Umm, kind of weird... Some possible OCness, more on Lee than anyone else, Gaara coming to some weird conclusions, but then, that's Gaara for you... Fluffy and angsty all at once... Feel good ending. Rated for mentions of lemon (no graphic... sadly) and some serious beating the shit out of... and that 'shit' right there... eh...
Gaara, as usual, spoke without warning or preamble. "Konoha… is an amazing village."
Lee stopped his training abruptly so that he could hear Gaara – the suna-nin's voice was soft. Lee wasn't one to argue on that, but he was curious why Gaara suddenly pointed it out. "How so?"
Gaara's eyes rose from the spot on the ground he'd been analyzing to meet Lee's, almost cautiously. "You… were the first person to show me what… 'pain' felt like, physical pain. Not even I could do that. And the Uchiha was the first to show me what my own blood looked like. I had not seen that since I was six, and the sand carved this," here he pointed at the symbol for love on his forehead, "on my scalp. And Naruto was the first person I ever came to fear." His words came slowly, as he searched for the right ones.
Lee nodded. "Yes, but we all feared you. The Suna-nin's power was terrifying – you and your siblings."
Gaara laughed hollowly. "Only fools do not fear monsters, eh, Lee-kun? No." his eyes dropped again. "Our power is unlike Konoha's. My brother and sister have always been… kinder, more sympathetic, than I, but we have always been ruthless because we had no other way to survive. We were powerful because we had no choice but to be." Here his eyes briefly flicked back to Lee's, before leaving once more. "You… Konoha… you are powerful because you wanted it. You sought power freely, and gained all you could. We took what we needed, no more. Or, in my case, I had what I was given, no more. You, Naruto, even the Uchiha… started with nothing, and worked until you were great. It takes no skill to simply survive, as Suna gakure does: as my siblings and I do."
Lee was unsure of how to reply. Instead, he casually approached Gaara, taking his hand. As always, Gaara could not help but flinch at the sudden contact. Too many years alone had conditioned him that a touch meant something bad was coming – but Lee he trusted. He smiled faintly and squeezed Lee's warm, rough hand gently, running his thumb over the bruised and bandaged knuckles. He took comfort in the familiarity of Lee's hands. "Gaara…" Lee murmured softly.
"Yes, Lee-kun?" Gaara replied, raising his eyes to meet Lee's once more.
Lee was silent a few moments, pondering his words, and drowning in Gaara's strange, pale blue-green eyes. "You don't have to be ruthless. You don't have to fight to survive, now. Konoha is more than it's chosen power."
Gaara smiled a little again. "Yes. That's the other thing about Konoha that is amazing… love."
Lee beamed.
"Your Gai-sensei showed me, when he protected you… the way a leader is supposed to protect his subordinates… And you, when you accepted me… despite everything I'd done to you up to that point… The way Naruto understood me… sympathized. How Gai acts like a father to me, and you…" Gaara's hand cautiously rose to Lee's face, and Lee grinned, leaning in to brush a soft kiss on Gaara's lips.
Gaara gasped and seemed to check himself from crying. "Lee… When he saved you… in that first fight, in the chuunin exam…"
"Gaara...! What's the matter, Gaara-kun?" Lee asked, concerned. It wasn't often, but now and then, when they talked alone and Gaara felt he was safe, he would break down – Lee had a feeling this was one of those times. His thoughts still jumped oddly from topic to topic at times – his mind, while improved, was still unstable.
"I was so jealous, Lee! I stayed on the floor for several moments; I wasn't ready to go back up… I wanted to kill you! I was so jealous that you should have someone to protect you! No one was ever willing to risk themselves to help me, and I was so jealous of you…! And then he saved you again, after Naruto and Shikamaru had tried to stop me, and I was so jealous… I wanted to kill you all! And if he hadn't stopped me, I would have killed you, and been glad! I would have been proud; I would have thought I'd saved you from a worse fate, and… and… I was so jealous of you, Lee!" Gaara's eyes were wide and dilated, his hand clenched Lee's life a lifeline, the other still at his cheek, twitching as though it was unsure of whether to be gentle or hold on for life.
Lee wiped away the sparse tears that struggled to make a path down Gaara's face and embraced him. "You don't have to jealous anymore, you know that. I already told you, I've forgiven you, for everything. Now you need to forgive yourself. Please, Gaara-kun… Leave the past in the past. Let us both forget…" Lee's eyes were sad – Gaara had so much trouble forgiving himself. Now that Shukaku was sealed in such a way that he could not overpower Gaara, Gaara had been trying so hard to determine which sins were truly his, and which Shukaku's. When in doubt, he often took them on himself. He could not forgive himself for what he'd done, even when Lee and the others he'd wronged did.
"Lee… I just… I still… Shukaku can't fight me now but… my mind is still… unstable. Sometimes, sometimes I still relive it all… My memories… just like they were happening to me just now!" Gaara was too ashamed to meet Lee's eyes. Lee was so good… "I'm a monster!"
Lee clutched him tightly. "No! You are not! You are not a monster, not anymore. What do I have to do, Gaara? I've told you I forgive you; what do I have to do to make you forgive yourself! Even if it was you and not Shukaku, even if it really was you who did and thought those things, it doesn't matter now because you've changed, and you're not like that now!"
"I'm so sorry, Lee!" Gaara said, pressing himself against Lee for the warmth of another human being at his side.
"Gaara… Did you know… It's very hard to love you, when you don't love yourself…" Lee said softly, brushing a hand through Gaara's hair.
Gaara looked up abruptly, shocked. "Lee-kun… is that… true?"
Lee nodded, sadly. "Gaara… You've learned to love family and friends, and me…Now you have to learn to love yourself. We can only help you so much. If you have no faith in yourself, then all the hard work in the world will get you no where – Gai-sensei taught me that, and he's right."
Gaara sniffled, and wiped his face, looking away. "I see… Lee…" He looked up again. "I will try… for you, I'll try anything… Please… How?"
Lee grinned. "First, you have to forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault. Everyone else has forgiven you: your brother and sister, and all of Konoha."
Gaara nodded, "Yes… but, all the other lives I've ruined… needless slaught-"
Lee slapped him. It was time to switch tactics. Gaara looked up in shock once more, his hand slowly going to his cheek. Lee hated what he was about to say, but Gaara would never stop feeling sorry for himself if Lee let him carry on like this. Gai-sensei had taught him tough love too, now it was time to pass on the teachings. "You're right. I give up on you, Gaara-kun. You're a monster and you've destroyed so many people's lives. Maybe you should leave Konoha…"
Gaara stared at him wordlessly and dissolved into sobs. "Lee! No, please!"
"That's what you think, isn't it…?"
Gaara nodded. He could not lie to Lee, even though he did not like admitting this truth. Lee never lied.
"It's all your fault, and you must be punished for it." Lee said solemnly.
Gaara nodded. "My fault! Everything is my fault!"
Lee pushed Gaara away and hit him with a hard uppercut. Gaara gasped – his sand was far away, in the apartment. He needed no defense around Lee, usually… He made no move to physically defend himself, and Lee attacked again, then again. It was a blur; Gaara could never keep up with Lee. It hurt. Gaara cried, and let Lee attack him. It was his fault, his fault the person he loved was hurting him this way. His fault, his fault…
Lee stopped, gasping. Gaara lay in a crumpled heap on the ground, shuddering, his tears dry on his cheeks. After the first few hours, he found he could not cry anymore. It was growing quite dark, especially alone in the woods. "There... You've been punished now. You don't have to do it yourself anymore. Remember, Gaara-kun; you're not alone anymore. Now forgive yourself!" Lee commanded, walking over slowly to sit next to Gaara. He offered Gaara no help up. Gaara did not feel like rising.
"Get up! I don't want to do this to you anymore, so get up! Get up and move on! Stop reliving the past every moment of your life! How can you expect to have a future with me if you're always living in the past!" Lee growled, shaking Gaara's shoulder.
Gaara sat up. He drew a shaky breath. "You… you still love me, don't you, Lee?"
Lee ran his hand softly over Gaara's cheek, which was swelling slightly and turning dark, like much of the rest of him. "I do, but… I'll make you a deal, Gaara-kun. I'm going to give you some time. When you can love yourself, we'll be together again, but until then, I'm going to be a friend, and just a friend, okay? That's it."
Gaara nodded, and let himself slump into Lee's arms, throwing his own around his beloved Green Beast. "Okay…" he barely more than muttered.
"You don't have to do it alone, Gaara. We're all rooting for you. I'll help, and the other Konoha-nin, and your brother and sister…" Lee ran his hands gently over Gaara's back, wincing as he felt bruises rising. Gaara was too tired to even do the customary flinch when Lee first touched him, just sighing into Lee's arms.
"I'll learn, Lee," he promised. "What then… what then is it that you love about me…?" Gaara asked, looking for a place to start.
Lee thought, wondering where to start. "You're quiet, and kind. You're a lot better-looking than me!" he joked. "You try so hard to be a better person. And for the most part, you do well…. You just need a little help is all."
"Is that all?"
Lee laughed. "Gaara, I can't explain it! Haven't you realized that yet? That love acts outside of reason? Perhaps I can think of something more for you later. But don't just use my reasons – think of your own, and love yourself unconditionally. Then I can do the same for you. The truth is, Gaara, I love you anyway. But I want you to be strong." Lee grew serious again, softly trailing his fingers through Gaara's hair.
"So if it helps, I love you. But I'll do anything to see you love yourself, even if it means that, for a while, we can't be together. I'll wait for you to accept yourself, Gaara, with all your faults and imperfections."
Gently, Lee pushed Gaara aside again, standing and offering Gaara a hand up this time. Gaara took it, and Lee walked him to the apartment quietly, holding his hand loosely. When they parted at the door, Lee did not give him a kiss, though he would have liked to. When Gaara leaned in for it, Lee just put his finger to Gaara's lips and said, "I'm a man of my word, remember? When you can honestly tell me you've forgiven yourself, then I'll kiss you till we're blue in the face, okay?"
Gaara nodded dispiritedly. He would have to, then. He would have to forgive himself for what he'd done, and be confident and strong. Then Lee would hold him again, and kiss him and love him.
As Lee left, he wondered if he was handling this situation correctly, and all of a sudden he was plagued by doubt in his method. What if Gaara just decided Lee was leaving him? What if he just ended up more depressed? Lee sighed. For now, he'd stick to it. If Gaara looked like he needed it, Lee would go back to him. For now, Lee needed to give Gaara space to figure things out for himself. Lee had said he wouldn't be alone, but that wasn't exactly true. Gaara would have to decide for himself: the others would only be there to back him up and give him the comfort and support he needed. He would have to walk on his own two feet – they could only carry him so far.
Gaara went to Temari's room and woke her up carefully. Temari woke slowly, a rare luxury for a ninja, but one she enjoyed frequently after having left Suna for Konoha. Temari's eyes finally fluttered open long enough for her to recognize Gaara's form in the darkness.
She got up reluctantly. Gaara wouldn't leave her till he said whatever it was he wanted to say, or asked or whatever the case might be. And Gaara was not one to wake people up for idle chitchat, at least, not these days. He might have before, when sleep meant nothing to him, but now that Jiraiya-sensei's seal made it possible for him to sleep safely, he treasured it.
"Oi, Temari… Have you ever done something… horrible… that you didn't think you could forgive yourself for doing?" he asked quietly, sitting down next to her pallet, hands in his lap.
Temari rubbed her eyes and sobered. She nodded slowly, glancing at Gaara almost mournfully. "Yeah. Yeah, I have…" she murmured.
"Did you forgive yourself?" he asked.
Temari was unsure how to answer this. "I… I never thought about it in those terms… I suppose you could say I'm working to forgive myself…"she explained.
"What do you do…? How do you make it up to yourself?" Gaara asked, looking at her shyly.
Temari smiled faintly and patted Gaara on the end. "I try to spend every day making it up to him," she replied.
Gaara looked surprised. "Me?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah. I wasn't a good sister to you, like I should have been, all those years. Maybe if I had, things would have turned out differently. So when you wanted to go to Konoha and change, I decided it was time for me to be a proper sister for you." She grinned. "Have I been doing a good job?"
Gaara smiled. "Yeah. But, to be fair, I wasn't a good brother, either. You had no reason to…" Gaara stopped himself. "You… you did say before… That you forgave me… didn't you?"
Temari thought a moment. "I'm not sure I did, actually…" Gaara looked crestfallen. "But I do, little brother. I do!" she said, beaming at him. Gaara relaxed and nodded.
"Good. Then… that means I should start forgiving myself, right?" Gaara took Temari's hand slowly and Temari gave it a reassuring squeeze.
"Yeah, I guess so." Temari hugged him, and Gaara returned the hug after a moment.
"Thank you, Temari-chan!" he said. "Then… what can I do to make it up to you?" he asked.
Temari laughed. "Gaara, you've done so much! You've become so much better than you used to be! You don't have to do anything more!"
"But, Temari-chan…"
"Well, if you must then… Be happy for me, little-brother. Smile with all your heart and be happy! That's how you can make it up to me!" She said, smiling herself as she hugged him warmly.
Gaara nodded. "I'll try to, Temari-chan!" he replied.
Temari beamed and pulled away. "You do that, Gaara-kun. But now, if you don't mind, it's late and I'm still sleepy, and you have all of tomorrow to get to work on that. So good night, 'kay?"
Gaara nodded and stood, heading for the door. "Good night, and thank you, Temari-chan."
Temari nodded and lay back down. She was asleep in moments.
Gaara continued from there to Kankurou's room. How did Kankurou forgive himself, and how could he repay his debt to him? He woke Kankurou the same as Temari. Kankurou woke surly – that was typical. "Oi, Gaara, go away…" he murmured, rolling over and trying to go back to sleep.
"Kankurou, please wake up…" Gaara said, shaking him somewhat more roughly. Kankurou surrendered with a groan, and rolled back to face Gaara. Gaara noted he looked somewhat strange without the typical thick Kabuki make-up.
"What…" he drawled, refusing to sit up. He didn't even open his eyes, but that was to be expected. Kankurou did not usually wake in a good mood – Temari always joked he was useless until he ate breakfast and put on his make-up.
"Kankurou, have you ever…"
"Gaara you better speak up, speed up, and make this good, or I'm going back to sleep." Kankurou muttered.
Gaara glared at him. "Have you ever done something horrible? How do you forgive yourself?"
"I haven't, really. But I've had horrible things done to me, that made me feel disgusting." Kankurou wrinkled his nose and sat up. "Crap. Now I'm going to be thinking about that all night. I'll never get any sleep now…" Kankurou spat at the floor.
Gaara shrank. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up those memories."
Kankurou shrugged. "Not your fault our Father was a dick. Actually, that's one of the few problems of my childhood you had nothing to do with."
Gaara shrank again, and Kankurou finally noticed and sighed heavily. "Chill. I didn't mean it like that."
"How did you… how did you deal with it?" Gaara asked, afraid to ask almost. Kankurou and he were on much better terms than they used to be, but even now they weren't exactly what one would call 'tight'. They got along, but Kankurou still didn't seem to feel like family with his younger brother, despite Gaara's attempts to change that.
Kankurou scratched the back of his head absent-mindedly – his hair was a mess and now it was itching something awful. "Well, I'd been planning on tearing him apart and dancing in his blood Shukaku-style, but Orochimaru kind of took that from me…"
"Then…?"
"What?" Kankurou wasn't sure what Gaara wanted him to say, and Gaara was not sure how to ask.
"How do you… How do you…" Gaara thought hard, looking for words – he was not as good with them as he would have liked. Too long alone… "Make it right with yourself… I mean, how do you live, knowing that happened to you?"
Kankurou started to feel defensive. He didn't like people prying into his past, especially not Gaara! And he really didn't like talking about those days. "I try not to think or talk about it, mostly. I move on; I look forward and try not to think about all the ways I want to hurt that man because I'm not going to get a chance to!" he said, crossing his arms petulantly and glaring at Gaara.
Gaara sensed it was time to leave very soon. "One last thing!" he rushed to say, "I know I've done a lot of things to you, in the past, and… Kankurou, how can I make it right with you? Can… Can you forgive me? I really am sorry for those things, and I need to make this right!" he said, growing a touch frantic.
Kankurou eased slightly and thought. He shrugged. "I don't know… you could start by never bringing up Suna gakure or anything in it around me again," Gaara nodded briskly. "You could also not wake me up in the middle of the night," Gaara nodded again. Kankurou pondered…. "Since I'm not going to be getting back to sleep anytime soon, you could make some tea…" Kankurou threw in, only half joking. Gaara scampered up and was gone.
Kankurou leaned back against the wall, looking at the ceiling. It seemed Gaara took him at his word. That was fine – provided Gaara didn't pick the wrong tea this time, a cup of tea would be good. Gaara was back after a few moments carrying a small tray with their little teapot and two cups. He poured the tea carefully and gave Kankurou his cup. Kankurou accepted it with a murmured, "thank you." He winced after a sip. "You know, you have a knack for always picking the bitterest mix…"
Gaara sighed – Kankurou was right. He always seemed to pick the wrong tea. "Sorry. I'll brew another pot," Gaara sighed. Could he do nothing right!
Kankurou sighed back and waved a hand carelessly. "No, just get some honey and I'll make do. This'll wake me up, anyway…"
Gaara nodded and got the honey from the kitchen. Kankurou poured a lot in and Gaara wondered that his tea didn't become syrupy from so much honey. Gaara poured his own cup and added a much smaller amount of honey – he wasn't fond of too much sweets.
"I'm sorry, Kankurou… I always mess things up for you…" he muttered. He knew he was feeling sorry for himself, and that Lee and Temari both wanted him to stop, but he couldn't help it.
Kankurou was already beginning to feel a more generous mood coming though, now that he had his tea. "Don't worry about it, Gaara… As much as you've threatened me, I'd be a liar if I didn't say you saved my life more times than outright threatened it… And you're trying now, for what that's worth." Kankurou shrugged. "I hadn't been thrilled when you first wanted to move to Konoha, but, y'know, that's working out too. We've both got clean slates here." Kankurou grinned. "I actually get looks from girls now, because they aren't automatically scared off by you anymore." He snickered, taking another sip of the tea. The night was still fairly young, but hell, he was up now. "Let's go find Inuzuka… He's probably up anyway, howling at the moon or something…" Kankurou rolled his eyes, setting down his tea and getting up to put on his face paint. Gaara smiled. Kankurou was finally in a good mood again.
He always woke up in a foul mood, but during the course of the day he tended to be fairly light-hearted, for all his cynicism and sarcasm. It was unusual for Kankurou to invite him along. Gaara was glad. He knew Inuzuka, but not as well – mostly he hung out with Lee and Naruto and their teams, or with Temari and her friends. Sometimes Kiba was there with Naruto, but not as often.
Kankurou finished, carefully closing the small jar of face paint and cleaning the brush so it didn't dry out stiff. "Let's go… I don't suppose you have anything better to do, right?" Kankurou confirmed.
Gaara shook his head. "No. I'll go with you. I don't see Kiba-kun very often anyhow…"
Kankurou snorted and led the way out by the window. It was a new moon, but the stars sprawled across the sky and lit the night up fine, despite the lack of further light. Kankurou took a deep breath. He liked to visit big cities when he could, but some things you couldn't find there, like such clean, fresh air, and you never saw so many stars in a crowded city. It was nice out, cool but not cold like nights in the desert, with an occasional breeze.
"Yeah, I have to admit moving to Konoha has been nice, Gaara-kun. It was a good first step for you, that's for damn sure." He grinned, actually enjoying having his brother around. He really wasn't the kind of person who liked spending much time alone. He needed people around him, to talk to and laugh with, to distract him from deep thoughts most people didn't think he was capable of.
"Then I'm doing better?" Gaara asked, hopeful.
"Clearly," Kankurou replied, snickering. "I haven't received a single death threat since we moved. And I've only been afraid for my life once or twice!" He laughed, but then, noticing Gaara was moping again, he threw in, "eh, but that wasn't your fault even – just old habits kicking in. For a while there you were really hard to read, so, y'know, when in doubt I figured it was better to steer clear…" he shrugged, and Gaara nodded.
"But you don't have that problem anymore?"
Kankurou shrugged. "Nah, not really. You're still pretty withdrawn, but I've figured out your signals again. Hush, let's sneak in," Kankurou added with a grin as they reached the Inuzuka clan's houses. Kiba's was easy enough to find – Kankurou hung out with him all the time. Temari had suggested to Gaara once or twice that they weren't just buddies. Gaara didn't see it, but he trusted Temari's judgment – she recognized such things much better than he did. After all, when he told her that he and Lee were together, she'd acted like she'd been waiting for it for ages.
Gaara followed as Kankurou took the screen off Kiba's window, glad Kiba always slept with it open – he could have gotten around it anyway, but it was easier not to fiddle with. He crept in as silently as a cat, and Gaara sat in the windowsill at a gesture from Kankurou. Kankurou grinned almost impishly at Kiba's sleeping form – the boy was curled up around Akamaru, snoring softly.
He crawled on top of the bed, straddling Kiba and leaned down till he was just breathes away. "Wake-up, baka!" he said suddenly and Kiba jumped up, eyes shooting open, trying to untangle the covers. Akamaru leaped away, barking like mad, as Kankurou cursed, rubbing his nose. "Damn it, Inuzuka! Thwacked me on the nose! Shit, that hurts!"
Gaara laughed from the windowsill as Kiba glared at Kankurou. "Yeah, well, you should know better than to wake some one up that way!" he growled. He glanced at Gaara, noticing him by the laughter. "Oi, 'ello, Gaara-kun. Kankurou-kun brought you along this time too?"
"Yes, morning, Kiba." Gaara glanced out the window again and added contemplatively, "Well, not morning, I suppose…" He shrugged, and Kiba snickered.
"C'mon, Inuzuka, let's go out for a while…" Kankurou said, still rubbing his nose.
Kiba raised an eyebrow. "Y'know, I really should sleep…" he commented idly.
"Ah, fuck that, Inuzuka. I'm no going to get any asleep tonight, and I'd like some sane company if you please," Kankurou groaned.
Kiba rolled his eyes. "And I'm sane? Besides," Kiba said cheekily, smirking up at Kankurou, "just because you can't sleep doesn't mean we should both suffer," he said, lying down and closing his eyes.
"Ow! Shit, that hurts, Kankurou!" Kiba moaned after Kankurou cuffed him on the head.
"Awake yet?" Kankurou asked brightly.
Kiba's door opened and his mom glared into the room, dressed in a bathroom. "He may not be, but I certainly am! So you boys quiet down or get out of here, got it?" she grunted, crossing her arm as her dog, Kuromaru, followed in, growling disinterestedly at the others.
Kankurou and Kiba grinned. "Sure ma'am, I'll get out of here," Kankurou said. "Just as soon as he gets dressed," he added, climbing off the bed and tugging Kiba up.
"But I-!"
"Just go with him, Kiba! I don't care to listen to you arguing over this for the next half hour! Even if you win you'll be awake enough by the time you do," she said, then turned and shut the door roughly and they heard her footsteps go away.
The two giggled. "Good thing she didn't try that on us a couple nights ago, huh?" Kiba said quietly. Gaara barely heard.
"Yeah, but shut up around him, okay?" Kankurou replied in a whisper.
"Oh fuck it, half Konoha knows, Kankurou," Kiba muttered. "I want you to-"
"Shut up!"
Gaara watched with faint interest. He couldn't hear them very well, but it looked like Temari was right. "What's the big secret?" he asked.
"Eh, nothing, Gaara-kun," Kankurou said, shoving Kiba into his closet with the order, "Get dressed."
Gaara took a moment to look around. Kiba's room didn't seem to have a lot of white space – posters covered most of the walls, little tufts of shed fur lay on the floor (hell, everywhere), the furniture was sturdy, plain and scratched, pet toys, shinobi tools and random objects were strewn about the surfaces, etc, etc.
Kiba came out sulkily, wearing a black t-shirt with some sort of tribal-design that made up a wolf's face, a pair of baggy jeans and his typical coat. "Let's go, Akamaru," he said, shooing Gaara out of the way. Gaara hopped out of the window and landed neatly on the ground, the others followed moments later. Kiba led the way from there.
"Where to, Inuzuka?" Kankurou asked, smiling as he followed, not really concerned with where they went as long as they were going somewhere.
Kiba shrugged. "No idea. There might be a movie playing, y'know, one of the midnight runs. I thought we might see what's on."
"Sounds good to me. Any ideas, Gaara?" Kankurou added, realizing the diplomatic thing to do would be to ask his brother as well. Not that he particularly cared, but there could be some good ideas in that little nutzo head now and then… Gaara was surprising that way sometimes.
Gaara shook his head. "Whatever you two want to do…" Kiba shared a glance with Kankurou and smirked. Kankurou glared. He shouldn't have brought Gaara along to see Inuzuka this late. Dog-boy would have nothing else on his mind.
"Maybe we should get you some tea, to wake you up, Inuzuka," Kankurou suggested, steering them off in the direction of a one of the few places he knew would be open this late. Actually, it was a bar, but they could get tea there, or, if the fancy struck them, not.
Kiba grinned, recognizing the rather raucous joint Kankurou was heading towards. "Sure, why not…" he said. The particular bar didn't tend to care much about IDs – if you could get in, you were fine and it was easy for them to sneak in – after all, they were shinobi.
Finding a table or anywhere to sit, however, was another thing altogether… They did find one eventually, but it only seated two, so Kankurou nabbed another stool from elsewhere. Kiba snapped his fingers in protest – here he was hoping for an excuse to sit in Kankurou's lap.
A floozy-ish waitress attended them after a few moments. "What'll it be, boys?" she asked, eyeing them then taking a disdainful turn: too young for her taste. But she'd no problem with selling them drinks.
"Tea for him and we'll have sake," Kankurou said before Kiba could say anything.
"Oi, oi, scratch the tea!" Kiba said, glaring at Kankurou.
The woman shrugged, "Whatever. Be back in a moment," she said, returning shortly with a bottle of sake and three cups. She didn't know why she bothered to ask orders anymore – she might as well just carry sake bottles with her or something…
Kankurou poured and drank. He loved this shit. He was fairly good at holding his liquor too, whereas Kiba got loopy (usually a little horny too…). Gaara he wasn't sure about – this might not have been a bright idea.
Gaara sipped slowly, wincing a little at the taste. Oh, he could live without this fine, but damn, the warmth was nice… He pondered a few moments and shrugged, trying it again. Not as bad…
Several drinks later, Kiba was in Kankurou's lap trying to kiss him and Gaara seemed smug and happy, his feet up on the chair, arms around them, smiling brightly and licking his lips from time to time. Kiba finally knocked Kankurou's chair over, landing on top of him and giggling as he pressed his mouth to Kankurou's and, with a shrug, Kankurou gave in, wrapping his arms around Kiba's back. Gaara snickered, getting up and walking over to crouch next to them, watching with a grin. He felt really, really warm… Maybe he could go see Lee now… He got up and went to find Lee, leaving the barmaids to pick his brother and Kiba off the ground.
Gaara knocked on Lee's door. Was it beginning to grow light out already? Lee answered it, rubbing his eyes, surprised when he realized it was Gaara at his door. Usually Gaara didn't bother with the door and he came in Lee's bedroom window or some such.
"Lee!" Gaara said happily, wrapping his arms around Lee. He snuggled against him, inhaling deeply.
Lee looked at him a moment and asked, "You're drunk, aren't you?"
Gaara looked at Lee in confusion. "I guess so…" he murmured then broke into another grin. "I feel good, Lee. Warm and pretty and happy…" he muttered, snuggling against Lee again.
Lee laughed a little. "Well, at least you're not like me when I get drunk… Good to see Shukaku doesn't get loose."
"Oh no…" Gaara sighed, "Shukaku can't do anything, because Jiraiya-sama put that seal on me a few years ago… he just talks to me now and then, but I tell him to shut up and go away and he has to, now… He used to just laugh and keep talking, but now he listens to me…" he concluded. His words seemed oddly thoughtful, and possessed the air of a child trying to explain something – of pausing idly and thinking with a limited vocabulary.
Lee led him inside. "Come on, Gaara, let's get you in." Lee sat Gaara down on his couch and left, returning a moment later with a couple of blankets. "You should get some sleep," he said, and Gaara lay down obligingly and Lee covered him up. Gaara was out like a light – he loved going to sleep, now that he could, and had conditioned himself to fall asleep as soon as he got an opportunity to.
Lee smiled weakly and shook his head. It was going to be hard to keep himself off of Gaara – he hoped the Suna-nin learned to forgive himself quickly…
Naturally, the buzz from the sake wore off by morning, and Gaara no longer felt as sure of himself. Also, he discovered that, apparently, he had very bad hangovers. He stumbled to the bathroom, wondering if Shukaku had some how gotten loose despite Jiraiya's seal and messed with his head because it sure as hell hurt enough and dry heaved for longer than he would have liked to admit. Once his gag reflex finally stopped acting up he leaned back against the wall, shaking weakly. Not to mention that he was still sore from the beating he took from Lee the other night, which was now the forefront of his thoughts. He moaned weakly, wrapping his arms around himself. He felt cold too, and the shaking wasn't helping, although Gaara thought that might have just been a psychological effect.
Lee woke up some time while Gaara was retching and came in a few minutes later with a glass of water, a couple Tylenol and the blankets Gaara had used that night. "Here," he said softly, passing them over. Gaara took the pills gratefully, wishing he had the one's Tsunade-sama had given him – they were in the apartment, he thought.
"Thanks…" he murmured, wrapping the blankets around himself.
"Are you done in here?" Lee asked.
Gaara started to nod and groaned when he realized that was a bad idea. "Yeah…" he muttered.
Lee helped walk him back to the couch and sat him down. "Wait here, I'll make you something to eat."
Gaara sat quietly, looking forward to that – Lee was an excellent cook, and had once jokingly confided in Gaara that cooking seemed to be the only thing that ever came naturally to him. He downplayed it as a useless skill, but Gaara was grateful.
However, he was to be somewhat let down. Lee made simple oatmeal, deciding to make something he was sure Gaara could keep down. It had sugar and cinnamon and some apples chipped into it, so it was good, but not exactly a culinary masterpiece. Even so, Gaara ate ravenously. Nothing ever tasted so good at that moment.
"Thanks…" Gaara said when he finished. Lee took the bowl and set it aside momentarily.
"No problem," he said.
They were quiet a few moments, and Gaara wished Lee was sitting next to him so he could lean on him and feel how warm he was.
Lee was very careful after that to make sure he was a good friend to Gaara, but that he didn't allow himself to get closer than that. Hugs now and then, but none of the stroking or kissing, no whispers in seclusion. He didn't let Gaara interrupt his training as much, and usually tried to get Gaara to join or leave as he did everyone else.
Gaara realized before long that Lee was really serious and tried not to feel sorry for himself, working to make up for the things he'd done to everyone anyway he could. He told himself firmly that it wasn't all his fault: that he'd either been acting directly under Shukaku's control or under his influence when he'd committed those crimes. He pushed away thoughts that implicated him, labeling the product of his madness and no fault of his. But it was easier said then done, and until he was sure he could trust and love himself like Lee wanted, he could not go to Lee, so he worked harder, seeking comfort from Temari when he was overburdened. He explained his situation to her, and Temari helped him however she could, reassuring him at random times of his worth and such and brainstorming things he could do to help him forget the past.
However, they were running low on ideas, and Gaara knew he still had a ways to go. The only things he had left he didn't think Lee would agree with…
Lee also realized this could be a long process and began feeling a bit uncomfortable, until he got an idea of his own. He confirmed the day of Gaara's birthday with Temari, but she warned him not to do or expect much. Lee remembered Gaara's first birthday in Konoha – they hadn't done anything since that disaster – Temari had decided to throw a big party and had invited a bunch of people. When Lee and Naruto had led Gaara in he'd been shocked for a few moments, then left with the words, "My birth is nothing to be celebrated."
However, Lee wanted Gaara to cherish that day, and his existence, and maybe such reassurance that they were glad of his existence would help Gaara learn to love himself. So when Gaara's birthday rolled around, Lee found him and woke him up at dawn.
Gaara had jolted awake as he was wont to do and smiled softly, seeing Lee's face. It was a good way to wake, even if Lee wouldn't allow more than a hug. Lee grinned. "Guess what, Gaara?"
"What?" Gaara asked, wondering what sort of game Lee was playing now.
"Happy birthday!" Lee said enthusiastically.
Gaara snorted. "Yeah, right. If that's all you wanted, I'm going back to sleep."
"No, no, no, no, no!" Lee said, waving a reprimanding finger in front of Gaara's nose. "I have a gift for you, to make it so you actually enjoy your birthday this year," he explained.
Gaara shook his head. "No thanks."
Lee laughed, "No, I think you want this one!" he said.
Gaara raised a brow. "Really? And what would that be?" he asked disinterestedly.
Lee grinned and straddled him. "Me. Just for today, I'm yours again. So you better damn well enjoy your birthday, understand?"
Gaara's eyes widened and he sat up. "Really...?" he asked.
Lee grinned and assumed the nice guy pose. "Would I lie about something like that?"
Gaara grinned and was still a moment before throwing his arms around Lee's neck and kissing him. Lee embraced him warmly and kissed back, realizing just how much he missed this.
Gaara withdrew slowly, resting his head in the crook of Lee's neck, missing that smell of sweat and good cooking and fresh things from training in the forest. Lazily, he kissed the soft skin at Lee's throat, licking at it forcefully, wanting all of it. Lee smiled, tilting his head to give Gaara better access, sighing at the sensation.
"Lee…" Gaara asked quietly.
"Yeah?"
"It's just for today...?" his words were sad and low.
"Until you can love yourself, I'm afraid so…" Lee said, running his hand through Gaara's soft, unruly, sandy hair.
"And for today… you'll do anything I want?" Gaara confirmed.
Lee grinned. "Anything."
"Breakfast. At your house. In your bed." Gaara said and Lee laughed.
"Let's go!"
They practically raced to Lee's house and Lee outdid himself with breakfast – French toast with tons of syrup. Gaara made an exception on his rule about sweets for Lee's cooking. And today he decided he might as well treat himself – birthday or no, he had Lee for the next 18 hours or so.
"You should have woken me up at midnight," Gaara said between bites – he'd added to his requests that Lee feed him. Lee was having fun getting syrup all over Gaara's face so he could lick it off when they finished. Gaara didn't mind the mess since he knew what Lee's plan was.
They spent most of the day on Lee's bed, occasionally making side trips to the kitchen to make lunch and dinner, making out between putting food in the oven and taking it out again. Lee fed Gaara every bite. By the end of the night, their shirts were off, and Gaara lay on top of Lee, his head on his chest, still enjoying that smell and running his fingers over all of Lee's chest and stomach, that smooth muscle mass that remained lean for all its strength.
"Lee, if this is my only day then… I want everything… Lee…" Gaara was quiet, shy. But he knew what he wanted. "Lee, make love to me… please…" Gaara's hand fiddled with Lee's pants.
Lee was mildly surprised. "Gaara… are you sure you'll be okay with that? I mean, tomorrow we go back to the way we were before… Are you sure you can-"
"Please, Lee! I just have two more things I want from you. This is the easier… just this and one more thing you have to do for me…" Gaara said, trying to push Lee's pants down.
"All right, if that's what you want…" Lee said, and Gaara eased off of him. Lee's pants were tossed aside and he dug through his drawer a moment, pulling out a bottle of lotion he used for his hands (and those nights when wet dreams of Gaara were keeping him up anyway). "I promised, after all," Lee grinned. Gaara flipped his pants off too and got on his hands and knees.
"Make love to me till it hurts me, Lee… Please… tease me and toy with me till I can't take it…" he said.
Lee's eyes widened. "Are you…"
"Yes, I'm sure!" Gaara said.
Lee lubed himself and got behind Gaara, wiping his hand off on Gaara's neck, massaging and carefully using pressure points to send shivers down Gaara's spine. He let his hands ghost down Gaara's sides and Gaara trembled at the softness of the sensation, biting his lip. "I love you so much…" Lee whispered before driving in carefully.
Gaara gasped at the intrusion as he got used to the feeling, eyes watering a little at the unfamiliarity of the situation. But it didn't hurt, not to bad, just a little, and he wanted it. He wanted Lee to make love to him, screw him, fuck him till he couldn't breath anymore.
Lee shifted in him, clenching his teeth – so, so tight and different, but gods it was good too, he just didn't want to hurt Gaara. "Lee… ah, do it, please… do it as hard as you like, I'm fine…" Gaara muttered.
"All right…" Lee replied quietly, and began thrusting. Gaara clutched the covers to ground himself, moaning, trying not to cry out but – "Ahh!" Lee pushed in so deep and he touched something and Gaara didn't know what a shock that would be, how good it would be. Lee's big, warm, bandaged hands were wrapped around his waist. He gripped him so hard, and that hurt a little, but it was okay because it was Lee, and Lee loved him. He was right there for him, right there in him; it was a blur and confusing because it hurt a little, but it felt good and he loved Lee so much, and the little bit of pain that came of it he deserved anyway…
Gaara whimpered when Lee came in him with an explosive power, and Lee pulled out of slowly –ah, ah, it stung a little! Lee's hands loosened and he heard Lee gasp a little when he saw he'd raised bruises. Lee's hands rubbed gingerly at the abused skin and Gaara whimpered, shifting uncomfortably, his legs together brushing his erection. Gaara bit his lip, unwilling to direct Lee. Let it burn between his legs, let him wait and suffer and let the tears slide down his cheeks in anticipation.
Lee noticed suddenly that Gaara hadn't cum with him, and turned red, his hand reaching around to Gaara's dick, squeezing, pumping. It took only a moment's work and Gaara released with a shake and another whimper, sinking into the covers.
Lee lay down next to him, putting his hand in Gaara's hair. Gaara still shook with aftershocks. "Was that okay?" Lee murmured.
Gaara nodded violently, his face still hidden in the sheets. "Just… just a moment… I have… one more thing I want you to do…" he said, his voice muffled.
Lee wondered what that could mean – apparently it was not just a simple "Go to sleep with me."
Gaara was silent for several moments, finally becoming still, and he rolled onto his side, scooting up next to Lee, his hand on Lee's chest, his gaze distant and unfocused. "You liked it too, didn't you?" Gaara asked slowly.
"Yeah," Lee said, smiling faintly.
Gaara nodded a little. "Good. I… don't think you'll like this one… But… I need it. To forgive myself, like you wanted me to…"
"You know I'd help you do that no matter what it is," Lee said.
Gaara sighed. "Would you swear to do anything? With your nice guy pose, too?" he asked.
Lee chuckled. "Sure!" he said, giving a thumbs-up.
"I want you to punish me again…"
Lee started up and Gaara made room for him. "You want me to do what?" he asked, dreading the answer.
"Lee… You're the first person to hurt me… the first person to love me, the first person to make me regret the things I've done. You're the person I love most… So it has to be you…" Gaara said slowly, almost sadly. "You have to punish me one last time for the things I've done. Let me heal without your kisses all alone one last time… Let me suffer the way I made you and so many other people suffer… Then I can respect myself, and love myself and forgive myself… Then I'll feel like I've really repented…"
Lee was shocked, and he didn't want any part of hurting Gaara. He'd hated himself for weeks after that first time. "You're birthday's over though," he said pointing at the clock.
"Oh…" Gaara murmured… He stood reluctantly and began putting his clothes on. "I guess your nice guy pose is over-rated, after all…" he said, his motions snappy and energetic and full of anger and desperation.
Lee winced. He did say… "This will help you? If I do that to you, hurt you that badly… then you'll be able to forgive yourself so we can be together again?" Lee confirmed.
Gaara met eyes with him and nodded slowly. "I think so…"
Lee sighed. "I promised I would help you, and since I'm the one trying to get you to accept yourself, it would be rude of me not to help anyway I can…" he said disconsolately, his hands in his lap.
"You'll do it then?"
"Yes, but not because I want to."
Gaara smiled a little. "It helps to know that. It would have hurt if you'd been too eager. But it should. You have to hate me, or at least act like it. I have to suffer now, as much as I can at once, so I stop making myself suffer a little everyday. You can't have any mercy on me because I didn't have any on you. I have to hurt until I lose consciousness… You have to beat me within an inch of my life…" Gaara said solemnly.
Lee shook at the idea, at the grim picture Gaara painted.
"I have a condition then – we have to have medics on hand, to make sure you don't die," Lee said. "I won't do it other wise. I won't be able to."
Gaara was about to protest – he didn't want to share his shame with others! However, a thought stopped him. How many times had he done the same: shamed people with their weakness in front of everyone. He'd certainly done it to Lee. He nodded his assent. "They can be there," he added quietly. He'd make all his pain and suffering and shame complete. He'd show them all how he suffered for his sins, then no one could doubt that he'd paid penance, not even himself.
"Tomorrow then, it's late now. Let's go to sleep, Gaara," Lee said, waving Gaara back to his bed. Gaara let his pants fall back down to the floor, he hadn't found his shirt yet anyway, and he climbed in next to Lee, his hands on that warm chest, drinking in the comfort of sleeping next to someone again. He was tired of sleeping alone; he needed a warm body next to him so he didn't get cold. Lee was glad to have Gaara back in his bed with him too – he savored it and hoped that Gaara was right. He hoped that tomorrow when he did the horrible thing Gaara wanted him to do to him, Gaara would finally be able to love himself and come back to him again.
Gaara woke early the next morning so that he could spend more time looking at Lee and spend more time aware of the warmth and comfort that came from Lee. It would be his last taste for a while. Lee would have to hurt him, make him think he hated him, and leave him alone to heal. He would suffer and then he could have Lee back, and he'd never have to leave those warm arms again, never be afraid of forgetting what Lee smelled like or tasted like again.
But nothing lasts and when Lee woke late that day Gaara insisted they get to work immediately.
Lee found Sakura-chan and asked her to round up some medic-nin and meet at the arena they'd used for the third chuunin exam prelims. Gaara thought it right that he should let Lee beat him there. He brought up memories that hurt, as they waited for Sakura-chan and the medics to arrive. Sakura had brought three normal medic-nin, a girl and two men, and Tsunade.
Gaara swallowed. He'd wanted his suffering to be complete. It would be. "Tsunade-sama, Hokage." He spoke loudly, wanting everyone to hear him. "Please acknowledge this. I have caused more suffering than I can imagine. I can never make up for all of it, but for the sake of my own sanity, I repent for all I can now. Please watch me suffer with a cold face and have no pity for me. No matter what Lee does to me, it will be less than I deserve. Please acknowledge my suffering as repentance for the pain I've caused."
Tsunade nodded. "If this is what you must do, Gaara, than I will watch as you wish me to."
Gaara nodded and turned to Lee. He lowered his voice, now his words meant only for Lee. "Lee… I told you before… Have no mercy on me. If I can move, than you mustn't stop. Don't let anyone interfere. Make yourself hate me, just for now. Yell and insult me, hurt me any way you can… Please, make my suffering complete, so I can put it behind me."
Lee wrapped his arms around Gaara. "I can't hate you…"
"Make yourself, just for now. Remember the way I hurt you, almost ended your life as a ninja. Hate me for that. Or hate me for making you do this. I have to be punished, Lee, disgraced and hurt and ashamed of myself… Please, Lee, as much as you're physically capable of, or it won't work, and I'll need to do it all over again… For us, Lee, hurt me!" Gaara squeezed, pressing himself close to Lee one more time before half stumbling away.
For a moment, they stood, Gaara waiting, Lee hesitant. "I would have killed you, damnit, now hurt me!" Gaara yelled and Lee launched into action. Sakura cried out and Tsunade put a hand over her pupil's mouth.
"Shh…. We have to be quiet, and watch with cold eyes. We can't interfere with this…" Tsunade said. Sakura glared at her, already crying for Gaara.
"How can you be so cold? I thought you liked them!" she complained.
"I can be cold because it's what he wants, just like Lee can do this because it's what he wants. If you care about Gaara at all, then you will be silent. It's twisted, but he's right, in a way. If he doesn't cope with this now, he'll only beat himself up over it for the rest of his life." She said. Her golden eyes were like a hawk's – sharp and impartial.
God, it hurt, hurt, hurt… He'd made damn sure his sand, any sand, would have no route in short of breaking down the doors, and with Shukaku locked up, it was easier to control. He had no sand shield or armor, and made no move to defend himself, just like before. Except this time it would be thorough. This time, he understood the purpose and would take advantage of it. He imagined all the people he'd hurt, lives he'd taken or destroyed, and apologized to the memories, shown them the pain he went through now.
"Damn it, Gaara, you won't even defend yourself!" Lee yelled, eyes running as his knee slammed into Gaara's ribcage and Gaara gagged. Gaara lost track of what Lee did to him, a flurry of pain. Lee paused as Gaara smashed into the wall, both of them gasping. Gaara struggled to his feet.
"Don't stop…" he muttered.
Lee glared. "I hate you for this!" he yelled and Gaara sobbed.
"Hurt me!" He pleaded, beckoning weakly. Lee began his attacks again, wincing as he watched.
The medic-nin watched carefully, looking for signs that they should stop the fight. It was a terrifying show. They couldn't believe their eyes, and wondered why the little redhead seemed so determined Lee beat him. Sakura gripped the rail tightly, looking away, trying not to hear Lee's grunts or Gaara's shouts and sobs. Tsunade's heart went out but she kept her eyes closed and cold, her arms folded against her chest, her fingers itching to stop them and lay a healing on Gaara.
Another kick sent Gaara rolling across the floor. Lee stopped again, his hands on his knees, breathing deeply. Was he finally unconscious? Gaara struggled up again, only making it to his hands and knees. Lee cried out wordlessly. Gaara looked up and met Tsunade's eyes. They were level and distant. He shook at the coldness and looked away. He crawled to Lee. "The Lotus…"
Lee's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No, Gaara, no Lotus…"
"No… Finish me off, Lee. Use the Lotus. You don't have to use the primary Lotus. Just the secondary…" Gaara was firm, despite the weakness in his body and the pain that had him so close to passing out. "The Lotus is a finishing move, Lee…" he muttered.
"Can I stop if I use the Lotus?"
"It should knock me out… If I pass out, you can stop. If not, you have to keep going. You have to hurt me till I pass out… The Lotus, Lee!" Gaara said, getting on his knees and reaching for Lee's arms, fumbling clumsily with the bandages.
"All right…" Lee stepped back, unraveling the bandages the rest of the way. Gaara was almost finished. The Lotus would have to knock him out… Gaara could survive the secondary Lotus, even in this state, but he would pass out… Please, let him pass out…
Lee prepared, and then launched himself without warning, beginning the series of kicks to get Gaara off the ground in preparation for the drop. There would be no suna bunshin this time… Gaara would take the hit full force, and if that didn't make him pass out, then Lee didn't know what he'd do.
But Gaara was stubborn; he'd make his punishment last. In the last, he fought with what was left of his strength so Lee had to fight to restrain him, slam him even harder for it.
That did it for Gaara. The medic-nin and Tsunade-sama raced down.
Lee sat down, panting and trying to control himself, feeling guilty despite the fact that Gaara had wanted it. As the Sakura-chan and the three medic-nin ran to Gaara, Tsunade walked over to Lee and knelt next to him. "You were a true friend, Lee…" she said softly.
Lee sniffled. "I don't feel like it!" he proclaimed.
Tsunade shook her head. "No, maybe not, but you were, and Gaara will thank you for it later. You have been asked a very difficult favor, and you did it anyway – there's not many friends that good out there. Gaara's very lucky to have you."
Lee shook his head. "I just beat the shit out of him, though! I'm sorry for the language, but I did, Tsunade-sama!" he protested.
Tsunade grabbed his hand. "I know. And it was hard for you, but you shouldn't blame yourself over it – he'd asked it of you. I wish I'd had friends to smack some sense into me like that." Tsunade laughed lightly. "I could have used a good rap on the head!"
Lee was not cheered and Tsunade sobered again. "You've been wanting Gaara to forgive himself, right?" Lee nodded. "Well, take your own advice, and he'll appreciate it. Besides… He'll heal quickly. Naruto and he always do."
Lee nodded; that was true.
Sakura-chan looked at Lee with sad eyes as they carried Gaara to the hospital with the help of the other medic-nin. Tsunade had established that her help would not be needed and left to attend other matters. "Did you have to use the Lotus?" she mumbled.
Lee sniffed. "He told me to!" he protested. "Didn't you see? He even started undoing my bandages…"
"You could have denied him…" she murmured.
Lee shook his head. "No… not like that. I wanted to but… I couldn't."
At first Gaara was unsure if he should allow himself visitors or not, but when Sakura-chan entered on the excuse that she was a nurse and demanded he let Temari and Kankurou in, he gave in, grateful for the company. Temari smiled at him and tried to be cheery. Kankurou actually appeared to be concerned for Gaara. After a while chatting they left, and when Lee came, he found Gaara hard at work doing sit ups.
"Gaara, you shouldn't be-!" Lee had begun to say.
Gaara shook his head. "Sakura-chan… once mentioned… that… she came to visit you… and you… were doing push-ups… so… I have to work… too!" he explained between breaths. "Although… I'm not… as good… as you are…" he added, finally collapsing. He was about a dozen short of his benchmark of 200.
"Come on then, let me help you back into bed," Lee offered, setting a tissue wrapped object down and offering Gaara his hand.
Gaara shook his head, pushing it away and struggling to his feet. "No. I have to do it alone…" he explained, stumbling into the bed. Lee winced and went back to the object he'd brought, undoing the tissue and placing it in a vase.
Gaara finally noticed. "Hey… That same kind of flower was in your room…" Gaara noted. Seeing that flower had hurt him sad badly before when he'd entered Lee's hospital room to kill him… Now, it didn't hurt. Before, he'd been jealous. Now, he was getting what he'd yearned for so long.
Lee grinned. "Yeah. It always made me feel better, looking at it, so I thought you could use one."
Gaara smiled. "Thank you…"
Lee stayed a while longer, but Gaara insisted Lee didn't help him or touch him in anyway. "Just a little longer…" he said. "Once I heal I'll have suffered enough and I can respect myself, Lee. I'll be able to move on and live with myself, and live with you. Just a little longer…" Lee had nodded sadly, itching to do something. He was still guilty about putting Gaara in the hospital.
He was about to leave when Gaara's voice stopped him. "Lee… Thank you. Thank you for loving me and caring about me and punishing me…"
Lee tensed and nodded. "If you ever make me do that again, Gaara, I swear I'll kill you!" he said.
Gaara nodded and laughed. "No, I think that's it!" he'd said.
The next day Sakura came in and informed Gaara that Lee was gone on a short mission and would not be back till late tomorrow. Gaara was sad at first, but he had an idea.
Lee went to the hospital first thing when he got back, but the desk attendant told him they didn't allow visitors to check in so late. Lee walked home disconsolately. He had been about to grab the door knob when it spun and the door swung open, revealing Gaara standing, beaming at him. Lee laughed so hard and hugged him. Gaara returned the embrace with tears flowing down his cheeks, laughing too, and they stood like that for several moments.
"I'm better, Lee! Healed inside and out! I love you, Lee, and I love myself! So you can take me back for real this time!"