*Axel, distant future*

It was thousands of revolutions ago.

I had been thinking about things, as so many of us took for granted. Of us Irkens, how many were truly happy? I remember having had school, and of the weeks past this particular memory, I had kept a track of all my fellow Irkens. Most moved on through the day as a mindless automaton, lacking emotion and rarely speaking. Had I been the only one to realize this? And why had it taken that long to realize I had a quality they lacked?

I remember deciding I had to make sure that it wasn't merely the school environment. I had ventured out onto the streets, unnoticed by my parents, whom had the same unemotional premise. I had walked over to my friend's place- he went to a different school, so I usually didn't see much of him. His name was Eixubar.

Knocking first, I had entered Eixubar's home. Cautiously, as par my nature, I opened his door and looked in. He seemed very deep in thought- quite contrary to what Irkens I had seen on a day-to-day basis, and the sight of him had renewed my faith in our friendship.

It had. "Had" was a key word… It was bittersweet indeed to reminisce upon these feelings now. I forced myself to look back, though painful it was to remember what I had been, rather than what I am.

I had inquired of him, in the fairly childish manner of the Irken with a mere seven revolutions of age, "What's the matter, Eixubar?"

In response, the equally young Irken said, "I've been thinking- rather odd in retrospect, because it is a rather alien thing for Irkens to think of anything they don't have to, isn't it?"

"I had that on my mind as well! I wonder why we realize these things; I've never seen another Irken wonder about any sort of mystery, besides you of course!" I had chirped.

"An interesting thing. How could we let them see? Do you think we can, Axel? Could just the two of us open the world's eyes?"

Rather hesitantly, I had responded, "I don't know about you, but I'm all for trying! I'd prefer to be alone while thinking, is that okay with you?"

He had thought nothing of it then. I'm sure if he could fix the past he'd never let me leave until I no longer remembered our conversation.

I admit I am not happy with myself; even now on occasion deep twinges of ravenous guilt open up the fringes of my heart and crush them into microscopic shards. And the pain hurts. It really does. Every bitter memory I find, my guilt grows deeper and I predict eventually it will tear me apart from the inside. Every flaw I ever had…they come together as one. They forever, until the end of time and space themselves, will rip into the fabric of my being until I can no longer stand it. By that time…there will be nothing I can do.

And nothing could save me. I am doomed to last for eternity, with nothing to help me through. The bitter words I had spoken at fourteen came back to me, though I shall never say them myself. I refuse to write of my fourteen-revolutions-old self. Rather, I will simply reprint the raw journal I had kept. I will tell you, however, that it had to do with my love of technology.

At as young as four revolutions, I had loved technology. Even now you could say that I do; though in my present state I can no longer design and build it. At seven revolutions I had created a power generator, though I don't ever remember using it for anything. It was at seven that I had come up with the inevitable concept that changed everything.

"What if technology could be integral to the Irken way of life?"

I know that it was meant to carry the point, "What if Irkens could learn to make technology work for them?" But by the time I turned fourteen, the thought had been warped by my then-insane mind into the abomination that forever changed the entire world. It truly hurts to restate the work of insanity I had once entirely believed to be moral; but as I must do, I will anyway… It carried the notion of "What if I could use technology to change the way the Irken mindset worked?"

To be fair to my younger self, that was exactly what I was aiming for- a way to change the Irkens' mind from a depressed mind to a livelier mind. However, the biting agony that I find upon my actions today cannot possibly be relinquished over a single understanding of my past. No longer can I write. I leave you to read the scrawls of my fourteen-revolutions-old self alone. I had also found the writings of Eixubar, which stings me more to know he did not deserve what he got. Please, before you think lowly of me, remember that I am not afraid to say I was completely insane at fourteen. Being the only Irken not depressed and apathetic constantly did very much wear on my nerves. And at that final point, slowly I changed from the only sane Irken into the least sane one…