A/N: Hello, and welcome, to Prophecies and Properness!

This story is a spin-off from Kitty O's great 'Restrictions and Reprimands', where she wrote about each episode of Merlin series four, making fictional memos and other things for each episode. So, with her permission (thanks!) over the course of the next eight weeks, I'll be doing a Being Human spin off of that story. Some section ideas are mine, some are hers.

So, here's what's going to be happening here: I watch the episode. Maybe you do too. Then I write some hopefully funny and sarcastic memos to the characters, plus Heroes and Loser of the episode, some awesome quotes from the episode, and a prediction for the next episode.

There will be a chapter for each episode of series four, posted every Tuesday or Wednesday, plus one or two summary chapters at the end! Major spoilers lie beyond.

So, without further ado, here's Episode One, 'Eve of the War'!

HEROES AND LOSER (In this section, I pick my favourite 3 characters of the episode, and my least favourite character)

HEROES – 1. Annie. She was coping much better than George with the grief, and was still chirpy and trying to help people out. Unlike George. 2 – Tom. He was just generally awesome this episode, taking out vampires left, right, and centre. He completely ignored McNair's advice from last series. 3 – Cutler. Not a hero as such, but he's my new favourite vampire. He might actually be this series' Big Bad – Now that sounds like a good idea.

MISSING OUT: George and Hal. Maybe next time, Hal. Sorry, George, I know you're dead and all, but you were pathetic for half of the episode before you became awesome.

LOSER – Wyndham. He didn't even appear in this episode, and we later learn he was killed by George. And because he only got 20 minutes of screen-time in the whole series, I pronounce him Shortest Lived on Screen Vampire.

MORAL OF THE EPISODE (Where I look for some deep meaning within the episode, or just take the piss) Man up, force yourself to partially transform, save your daughter and die. Now that's self sacrifice. Take note.

QUOTES (Well...)

CUTLER – 'I bet the Magna Carta doesn't have a nipple on it.'

CUTLER – 'Before you reach the first city, they'll have raised an army on Twitter.'

VAMPIRE RECORDER – 'Zombom, om nom, zombom *yawn*

ANNIE 'He doesn't need you coming in and filling his head with this... twattage!'

GEORGE 'It's OK. It's just the end of my story.'

MEMOS (The main part of the story, the fictional memos to the characters – and the part I owe most credit to Kitty O, so thank you. The answers will be posted with episode two, please try and guess!)

One – You see, that's the way to deal with grief. Not going all mopey and sitting there guarding your daughter with a stake, instead, trying to be cheerful and helpful and making tea! Even though you broke down in tears minutes after making said tea. I don't blame you – at least you didn't- I'll stop now.

You also said my new favourite word – Twattage. I really have no idea where that came from, but still! And you continued to be awesome throughout the episode – trying to save the baby, threatening vampires and then being there to say goodbye to George. I hope you continue to be like this every episode. Please?

Yours sincerely,

PTS

Two Well hi there. Well not really, hi, I've already seen you. But it was nice to see you in a beefed-up series regular role. You were pretty great last series, and it's nice to see that you're still awesome. Although didn't McNair say last series to live a normal life and stop killing vampires? Er...

But still, Eve the baby wouldn't have survived without your vampire killings. And she's the war child and all. So she has to stay alive. And it looks like you'll be taking George's place in Honolulu Heights, which is cool with me. After all, it'll be fun to see how you and new vampire Hal get on. Badly, by the looks of the next time trailer. Did I just say next time trailer to you?

With kind regards,

PTS

THREE – Well, hi there, new vampire on the block. We didn't see much of you this episode, and I've got to admit; why am I even writing a memo to you instead of someone like the vampire recorder of Cutler? I guess it's because you'll become a series regular, and a MITCHELL REPLACEMENT. Whoops, spoilers. You probably haven't heard of Mitchell anyway. He's dead now.

But what we did see of you is promising. Very promising. You seem like quite a nice guy, with terrible fashion sense. You still wear tweed suits. It's 2012, not 1955! Although I guess that it's because you have to be shielded from the modern world, to avoid killing. And that would really, really screw up the time continuum. Is there a time continuum on Being Human?

See you next episode,

PTS

FOUR –Well, that certainly was a episode of two halves for you. In the first half, you moped a lot and were generally useless. Yes, I know Nina was killed and you want to protect your baby, but really? Annie was coping a lot better than you. And she's dead. Also, did you mean to quote Star Wars in that warehouse? 'It's a TRAP!' Anyway, I digress.

However, in the second half, you were brilliant. You broke every mythology rule in the book in order to save your daughter, and I respect that. Although the part-transformation made you look a bit weird. No offence. And finally, you died, in an act of sort-of self-sacrifice. And you came round just before your death, so I've forgiven you. Just. I know you're behind the door of death and all, but I hope you get this. I'll get Herrick to send it through.

I so didn't have tears in my eyes when you died,

PTS

FIVE – Hi baby. I know that you can't read yet, so I'll get Annie to read it to you. Good luck with being the war child and killing the vampires.

Behave well and don't throw your food around,

PTS

RATING FOR THE EPISODE – 9. It wasn't perfect, but it was certainly very, very good, and I won't be surprised if it comes near the top in the end-of-fic episode leaderboard in chapter 9.

PREDICTION FOR THE NEXT EPISODE – Not much to be going on, really. Hal will reluctantly move into Honolulu Heights by episode's end. Leo will die happily. Pearl will fade. Tom and Hal will bicker.

Please review – constructive criticism is more than welcome, since I'm new to all this! The chapter for episode two, 'Being Human 1955' will be up next Tuesday.

PTS out.