Artemis Fowl and the Aftermath
Summary: Just over three months ago, Artemis Fowl the second was lying dead in his grave. Now he's back, and with his memories intact again, he starts off on a new adventure, to discover a different kind of magic. But how much does dying change you? And more importantly, how do you go back to who you were before? /The wizarding world has only just started its recovery, and Hermione Granger has returned to Hogwarts to finish her education. After fighting death eaters, and destroying horcruxes, all she wants is a nice, normal year. But how can you survive in a place where your friends died? And how do you live with the fact that things won't ever go back to normal?
Chapter 1: Aftermath
Teaching is one of the very last things anyone would ever expect Artemis Fowl the second to do.
Writing books that are used to teach? Sure. But actually teaching is only expected more than things like professional sports or hitchhiking.
But Artemis Fowl is an unstoppably curious person.
And Hogwarts is an unpredictably interesting place.
Mixing the two is probably the worst idea of the last century.
…
"No, no, no, and did I say no!" Captain Holly Short of the LEP yelled.
"Now, Holly, you're just being unreasonable." Artemis Fowl scowled.
"Unreasonable?" She gave him a glare that could petrify a professional wrestler. "D'Arvit, Artemis! You were literally dead three months ago. I refuse to let you put yourself in this much danger, this quickly."
"I'm not asking for your permission, Holly." Artemis tried to keep his voice calm and logical. "I'm simply informing you of a decision I have already made."
She looked around the room, presumably for something she could knock some sense into him with, but found nothing except for Beckett's toys. "You were dead, Artemis."
He softened his tone, just a little. "I know. I'm not going to die again. There is relatively little danger in the wizarding world anymore, I've done my research."
"Your research says that a dark lord just murdered a ton of people, and that they just had a war."
"Which ended." Artemis said simply. "I won't argue this with you, Holly. I already have the job. I start September 1st."
"Teaching?" Holly asked, hoping to convince him to back down. "I can't see you as a teacher."
"Why not?"
"Because you're you."
"I'm hurt by that, Holly. I think I'd be a very decent teacher."
"But these are kids, mudboy. Kids don't like- ugh!" She scowled at him and turned away. "Besides, you're barely sixteen."
"Technically, I am already nineteen years old, a full adult."
"But you're not."
"That is not something I need to make known to anyone."
"You'll be younger than some of your students."
"I have gotten used to being younger than most of the people I am supposed to intellectually interact with."
"Artemis, this is an awful idea."
"Holly, I promise you-" He doubled over, clutching his stomach.
"Arty, are you alright?" She stepped closer to him.
"It's nothing. It will pass." He said, groaning.
After a moment, he stood back up, the pain gone.
"Has this been happening a lot?"
"Less and less." Artemis promised. "I believe I am still readjusting to the new body."
"It's been months, Arty."
"I know." He said. "I've gotten my memories back, and I am getting my life back, Holly. I refuse to sit here."
"I don't like this idea."
"I know. But I think it is something I have to do, Holly."
She frowned. "Anything goes wrong, anything at all, I will have you out of there before you can say abracadabra, or whatever it is wizards say."
"I promise."
…
"I still don't understand why you want to go back." Ron Weasley said.
"We missed an entire year of school." Hermione Granger replied. "Our N.E.W.T.S. and everything. If I want to do anything in life, I've got to go finish up."
"Harry and I aren't going back."
"Well, of course you two aren't."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, you know what I meant." She scowled.
Despite having restored her parent's memories to them, Hermione had spent her summer at the Burrow along with Harry. It let her pretend that something, anything, was going to go back to normal.
It had been a while since Hermione Granger had had normal.
"Are you going to go school shopping with me or not?"
Ron turned pink. "Yeah. Of course."
"Go wake Harry up and ask if he wants to come."
"He won't."
"Ask."
"I'm going." He went inside.
Ginny came out and sat beside Hermione after a minute.
"Mum's going to come shopping with us." She said.
"That's nice." Hermione said.
"It's going to weird for you, without Ron and Harry."
"It's going to weird not to have a crisis this year."
Ginny laughed. "Yeah. Last year was just a mess."
"Yeah."
"What do you reckon it's going to be like?"
"Hard." Hermione said. "Really awfully hard."
"I'm here." Ginny said.
"It'll be hard for you, too."
"I'm tough." Ginny smiled.
Ron poked his head out the door. "Harry's not getting up."
"Okay, let's go." Hermione stood. "Come on, Ginny."
…
Artemis had spoken to the Headmistress of the school about transportation, and considering the idea of both what she had called Floo Powder, or a portkey made him queasy, he had decided to take the train.
However, that was still three days away, but he had left home early and gotten a room in a tavern called the Leaky Cauldron, which did not exactly make him feel much better.
Holly had come with him as far as the tavern, shielded, of course.
When he was alone in his rented room, she unshielded.
"I'm shocked Butler didn't insist on coming with you." She said.
"Yes, it took a great deal of convincing." Artemis lied.
Artemis Fowl could be quite a good liar, but Holly Short knew him better than anyone. "You didn't tell him?"
"What would make you think that?"
"Artemis. Where does your family think you are?"
He scowled. "Taking a retreat. I didn't want to worry them."
"And they aren't going to tell you no, because you were dead, so now they're worried about you."
"And it is imperative that they don't know, Holly."
"Not even Butler?"
"I trust Butler more than anyone, but I don't want him to waste time fretting about me."
"He's just worried. We all are."
"I am fine, Holly." He said. "I am not made of glass. I am not fragile. Trust me."
"The last time I trusted you, you died." She snapped at him.
"I'm going to look at the shops." He tossed his bag on the bed, and left her alone.
…
"D'you know who's teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year?" Ginny asked.
"No." Hermione shook her head as they started toward Flourish and Blotts. "I hope it's someone good, to make up for last year."
Ron trailed behind them. "I bet it'll be someone bloody awful, who doesn't teach anything. Some Ministry bloke."
"What book do we need?" Ginny asked, ignoring Ron.
Hermione looked at her list and frowned. "That's odd."
"What?" Ginny asked, checking her own list. "What's wrong?"
"What is it?" Ron asked.
"The book." Hermione said. "I know that author. It's a muggle author."
"What?" Both siblings asked.
"A muggle author?" Ron asked.
"F. Roy Dean Schlippe." Ginny read. "The book's called Defense."
"It doesn't make sense." Hermione said. "Why is that our textbook? I've never read it, but this author-"
"What's wrong with him?" Ginny asked.
"Nothing." Hermione said. "It's just, he write psychology textbooks and things."
"Psychology?" Ron asked.
"What goes on in the brain. It's muggle science."
They stepped into the shop.
But when they asked for the book, they got the oddest answer.
"It doesn't exist." The woman at the desk told them. "You aren't the first ones to come looking for it. That book literally does not exist."
"What do you mean?" Ginny asked. "How can it not exist?"
The woman threw up her arms. "No idea. Your new teacher must be a wackjob."
They bought the rest of their textbooks and left the shop.
"What was that you were saying, Ron," Ginny asked, "about it being an awful teacher?"
Hermione sighed. "Let's go find your mum."