These Kids Are Such A Disgrace
A/N: This was originally posted January 16, 2011 and based on this prompt from jblostfan16: "Um, Jesus Christ. That needs to be written, like, yesterday. Can you imagine bb Kendall bossing James, Carlos and Logan around, all assuring them that it's totally normal to blow your best friends. Because they're not JUST friends. Best friends. -fans self-" Er, warning: this doesn't get too graphic, but it IS Minnesota!fic.
It's this frigid night late in the fall, and Kendall's got about eighty thousand pages of homework due in the morning. Normally, he'd be all over Logan for help, but the topic for his paper is Shakespeare.
Who, as far as Kendall can tell, is some old dude who liked to wear tights and had a major crush on dead things. All Kendall can see when he opens the book is tragedy, drama, and words that make no sense. How is he supposed to form a report out of that?
Everything he tries to type up is a total downer. He doesn't want his classmates to like, suicide themselves when he reads his report out loud. Also, he thinks he might be missing the point, because the question he's supposed to base his essay on involves true love. Unless that's the teacher's code for necrophilia, Kendall is definitely going to fail.
So he ends up doing the sensible thing and decides to bike over to James's for some tutoring. James may not be the brightest star in the sky when it comes to intellectual shit, but he's all up over the drama department like he was born into it. Plus, unlike Logan, James has an Xbox360.
Kendall always thinks better once he's shot up some zombies.
It starts raining about halfway into his ride, and Kendall considers turning tail and going to Logan's, which is closer. He's not huge on giving up, though, so he grits his teeth, pulls down his beanie, and pedals faster. When he's a block away from the house he fishes his cell phone out of his jeans while simultaneously trying to balance the handlebars. He calls up James, but the phone goes straight to voicemail.
Which is a problem. If James isn't home, Kendall's going to end up soaked and Xbox-free, neither of which are conditions he's a huge fan of.
To his relief, when he rounds the corner he spots a silhouette on the front porch, just barely identifiable in the downpour. Kendall figures if James isn't home, at least James's dad or his stepmom won't have a problem letting Kendall boot up a game while he waits out the storm. They're both pretty chill that way.
Except, as Kendall gets closer, he realizes that there are actually two figures haloed by the porch light.
Kendall has pretty good instincts. Even though he's not sure why, he skids to a halt about two houses down from James's. He leaves his bike there on the sidewalk, sneaking up behind the base of a big tree the next yard over and hiding.
And then he understands why his gut was flashing him this big, huge warning sign.
James is this tall, skinny, familiar figure illuminated by the porch light, but it takes Kendall a few minutes to realize that the woman he's got his arms around is also familiar. It's not 'til she tilts her head, hair catching the glow of the bulb and turning golden that Kendall realizes that James is totally making out with his stepmom.
Which, on the one hand, is beyond fucked up. Mr. Diamond's car is missing from the driveway, so he must be off promoting some hot new club somewhere instead of discovering that his wife's apparently an adulterous bitch. Kendall can't believe James would betray his own father like this.
On the other hand, Carlos, Logan, and Kendall have been cracking jokes about getting it on with the newest Mrs. Diamond since the day she married James's father. The girl's barely twenty three, and she's a total bombshell. Kendall almost feels like applause is warranted.
Still, there's something about the way that she's wrapped around James that makes Kendall flinch away. He watches until he can't anymore, his hair wet and matted to his face, the freezing cold rain turning his bones to ice. Then he sneaks back to his bike and goes to Logan's house, figuring he can bribe Logan into finishing his essay and Mrs. Mitchell into making some of her famous cocoa, all in one fell swoop.
He tries not to dwell on what he just saw. But when he thinks about it later, he figures that what really bothers him about the whole situation isn't so much that James was hooking up with a married woman as that he looked like he'd done it before.
Kendall's always known that James has a lot of experience with girls, but when he closes his eyes, he can picture the way James had cradled her neck; the way he'd looked perfectly at ease with his tongue in her mouth. Kendall's experience with girls is, sadly, limited.
He doesn't like the idea that James is beating him at something.
There are very few things that James is better than Kendall at.
Only two jump to mind, and Kendall has let them slide because he doesn't want to be a popstar or start manscaping. But sex? Kendall isn't ready to concede that battle.
The problem is, most of the girls Kendall knows have been in the same classes with him since preschool. Even if he was interested in any of them, he's pretty sure they wouldn't feel the same way about him. That is going to be a major obstacle. How is he supposed to get experience if no one wants to hook up with him? Kendall figures he can go trawling for girls at hockey games or maybe one of the other local high schools, but-
Kendall loathes being embarrassed. And he doesn't know if he could stand it if he hooked up with a girl and wasn't good at it. It would be mortifying.
What he needs is practice. After all, he'd never try out a new move at a game without taking it for a spin on the ice first. Why should girls be any different? He just needs to perform, like, a crash test. Except instead of using mannequins, he needs real people. Real people who he won't get embarrassed in front of.
Only three come to mind.
No way is he asking James for help, because he'll be a smug asshole about it, and besides, this is his fault in the first place. If he wasn't such a manwhore, Kendall would still have a few years to amp up his game. And Carlos- well, Carlos is the dude you go to if you want to jump feet first into things without practice. Kendall needs someone who will take it slow. Who will let him learn at his own pace.
He needs Logan.
He propositions him during lunch in the school library. It's the perfect place. There aren't any nosy parents peeking their heads in to see if their sons need anything (and Kendall is well aware his mom uses that excuse to eavesdrop). There aren't even any teachers, except for the old librarian, who mostly spends her time watching soaps on her phone. And it's not like a single student other than Logan ever deigns to study during their lunch break. It's ideal.
Or it is right up until Logan shoots down his proposition.
"It's just practice," Kendall tries, squeezing Logan's shoulder and scooting his chair in close. Logan looks horrified.
"Kissing practice," he splutters.
"Come on, Logan. Look, what if you meet a really nice girl, and then you go to kiss her and she's all, gross. You suck."
"Is that going to happen?" Logan panics.
"Not if you practice with me first," Kendall declares. He's pretty proud of himself for thinking up a logical argument like that. Logan actually looks swayed.
"I guess that makes sense…"
"Don't guess. Know. I'm brilliant."
Logan looks less than impressed by that.
Kendall rushes to cover his mistake, "Logan. We're best friends."
"Friends don't-"
"Not friends. Best friends. The absolute best."
"Right." Logan looks wary.
"Best friends do things for each other, Logan."
"But-"
"No buts."
Before Logan gets a chance to object, Kendall crosses the space between them, crushing their lips together. It's a little awkward at first, and he's pretty sure Logan's tooth nicks his lip, but he gets a hang of it. He's always been a very quick learner. When he feels that an acceptable amount of time has passed, he leans back and says, "See, now was that so bad?"
Logan frowns at him. "Your mouth is bleeding."
Kendall wipes at his lip, refusing to be deterred. His plan is obviously awesome. This would have been much more embarrassing with a real live girl. James is so going down.
"Can we try again?" He asks, instead of just doing it, because Logan is kind of like a skittish animal at this point. Kendall doesn't want to scare him away completely. The ramifications of that might involve weeks of silence, and somebody has to do his homework for him.
Logan glances to the left and then to the right, like he's checking for witnesses. The library remains a graveyard. Then his shoulders slump and he says, "Fine."
This time, Kendall uses his tongue. When he pulls back, Logan looks a little glassy eyed. Kendall figures that means he's doing it right.
"So." Kendall plops down on James's bed, leaning his head against the deep sapphire wall and crossing his long legs across the comforter. James is in the midst of arranging his hair in front of one of the many full length mirrors strategically placed around his room. He's got his lucky comb in hand as he stares critically at the way his bangs sweep across his forehead. "You're banging your stepmom."
When Kendall speaks, the comb falls straight to the floor. James stares at in horror, like a cheerleader who's dropped the spirit stick.
Eyes fixed on the comb, he says carefully, "That. How do you know that?"
"I came over to play video games. I got a free show instead." Kendall twirls a finger in the air to demonstrate how exciting he'd found it.
James's eyes dart up to him, and he's this strange mixture of fearful and defiant when he says, "I don't have to explain myself to you."
"Nope. But. I can't believe you haven't been bragging about it."
"A gentleman doesn't talk about his conquests."
Kendall's mouth gapes open. "You're a gentleman now?"
James's cheeks pink, but he stubbornly insists, "Yes."
"Dude. Just. I'm not judging-"
"Meaning you totally are."
Well. Yeah.
"-No, really. I can't judge. She's a hot lady-cougar. How could you even resist?"
"I don't think you can be a cougar when you're twenty something."
"You can if you're married and screwing around with a fifteen year old. Just- be careful, okay?"
"You're not going to tell me to stop?"
Kendall thinks about it. He doesn't really know what kind of advice he should be giving here, but he knows that James can take care of himself. He knows that under guy code, what he should really be doing is jumping to his feet and giving James a high five.
He doesn't feel like doing that, unless it's a high five to James's face. Kendall finds the whole situation weirdly irritating, and he's not sure how much of it is competitiveness and how much of it is actual concern for James.
"Can you stop being so pretty?"
"Absolutely not." James looks horrified at the thought.
"Then nah. Just be careful," Kendall repeats. He figures his friendly duty is done. "Let's go play paintball."
"Dude, no. I just got my hair perfect."
"Fine. Halo?"
"That could work."
As they leave James's bedroom, Kendall rifles a hand through his hair. Just to be annoying.
The problem with kissing is that Kendall is fifteen and he's horny all the time. It's this huge problem. And he figures, maybe, if Logan is so very amenable to making out with Kendall every day during lunch, he'll probably be cool with going further.
So while they're in the middle of fumbling around behind one of the dusty stacks, Kendall takes the initiative and presses Logan's hand to the front of his jeans.
Logan, of course, jerks back like he's been burned. "What are you doing?"
"Hopefully, you," Kendall says, waggling his eyebrows.
"Um." Logan squeaks and backs into the shelves, knocking The Art Of War onto the floor. He immediately bends to retrieve it, and oh. Kendall likes the way he looks down there.
"You should suck me off."
"What?" Logan's voice goes up at least three decibels. Kendall glances in the direction of the old librarian, but she still looks caught up in General Hospital. Which is awesome, because Kendall is really into the idea of Logan's lips around him.
"Shhh. Do you want to get caught?"
"I- no. Of course not. But." He lowers his voice, "I'm not going to do- that."
"Why not?" Kendall is actually genuinely curious. It's not like he won't blow Logan right after. He just wants to watch Logan's technique first. All good leaders delegate.
Logan straightens up, demanding, "Why not? Why do you think? That's gross."
"How?"
"It's your- dude. It just is, okay?"
"Not okay. Logan, we're best friends-"
Logan groans. "Don't you start that again."
"-and best friends do whatever they can to make each other feel good. Don't you want to feel good, Logan?"
"…You sound so creepy right now. Do you want to buy a rape van and troll the parks?"
Kendall huffs a laugh. Logan only gets snarky when he's feeling cornered. "Come on. It's just practice for the real thing."
"For the day I suck a girl's cock?" Logan arches an eyebrow.
"Okay, so it's just because I want you," Kendall says with a shrug. He pulls Logan's hand towards him, real slow so he won't rabbit away, and then presses his fingers to the shape of his cock. For a second, Kendall wonders if James's stepmom has done this to him. If James liked it. He shakes it out of his head. The idea of it spikes something hot and jealous through his chest. Kendall figures he's just pissed that James has already been so much further, and here Kendall has to practically beg for it.
He tries to regain his cool, smirking and telling Logan, "I'll do you next."
He watches Logan's Adam's Apple bob as he swallows, hard. And then, like magic, he drops to his knees. Because Logan is also a fifteen year old boy, and thus horny. All the time. It really is a problem.
His hands hover over the front of Kendall's belt and he asks, "What do I do?"
"You're the genius. Figure it out."
"I- don't think this is a good idea." He starts to stand up again. Kendall pushes him back down with a hand to his shoulder.
"Logan. Have I ever led you wrong?"
"No, but-"
"Dude. You can't back down now. Just, you know. Suck it."
So Logan does.
By the time winter rolls around, Kendall's had Logan on his knees more times than he can count. The first few times, he tried to trick himself into believing he was all high and noble and that this was just a different kind of practice; a way to build up endurance.
But after the fourth time he cums down Logan's throat, he figures self-deceit is kind of stupid.
It's not about the competition anymore. Kendall likes having his cock sucked, and Logan seems to enjoy making him happy. It's not like Kendall doesn't return the favor; he's given him a blowjob more than once before a big test.
Both of them know it's not more than it is; two friends relieving the stress of being overly hormonal teenage boys. The problem arises when James butts his stupid face into Logan's business and lands him a date to the Winter Wonderland Dance.
Logan's really warmed up to the idea of mutual blowjobs, but he has this like, compulsion against cheating on his date. Even if they're not really boyfriend-girlfriend.
Which leaves Kendall with a bit of a situation. He's horny as hell, and it's been a week and a half since anyone other than himself has touched his penis.
He thinks about going to James in this abstract kind of way, but the thought flits out of his head just as quickly. He's not sure about the details on the stepmom front, but he knows he's seen James flirt with at least three different cheerleaders this week alone. James is definitely not an option. He's just the cockblock who took Logan out of the picture.
Kendall sighs. He doesn't remember being this hard up in a long time.
Which might be why he's sitting at the dinner table in the Garcia home, watching Carlos eat a corndog and wondering why he has such a fascination with phallic foods. Corndogs and bananas and popsicles and-
It's like Carlos is purposely teasing him; except its Carlos, and there isn't a devious bone in his body.
Kendall thinks about what kind of bones he'd like to put in Carlos's body and then feels slightly dirty. Which mostly just serves to make him hornier. He's got all kinds of ideas about filthy things him and Carlos can get up to. He watches him practically fucking deepthroat the corndog, speculating.
"Dude," Carlos mumbles, through a mouthful of corndog, "What are you looking at?"
"You." Kendall grins. "Hey. After dinner, do you want to do something fun?"
Carlos shrugs, opening his mouth so wide that Kendall can see what all that food would look like regurgitated. "Sure."
Carlos is a lot easier to convince than Logan.
He's also a fucking rockstar at giving head. Kendall figures it must be all the phallic foods.
By the time Kendall gets around to James, he's fully confident in his own skills.
In fact, somewhere along the way of enlisting his friends to keep him sated and happy, Kendall has sort of forgotten the point. But all that changes on a brisk day in January.
Kendall's in the midst of helping James paint backgrounds for the school play when he notices what a hot little ass he has. James is doing some really minute detail work, butt up in the air, jeans inappropriately hugging every curve, and the sight makes Kendall's brushstroke slide right outside of the carefully painted lines.
He doesn't really care; he's only helping out because he lost a bet to James and owes him like, a month of indentured servitude that he is not really enjoying. And James is only helping out because he's got a huge crush on one of the set designers.
Also, he is the lead, but Kendall doubts that really comes in to play here.
Kendall rocks back on his heels, resting his paintbrush against his knee, totally not caring about the bright green streak he just made on his ratty old jeans. He has more important things to consider now, like what James's lips would feel like around his cock.
At first he feels a little bad about it. But really, fate is tempting him, and he is not very good at dealing with temptation. He cannot deal with Carlos's eyes or Logan's smile or James's entire body. It's just cruel for all three boys to have such pretty mouths. Self denial is stupid, and you only live once.
So Kendall gets over the guilt and seriously considers getting James to blow him. It makes so much sense that he's shocked it didn't seriously occur to him before. He's already had Logan and Carlos. Why not go for the trifecta?
Then he remembers why he started recruiting his friends to blow him in the first place. James and his stepmom, and beating the pants off of his stupid, experienced self. Well. Kendall has experience now. And what better way to stick it to James then to actually stick it to James?
Plus, this tiny little part of him thinks he might be doing a public service. If James is focused on Kendall, he won't be focused on his dad's slutty wife and how he might be fucking up his family. If James has even thought about that. Kendall has. Once or twice. Or often. He hasn't been able to bring himself to say anything about it because- it's James. Kendall doesn't really have the heart to deny him anything. Even the right to make his own mistakes.
But he's completely on board with helping James make some of those mistakes.
Preferably soon. He grins, staring at his friend's butt. James is sort of wiggling it now, singing a rousing rendition of some song by the Doors. Kendall joins in, humming along.
He always has the absolute best plans.
Kendall challenges James to a rousing game of one on one after practice the following day. James has already halfway changed out of his uniform, but he agrees, trudging back out to the stands and leaning down to lace up his skates. Kendall circles around the rink once, fast as a flash, and then he calls, "Hey James."
"Yeah?" James looks up from where he's kneeling, laces half-tied.
"You look good on your knees."
James's forehead furrows and he says, "Obviously. I always look good."
Kendall groans. "Yeah, but- you know. Sexy good."
James makes a face and then says, "Duh."
Kendall sighs. He should have known that expression was James's brain fighting between asking the manly what-the-fuck-dude that would be any normal guy's response and his own narcissism. James's vanity wins out every time.
"I'm trying to hit on you, here."
"Oh." James blinks, clambering to his feet. He leans over the side of the rink, staring intently at Kendall. He says, "If you need help getting with girls-"
"No." Kendall smacks his stick against the ice for emphasis, like a two year old throwing a tantrum. He wants to get to the good part already. "I don't need help with girls. I need help with you."
"I don't get it."
"I'm asking if you want to fuck!"
James blinks. And then he asks, "Who?"
"Me. I'm asking if you want to fuck me!"
James frowns. "That's a little gay, dude."
Kendall exhales this noise of complete exasperation. He fists a hand in the front of James's jersey and pulls him across the barrier that separates the ice from the bleachers, pressing their bodies together and crushing his mouth to James's.
Except it's nothing at all like what he expects.
He's had lust running through his veins since the moment he first thought of pinning James down, and now he's painfully hard. But there's more. There's this knee buckling moment where Kendall actually thinks his skates might give out beneath him and this isn't something he's ever wanted or expected.
James's tongue is in his mouth, drawing moans from Kendall's throat like he's playing some kind of instrument. He tastes so fucking good, and he feels so, so hot and hard, but-
Kendall jerks back like he's been burned. James is staring at him, panting a little bit, stunned.
Kendall can't think of anything to say. He's supposed to be the man with the ideas, but right now he just feels like a stupid teenage boy.
James has stripped him bare with his lips and his eyes and his idiotic, gorgeous heart and how did Kendall never realize it before?
He mumbles something unintelligible and hides out in the locker room until his mom picks him up. When he gets home, he skips out on dinner like some kind of girl and hides underneath his comforter.
He's scared. That kiss was-
It was too much. It was everything, all at once. It was like Kendall's chest wasn't big enough to hold in everything that stupid kiss made him feel.
He just wants an easy lay. Not love.
He's not at all ready to be in love.
By the time winter break rolls around, Kendall figures that the thing with James is- a fluke. After all, Kendall never felt anything at all like that with Logan and Carlos, and he went way further with them. And he loves them, too, in this fist-bump heterosexual-life-partner bromantic kind of way, so why should he feel any different about James?
He figures it's just something he needs to get out of his system. With sex. Sex is the solution to all of man's problems. And it was, after all, the original goal.
If James wasn't so stupidly dense, it would have happened already. Kendall decides to spend every minute he can shamelessly flirting with James. Only James doesn't really seem onboard with the plan. He's like, avoiding Kendall. Which is insulting.
Especially when he shows up to hockey practice every day looking more and more delicious.
James is much cleverer than most people give him credit for. He uses his beauty like a switchblade, disarming a person only to cut them when they're least expecting it. He does that to Kendall. Every single time.
Kendall can't take it. He sees James's face every night when his hand's in his pajama pants, and it is awful. The worst part is, he doesn't even have anyone to go to for help with that problem. Logan's dating that girl he took to the dance, which means he's all intent on being monogamous, and Carlos is visiting Florida with his family for winter vacation.
Of course, that doesn't mean that Kendall's going to give up.
Logan can't be too into that girl, right? That's what Kendall is thinking one night when he's over at the Mitchell's house, watching Logan study while he doodles geek all over one of Logan's biology notebooks (because seriously, who studies during winter vacation). He isn't really sure how to ask Logan what he wants to ask. He's not very good with tact, but he thinks that maybe something this delicate actually might require some.
So he tries to figure out what James would do, which gets him thinking about James, and beating James, and the way James looked all soaking wet and kissing his vixen of a stepmom. And the jeans that James wore yesterday when he showed up at practice. Those jeans. Kendall's pretty sure there are laws against wearing pants as tight as James's. They leave very, very little left to the imagination, and Kendall? Has a vivid imagination.
Really, James is just asking to be bent over the side of the rink and-
"Kendall?"
"Hunh? Yeah. Hi. What?"
Logan peers at him from over the edge of a text book. "Are you okay? You've been so zoned today."
"Oh. Big game next week," Kendall explains.
Like he even gives a fuck about the game. He could beat the opposing team singlehandedly. With his eyes closed, even.
Logan makes a face at him, because he's perfectly aware that Kendall never gets nervous. He's too good for that.
Kendall doesn't really like the skepticism written all up over Logan's face. Even if Kendall is an awful liar, it's the prerogative of all great leaders to be believed.
Kendall decides, as a great leader must, that it's time for a distraction.
Screw tact. He says, "Blow me."
Logan laughs and goes back to studying. Which is not the reaction Kendall expects, so he's a little bit put out. He's about to start this spiel about how Logan should be honored to suck Kendall's dick (and it's not like it would be the first time) when he realizes that Logan thinks he meant it as a sort of fuck you insult.
"Logan," Kendall says seriously.
His head snaps up from his text book. "What?"
"Blow. Me." Kendall enunciates. Logan's eyes widen, realization dawning as Kendall's hand creeps up his thigh. His mouth forms this perfect o, and yeah, Kendall thinks those lips around his cock will distract him just fine.
"I can't. I have a girlfriend."
"Logan," Kendall says softly. "Please?"
Something in his voice must sound really off, because where Logan would normally argue, he just nods, narrow-eyed, and says, "Okay. Just this once."
James doesn't stop avoiding him.
It kind of drives Kendall insane, even after he gets his stupid blowjob from Logan.
Maybe sex doesn't actually solve all of life's problems.
Kendall pushes James in the locker room after the big game.
They're the last two left; everyone else is off celebrating their win. Kendall is trying his sneaky on for size. He told his mom before the game even started that the Jr. Miss Mrs. Diamond is giving him a ride. Which is a lie, but young Mrs. Diamond is notoriously late. Kendall wonders now if that's because her and James stick around the lockers for sexy fun. He hopes not. Threes going to be a bit of a crowd.
Kendall pushes James so hard that he stumbles back. For a second, there's just shocked silence, and then a, "What the hell?"
"You've been avoiding me," Kendall says, casual.
"Have not."
"Have too," Kendall insists. "Why are you being a jerk?"
"I'm not a jerk," James protests. "You are!"
"Me? What did I do?"
James looks to the side, glaring at one of the lockers. Then he reaches out and shoves Kendall. He stumbles back, toppling onto the floor, at the last second grabbing hold of James's jersey for balance. Which only serves to bring James down on top of him. Kendall makes this strangled noise, fighting to regain his breath. He wants to punch James in the face.
Then he notices there's less than an inch of space between his nose and James's, and he thinks that obviously the heavens are trying to tell him something. James's weight is heavy across Kendall's body, but he's warm and hard in all the right places, and even though James is still glaring at him, Kendall really thinks it is the opportune time to get to the fucking.
His palms are sweaty, but he tells himself it's only because he's going to beat James at his own game, right there and then. Experimentally, Kendall cranes his head up, pressing his lips to James's.
James doesn't move an inch. He doesn't kiss back. He doesn't even close his eyes. Kendall sighs, head falling back to the locker room floor. "James, I have a proposition for you."
James glares at him. "No."
He starts to get up, but Kendall grabs his sides, holding him tight. "What do you mean no? You haven't even heard it yet."
James tilts his head to the side and clearly enunciates, "No."
"Dude. I'm wounded."
"And yet my answer is still no." James struggles out of his grip, clambering to his knees.
"Why not?" Kendall asks, and yeah, he's kind of whining.
James reels on him and says, "You chose Carlos and Logan over me. You think I don't know about that?"
"What?" Kendall frowns.
"I asked them if they thought you'd been acting weird." James throws up his hands and nearly shouts, "Carlos didn't think so, but then he mentioned how he's been giving you bjs behind the gym? And Logan was really shifty, right up until he admitted he's been sucking your dick for like, two months. How could you even think they would be better at blowjobs than me?"
James sounds truly offended by the imagined allegation. Kendall is more occupied by the fact that those fuckers told. How could Carlos- okay, no, Carlos has a big mouth.
"Logan told you?"
"Who do you think taught him how to kiss in the first place?" James yells. "Of course he told me. Because you, obviously, don't think I'm worth telling. What, do you only get off when pocket protectors and corndogs are involved?"
"James," Kendall tries, but James is already saying, "I get it alright. You want me to blow you? As a last resort? Fine."
James leans towards him, his hands already tangling with Kendall's belt, and fuck, he works fast- but.
He looks so angry. Kendall bites his lip.
He stills James's hands with his own, feeling hollow-eyed and pale when he admits, "I just want you to kiss me again."
James stares at him.
Kendall doesn't really understand either. He hadn't been aware that it's what he wanted until this second.
"You mean as practice?"
"No. I mean- I want you. To kiss me. Because- I want to kiss you, I guess."
Timidly, James asks, "Not Carlos or Logan?"
"Just you," Kendall says, his heart pounding so hard he feels like it might break free of his ribcage.
"But-"
"I went to Logan because- I wanted to prove I could beat you. And then after that, I just. You were involved."
"With who?"
"Your stepmom?" Kendall cocks an eyebrow. He thinks, that girl from the drama club? Half of our school?
"She. It. We stopped, Kendall. I felt awful."
"'Cause of your dad?"
"No! He's going to break up with her in a few years anyway." James rolls his eyes, like shouldn't that be obvious?
"Then?"
"I like you." James says in almost exactly the same tone as his previous remark. "A lot."
"You like everyone."
"Yeah, but. I like you best." Suddenly, James looks all open and vulnerable. He says, "I asked you if you wanted me to stop, and you said no. But. I could tell. I could just tell."
Right then, James brushes his lips against Kendall's.
He's gentle, testing, but Kendall isn't having any of that. He clamps his hand against the back of James's neck and deepens the kiss, just like all those times he practiced with Logan, except somehow infinitely better. James's tongue slips into his mouth, and he's a fucking amazing kisser. Kendall can't remember ever feeling so happy.
Now that they've gotten touchy feely business out of the way, though, Kendall also feels considerably calmer. James's erection rubs against his thigh and he thinks, oh yeah. Maybe they should get back to that thing he wanted to do before.
He tells James so, but James laughs and says, "No. You still asked Logan and Carlos first."
He almost stomps his foot.
"God, you're such an uptight priss."
"I am not!" James sounds wounded. But then something flickers over his face and he says, "You know, Kendall. If you want a blowjob to happen tonight so badly, maybe you should give me one."
Kendall blinks.
James continues, "We're friends, Kendall. Best friends, and-"
Kendall slaps his hand over James's mouth. No way is he getting his own words used against him.
Still. James has a point. Kendall slips his hand into James's jeans, rubbings his thumb over the slit on the head of his dick. He watches, pleased, as James's eyes flutter shut. He makes this expression that's half grimace, half blissed out pleasure, and Kendall licks the inside of his mouth to make sure it's all moist and shit.
Silently, he sends up a prayer of thanks to Carlos and Logan. They were good teachers.
When he wraps his mouth around James's dick, Kendall thinks about how James will probably be a lot more malleable after he comes. He thinks about how James is definitely going to return the favor.
After all, fair is fair.
Kendall licks along James's cock every time his mouth bobs down. James is pulling hard on his hair, making this noise that Kendall has to look up and see, and when he meets James's eyes, Kendall realizes that even this is different.
This, from the way James groans when he comes to the he tastes in the back of Kendall's throat.
He thinks he knows why, too.
Kendall's still not quite ready for love, but he thinks he could be. Someday.
All he needs is practice.