A/N: This is really random and AU and incoherent and generally I shouldn't even bother posting it, but here you go. I'm special like this. I've never even attempted to write this couple. It's pretty dark. Bah. We all know I'm batshit insane.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto it'd be way more romantic.
As I stand here, before the jury, before my mother, my father, before her... All I can do is think about how itchy my socks are. I had to get dressed up for the trial, so my shoes are shiny and my shirt is pressed. She's staring at me, and I can't read the expression on her face. Maybe it's many expressions that I know already, all forced onto one plate like thanksgiving dinner. Or maybe we just don't actually know each other. I scratch my ankle, checking my parents' faces. They look tired under the harsh lighting, and my mother's eyes look dead. My father locks eyes with me. I wonder if they still love me. I wonder if she still loves me.
Really, I didn't mean to kill him. He was coming at me with a mind to kill me, so I had to defend myself. When I think back to that instant, I only remember the slippery wet ground and the spray of blood on the opposite brick wall, where just a few minutes before, he'd smashed my head. There was a blunt, dull throbbing, topped off with sharp prickly pain where my skull had made contact with the old faded brick. I was on the ground, on my rear, propped up on my bloody elbows. I could taste the coppery taste of blood in my mouth, and I wanted to throw up. He was standing over me, not even listening to his friends' words. He was going to kill me. I'd done something to insult him. I didn't know what. I just knew that I was about to die in an alleyway, covered in blood and sweat, for absolutely no reason, at age seventeen. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and suddenly I couldn't hear anything. He was pulling out a gun and my heart was driving to get out of the confines of my ribcage. I was going to die here.
And then all of a sudden, I was on my feet, and the loud bang had filled the streets, and I was still alive, and he was on the ground, his face blown off. I didn't know what I'd done. I just knew I was still alive. My mind was numb but I guess instinctively I knew this was the time to run. Now, when the rest of them were stunned into silence.
But, how can you explain to anyone who's never been at gunpoint what it's like? I didn't know how I could possibly defend my case. I'd almost died, so I acted on instinct. What more can I say?
I ran for as long as I could. I ran out of the city, and down the parkway. I was going to bleed to death but hospitals weren't safe. Nowhere was safe. I just kept moving. The smell of the sea taunted me.
The house amidst the reeds with the beaten white shutters was like a beacon. In the cool pale light of dawn, it stood beckoning. One of the shudders was beginning to fall off, and everything in the garden looked either already dead or dying. But in my state, I was not one to discriminate. I fell on the doorstep and was out like a light.
When I look up from scratching my ankle, my lawyer meets my eyes. He's a young guy, about thirty, and is pale and nervous looking. He isn't a great lawyer, you can already tell. His mouth is pasty and he has to keep wiping his hands on his pants that are too short for him. He knows he's pointlessly defending me. We all know I killed the guy.
Hinata will be charged for being an accomplice, probably, because she managed to keep me safe from the cops for three and a half months. She just was unaware of the small detail that I'd killed someone.
I wonder if I look like a killer. Do I have that cold, cruel look in my eye?
I wonder if Hinata could love a killer.
When I next woke up, it was because there was a shriek and the sound of breaking glass. I tried to open my eyes, but they were stuck together for a second. Also, it was very bright outside. I sat up and looked right into the opalescent eyes of a stunned-into-silence girl. The breaking glass was jelly jars. She'd dropped her groceries.
"I can explain." I said quickly. She continued to stare, her pretty little hands trembling and her small, red mouth quivering.
I explained, sort of. I told her I needed a place to hide and she didn't even say anything. I thought for awhile that she was mute because of that. She nodded, and I helped her gather up the broken bits of glass, and we went inside. Soon after, I passed out and when I woke up I was lying in clean white sheets, all my cuts cleaned and bandaged and the girl sleeping in a chair beside the bed.
We'd just connected. I don't know what it was, but I quickly came to feel like I'd known her all my life. Her demure, ladylike disposition contrasted heavily with my immaturity and loudness, but it worked, somehow. I told her about my dog, about my best friend Naruto and all the trouble we caused. I never told her about the specifics of the night that had led me to her doorstep, but she never asked, either.
The night before the cops stormed the tiny cottage by the sea, we'd made love in her bed and she'd managed to tell me she loved me. It was the only time I'd ever felt accepted, but I guess it doesn't matter now. I'm going to jail for a long time, and she probably will too. Or at least it will go on her record. Though she honestly didn't know, so hopefully she'll get let off the hook too.
The judge finds me guilty, surprise there. This is the last time I'll see Hinata probably, but I can't even meet her eyes.