Chapter 1
Kat
As i was walking down the hallway, thoughts were overflowing in my head... I always think too much. Everybody knows that. Oh, wait. Nobody knows that. Nobody knows me here. What if nobody likes me? Not again... I turned to look at the teacher that was walking next to me. He said hello, with a plastic smile, and he is now walking me down to my class. Okay so I'm stressing too much. For gods sake I'm switching schools, it's not supposed to be a tragedy. But I'm being over dramatic, as usual. All the people, they give you loads of shit: It's a great opportunity to meet new friends, blah blah blah... Yeah, if we lived in Vinnie-pooh world. Here, kids are bitchy. They judge, they laugh, they make fun of you even though they don't know you.
"Here we are"
The teacher next to me interrupted me in my thoughts. He opened the door and, suddenly a whole class of kids was staring at me. Okay 1st row: slut, bitch, this one will annoy the shit outta me, ugh Bieber t-shirt, this one probably does drugs.. Wait! What the hell am i doing? I'm so scared that people are gonna judge me, when here i am, judging them... Oh, god I'm such a hypocrite. Okay I'll just focus on the people i might like... Hmm, that guy in the back seems interesting. Sketching in his notebook, and he's kinda cute too: black jeans, some printed shirt, medium black hair falling over his face...Oh wait, the teacher is talking.. Gotta stop spacing out so much.
"So would you like to introduce yourself?"
No i would not.
"Hi, my name is Katharina, I just moved here from Greece".
A few kids mumbled hi or hello, but nobody seems to be too interested. Awesome.
"Take a seat, and we can get started", the teacher said.
Okay, I'll just sit next to that cute guy, and hope he starts a conversation.
Gerard
Hmm, i think i need to darken this line, it might just be... Wait, who is this? Oh right it's that new girl we've been hearing so much about. The teacher is drowning us with her: oh she's from Europe, oh she has straight A's, oh she is so nice, oooo...Who gives a shit... Just another person to annoy me in this hell they call school. Why did she even sit next to me? Isn't she scared that everybody is gonna trash her for hanging with the "emo" kid. Here i am calling myself emo again... What's the point of labeling myself as anything? I could be emo, i could be rock, metal, punk, or.. I could just be me. Fuck this... yeah, she looks like one of those "nice, good girls". The ones your parents want you to hang out with. Yuck. how can people live like that? Obey the rules, play it nice. The "i don't give a fuck" lifestyle is way more fun.
"Gerard!" That can't be good...
"Would you tell us the solution to this task?"
Uhmm, I... Erm...
Twenty five, i heard a whisper. Oh it's the new girl. But why would she want to help me out? Okay, it's not like i have anything to loose... Twenty five?
Yes! Well done, i didn't think you were paying attention, but i guess i was wrong.
Well done, now that's something i never thought I'd hear from this bald excuse of a math teacher. Okay, so i might thank her, that's what good boys do...
"Hey, umm Katharina, right?"
"Yeah. But call me Kat", she said as she smiled.
"Uhmm, thanks i guess"
"Your welcome. You seemed lost, just wanted to help out"
There's that smile again. Could it be that she actually wants to talk to me?
"Umm, why?"
Kat
Wow, he's probably as insecure as i am. And no I'm not some goody goody, willing to help out just anybody. If it was any other guy in this room i wouldn't say a thing. I wanna be friends with you, i think that's pretty obvious! Obviously not.
"Umm i don't know, i didn't really think that much about it"
Yeah, right, like i can spend a second of my time not over thinking everything
"You seem cool, just wanted to be nice"
Would you listen to yourself? You do sound like the goody nerdy girl everybody thinks you are. Change the topic!
"So you're into art?"
"Umm, yeah"
He covered his picture with his had. Damit. But he's really good. Should I say me too? Should i compliment him on his work. Damit woman, speak, he must think you're weird, just staring at him like this...
"Oh i love art too"
Gerard
This is one awkward conversation. Maybe it's kinda my fault. Could bother to answer with more than just yeah.
"Really? That's cool"
Wow, way to make the conversation less awkward. Okay, you know what? I don't care, I'll just go for it.
"You know what?"
I didn't even give her time to answer. I seriously don't want to spend another minute of my life making stupid small talk.
"Listen, it's not that you aren't nice and all, but i kinda don't like chatting about meaningless things. It's kinda... Boring. I didn't mean to be rude or anything"
She smiled again. Not the reaction i was expecting. Okay, I'm really confused now. I thought she'd turn around and just ignore me like everybody else.
"You want interesting? Okay. I think that you don't give yourself enough credit, and you enjoy feeling sorry for yourself. A person tries to be nice, and you scare them away with your sarcastic comments. It's not working on me, you know."
Who the hell does she think she is? She's know me for like 10 minutes and she thinks she's got me figured out. But she DOES have me figured out. It's exactly what i did here. No way am i telling her that.
"You aren't as smart as you think, you know"
Hahah I'm really trying to sound as sarcastic as i can. But maybe i was quick to judge. There is something about this girl... She's not saying anything, just has this huge smirk across your face. Stop smiling damit, i can't give you a clever reply unless you say something.
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
OH cmon, i didn't scare you away, did i? Hahah no way i actually find this girl interesting...
Kat
"Ha!"
He made a confused face
"Is it all you're gonna say?"
Stop giggling like an idiot, you sound like a teenager... Wow, shocking! I am 15 and sound like a teenager. Oh i get pretty ridiculous sometimes...
"No... But isn't it annoying when somebody gives you short answers?"
Another sarcastic look from him. But i can tell i got his attention.
"Do you live on sarcasm?"
"Yeah, I do. Food and water helps, but it's sarcasm that really keeps me running. And coffee."
Touche. Cute and funny. He has the same sarcastic sense of humor that I do. I was right about him. Strange, i usually am a bad judge of personality.
"Yeah, it shows. Those bags under your eyes sure aren't from all the sleep you're getting."
Am i being too bold here? I mean, i did just meet the guy... Maybe he thinks I'm rude. Stop it! Stop thinking so much!
"Yeah... Well, you don't exactly look awake yourself. Seems like you're far off in dreamland"
Me? In dreamland? Oh how silly.
"No, I'm actually waay more focused than usual."
"Hey, you new girl..."
Some girl interrupted our conversation. Tight clothes, Nike air max shoes. God i hate that.
"You sure you wanna be labeled as a freak, your 1st day?"
Bitch.
"Why would I?"
"Well, you're trying to become friends with the weirdest kid in school. He cuts, you know."
He told her to mind her fucking business, and to return to barbie world. But i could tell that he was hurt by what she said.
"I don't cut myself, its not true. I don't know why everybody says that."
He rolled up his sleeve, to show me his hand. Nothing was there. Good.
"I know... Sorry you have to go though all that"
"Yeah, me too. Sorry you did too. I mean, i don't really know you, but you seem to get what it's like."
"Yeah although i never got called emo... People teased me just for fun. I didn't know how to stand up for myself, and all of them just walked all over me..."
"I do know how to stand up for myself, but, there's just too many of them. You give up after awhile... You know?"
I did know. Every single painful memory came back to me. All those kids laughing. All those insulting comments, the fake compassion, the remarks my parents made about me being pathetic. My eyes must have teared up, cuz she said that i shouldn't cry, It's not my fault, It's their loss. I wasn't planing to cry. I never do. But just the way he said it... I let a tear drop, before i got myself back together, wiped my eyes off, and said that I'm okay with my calmest voice. But i wasn't.
"Why are you crying?" Oh it's the air max bitch again.
"Did emo boy threaten to kill you?"
"No."
"You sure?"
'"Fuck off bitch. Had enough of your kind for a lifetime"
She looked surprised for about a minute, then she turned around and said something to her friend. Then they both laughed. Oh god i hate her already. I feel sorry for... Wait, what's his name? G... I think it's Gerard... Hahah that's just great. I don't even know his name and he seems to get me more than my friends and family together. Says a lot about my life. Here i go again. I promised myself i wouldn't get into these downers anymore.
Gerard
Oh shit... It's my fault. Maybe i should have just blown her off, like i planned to. Now that bitch is gonna spread the world, and she's gonna be as teased as I am. Shit.
"I'm sorry"
"Don't be. One good friend is worth it."
Hahah so we went from I'm gonna blow her off to being friends. Interesting. Not that i mind, i need somebody to back me up...
"if you're interested in being friends, of course"
Okay so, in the movies, the guy would say, no I'm bad for you, people will tease you, she would say that she doesn't mind, and we'll end up friends anyway. So lets skip that part, shall we...
"Yeah, of course."
Bell ringing. How convenient. Maths might just be interesting from now on.
"Okay, you want a tour of the school? Or would you rather ask the math teacher?"
"Nah.. I don't really like him..."
Okay so i was going on from class to class, like the biggest idiot. This is biology. Yeah like she can't figure that one out. With the sign on the door saying biology and all that. But who cares, that's what friends are supposed to do... Not that I would know. I'm being nice asking her what class she has next, walking her to her classroom. Hahah who the hell is this guy? Sure isn't me. I'm the guy that annoys everybody, i don't do tours, i don't welcome people. Nobody knows me, nobody talks too me. And now, this girl, who i thought would be stuck up and interested only for school comes in, and here i am doing what all the guys in the movies do. Damn Hollywood, washes our minds.
"What are you thinking of?"
"The influence of Hollywood movies on the way we act."
"You know how i judge a person? On the way they respond to the usual questions. Like what's up, or what are you doing. If they give me a routine answer like nothing much, I'll probably write them off. When somebody answers like you just did, i label them as interesting"
I thought I was just plain weird.
"Okay so, your conclusion on Hollywood movies?"
"Well, we're all expected to act a certain way. You know, like they do in movies. Some situations that maybe would never usually happen, happen because we've seen it there. So they basically wash our minds."
"What, like giving new students a tour?"
Hahah exactly. You really do know just the right thing to say, don't you... Oh shit we've got class now. Shit the only classes we have together are art and maths. Noooo, come with me to all the classes, I'm soo bored. Hahah listen to yourself. All of this is too good to be true. And when she blows you off for the sluts of this school, you'll be disappointed. That's why i don't like to get my hopes up. About anything. It's never turns out the way you want it to. She says bye and runs off. Well now I've got... Oh who even cares. One boring class, two boring classes, three boring classes, art. Not looking that forward to art though. That's when I'm gonna go back to being friendless. She'll probably hear stuff about me, believe it, and find somebody normal to hang with. Oh well.
Kat
Okay, Another class. Knowing my luck i probably won't do as well as on maths. For all my luck Gerard could move away tomorrow. and then I'd be stuck, pretending to be interested, like i always do. Oh hi! How nice to meet you. Oh yes Greece is a lovely country. Oh you really should go one day! Yes! No! You're kidding? Really? Oh shit... There's that air max bitch from maths. Hahah i should clear things up. It's a kinda lousy way to start off.. Okay so i said I'm sorry and she said it was okay, she welcomed me, she told me her name is Taylor. I prefer Air max bitch. I'm being nice chatting, meeting people, answering the teachers questions. Damn, if i hadn't met Gerard this morning I'd probably be slightly interested right now. Cuz compared to the conversation with him, all this is just sooo boring. I wish i had the guts like him, just to tell them all that this is all lovely, but that it's one f the most boring five minutes of my life. But, since i don't I'm stuck just thinking it... Oh well. Next class, the one after, the one after, the one after... Wait, we can't be having this many classes. Must have lost track of time. Said hi, nice to meet you so many times that It's lost all meaning. Art class. Hell yeah, finally something i can do. I''ll just sit in a corner and sketch something, i don't even have to talk to anybody. Okay i can find a seat somewhere in the back and I... Oh there's Gerard! I''m pretty sure I'm making a weird face right now. Should i go over there? Or is it gonna look too pushy? Stop, stop. Just go already.
Gerard
Oh here she comes. She looks surprised. Well, not everybody is a creepy stalker like me, to check out which classes we have together. Okay here she comes. Remember, easy come, easy go.
"Should have guessed you'd be here. Since your math notebook can pass as an art sketchbook with numbers"
She sits down. Okay so maybe she won't blow me off. Why is everybody fucking staring. Okay I'd understand if people stared at her, she's new... But why the hell are they all looking at me? Yeah i made a friend, what are you jealous now? The art teacher was in a pretty good mood today, she said, do whatever you want, just don't brake anything. Most kids were talking, it seems like only the two of us were actually drawing. Looked down to her paper. Wow she's good. I thought she was just saying she likes art cuz she saw me drawing.
"What do you usually draw?"
"Portraits, sometimes paintings, some random shit that pops into my mind, don't really know. You?"
"Ehmm random shit and comic book characters. But i have done a few portraits, just for fun."
She got frustrated with the drawing, folded the paper and threw it away. Hah nervous much? But yeah i know how she feels. Some things should just be left unfinished.
"I don't have the inspiration to draw anymore. Ideas?"
"Not really"
"I'll just draw you... Portraits need skill not inspiration, which is good cuz i have none right now."
"Nah I'm not that pretty to draw" I smiled, in case she didn't get that i was trying to be funny. She looked like she was gonna say something, then changed her mind and said I'm doing this, and you can like it or not. She smiled too. Got it.
"Fine do what you want. But wait, you said drawing portraits takes skill. Ohh look who's bragging"
I do love to tease people.
"I'm not. Wait till I'm done, and judge yourself. "
Thought that was a funny sentence cuz i actually would be judging myself, since It's a picture of me.
"I can do that with a mirror, you don't have to draw me."
She looked confused for a second, then thought about what she said and laughed.
"Just shut up and sit still."
Oh, direct eye contact. I'm kinda uncomfortable, but it would be rude to look away. She needs to do that, in order to draw my eyes. It's still pretty uncomfortable, even though she doesn't seem to mind. She has green eyes. No brown. I don't know, i can't tell.
"Fine you can look away, I'm done with your eyes."
Oh shit you can tell how uncomfortable I am... I mumbled okay and started staring at the ceiling.
"I don't get why you're so nervous. I don't bite."
Why am I so nervous? I honestly don't know... Okay, relax.
"Maybe you're a vampire."
"Maybe I am. Would that be a problem?"
"No, unless you kill me."
Our art teacher passed buy just as i said that, and mumbled something about "these kids today", and how it's not normal for them to have morbid thoughts. I was biting my lip and so was Kat and as soon as the teacher moved, we died laughing.
"HAhah adults these days. And don't worry i won't kill you, who would i share depressing thoughts with?"
"Good to know."
"Okay I'm done you can judge yourself now."
Haha, nice. She picked up the paper and showed me the picture. It was awesome. It was so detailed, and finished in like 15 minutes. She might as well bring a mirror, i wouldn't tell the difference between the drawing and the reflection.
"Wow, okay you weren't bragging, you really do have skills. It's just.. Wow..."
"Thanks. But i have to say, i WAS bragging. Just a little."
Bell ringing. Shit. We're going home now.
She said bye, see you tomorrow, and was about to walk away, when i said wait, I'll walk you home. Haha that's funny. I didn't even know where she lives.
"You don't even know where I live. But okay if you want to. Heheh It's those Hollywood movies again right?"
It must be the movies. Cuz there's no way I'm acting like this all by myself.
"Remind me to not watch TV anymore."
Turns out she doesn't live that far away from me. It takes me like five minutes from her house to mine. Awesome. Heheh i don't remember the last time i said awesome without being sarcastic. I waved and said bye. She said that waving is for boring people ran over and gave me a hug. I was surprised, and i probably looked surprised cuz she laughed.
"We can wave if you want"
"Nah, As you said, It's for boring people."
Well, not much happened after, i went home, skipped dinner, and stared at the celling the whole night. I"m so used to being alone in the world, having a friend is almost weird now. Hahah didn't think I'd ever look forward to school. Or maths. Whoever said "life is full or surprises" wasn't full of shit. Go figure...