A.N.

A story I wrote a long, long, long time ago I'm talking before the wonder full GLEE. I dusted it off and gleeked the hell out of it. Its AU ….but come on ….don't leave …...it Blanicedes. Any way let me know what you think. Enjoy.

I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OF GLEE. I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT BUNNYS THAT MADE THIS STORIES .

Ch1

What am I doing, how did I get here? thought this a thousand times to my self at one point or another. I poured cool vodka into one of the crystal glasses my mother bought for me on my 20th birthday. She thought that they were very classy, I thought at the time that they were too fancy and delicate for a collage student. I knew I would only use them to drink cheap beer from, and with the friends I had they would end up in a million pretty pieces on my dirty dorm room floor. But now in my 4 million dollar cold empty mansion they fit right in. I hated the feeling of self loathing I get when I walk into this hose. As if the walls were whispering about the betrayal of my dreams. As a teenager I swore I would never end up a corporate shit head asshole like my father. And yet here I am a corporate big wig, divorcee paying 27,000 dollar a moth alimony to a woman that loved my money but hated me from the start. I checked my cell one missed voice mail from Rachel. The sound of my ex wife's voice nauseated me and made chuck rise in my throat . As usual, it was about money, another charity that I am suppose to contribute to in her behave. As a self proclaimed philanthropist she pretended to volunteer to keep up a good name in the community of Glen Oaks, her way of looking busy without getting a really job. Before she could finish I deleted the message, and tossed the phone on the 10,000 dollar leather couch. I took a big gulp of vodka letting the cool alcohol sting my chest, I exhaled .

"I'm a shit head, I am my fucking father." took off the arm jacket and let hit the floor, Guadalupe my maid would have it cleaned and hung in my closet before I got home tomorrow. I grabbed the phone again and plopped on the couch scrolling down to Finn's name on the very short list of friend contact I only had three. I had Rachel listed under business . I'd hoped I could call him and complain about how full of crap we are now. He shared in my self loathing of the corporate life. Shit, it went straight to voicemail. "Hay it's Blaine talk to you later." I hung up. Guess I would make due by torturing myself with old footage of our band. I grabbed the remote for the 80 inch Tv and clicked it on. The DVD was already loaded in from last night's torture session. I went numb as I watched the happier 21 year old me tear threw chords on my guitar. My eyes got heavy as my mind wondered back to that day.

"Ok that was good, lets do another run threw of the whole thing. Artie are you recoding?" I asked with a huge smile

"Hell yea dude Blaine rip that shit." Artie Abrams was our producer slash, promoter slash, manger slash, weed provider . A gangly loud moth shit talker, now a gangly loud mouth New York stock broker same thing if you think about it . He was the white boy that could fit in any wear.

"Ok, but dude I need more weed first." Finn took a joint from behind his ear. Finn Hudson, our drummer and resident weed head. Now promotional adviser for Anderson industries, but still a weed head he worked in my fathers company under me. I am the vice president on Anderson inc a fancy way of saying sale out.

"

No! no, no more weed man until we get this right. And where the hell is Kealy?" Sebastian demanded. Sebastian Smyth the song writer slash bass player, to be honest he could have been a one man band. He could play any thing he got his hands on. He and I had the most strained relationship of all. He blamed me for the great fall of our band. I was the reason he was now a miserable insurance agent. He was the brains of the group he had and eye for talent and what would be the next hot thing. He could have easily went on with out me. Hell Kealy did.

"stop bitching Sebastian I'm here "Kealy Winters real name Quinn Ferbery the bitchy tone death eye candy front woman for our band Nova and now the bitchy front woman for Dahlia the hot new girl band on Jive records. she had slept her way into our band even Artie though she would never admit to it. I could only imagine what she did to get where she is now, it boggles the mind.

I ran my fingers through my hair as my mind went back to that time. I look at how much I had changed. yes I look exactly the same, down to my wild short curly hair the top was longer and hung just above my eyebrow. Though when worked I kept it brushed back and parted neatly on the side away from my face. No matter how much my father bitched I will keep my hair. The only thing I kept from my rocker days. And yes the good genes of my mother allowed me to look the same at 27 but I can see the different. The stress cresses in between my eyebrows formed because of constant frowning. And I saw the loss of light in my eyes. To me I looked total different though no one else can see it. My frown grew deeper when my father came in. Artie kept recording, I wished he hadn't.

"Damn it cut the shit I have client down stairs. I have to work to keep you pampered ungrateful ass clothed," my father sneered at me.

"Yeah and don't forget your expensive car collection and Versace suits" I said and Finn snorted I smiled arrogantly. but as I watched the DVD I noticed Sebastian in the back close his eyes and shake his head in disapproval. I waited for my father to blow.

"You little shit. I am sick of this I wash my hand of you. if this is the way you want to throw away your life fine you won't do it with my money ." he all but growled

"Fine take away the one thing I never asked for! You can have the famed Anderson name if you want too . Didn't ask for that either. Sorry but I will never be a carbon copy of you."

That stung I hated the fact that I was now eating those words.

What happen next on the video I never seen it coming.

He grabbed me and slammed in to the wall. "Get out of my house" he growled at me threw his teeth. My mother came in and pulled at him.

"Kevin please let him go he's our son. Don't, he is our son." she pulled at his arm feebly. She had stopped so many of our fights, but this time I had pushed him to far he was done with me.

" Please, please honey come down star they Mr. Chang is waiting . My mother said still using all her 4'11 strength to pull at my father's 6'2 frameHe glared at me.

"When Mr. Chang leaves I want you gone" he shoved me away

"Why wait I'm gone now." I grabbed my guitar and stormed out.

"Blaine-wait. Kevin what did you do?" she flowed after me.

"He has to learn" my father yelled after her before he looked in the camera. "get that shit out of my face" his hand reach for the camera and the DVD was over.

I was thinking about playing it again but why make myself feel more numb. I think that is enough for now. I check the tv off stood, stretched, unbuttoned my shirt and dropped it on the floor as I went up the stairs. Pulled off my tank dropped it at the top of the stairs unbuckled the my belt pull it off and let it fall to the floor. I entered my room unbutton my pants and slid out of them and my boxes .I walked into the bathroom I turned on my marble shower that was big enough for 6 people, although I had never test the max capacity. I waited until the shower was warm before I stepped in to the stream of water. I washed and jacked off twice, by the time I came the second time the water was ice cold. I let run over my head plastering my hair to my face and down to my back. The sharp feel of the water made me hard again but I passed on a 3rd whack fest ,got out and dried off. I dropped the towel by the bed and pulled the covers o back and slid in nude. I hardly ever wore boxer let along pajamas to bed. I stretched and laced my finger behind my head and exhale I was so tired before but now was wide awake. The memory's slap me in the face, playing in my head like a horror movie this seem to be getting worse for me and I am not sure how much more I can take. I drifted .

A year and a half in the past since the incident on the video happen. And I found my self left living out a sleeping bag on Finns living room floor.

"Blaine! dude wake up we have the meeting with jive records to day come on get up and put the pretty face on " I stretched and winced at my sore back. I then looked up and saw Finn staring down at eating a messy Sub wearing nothing but his tighty whites. that visual alone made me want to beg my dad to let me back in the house. well not really I pulled the sleeping bag over my head it had been a year and a half since I had even seen or talked to my family. My mother would send me care packages like I was away at camp she wouldn't talk to me though because my father had forbid her. the care packages away had the same note tucked away in side 'I love you please say you're sorry and come home. I love you, we love you." I was sure that my dad knew nothing of this. I wanted nothing to do with it but there was no way that Fin was going to let me throw away food. I had hit rock bottom but there was no where for me to go but up. And we were on the way up even thought we had gained local fame and were growing a huge fan bass, we were broke. But it look like thing were about to break for us with this meeting.

"I'm up but please I need to be able to see so put some pants on. I beg you Finn." I said and he rolled his eyes

"What ever this is the body of a real man." Finn shoved and big chunk of mayo covered onion in his mouth .

I drug myself out of the sleeping bag to I grabbed my cell phone there were 12 missed voice messages on my phone. Who the hell was call me call me this much? Maybe one of the groupies I had gave my number to when I was drunk. I checked and the messages almost dropped the phone it was my father and it seemed as if he had been crying. I had never heard his voice like this before and as I listened. I could make out the words your mother and very sick and St Jordan's hospital . I didn't need to hear the rest. I hung up and grabbed one of Finn's dirty shirts and keys off the floor.

"Dude! What wrong? where are you going the meeting is a hour." he yelled after me as I burst threw the front door.

"I gotta go." was the only thing that I could get out. I cranked the old Honda to life and I did even remember the drive to the hospital or even run up the halls. My mind only stopped when I realize what floor that I was going to the 5th floor terminal care . Why was she here she couldn't have been that sick she would have told me. He should have told me. Damn him !I slowed as I got closer to the room look down at the mayo and mustard stains shirt and cursed. at that moment I felt that I would have been better off shirtless .I tried to brush it off in vain as I opened the door. The first person I saw was my father with his face in his hands. He looked up, and it looked like he had age at lest 10 year since the last time that I had seen him. His eyes were red and filled with tears he stood and walked quickly over to me.

"Come out and let me tell you what is going on" his voice was gentle I never heard it this way before or since he touched me tenderly on the shoulder, and I had to follow him out.

"what is going on" I tried to keep a stone face.

"You mother is in the last stages of breast cancer and all the doctor can do now is keep her comfortable.

"how?" was all I could choke out. The sound was more breath then words. My face began to sting.

"She hadn't been feeling well for years but she kept it to her self and when I found out it was nothing more that I could do. kimo just made her weaker "

"How long was this" I asked my voice still weak sounding . more sting on my face.

"You have to understand she didn't want you to worry " he exhaled

"How long did you know" the sound came out almost like a growl as I pronounced each word slowly.

"7 moths"

"And you didn't tell me " my vision suddenly became blurry I blink and could see again.

" what would you have done" the softness was gone from his voice. A nurse passed us and gave us both a warning look.

I lowered my voice but didn't even attempt to hide the anger. "I would have been here."

"Well I called you now."

"Yes when she is dying." glared at him "I want to see her."

"Fine" he began to walk in I grabbed the side of the door.

"Alone." he let go and of the door and backed away.

I felt the sting on my face as I walked in and scratched at it. My face it was damp. Tears? I would not let her see me like this I grabbed the end of the shirt and wiped my face. I sniffled and my mother moved in the bed. She looked so small like I could pick her up with one hand. she was so pale her long raven curls looked so thin and dull as they cascaded across the pillow. She frowned in her sleep she looked so delicate. I looked her over she turned her head and frown again and was mumbling something. I held my breath to listen to her. As she whispered I leaned in.

"Blaine." she said my name and jumped slightly she open her eyes and looked at me. She blinked at me as if I was still only in her dream she raised a weak hand towards me to test if I was really there. I grabbed it quickly and she inhaled sharply and smiled her eyes went watery and she opened her mouth to speak.

"Sshh …him here." I whispered

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I did not want you to worry I thought I could …." she smile weakly tears rolling down her cheek.

"No you just…" was all I could say I chocked on my words.

"I need to tell you something ok " she spoke so soft my mother was always soft spoken. Even when she was mad at me for breaking something she would never yell but now her words can out in soft whisper that she strained to get out .

No you don't have to… " I began

"yes I do just please listen your father… ."I think she tried to squeeze my hand I wanted so badly to squeeze back but I felt that I may break her if I did.

"I do not want to talk about him." I snapped and instantly wished that I hadn't snapped

"you have to and you will listed" she said sternly

"I'm s-sorry go on." I rubbed small circle on the back of her hand.

"You father is not as strong as he seems when I am gone he will need you. And no matter what he says he love you no matter how he acts he just want you to do well and so do I . I just want you to make a promise even if sometimes it sucks "she smiles . "For me please listen to him and get along with him. He need you and you need him. will you do that for me Blaine?"

"Yes I can and I will "I kissed the back of her hand. And she smiled.

"Good I will be watching you." she winked at me and then began to cry. I shook by self awake turned on my side and drifted between sleep awake I drifted to a week later. My mothers funeral. I stood in the rain alone at her fresh grave I was shaking it was oddly cold for this time of year the rain pasted my hair to my face and I could barely see. I stayed and watch them lower her in the grown, and shook violently as the pushed the dirt over my mother coffin. but I could not leave her here she didn't belong here. As the rain fell I couldn't tell any more which were rain drops or my tears. It didn't matter . Suddenly the rain stop hitting me even though the rain hadn't let up. I look to my left and saw my father holding al huge umbrella over my head. I started to walk away but my mother words rang as clear as if she was there with us.

He needs you.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. "you are right I have been wasting my life but if you are willing to help I would like to change that. I want what would make mother happy ."

He smiled

"I accept, and I can now son lets get out of the rain." my dream fast forwarded to when I had to tell my friends I was leaving the band .

"Hay man how you been." Artie walked over and patted me on the shoulder.

"We have not seen you for a while do you need anything." Sebastian asked me trying to catch my eyes but I would not look at any of them too long.

"I'm sorry man." Finn gave me a big bear huge I could tell he had been crying.

"It ok .you know jive said that because of your lose we can reschedule the meeting." Quinn said trying to sound like she cares.

We all looked at her.

"what?"

"Typical." Sebastian said under his breath

"What? are we gonna act like we didn't almost miss the biggest opportunity of our lives. Look Blaine I am sorry for you lose I really am. But at lest we get a second chance." Quinn folded her arms

"No you right. That's good but you will have to do it without me I'm out." I said not looking at any of them

"I am going to work for my dad. In a couple of years I could be vice president… it is a good thing." I lied with a fake smile when I did not hear any one I looked up to see if they had left the room. I instantly wished that I hadn't. their looks ranged from terra shock disappointment and rage.

"Your joking right tell me he is joking" Quinn looked around i shook my head no.

"Well fan fucking tastic." Quinn said throwing her hand up before she dropped on to the couch.

"You know you don't have to do that." Fin said softly

"Yes I do" I said glancing up at him and he nodded

"Wow." Artie just shook his head

"What? Oh come on you know you guys can do this without me." I smiled again.

Sebastian just glared at me stood and walked out. We haven't spoken in years. And my dream fast forwards a few years to my big V.P promotion and the night I was introduced to Rachel. My father had talked about her for weeks now he told how beautiful she was and how good of a family she came from ,and said because she was already rich I wouldn't have to worry about a gold-digger hum. On that night at the country club my father bragged on how I wised up and how fast I took to the work. I heard him say he got it from his old man so many times that I could almost time when he would say it. He raised a drink at me from across the room and I returned the gesture .but I was boarded out of my mind if Finn had not been there I would have thrown myself in front of one of the golf cart and prayed it would kill me.

"This is dull hay you wanna go to the green and smoke some green I got this crazy new weed had my dick hard for hours." He said and I chocked on my drink laughing.

"Good you're alive for a moment I thought you had Od form all the old money in the room. Tell me why it smells like mothballs in here aren't these people rich?" he asked and I laughed harder

"I'm tell you man I got 500 that one of these old farts dies before he night is over."

I laugh and took another sip of my drink Finn had a way of pulling me out of my gloomy mood.

"Blaine?" I heard a voice behind me. Finn and I both turned. When I tuned and say a stunning dark haired beauty wearing tight lacy red dress that hugged her slim curves. The insanely high heels she wore gave he an inch over me in height. I look at Finn although she had said my name. His mouth was open and he was drinking in all her of beauty greedily. He elbow me hard.

She looked at both of us giving us a equal sultry eyes. I could tell she didn't know which one of us was my fathers son. Fin was tall and a little stoke with lighter hair like my father. I had my mother dark Filipino features. she took her eyes off me looked at Finn.

"Your father told me to come over and met you." she smiled at him I want to see far she would go with him but Finn elbowed me harder and gave me a if you don't I will look .

So I spoke. "Um I am Blaine" she frowned at Finn and then set her large dark brown eyes on me she never looked at him again. She moved in closer to me her perfume hit my nose it was way too strong an sugary.

"Ok well see you later Blaine." Finn walked behind her and made a painful face when he looked at her rear. He raised an eye brow at me before he walked off. I shook my head disapprovingly and smiled. When I looked back her. Her big brown eyes were pined on me. She had not looked away when I did she smiled at me "I'm Rachel." she gave me a sexy smirk I returned the smile. 30 minutes of her bragging about her volunteer work in Africa and she was on her pampered knee outside with my dick in her mouth. I was glad she wasn't able to speak any more. She stared up at me with her big brown eyes. I could tell this was one of her volunteering skills that she was practically proud of. She was good at this, she grabbed my ass and pulled me in deeper I braced my self on the tree when by dick hit the back of her throat. I let my head fall back on the tree enjoying her talent. I pushed myself deeper in her moth and heard her gag. I looked down and raise a eyebrow at her. She looked anger but she want this so I gave her more. She released my ass and pushed at my thighs to stop me I smirked . I saw it in her eye she was a groupie and different kind, but a groupie none the less. I grabbed her hand to keep her from stopping me she moaned around my dick, and I pulled out her mouth. Snatching her up wrapped her legs around my waist and put her against the tree in one fluent movement. She looked surprised that I was able to do that, my height had her fooled. I pushed the dress up around her waist and whined her thong around my fingers. She was speechless. Astonishment spread across her face as her thong was ripped from her body. I then turn my dark eyes on her now. She looked hypnotized and dazed I bite my lip and push rough in side her I could tell she had not been use to this type of roughness. But this is what all my groupies got .she threw her head back and moaned freely .5 months later we were married in a grand ceremony we smiled for the picture and played the happy couple until we got in the car.

"did you have to let Finn make that moronic toast I'm sure he ruined most of our wedding photo. But he can be photo shopped out." she said and I looked out the window.

"yeah. That's real nice Rachel photo shop out my best man ."

"Ha! best man try useless blob." she flipped her hair and then checked her lip gloss in her compact.

"Blob? You almost jump him right in the county club when you thought that he was me." I glanced at her

"Money is money yes if he was you father son the he would be sitting there and not you. Not because of looks but money. But you are wealthy one with the bonus of good looks and your net worth…. well now our net worth now will make my friends dizzy with jealously." she smiled wide. I huffed.

"Oh please don't pretend like this was nothing more then to stop the rumors about you being gay you are attractive and had no woman it was weird." I pounced on her and tore at the wedding dress.

"What are you doing." she said with a disquieted look on her face.

" Stop the shit I haven't touched you since the country cub and you have been giving me the please fuck me eye ever since. Are you gonna pretend that what I did to you that night has not been burned in you mind" she look at me speechless this seem to be the only time I could get any peace around her I slammed my lips over hers. For the first time I had kissed her. The fake kiss we shared at the you may kiss the bride part didn't count. I stuck my tongue down her throat she moaned and went lip in my arms and kissed me back hungrily. she arched up into me. She was use to men that worshiping her and going goofy around her. The way I handle her was raw and dark and she hated me for making show her weakness. I would go months without touching her and then she would do things to make me attack her. Bu t when she said I would have never made it in music anyway, and still doing it in my free time was a waste. I did not touch her again she kept trying to make me anger hoping for me to react. She even went as far as cheating on me in our bed when I walked in and saw I smiled and walked down stair and poured my self a cup of vodka. a few second later I saw the guy with a Mohawk stumbling out the side door I raised my glass at him as he left Rachel stood at the top of the stairs.

"What is it to much to take?" she stomped down stairs ."Are you angrily?"

"Do you want it be?" I asked taking a sip

Her hair was a mess make up smeared and the rage on her face made her look as ugly on the out side as she was inside.

She screamed at me snatched the glass from my hand splashed the vodka in my face and hair and threw it against the wall.

"The only reason I married you is for your money" she stomped like a 2 year old.

"I know that" I ran my hand back and forward through my vodka dripping hair a couple of curls fell over my left eye.

"I hate you!" she screamed

"I know that too"

"I will do and thing to get away from you! You're not like your father you're worse" she yelled and I leaned in on her

" you're doing all this because I have not touched you. Right?" I backed her into the wall. "But I can tell you this I will never touch you again. You want to get away from me? Fine you're free."

"I will take half of every thing that you own." she screamed nearly pulling a patch of her hair out .

"you were gonna do that any way it's good this happened now. So we wouldn't have to drag this a long. You're getting what you want ."I was looking down brushing off my shirt but when I look up at her I was taken a back. The fake tear had now turn into a look of genuine pain, hurt, disappointment and longing her eye plummeted in defeat. I had no idea why. She would get ever thing she wanted from me from the start. For a moment I felt bad. should I have tried harder with her? Could she have felt any thing for me?

"Rachel?" it was the first time I'd said her name so softly, and she jumped as if I had yelled at her or may be she was just shocked by the way I said her name .

"Rachel?" I said again in the same tone. she sank into her shoulder, and wrapped her arm around her body trying to hold herself together . She pulled her lips in shook her head like a little child fighting to holding a secret. Eyes still down head tilted to the side a curtain of soft dark brown strains falling over the side of her face. I wanted to touch her, say I was sorry. I reached out to her. her eye flicked to me with such hate such fire I could almost feel the flames of hate that burned just for me in those deep dark pools.

"you will give me what I want money wise for as long as I want it. Or I will make your life hell. do you understand me." she said her voice now composed.

I nodded she looked around the home. "you can have this one you will get me a bigger one where I want got it .I nodded she turned and went up stairs for a few hour. When she came back down dressed classy make up and hair flawless. her heels clicked across the stone floor. I was kneeling down sweeping up the glass as she approached me . I looked up at her, hair falling over my eye . Her head was held high even thought she looked down at me .The gentle Rachel was gone . I raise an eyebrow

"is there any thing else you want from me?" I asked sarcastically

"Yes" she reached in to her expensive bag and pulled out a hand gun . She held it to my temple . "Your soul or what's left of it ." she squeezed the trigger BANG!

I sat up in my bed sweating all over. Even thought Rachel never pulled a gun on me in real life. In my dreams at the end of the play back of my life, instead of her just walking out she kills me it in different ways every time. Sometime I wish she had got up the balls to end my pitiful life ,but no here I am. I rolled over. 3:30am I exhale wipe, more sweat away from my forehead and sit up. my cell phone beeps at me from the side table . I pick it up shit. 2 missed calls and voice mails I check my mail you have 2 unheard messages first message 1:46am. "hay you called me? I was in the middle of the worst blow job I had in my life I bought this chick 6 cosmo's and when I got to her place she grabbed my dick like it was a…" message skipped 2nd unheard message at 2:54 am "Blaine I need you to go to the reopening at the Folton plaza. I'm not going to that side of town and I can't get Finn so you need to be there at 2.00pm. And don't take Finn's shit about making promise to improve the community and make it quick. we have a board meeting at 2:30." end of new messages . shit great more errand boy work next he will ask me to start picking up the coffee. I would feel better doing that.

I dialed his number.

"Some one better be dead" he answered

""Tomorrow I cant have a board meting at 230 and do the reopening. Not with all the media that will be there. you know that."

"You can do both if sleeping now, see you at the broad meeting tomorrow son." he hung up the bastard hung up. I squeezed the pone and cruse at it a couple of time before laid back. guess I have no choice. I looked up

"I'm trying ma really I am"

A.N. is anybody out there …**tumbleweed rolls by**…..Alright. up next Mercedes tell me what you think would love feed back . Just to see if I should keep it up.