DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or anything Twilight related, I just love having fun with my favorite characters!!

Dear Diary,

I never thought things would turn out like this for me. I have always been so level headed and responsible, and so positive that I had been in love with Edward, which is exactly what got me pregnant to begin with. We were going to wait, we had been dating for about eight months and we had both decided that we were going to wait. We pushed the boundaries of our relationship more times than I want to remember, and finally we both gave in to the love and to the lust. And a month and a half later, we had a little pink plus on a stick. Alice had been there for me, and so had Edward. He told me that he would do whatever it took to make sure that me and the baby were well taken care of, even if it meant giving up school, and his dream of becoming a doctor. But that wasn't going to work for me. Thankfully neither one of us made any rash decisions, and by rash decisions I mean dropping out of school, and telling Charlie and Renee. We had gone to Carlisle and Esme first, and they were supportive of course. Carlisle took me straight to the hospital and hooked me up to the ultra sound machine, anxious to see his grandchild. Who in their right mind thought that I, Isabella Marie Swan would end up pregnant at the age of 20? It could have been a fairy tale come true, high school sweet hearts, who actually manage to become college educated while raising a young child. But it was not to be, I lost the baby at three and a half months. Charlie and Renee never found out, and Edward left me four months later. He claimed that I would be better off without him, that he had corrupted me enough, and that he needed to let me live my life, not the life that he wanted me to live with him. But any life with him was definitely worth it. I miss him, so very much I miss him. It's been about seven months since the day that he left me, and it's been exactly one year today since I lost our sweet baby, and the only thing that was keeping Edward with me. Charlie says that I will get over him one day, but I seriously doubt that will ever happen. He broke me apart in more ways than he knows, not only did he take away his love, but also my best friend, I haven't been able to talk to Alice since that day. I know it's not being fair to her, but she is his sister, and it just breaks my heart all over again to be near her and not be with him. I've taken drastic measures to stay away from the Cullen family. I got a job as a receptionist at a Doctor's office and I take my classes at night now. It reduces the chance that I will run into Alice and Emmett or their significant others. Plus it keeps me away from Edward; I don't think I could handle seeing him with the new blonde that had taken my place. I know for sure that would break me forever. I'm still taking my classes towards my Literature degree, and all the new friends that I have made are very supportive. But of course they mean nothing compared to what I have lost. They will never truly know Bella Swan, because Bella Swan was broken completely the day that he left. Sorry for the ultra depressed entry, I just had to get it out!

Bella

*Edward's POV*

"Edward Anthony Cullen, we have a huge problem. And do you want to know what the even bigger problem is than our already huge problem?" asked my sister Alice breaking up the silence of my room.

I sighed. She really had turned into Bridezilla ever since Jasper had proposed three and a half months ago. I knew that she was waiting for my answer, but I wasn't going to give one. This had to do with Bella, and she was the one topic that I refused to talk about, EVER.

"Edward, answer me," she yelled again.

I looked up at her, still refusing to speak, hoping that she would see the answer in my eyes.

"No sir, don't you dare give me that look. You are being the biggest pig headed jerk on the face of the earth, not only to Bella but to me too," she yelled.

I put by Anatomy book down, giving up on highlighting the hormones of the endocrine system and looked up at her again. I knew that my normally bright green eyes were dull and lifeless. My mother conveyed her concern every time I saw her. They were all so convinced that if I were to just talk to Bella about all of this, that my eyes would shine like emeralds again, lighting up the whole room as they once did, when I had been with Bella.

"You listen to me Edward Anthony Cullen, I am getting married in exactly five months and twenty three days, and I expect my best friend to be there, just as Jasper expects his best friend to be there, it's not my fault that you are the one that screwed this up, but I know one thing, you had damn well better have my best friend at my wedding and in her dress by five thirty that evening," she said throwing Bella's save the date at my head before turning on her heel and walking angrily from the room.

What the hell was I thinking when I gave my best friend my blessing to ask out my sister? I returned to my anatomy book, but my focus had been lost, there was no way that I was going to be able to study now, I was barely studying before Alice had come in. I sighed and threw the book down onto my couch and leaned forward putting my head in my hands. What in the world was I going to do? The woman that I loved hated my guts, hell I hated my guts. I did what I needed to do to make Bella happy and to allow her to be successful in life, but at what cost? I was miserable, my family was miserable because I was miserable, I had lost the love of my life and my best friend, and forced her out of my sister's life. That had certainly fixed everything, just the way I planned.

But I had bigger problems than worrying about Alice. Today was the day, it had been exactly on year since the day that my world had come crashing down and allowed me to realize how much I had screwed up, and how much I had ruined her. We had been sitting on the couch in our living room waiting for my mother to finish Sunday dinner. Bella was in the mood for Pot Roast, and my mother had spent most of the day working in the kitchen refusing any help. Bella had finally been able to keep her first full meal down the week before and we were celebrating with her favorite meal. She had been so thin when she became pregnant that you could already see the smallest of baby bumps appearing on her flat stomach. I was sitting on the couch with her head in my lap, my hand under her shirt rubbing lazy circles along her stomach when she sat straight up, and doubled over in pain. "Bella love, what's wrong?" I had asked her in panic. I was sure that it was just a cramp, or perhaps she was just getting some more morning sickness, I felt guilty that Esme had spent all day in the kitchen preparing Bella's favorite meal, and she wouldn't be able to eat it. But Bella cried out again, and her hands clutched her stomach, pain written all over her beautiful face, flooding her brown eyes. "Bella," I said rubbing my hand over her back. My mother came into the living room asking what all the commotion was about, but immediately rushed out to find my father.

It wasn't until Bella stood up that I realized the severity of the problem. When she stood there was blood running down her leg, the look she gave me after seeing it broke my heart in two. She knew then what had happened, though my father and I were trying to be more optimistic as we rushed her to the hospital, with my entire family in tow. An ultrasound confirmed her suspicions and she fell apart in my arms. I stayed by her side as we went through all the required procedures to remove what was left of the fetus, and I held her the entire time.

I didn't realize then how much I had screwed things up; it wasn't for a few weeks, when Bella and I started to drift apart. I still loved her with everything that I was, and everything that I had. I would do anything for her, but she was depressed and rightfully so. I spent many nights in the weeks following the miscarriage in my father's office speaking to him, but we both knew that Bella was too proud to ask for help, and that I would just have to let her work out of it herself. The depression had nothing to do with my decision to break up with Bella; it had nothing to do with my love for her, because if we were going strictly on my love for the girl she would be sitting at me feet studying literature, as I played with her hair pretending to study. It was the broken look that she gave me every time she looked at me; it was how I could see her broken heart in her eyes. I didn't have it in me to tell her we could try again, of course we would try again, but it wouldn't be for many years. I knew that she loved me, maybe even more that I loved her if that was even remotely possible, but I had brought her down enough and I wasn't will to do it to her again.

I didn't speak to anyone in my family about my decision. Alice would have killed me if she knew what I was planning on doing when I left the house to go to Bella's on that fateful night. Rosalie would have been right there with her. Emmett and Jasper would have tried to knock some sense into me, and though I could use it, it wouldn't have changed my decision. My mother and father just wanted me to be happy, they loved Bella, but I was their son and I came first. But they still didn't agree with my decision. When I got to her house that night she was reading Wuthering Heights, which was a good sign. It was her favorite book, and I hadn't seen her with it since before that night at the hospital. But I couldn't let her favorite book sway my decision, I had come here for one reason and one reason only, to break both of our hearts and I was going to see it through.

My mother brought me dinner about an hour after Alice left, just a ham and cheese sandwich and a coke. She knew I wouldn't eat much of it, if any at all.

"She feels awful Edward," said my mother placing the plate on my computer desk and sitting down next to me on the couch.

"As she should," I said quietly. I wasn't angry at my sister, but she should have been paying more attention to the calendar.

"Edward," said my mother placing her hand over mine. "She didn't realize what day it was, she certainly didn't do it on purpose, she misses Bella too," said my mother.

I looked at her barely fighting back the tears that I had been struggling with all day.

"Oh Edward," she said wrapping her arms around me.

"Do you think she's okay?" I whispered.

"I…..Edward I don't know how to answer that," said my mother.

"What do you mean?" I asked pulling away from her.

"Edward no one knows, sure she might have met some friends and told them, but she's not sitting with her mother right now as she morns the loss of her child, because her mother didn't know. I'm sure she feels even more alone than ever today," said my mother. I felt my heart tighten and I felt like even more of an asshole than I had since I left her house that night, leaving her behind in tears, only to return to the solitude of my own home to cry my own.

My mother left me about twenty minutes later, and I took another half an hour to myself before I was ready to face Alice. I made my way downstairs and found her sitting on the couch in Jaspers arms, wrapped in a blanket, her face was red and splotchy and her normally perfect spiky hair was smoothed against her head. "Edward," she said jumping up off the couch and making her way to me.

"I need you to do me a favor Alice," I said. My voice was even and I was confident that I was hiding the pain well.

"Anything," she said pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

"I know I have asked you not to, and I know that she has gone out of her way to avoid you, but I need you to go to her. She needs someone to help her through today," I said. "Of course, only she's never home when I drive past her house, and I don't know how else to find her," she said. "She'll be done with Lit-302 in about an hour, that's in Miller," I said. "How do you know that?" she asked. I didn't answer, simply smiled before grabbing another coke out of the refrigerator.

"Thank you Alice," I said before disappearing back up to my room.

Alice stared after me for a moment before returning to Jaspers arms. "He wants me to go find her," she said. "That's good right, if you can get to Bella, then maybe somehow we can get them back together, right?" asked Jasper. "I sure hope so Jazz, I sure hope so. I don't know how much longer I can stand looking at him so broken," said Alice.

A/N: I hope you like it! R&R please!!