I Don't Want It
Disclaimer: I do not own anything concerning Descendants.
Description: Mal knows Ben is perfect but he's just not perfect for her. Mal wants to want him but it's hard when another person is all you think about.
Rating: T
Words: 1,207
Ben is perfect. He's a perfect king. He's a perfect student. He's a near perfect athlete. He has perfect hair. He has perfect eyes, a perfect smile, a perfect face. He's a perfect boyfriend, too, because even when I was using him he still loved me. He thinks that I'm perfect even when I know I'm not. I just... I want to be perfect for him so bad. I want to have the perfect relationship with him because he's trying and I'm straining.
I'm straining perfect smiles to show to him when he surprises me with flowers and sweet gifts with inside jokes. I'm straining to give him what he deserves because he does so much for me and I want to give it back but... I'm just... Straining.
I want to be a good girl because even though I am ultimately good I have these moments where I wanna' be bad. Like when Jay jogs past me or something I want to trip him. Or when there's, like, gum hanging from someone's back pocket I want to take it for myself. Nothing too bad but just defiant. That's what I grew up to be and I know I'm not a villain but I'm still a bad girl. Right? A good girl with lots of bad girl tendencies. I still have the right to do bad things. But lately, being with Ben has been draining and I can't be myself.
In the beginning it was nice. I saved Avalon High from my Mother, Maleficent, and everyone accepted Evie, Jay, Carlos, and I. I was madly in love, had friends, enjoyed class and stuff but... Audrey.
She's become the one I want to be a good girl for and it's so bad. No one notices but if things keep going the way they have it'll be common knowledge. Evie has started noticing me drawing brown eyes in my sketch book and lately I've been daydreaming of her in my classes. When she walks past me in the hall and our eyes lock I've taken to start blushing. My body just acts and I don't want to like her but I just do.
She's selfish, only cares about herself, and she's incredibly pretty - wait, no, I meant petty. But lately she's evolved. Instead of being really mean to her 'squad' she's been genuinely nice. The whole event with Ben and I has made her more humble. Sometimes she talks to me and it's really nice because it's real conversation. I love those moments and wait for them to come. I've started to count the hours between our talks.
Like now, she's talking about her math class and I'm just thinking about her eyes. The little specs of color in them. How I can make the drawings more accurate in my book. It's been two hours since she's spoken to me in our Ancestry class and I've been greedy to speak to her again.
"- and it was crazy because I had no idea what the answer was but Evie saved me from the humiliation and answered it for me! I've never been more embarrassed, like, ever." She's giggling and it's so perfect. She's perfect. Her smile goes to her eyes. Her perfect eyes.
I want her so bad.
"Mal? Are you listening?" What?
"Huh - oh, yeah. Math. Hilarious." I'm trying to show her I'm paying attention by laughing but it isn't working. It comes out weird and... Strained. By the way her face scrunches I can tell something is wrong. That makes me feel guilty because she's trying to be nice and I'm the one being selfish by staring at her eyes. I have to get a hold of myself.
"If you didn't want to talk you could've said so." There she is, the old Audrey creeping in. She wants me to pay endless attention to her because what she says is always important. In a way, to me it is. Everything that comes out of her mouth is important. She's important.
"Ugh. Whatever. I'll just, I dunno', talk to you later. 'Kay?" Audrey is leaving and I don't want her to. Not yet. I want Audrey to tell me stories about herself all day. I want to hear everything she has to say. 'Cause it's important, to me it is.
I reach for her arm and she turns to look at me, confused, her silky hair swinging with her. Her lips are pouted and she looks so cute. I try to find something to say to her but before I can, arms are wrapping around my waist and lips are kissing my cheeks. Ben. My boyfriend. The king. I'm surprised to see him because lately he's been prioritized with his work. Understandable, he's king.
I turn to him and give him a strained smile.
"Hey, Benny!" I watch Audrey standing awkwardly in the corners of my eye. She isn't sure of what to do. Although she's friends with me her relationship with Ben isn't the best. They rarely talk and I don't want them to. I want Audrey to love me and although her past relationship with Ben was fake, I can tell it still hurts. I want to hug her so bad but Ben is holding me. I don't want it.
"Hey, sweetie!" Ben turns to Audrey and nods his head, politely acknowledging her presence. Audrey nods back curtly and it gets silent. I think about making conversation but... About what? This is so awkward. I'm dead.
Audrey clears her throat. "So, um, I think I'm just gonna' go. Over there and, y'know, go." Audrey scampers away. She turns back and smiles at me before turning a corner towards the indoor café but it's closed by now. She left because of me. I hate that.
I keep staring at the corner where Audrey disappeared from and it isn't 'til Ben nudges me in the arm that I turn to him. He's so perfect but not for me. I don't want him but I want to want him because it's the right thing.
"Well that was something, huh?" Ben is laughing and so am I. I'm straining this relationship and...
I don't want it anymore.
Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction for Descendants. I'm not sure if this is how everyone would act but... Hoping it's close. I watched the movie with my little cousins and siblings and liked it so decided to do a fiction for it. I hope you liked it. Tell me what you think!