Wounds Left Open

He looked horrible.

It wasn't exactly how Alec had thought their 'reunion' would go. He wasn't even sure if they would have had a reunion at all, but it was what it was.

"Leave him to me," Alec murmured, waving away Isabelle's concern. "I'll... take care of him," he murmured.

"Are you sure?" she asked anxiously.

He'd never really shared the details behind the break-up. He just... didn't want to go into detail on it. It had been horrible enough when Magnus had grasped at the cover story about Camille... and the consequent conversation afterwards... but those days were passed. He couldn't dwell on that, because it hurt too much to think about.

"Yeah," he said sternly, gently pulling the cloth from her fingers. "I'll take care of him. Let me know if you need anything else."

Isabelle stared at him for a moment before nodding. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I think I can manage," he murmured. "Thanks, Is."

She nodded and exited the room, leaving Alec in silence.

Magnus was curled up on the one small bed in the room, body tightened impossibly around himself as he slept. He hadn't seen him in awhile. Never-mind that... he'd been held hostage and tortured and... all of that. This definitely wasn't how Alec had pictured their reunion.

He sighed quietly and crossed the room, kneeling down next to the bed. "You are so much trouble," he muttered, dipping the washcloth into the bowl of lukewarm water to begin gently scrubbing away the blood on Magnus's face.

It was easier like this, thinking that you were about to die or that your significant other was about to die. Probably because if you or your loved died, no matter what you said beforehand, it would be forgotten. If you did something you'd regret, it didn't matter.

Not that Alec regretted this... He didn't think. Well, he didn't regret it right now. He hoped he wasn't going to regret it later... but what was there to regret, he reminded himself. He wasn't doing anything, they weren't doing anything. Magnus was one of his best friends, maybe something more. He wouldn't not do this when Magnus was in this state. He'd regret not taking care of him more.

He had just finished wiping away blood from a particularly nasty gash above his left eyebrow, wishing that he could use runes on the Downworlder, when dark eyelashes fluttered.

Alec pulled his hand away slowly. "Magnus...?"

Magnus's eyelashes fluttered once, twice, and then his eyes cracked open, only slightly, peering blearily towards Alec. He looked at him for a moment before a slight smile cracked across his face. "Alec..."

"Hi," Alec said quietly. "Good to see you back."

Magnus smiled at him for a moment before letting his eyes flutter shut again. He didn't say anything else.

Alec felt like the tension was enough to cut with a knife. He was never particularly good with expressing what he was feeling... It just seemed like what he was feeling came out in the heat of the moment, like back when he'd come out to the Clave ages ago or just when he'd thrown his arms around Magnus not long ago when they'd found him alive. Accordingly, he was having trouble trying to come up with what to say now, now that they were in a moment of calm before the storm.

"Not the best of situations," Magnus murmured, shifting ever so slowly so that he was laying on his side.

"Hey," Alec protested weakly, "stay still..."

"Got a hell of an injury on my back, Alec."

"Oh." Alec looked away before standing up, gathering his supplies.

"You're leaving?" Magnus asked. His eyes were open again, staring up at him, grey-green-gold slitted with black and clouded with exhaustion and pain.

Alec shook his head slowly. "No... I just want to tend to your back since you're laying that way," he muttered, taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed. Opposite being relative, since the bed was so small, but he managed to position himself so that he could begin to clean Magnus's wound. And he was right: it was a hell of a wound. "... Are you feeling any better?" he asked quietly, as if the answer wasn't staring him in the face.

Magnus laughed weakly. "In comparison to being chained down and fighting a battle of my own wills?"

Alec frowned. "Yeah."

"Maybe a little," Magnus said dryly. "At least there's a comfortable bed..." He shifted his legs, stretching out slowly. "Helps a bit that you're here, too."

Alec pressed with too much pressure on Magnus's wound. He didn't mean to, but he heard the exhaled hiss slip from between the warlock's lips and he hastened to right his touch.

"Maybe," Magnus added, muttering it mostly under his breath.

Alec shifted, reaching for some more cotton. "Magnus..." he murmured.

"I'm serious, Alec," Magnus said. His tone was more clear this time, like he knew what he was saying, or that he was trying to get the point across. "I had a knife against my throat and all I could think about was you... black hair, blue eyes, and the smile I fell for."

Alec dabbed at the wound without saying a word.

"Eight hundred years and it's you. It's always you- ow."

"Sorry," Alec murmured.

Magnus drew his arms up, snaking them around his head. He fell silent, his arm covering his eyes probably in an attempt to block out the flickering fluorescent light. The same lighting cast over Magnus's body brought out the myriad of things wrong with the picture.

For one, the flamboyance was gone. Even when Magnus was serious, he was eyeliner, eyeshadow, a sheen of glitter and jewelry. Even in their worst moments, Magnus had stood tall, eyes piercing, perfection to the mark, and stated his mind.

But now, his hair hung in limp waves around his face, grown out longer than Alec had ever seen it. The dark shadows around his eyes weren't from make-up, but exhaustion, and it would take a lot of foundation to cover the pale skin, the sunken cheeks, and the wounds. Blood had replaced glitter and Alec didn't like the look.

Seeing Magnus vulnerable never failed to alarm him, too. He didn't see it often, but it happened, like back when they'd tried to fight Valentine before, when they had joined hands and shared each other's power, that was Magnus weak and vulnerable and yet trying his damnedest.

Now, he was weak and vulnerable and not making a move to correct it.

He didn't like seeing Magnus like this, but he wasn't sure how they would fix it. How they could, if they could.

It wasn't for a lack of want on his behalf. He had been shell-shocked after the break-up and he had thought about what would happen when they met again and if they got back together again. But he couldn't say any of that now. Any of that now would just be desperation coming out - "I almost lost you!" - and while it was a good excuse, he wouldn't be rushing headlong into those decisions anymore. He needed to let his nerves calm down, and Magnus needed to let himself heal, too. They might see differently when black eyes and blood stains weren't blinding them.

Alec reached for the gauze numbly. It made his entire body hurt when he thought about being away from Magnus, but he was scared to death of what would happen if he went with him again. Would they last or would they fall again and, if they did, how would they pick up the pieces?

"I'm honestly glad, Alec."

Alec glanced at the back of Magnus's head. "What?"

"Glad that we got to see each other again," Magnus said. "I screwed up."

Alec weighed the gauze in his hand. "... We both screwed up," he muttered, hand slipping up to the warlock's bare shoulder. "Can you sit up? I want to wrap this and it'll be easier if you're sitting."

Magnus nodded and slowly he eased into a sitting position with Alec's help. The Shadowhunter expertly wrapped the wound and helped him lay back down, gingerly pulling the blankets up over him.

"Thanks," Magnus muttered, putting his head back on the pillow.

Alec wiped a bit of blood onto his shirt. "Yeah." Silence fell and he sniffed, turning to gather up the supplies he'd been using.

Magnus didn't break the silence. It was strained, just like everything with them nowadays, just like it was whenever somebody brought up Magnus's name around Alec or vice versa. Or maybe not. Maybe Magnus wasn't affected by it. Alec didn't know, because he rarely could tell what Magnus was thinking. But... he liked to believe he was. If Magnus thought about him in what he had thought would be his last moments, it counted for something, didn't it?

Alec caught Magnus staring up at him.

Magnus blinked slowly, not seeming perturbed.

Alec shifted and cleared his throat. "Well, I've got to go."

There was a moment, where time seemed to fracture and splinter down to nothing, and the look in Magnus's eyes said please, no, don't, I need you, but then the smoke cleared and the world wasn't just in the consuming eyes of his ex-boyfriend and Alec could look away again.

"Alright," Magnus said shortly.

"It's just... there's other people who need me, too," Alec murmured. "But I... hope we can talk. After all of this, I mean. When you've had time to rest..." His eyes again fell on the many, many bruises Magnus was sporting, all of which made his stomach turn. "... If you want," he added.

Magnus stared up at him for another beat before nodding. "Yeah. I'd like that." He shifted, shuffling the blankets away, until he could extend his hand for a handshake. "Until then..."

Alec paused before taking it.

"Thanks," Magnus said again.

"You're welcome," Alec replied.

For a brief, brief moment, Alec thought he felt the slightest, slightest increase of pressure on his fingers and, in a blind response, he squeezed Magnus's fingers back before pulling himself away.

If he didn't leave now, he may never leave at all.

"See you... soon," Magnus promised.

Alec nodded. "Yeah... Soon."

Okay, I know. I fell out of the fandom. CoLS made me do it. We all know why. But, I was flicking through CoHF while I had been dragged shopping and purposefully sought some Malec and, happily, found the scene where they got back together. (And just watched the movie tonight for the first time, too.)

I've read little other in CoHF besides that and a little bit about Magnus's 'imprisonment', so spoilers wouldn't really be appreciated if you decide to review. :) If there's anything canonically wrong - ie: I think Alec found him (?) but maybe he couldn't stay with him during recovery/etc. overlook that because, like I said, I haven't read but a few pages of CoHF. In any case, I picture this being set between them finding Magnus and the scene where Magnus gives Alec his memoir/back-together scene.

I do not own The Mortal Instruments. Thanks for reading!