering in his ears?

Still it fell. It didn't really rain on the colonies like it did there on Earth; the atmosphere was controlled enough not to need it. Perhaps if it had rained on the colonies, he would have been able to cry. Perhaps the clouds themselves were trying to teach him to weep.

Ha. God only knew- if God existed, which he sincerely doubted- if he could ever learn to be human at all. Perhaps he never would, and would continue as he was, demi-human, half a machine. Unable to learn. Unable to love.

Well, the other pilots didn't seem to care. Did he himself care if he was human? Duo joked about his temperament, but then, Duo joked about everything. It didn't stop him from being Heero's best friend- if he could be said to have any friends, really. Human relationships such as friendship were out of his grasp, beyond his experience and knowledge.

"Everyone needs a friend," Duo had laughed, resting his elbow on Heero's shoulder familiarly. "Anybody who says they want to be alone all the time is lying. Humans are naturally gregarious. Besides, it's too sad to live on your own all the time." Was he right? Did Heero need a friend? Well, it appeared Duo meant to be that companion whether Heero liked it or not.

And then there was Relena. She professed love for him- what was love, exactly? It was a thing that couldn't be touched or sensed. Impossible for him to understand. Could it really be that two people could feel emotion for one another so strong that nothing could come between them? Surely it was merely lust and wishing. But he couldn't push it aside like that. How did he feel about her? Confused. Not an emotion regularly come across in him. But yet, it was there. An emotion, in Heero?

Damn, it really was tipping it down in buckets outside. Britain tended to do that. Just the kind of country to go when you were feeling down, to go to in the winter when the weather echoed your emotions with a screaming wind that howled your fury for you. The rain was heavy, drops shining briefly with the light streaming from the window before coming to a short, sharp, splashy end. Soon enough they'd be taken up again and give birth to a new cloud, to produce more tears that Heero couldn't shed himself.

Anybody who says they want to be alone all the time is lying. Perhaps Heero wasn't lying- just inhuman. The rain kept falling.