The Ways John and Sherlock Didn't Have Sex.

Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade sat at his desk pouring over paperwork. It was always paper work. He understood why it was necessary, in theory, but he wanted to be out on the street solving, or hell maybe even preventing, crime, not filling out form after form, after form….After form. His eyes crossed involuntarily, or he had accidentally filled out the same form for the same case twice, both were equally likely at this point. He groaned and shut his eyes, digging the heels of his palms into them. His head had a dull throb already, and this was going to be a long day. He understood why Sherlock would shoot walls out of boredom, sometimes.

Thankfully, Sally Donovan ran into his office. She had a wide grin on her face, her dark eyes lightened with…excitement, Greg was pretty sure it was excitement. He wasn't a detective inspector for nothing.

"I knew it!" the young woman crowed. "I bloody well knew it. We all knew it!" Her hands reached up and shook with a kind of happiness he'd seen his daughters express while watching Doctor Who.

"Know what?" Gregory had no idea what Sally was talking about.

Her jaw dropped, "Haven't you been online?"

Lestrade raised his eyebrows and spread his hands over the countless unorganized files on his desk and muttered, "Paperwork. Which, shouldn't you be working on some as well?"

"This is too exciting!" Donovan exclaimed.

Lestrade leaned back in his chair and raised an eyebrow, "Whatever this is, it better be worth delaying a whole division's paperwork."

"Just get on John's blog," Sally said in lieu of an actual explanation. While Greg knew Sally wasn't a 'fan' of John's blog in the traditional sense, she kept up with it well enough.

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you," She didn't explain. "You need to just get on the blog and see it yourself."

Normally, Detective Inspector Gregory Lestrade wouldn't just cave to Sally's demand to get onto John's blog, but Greg was curious and he did kind of wanted Sergeant Donovan to stop shouting, his headache wasn't being helped by it at all. He cleared off his keyboard and mouse, happily noticing he hadn't filled the same form out twice (though he did make a mental note to get his eyes checked), he opened his browser and went over to his bookmarks, and clicked on the link to John Watson's blog.

The newest post read as follows:

You Were Right

I thought if I admitted it right off the bat I could hopefully avoid the millions of "I told you so's" and "I knew it's." but Sherlock feels this is 'highly improbable.' I have no other ideas for how to say this though, so here it comes.

I, Doctor John Hamish Watson, have entered a romantic relationship with Sherlock Holmes.

That is all I am going to say on the topic for now.

EDIT: There have been far too many questions so I'll answer a few. A FEW, which implies three ,therefore I'll address the three most insistent topics.1) It's been going on a month and a half so far. 2) No, I will not say who initiated or how it happened. 3) No, I will not answer questions about Sherlock's cock other than yes, I have seen it. THAT IS ALL.

EDIT: I, John Watson, did not write the above edit. I swear. I can't delete it either, so you know it wasn't me.—JW

Greg's jaw felt like it was at his the level of his knees. "Oh. My. God."

"I know right?" Sally smiled.

"I don't know if this was unexpected or completely expected," the detective said shaking his head gently back and forth. "Wow. Good for them," he finally managed with a smile. "They're good for each other, weirdly enough."

"So, what do you think about that edit?"

"I'd seen Sherlock making a stupid edit like that yeah," Greg said noncommittally. He didn't really want to think about Sherlock or John's, erm, manhoods.

"Well, duh," Sally said quickly, rolling her eyes. "But how do you think it happened?"

"You know, I really don't want to think about it. And, now that I've seen the post we both have paperwork we need to be doing," Detective Lestrade ended the conversation, lowering his head back down to the clutter on his desk. He sighed in relief as Sally left the office.

Greg truly had been thinking about that edit. His mind was already formulating what had happened, against his will. He tried to shake the images forming in his head, but he couldn't. Try as he might he thought what it would be like to be a fly on the wall of John and Sherlock's first time. This is what his, in his opinion, sick mind came up with.

-GL-

Sherlock walks into the flat, clearly agitated beyond the point of decency, John, at first doesn't notice, because a) he's working on his blog and b) the difference between this and Sherlock's typical Wednesday afternoon attitude is barely noticeable.

Sherlock is like a man possessed, tearing the flat apart. This is what clues John Watson in to his dear friend's problem.

"You made me promise to hide them," John explains while continuing his hunt and peck typing as if nothing was wrong with Sherlock turning their flat upside down in a nicotine withdrawal haze. Well, it is Wednesday.

"But we haven't had a case in weeks!" the detective shouts across the small area between the two men. "I'm so bored, John!"

"Then do what everyone else does," John said standing calmly. "Find a way to entertain yourself. "

"So easy for you, isn't it John?" Sherlock spits, stalking into John's personal space. "Just sit around and watch crap telly with Mrs. Hudson, write your blog, or go on dates."

"Yeah, well, you could update your website, or do some experiments, or something other than bitch at me about how fucking bored you are!"

"Ooh, what's this I see all over our dear doctor's face?" Sherlock's eyes widen and his mouth purses, "I see. John Watson is sexually frustrated and taking his anger out on his flatmate."

"Because, you taking out your boredom and general frustration on me is so damn fair?"

"Yes, it is!" Sherlock shouts.

"Really?" John asks, turning his head to the side and crossing his arms. "How?"

"Because if you could control yourself—"

"Oh, now Sherlock Holmes," he says uncrossing his arms and planting his hands firmly on his hips, "is going to piss and moan at me about my apparent lack impulse control."

"Oh, John. Only you could stoop so low. Do try and be creative."

"And," John continues over his roommate's attempt at an interruption, "And, if he would just use that stupid brain of his, he'd realize his boredom and my frustration could be solved with the same fucking thing."

Before Sherlock could react, which, really is pretty damn fast, John's hands are on either side of Sherlock's face and pulling the younger man's lips firmly onto his own. Quite a feat of strength actually.

Their lips meet in an intense battle of control. John sucks Sherlock's lower lip into his mouth and bites down roughly, not enough to draw blood, but enough to get his point across. When John relents, Sherlock takes his opportunity to shove his tongue into the shorter man's mouth, while moving his hands to firmly rest on John's arse. He squeezes John's bum tightly.

John lets out a growl and lowers his hands onto Sherlock's purple shirt. He yanks it open violently, buttons flying in every direction, one even landing in the skull on the mantle.

Sherlock lets out an involuntary gasp; he's losing control and allows John to take control of the kiss. He moves his mouth down to Sherlock's now completely exposed neck and bites down again. He begins sucking and licking madly where Sherlock's neck meets his shoulder. Sherlock's eyes shoot open and he shouts, "Oh, God, John!"

Sherlock, not one to be outdone in anything, shoves his hands down John's trousers and pants and began stroking John's prominent erection with one hand, and removes John's clothing with the other, John is impressed by Sherlock's acrobatics. "Jesus-fucking-Christ, Sherlock!" John mutters into his friend's neck.

John lets loose another moan, hotly into Sherlock's neck, making the detective squirm in delight. John's hands find their way to Sherlock's belt. He undoes the belt and made quick work of the trousers and boxers, pushing them down onto Sherlock's thighs. John began mirroring Sherlock's strokes.

It's Sherlock's turn to moan this time and his eyes fluttered shut. "Oh, John," he whispered. John takes a step back and smiles at his work on Sherlock's body. John slowly lowers himself to his knees, his tongue, wetting his lips with a mischievous glint in his eyes. He grabs a hold of the base of Sherlock's cock with his left hand and he surrounds the tip with his mouth.

"Fuck, yes John!" Sherlock shouts as soon as John's lips make contact with his penis's swollen head. After a few swift strokes from John's hand and some positively lovely sucking Sherlock feels his knees give out.

"It's okay, I've got you," John whispers, catching the man with his free arm. The men lower themselves to the floor as the laid on their sides, each man's face buried in the other's crotch. John feels the head of his prick hit the back of Sherlock's throat. The men start pumping their hips furiously into each other's mouths. Their orgasms rip through them quickly and violently. John tries desperately swallowed everything Sherlock gave him, missing very little of Sherlock's come. John nearly comes again as he feels Sherlock swallow around him.

When their orgasms finished the men simultaneously roll onto their backs, panting heavily. Sherlock slowly turns himself around and crawls up John's body, resting his head on the doctor's good shoulder. His eyes flicked up to John's mouth and he smirks.

"So, better than a cigarette?" John asks quietly, a pleased smile on his face.

Sherlock smils and nuzzles further into John's shoulder. "God, yes."

-GL-

Gregory Lestrade shook his head. He did not want to think of two of his friends having sex. Yet he does. He sticks his hands down his trousers and has a quick wank.

Afterward he sighs he pulls out a nicotine patch and rolls up his sleeve.

God, this was going to be a long day.

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Any comments are welcome! I'm sorry this isn't beta'd or brit-picked, but if anyone wants to do that for me I'd love to chat with you! Also, find me on tumblr at yarsian dot tumblr dot com. Thanks agian!

Special thanks to my beta Tea and Fairy Lights for making this better.