Death Row
Summary: Being the only girl in the Akatsuki sucks. Konan'd rather be stuck with 9 pervy hot guys, but that isn't the case. They don't even consider her a girl. In one week, these men will consider her a girl- no, a woman. There's no way a plan like this will backfire..right?
A/N: Hey there! Cass here. Only 1 review for my last story, sobsob. Well whatever. A new multi-chaptered story! Hopefully I'll get at least 5 reviews for this chapter? I put effort in, owkay. Enjoy?
Chapter 1: Decision
-!-
"Hidan! Get the fuck out of the bathroom!," screeched Konan as she clutched the shower curtain to her bare chest. The Akatsuki hideout was once again tormented by the many screams and curses from their enigmatic members. Hidan groaned, tugging down his pants and plopping on the seat with a satisfied sigh. The steam from the shower was relaxing, that was for sure, but there was no way she could enjoy it while Hidan was taking a dump right next to her. In fact, the steam would probably carry his toilet odours all the way over to her shower, and she was sure as hell she didn't want that.
"Chill! I needa take a shit, Tobi made this disgusting pudding for me and he mixed in some cu-," Hidan started, picking up the newspaper and flipping it to the crime section, but Konan threw the bar of soap at him. It dodged the newspaper and hit him with a satisfying 'clunk!' bouncing off his head, before it slid into the sink next to him.
He ignored Konan's attack and shut his mouth, instead carelessly flipping the page and inspecting it diligently. Konan growled and the toilet paper folded itself into butterflies, and escaped out the door. Hidan noticed and scowled.
"Oi, I need that to wipe my ass!" Hidan reached for the tissues helplessly before watching them fly away. He scowled.
"And anyway, why the fuck did you infuse the toilet paper with your chakra, huh, so you can perv on Leader's di-," he snapped, but she threw the whole shower gel bottle at him. He cursed and rubbed his head, after picking it up and setting it on the bathroom counter.
"I don't give! I'm taking a shower, get out!," she yelled, her butt warm from being doused in the water.
"Fine! Whatever, I'll use Pain's toilet." He sighed, tugging up his boxer shorts.
"Argh! Could you give me some warning?" Konan shielded her eyes from Hidan's bare bottom and dove back into the shower.
"Bitch," Hidan muttered, flipping her off and tugging his pants on. His top was bare, as usual. Being the over-confident man he was, he always said it was necessary to show some skin. Although he showed more than 'some'.
"I heard that! And put some clothes on, it's 5 degrees outside, dammit!"
The door slammed. She sighed in relief as she ran her hand through her azure hair, dousing it in the hot water. This was the third time this happened this week. It was starting to piss her off. A lot. I mean, c'mon? This was meant to be a top secret evil association and the least they could do was knock before they came into her shower.
She was sick.
Not like cough-cough puke-puke sick, but more like sick of it.
Sick of everyone treating her like an effing man, not a woman.
She was the only woman in the Akatsuki. That's right, woman. And she was going to show that, believe it or not. In this next week, she was going to make the many men of Akatsuki treat her like a goddess. She would be the Juliet of the Akatsuki.
The lioness among the lions. The rose among the thorns. She would be the Kami-ella next to Pain. Okay, maybe not. She reached for the tap and spun it furiously to the right, turning on the water. She ignored the helpless squeaks emanating from the knob and instead twisted it more.
The knob fell out on the floor with a satisfying 'clunk!' before rolling towards her. She bent down, ignoring the now ice cold water and did the same with the hot water knob. It too fell on the bathroom floor and rolled around, influenced by the running water.
She quickly switched the positions of the original taps, so the blue water knob went over the pipe that controlled the heat and vice versa. She snickered, being incredibly out of character for a moment. In a few minutes, Hidan would come in for his daily morning cold shower, which he always took after breakfast. And then his ass would be doused in boiling hot water. He'd be such a dumbass and not even notice that the position of the taps changed.
It was so like her to make life-defying decisions in the shower.
-!-
Konan grabbed a piece of paper. Her hair was already dry from her disturbed shower, and she was nice and warm. It was snowing heavily outside, the soft pitter-patter of the snow sending her into an almost hypnotic trance. She gripped the pen and scrawled on the top in her messy cursive writing. She underlined it, satisfied with her title.
Main Points of a Woman.
1.
She tapped her pen against her head, thinking furiously about what they would find attractive so they would finally acknowledge her as a true woman. She thought for a while, her head shaking in time with the clangs next door, coming from Sasori's hammer.
1. Breasts.
She nodded. This would be easy. At least she hoped so.
-!-
She had finally done it. After 20 minutes, she scrawled everything down on her tattered piece of paper, from her fist pounding and annoyed hand spasms.
Main Points of a Woman.
1. Breasts
2. Hair
3. Lips
4. Flirtatious personality
5. Sexy eyes
6. Legs
7. Cooking ability
8. Periods
9. Cuteness
10. Kindness
Damn, she was good. Starting tomorrow, she'd learn how to get them to notice each and every one of her womanly traits. She snickered at the word, before she stopped.
Immaturity definitely wasn't on her womanly list. But oh well, that started tomorrow. Her ears perked and she dropped the pen and spun around in her chair. She craned her neck to hear, and she almost didn't believe it, but breakfast was over and Hidan was in the shower. She folded the piece of paper into 4 and crammed it in her note pad. Then she stashed the whole pile in her secret drawer of tampons and pads. She snickered and ran towards the left wall, which was connected to both Sasori's room and the main bathroom. Hidan always spun the 'cold' tap for 2 minutes wildly to make sure the water was ice cold, then he'd take a running start into the shower...into her surprise. She chuckled evilly, counting his running start.
1...2...3...4..5-
"-Son of a bitch! KONAAANNN!"
Sucker.
-!-
A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed that at least slightly. Please review and tell me if you liked it or not. Or I delete if no one's reading. Please review review review review.
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(sorry, i'm a review-whore)
mwah!
-Cass.
[real daisies]
p.s. i changed my author name