Disclaimer: I do not own nor make any profit off of Star Wars or any related works. It all belongs to George Lucas, Lucasfilm, Fox Studios, etc.

A/N: My first Star Wars story. I can't believe it took me so long, because this has always been a favorite series of mine. I watched The Phantom Menace the other day for a change, and this came about. Obi-Wan is my absolute favorite Star Wars character, followed closely by Luke and Yoda, as well as R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Qui-Gon. As far as complete canon is concerned, I'm not going to follow it religiously.

The preface is set shortly after the return from Melida/Daan.

EDIT (2-22-15): The preface & chapters 1-9 of this story have now undergone thorough editing for grammar and spelling, as well as a detailed revision of structure, plot flow, characterization, and writing maturity.

Preface: Futility

Blazing oranges, pinks, and blues overtook the sky of Coruscant as the sun began on the latter half of its journey through the darkening expanse of space. Taxi speeders took on extra bursts throughout the dense evening traffic, the typical dinnertime rush, hoping to get their passengers to the specified destination before their own meals became relegated to a brief jaunt at the nearest greasy joint. Those passengers and drivers, so intent on getting from one place to the next as fast as possible, stood exactly in line with the mindset of one young padawan as he watched the hustle and bustle from high up in the Jedi Temple.

Obi-Wan Kenobi fidgeted in front of the balcony doors for what felt like the hundredth time as he stared out at the city he had considered home for the remembered majority of his fourteen years of life.

At that particular moment, however, he had never felt less at home.

After the difficult, bitter choice to separate from Master Qui-Gon Jinn on Melida/Daan and support the Young, Obi-Wan had lived in constant fear of what his future beheld. After Cerasi's death, Obi-Wan – now bereft of a good friend, the only home he had ever known, and his dream of being a Jedi knight – had felt as thought everything would go up in flames before his very eyes.

Then Qui-Gon had brought him back to help with the mystery surrounding the Jedi Temple, but Obi-Wan's hope had been extinguished before it even started to rise. He had seen in the man's eyes that his time as that venerated Jedi's padawan was over. Obi-Wan destroyed his own chance at becoming a Jedi Knight by supporting the Young. Because even though no one said it aloud, Obi-Wan knew intrinsically that no one else would have him as a padawan. Not after his rebellion on Melida/Daan. He was a rogue now, regardless his return to the Temple and the Jedi Order. No one trusted a rogue padawan whose own master had dropped him completely.

Granted, Qui-Gon allowed Obi-Wan to keep space in his rooms until the boy's fate had been decided and the Temple mystery solved, but the space grew colder every moment more they spent in it together. Every time Obi-Wan walked past his – now former – master, a deep and crackling tension bespoke the almost tangible chasm between them.

Obi-Wan may not have turned to the dark side, but his betrayal on Melida/Daan was just as terrible as that of Qui-Gon's former apprentice. Xanatos at least had the excuse that he was tempted by something stronger than his will could fight. But Obi-Wan could only speak to his own bullheaded, brash, immature decision to rebel against his master's orders. There was no temptation to lure him, save his thoughtlessness.

Trying to sit now and meditate on his useless choices, while the self-same master sat and read the materials he had gathered about the Temple's current crisis, could be nothing less than torture. Knowing that Qui-Gon's eyes occasionally glanced at him just completely stopped the necessary calm from forming in his young mind. Another failure to add to the boy's growing list of them.

Finally realizing the futility of his attempts at meditation, no matter how much he wished to somehow prove his renewed devotion to Qui-Gon before being forced to other quarters, Obi-Wan stood from his reluctant kneeling position with all the due slowness of an animal unwillingly charged towards the slaughterhouse on its final journey in the world.

"Yes, Obi-Wan?"

Despite the strange fact that Qui-Gon still easily noticed Obi-Wan's moods in this manner, the boy in question winced just slightly at the lifeless inflection of his former master. Even in recognizing Obi-Wan's potential to help in the Temple mystery which currently disturbed them, Master Jinn had plainly taken no relish in bringing back his wayward former padawan from a disobedient path. And now Obi-Wan had not even been able to help in the investigation of the Temple so far.

Another failure. Would he ever stop disappointing everyone? Perhaps it would have been better if he had continued with the Agricorps future that had been laid out for him around his thirteenth birthday. Was it truly already more than a year ago now? He felt as though he were standing before the ship now, ready to leave behind the life of his young dreams, waking or otherwise. There was a possibility it would still occur, if the Council judged him too unsteady for the sacrificial life of a Jedi.

"Kenobi?" The tall Jedi did not withhold his impatience and frustration when forced to needlessly repeat himself.

"Forgive me, Master Jinn," Obi-Wan penitently murmured, standing as stiff as boards dried beneath the sizzling hot sun, arms tucked into his sleeves in the picture perfect pose of a composed Jedi. "Would it be permissible for me to take a walk outside the temple? I… I feel that fresh air may aid me in finding my center and meditating properly."

"Focus, not fresh air, is the foundation for meditation. You would do well to remember that," Qui-Gon countered coolly, not even bothering to look up at the boy.

Obi-Wan withheld even less of his second wince, trying very hard not to lose his composure before leaving the rooms he had so reluctantly been allowed to keep sharing. He could not leave the temple now, but at least he could leave this room. That would not help as he hoped, but it had to be better than remaining under Qui-Gon's scrutiny. Hopefully no one would be there – wherever he ended up – to give him a patronizing gaze of ice for his rebellious ways.

"I understand, Master Jinn," Obi-Wan murmured even less strongly than the first time, his exterior already cracking too much. He didn't dare look up at the master. An idea formed in his mind suddenly, however; an idea that might bring him some measure of calm. "May I then expend my meditation in the Room of A Thousand Fountains?"

Strictly speaking, he did not need permission to go wandering within the Temple walls, but the boy felt it would be bad form to leave without the master's consent when he was already under so much scrutiny for Melida/Daan. At least he could tell anyone he met that Master Jinn knew where he was. No chance of assuming he would leave again for some 'reckless stunt.'

"If you feel the need, I will not stop you," Qui-Gon remarked, voice devoid of emotion.

Wincing for the third time without any filter, Obi-Wan bowed low as he had always been taught. "Thank you, Master Jinn."

Knowing he would receive no reply, the boy left the rooms in silence and made his way throughout the halls of the Temple with deep melancholy buried beneath the façade of detached interest he had perfected from the moment he began to see his dreams fading into tidy rows of crops and plants. The many he passed in the hallways did not bother to hide the slight scorn and disapproval they allowed to pass through their own masks of collected emotions.

Obi-Wan merely looked to the ground in shame every time he caught such glimpses.

He deserved it, after all.

A/N: To be continued…