A/N: I was inspired by a post circulating on tumblr about Blaine going with Kurt to his mother's grave. And my friend xgleekout told me to write this!
Set right in between Sexy and Original Song. This will be AU by Tuesday, but right now I can pretend it is canon : )
…And sorry about the PJO references.
I hope you like this, and I hope this does the significance of the scene justice.
Read, review, enjoy!
Kurt's curled up on his bed, hugging the panda that was his mother's last gift to him to his chest. Nine years. It's been nine years since her death and, for the first time since the anniversary, his father isn't coming with Kurt to her grave.
And for some reason it makes Kurt not want to go either.
It all started when Burt and Carole chose this new, huge house together and Finn and Kurt got their own rooms. It isn't that he resents Burt's relationship with his new wife – the exact opposite, really. Carole is a fantastic mother figure and helps him out with the decorating and the cooking. She's a very nice woman, and she cares for Burt and Kurt, actually cares.
But it's starting to feel like the memory of his mother is slowly slipping away.
He squeezes his eyes together, forcing the tears behind his eyelids, and takes a shuddering, shaky breath. He can still remember the day that his mother gave him the panda. A present for doing well on a spelling test that he'd studied incredibly hard for – his mother promised him something special if he passed it, because she knew how ridiculous the teacher's tests were.
He aced it, and she gave him the panda and a night out to dinner, just the three of them.
The joy of the childhood memory radiates through the grief of the present, creating bittersweet feelings that force him to let out the tears. He gasps through quiet sobs, not wanting to disturb the rest of the home, and lets the pain wash over him.
"Kurt, it's time for rehearsal, we've got to get the duet on Candles– oh, Kurt."
Startled, Kurt sits straight up in bed. "Blaine!" he says, disoriented. "I – I didn't see you there." He hastily brushes the tears away from his eyes, "I'm, I'm sorry, I lost track of time, I didn't mean to –"
"Kurt," says Blaine, "Don't apologize. Is everything okay?"
Kurt opens and closes his mouth, trying to figure out what to say. The only people who know the significance of the date were Burt, Carole and Finn, and Kurt had politely declined when they asked him if he wanted to tell the others at Dalton or in New Directions about it so they could help.
"I…I…"
Blaine holds open his arms a little awkwardly, and Kurt, ignoring his quick beating heart, folds himself into them. He knows it's a bad idea and that it may only end up hurting him later on, but he decides he needs this right now, even if it's a bandaid over the wound.
A few moments later, Kurt decides it's time and he pulls away. "Today, nine years ago, my mom," he chokes on the last word. Blaine understands immediately though, and his face melts into realization.
"I'm so sorry, Kurt, is there anything you need to do? We can skip Warblers practice, do what you need to, whatever it is. They'll understand."
Kurt shakes his head, drawing in a shaky breath. "No," he says rather nasally. "No, they'll get mad if we're late. I don't want to annoy anyone with my stupid mental issues."
"Hey," says Blaine softly, in that voice that at any other time would make Kurt involuntarily plaster a goofy grin on his face, but right now it just makes the loneliness fade a bit. "Hey, it's not stupid Kurt. I'm texting David right now to tell him you need a personal day."
"Don't do that, he'll –"
"He'll understand," says Blaine, whipping out his phone, "And if he doesn't, then we'll pretend we were abducted by aliens and had no choice."
Kurt feels the sides of his mouth turn upwards, a feeling he hadn't experienced in a few days. "Okay," he says quietly.
Blaine lays his hand on top of Kurt's, the small gesture comforting Kurt more than before. "Good. Now what do you want to do? We can go get coffee, go –"
"Would you mind coming with me to her grave?"
Kurt didn't mean to blurt that out. He's afraid to look at Blaine's face, worried that the reaction would be bad, but instead Blaine just says, "Whatever you need right now."
Kurt looks up and sees that Blaine is giving him a comforting smile. "Where is…Her grave? In town? We can pick up flowers, if you'd like."
"She's in the Lima cemetery," says Kurt. It used to be so difficult to say that, to admit that she was gone. Kurt's still never mentioned the fact that her grave is there. Always she. She is in the Lima cemetery. She is there, not the grave, not the body, not the headstone. She.
Blaine nods and stands, still not letting go of his hand. "Up you go, Mr. Hummel."
Kurt stands and gives a small smile, feeling as if he should be letting go of the soft and smaller hand but there's nothing he wants to do less at the moment.
"Hold on," he says, "I need to tell my dad where I'm going."
"Do you want to go with him instead?" Blaine asks, looking understanding.
Kurt shrugs. "I thought we were going together," he begins, "but for some reason he just doesn't feel like going today. He's having some time with Carole."
Blaine nods. "Okay."
Kurt knocks tentatively on Burt's door, waiting to hear his father's voice.
"Come in," said Burt.
The door creaks as Kurt opens it.
"Hi, sweetie, how are you?" Carole says with a knowing smile. "Do you need anything?"
"Actually," starts Kurt. His voice is small and quiet, and he clears his throat and begins again. "Actually, I'm o-okay. Is it okay if I visit Mom today?"
"You never need to ask me, Kurt," says Burt. "You want to see her, you can go. Any time, you know that."
Kurt nods.
"But I'm just worried about you going on your own because I – I don't want you getting distracted or in a car accident. You know what I'm saying?"
"Yes, Dad. Blaine said he'd go with me."
Surprise spread over Burt's face, and fades to understanding. There's something behind the look that Kurt doesn't understand, like Burt has a connection to Blaine that he hasn't explained to Kurt yet. "He's a good friend, Kurt. I like him."
"I like him too, Dad."
Carole's smile is obvious from behind the copy of Watermelon by Marian Keys, but Kurt doesn't want to talk about it with Blaine feet away from him in the hallway.
"He a good driver?"
"He –"
"I got 100% on my driving test, Mr. Hummel!" calls Blaine from the hallway.
Burt allows a small smile to appear on his lips. "Go ahead, Kurt. Tell her hi from me, okay?"
Carole lays her hand on top of Burt's gently. It's an assurance that she understands, that she'll be there for him always. The gesture seems so much more intimate than Blaine's hand on Kurt's. Kurt wishes the two could be compared. Maybe someday, he thinks.
"You ready?" Blaine asks as Kurt closes the door.
Kurt's nod is small and short as he walks down the stairs.
The two boys walk to Blaine's car, and Blaine gallantly opens the door for Kurt. It's just because he's being nice to me because today's hard, thinks Kurt. He refuses to believe there may be more to this.
The car ride to the supermarket is short and silent, and Kurt didn't take Blaine up on his offer to play with the radio. Kurt's lost in his thoughts, his forehead leaning up against the chilly window, his breath fogging up a patch in front of him. He remembers the day he and his cousins Clarisse and Thalia put on a play for the rest of the family, and his mother pulled him into a hug and told him he worked the heels better than anyone she'd ever seen. He remembers the day when he finished first grade and his father took him to a baseball game as a reward. His mother knew that wasn't actually what Kurt wanted, so she whispered in his ear that they could go on a mall trip after the baseball game. Kurt smiles when he remembered that the game was actually fun – and so was the mall.
"You're smiling," says Blaine as he parked the car. Kurt sits up abruptly. He's surprised that they had already arrived, that the car ride had taken so little time.
"Yeah," says Kurt. "I – I guess I am."
Blaine shoots him one of his lovely smiles, one that never fails to make Kurt smile back.
The two of them step out of the car, and Blaine again takes Kurt's hand, the gesture sending his heart leaping.
Blaine walks in the door and heads to the area with flowers, never letting go of his hand, and spots a dozen roses.
"Oh," breathes Kurt, "Blaine, they're perfect."
"I thought so," says Blaine, pressing his nose to one of the petals. "Did she like roses?"
Kurt nods and smiles. "Very much. Each visit we give her roses."
Blaine doesn't even allow Kurt to ask to pay for the flowers, and he remains silent as Blaine chats aimlessly with the cashier.
"Have a nice day," says the cashier, looking directly into Kurt's eyes. He allows a smile, and feels comforted as she returns it.
Blaine only lets go of Kurt's hand when he opens the door for him again.
"Here," says Blaine, "Hold the roses for me?"
Kurt takes the flowers and leans closer to them, inhaling the fragrance. "You picked some good flowers," he says. "They really do smell wonderful."
Blaine nods, his eyes still on the road. "So where do we go?" he asks.
"Take a right on Union, a left on Mason, and then drive about a mile and a half on Jennison. It's on the right."
Blaine glances over to Kurt. "As you wish."
For some odd reason, Kurt thinks about Princess Bride, and smiles to himself. The anniversary of his mother's death has never felt this carefree. He didn't feel anxious.
He just wonders if Blaine knows exactly what he'd said, but he blows it off. Maybe he would ask him later.
"Is this it?" Blaine asks softly as he pulls into the graveyard. The stress and anxiety returns as Kurt says, "Yes, you can park here."
The two of them slowly walk over to the grave, hand in hand, until they arrive.
"Hi, Mom," said Kurt. The grave had his mother's name across the top, her dates of birth and death below it, then, "Loving wife, caring mother, beautiful friend." Kurt's heard the story of how they chose the words a million times.
He could paint this scene easily, and he could see this site in his mind no matter what day it was. A grey headstone, nearly anonymous surrounded with dozens of other ones, standing out because of the intricate writing on the stone. White snow covered the ground on the anniversary of her death, while lush grass was all you'd see on the anniversary of her birth.
"I have an idea," says Blaine. Kurt wakes up from the memories.
"Yeah?"
"Each rose. We can place them around the gravestone in a heart shape, or a pattern or something. I know it's cheesy," he says, "but it would be cute and funny. We don't have to," he adds, his voice for once lacking confidence.
"No," says Kurt, "I actually like that idea."
The two proceed to spread the roses around the grave.
"I hope you like it, Mom," says Kurt. "Um, I usually tell her things about how things are going."
Blaine nods. "I understand. Do you want me to leave?"
At first, Kurt wants to say yes. But then he realizes – everything he wants to say? He wants Blaine to hear.
"You know the guy I was telling you about earlier, Mom?" he begins, "He's here. This is Blaine, Mom. He's really smart and really funny, and he's second only to me when it comes to singing." He paused as Blaine let out a chuckle. "Yeah, he doesn't believe me. But it's true. And…And We're really close, Mom. He's been awesome with the whole bullying thing. We have Regionals really soon. I think we're ready, though. It'll be weird competing against New Directions again though. I think it always will be. And…I wish you could be there. I love you so much," his voice cracks a little bit, and Blaine wraps a supportive arm around his shoulders. Kurt rests his head on Blaine's shoulder, against his scarf. "And I miss you and I'd do anything to have you here right now. I miss you so much, Mom. But I think of you every day, and I remember everything you've told me, and I make sure that what I do is in your honor and something you'd be proud of." Kurt interrupts himself with a quiet sob, and suddenly he realizes Blaine has pulled him into his arms. He rests his head in the space between Blaine's neck and shoulder, and Blaine holds him tight.
Burt was never the biggest hugger. An arm around the shoulder, always. They held hands each and every time.
But never a full force hug like he is experiencing right now.
Blaine is always there, Kurt thinks, and if we can't be together, I'm perfectly fine with friendship. Because he's good at that.
They stand there for a little bit longer in each others' arms, until Wes calls them, asking where they are.
When they get to Dalton, Kurt feels a lot better. He still doesn't mention the significance of the day, but he knows he doesn't have to.
Blaine knows, and keeps shooting him little smiles as the two of the rehearse Candles for probably the fiftieth time that day.
Maybe someday, Kurt thinks, but this is good for now.