Disclaimer - I don't own CB
Dedication: To Elise, who endures so much and takes it with stride
Broken
I'm happy for you. I really am. Heart-swellin happiness, right here. What a weird thing to say. You decided to leave. And here I am, saying that your actions are justified. Do you know what you did to me when you left?
You killed me.
You said you had go find out if you were really alive. You didn't need to leave. You were all I had. You kept me going sometimes.
It hurt so bad when you left. There's not fancy way of saying it. I realized, I was seconds place with you. No matter what future we would ever have… I would be second. Julia was always first. I saw it when I went to Callisto and saw Gren. I saw it when you freaked out every time you heard her name. Every fucking second, I saw the pain in your eyes, even when you tried to hide it.
Sometimes I wish I never met you. My heart would've never been broken. I wouldn't be sitting here on this cold floor, wondering why you left. Because in all actuality, I know why you left.
And how could I attempt to match up to that? She was your soul mate, the one you risked your life for. I can't even hold a candle to that.
You were different when you came back. I listened to your anecdote about the cats. You just weren't you. This wasn't the guy I fell in love with. But I still couldn't let you go. I would regret it all my life if I let you go. But you went anyway, didn't you? Just for grins answer this, Spike… were do I go now? You were all I had.
I thought about our wedding. That's a dumb thing to say… but I did. I thought maybe someday, you wouldn't think about Julia anymore. She's gone…you know? Thing of the past. It would be a beautiful spring day. Jet would be laughing, saying how he knew that we loved each other the whole time. He'd get drunk and tell our guests embarrassing stories about us, because you decided we had to have an open bar. Ed and Ein would be there too. They would be annoying people, and bouncing around. And we would just smile through it all. Because we would finally have found each other.
Stupid girlish fantasy, I know.
I just can't let you go. I haven't moved from this spot where you left me. For a while, I thought you'd come back. Once Swordfish was out of sight, I realized the stupidity of that idea. It's 25 hours, 14 minutes, and 45 seconds later. And you're still gone.
And my heart's still broken.
My questions still hang in the air. Why did you have to leave? Where are you going?
I knew the answers before you said anything. You had to go because of Julia. Because she was a void in your heart that no one cold ever fill. You had to go face your past. That meant death. Death number 2 for the great Spike Spiegel.
You're gone. Gone forever. You left me here. I should've told you how I felt about you. Every fucking day I should have told you that I love you. Because all I can say it to now is your grave. I don't get a reply from it. I guess they're right when they say hindsight is 20/20
Why did you have to leave?
You're slowly killing me… and you're not even here. I'd rather it be you that kills me, though. Not someone else. Let's give this a truly tragic ending, Spike.
Life doesn't seem to be worth anything anymore. I guess that's how you felt. Without her. Life wasn't worth shit.
I suppose my heart didn't break. It only cracked. And my heart isn't broken now that you're gone. Its only cracked...so that now when I'm happy, it's going to be there to bring me down. It would be better if it was just broken. Because when it breaks and heals... you're stronger after.. but when it just cracks.. and heals.. you feel weaker. *
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There we are. I hope everyone realized it was Faye's POV. This is my first Faye introspect story. I hope everyone enjoyed it.
S.T.A.R.S Chick