Cordelia is still dying..But nobody is supposed to know.
Disclaimer: Not mine I tell you! (*Eyes up the room with a Tommy Gun!*)
The Decisions We MakeBy
Nuttyginger
Cordelia wondered into the reception area, a smile firmly planted on her face. Angel had kindly given Cordelia his credit card for the day, knowing that it would probably break his bank balance. It was either let her break his bank balance or listen to her whine and moan about never being appreciated or never getting that $200 rises she wanted.
"Angel, I'm home." Cordelia shouted I a singsong voice. Angel poked his head out of Wesley's office and was startled at the amount of bags in Cordelia's hand. She handed him back his credit card and turned away. "I'm just gonna put these in your wardrobe...since mine hasn't been delivered yet."
Angel looked back her in horror...on his credit card? He could sense it before it arrived. The visions were like a small lightening bolt in his brain, a shock, nothing more. He ran towards her, Wesley never seeing him again until he caught Cordelia in his arms. The shopping bags were scattered on the floor, forgotten, as his Seer convulsed in his arms. The gasps and harrowing screams brought pain to his dead heart...this was his fault. Slowly the screams died down to small whimpers and the tears began to fall as Cordelia can out of her vision and faced the brown eyes staring back at her, looking for answers.
"Angel, it was horrible. I mean I know we never were the best of friends but he tossed her around like a rag doll. I seen what would happen if we didn't stop it. All the suffering and the wars." Angel looked at her in horror as she put a hand up to her nose to wipe away the trickle of blood that had fell from her nose and looked up at Angel with a smile on her face but utter pain in her eyes."We have to go to Sunnydale. I suggest the whole weapons cabinet and an Orb of Thenus." An unnoticed flash of hurt passed across her face. Cordelia sighed and reached for her head again.
"Why do we need the Orb Cordelia? Did you see Angelus?" Wesley asked, his mind playing over the last time they met Angel's alter ego.
"Nope, but Buffy hasn't seen Angel for over two years. I think she will jump on him as soon as he walked in the door." She sighed and touched her temples. "OK, I'll go and pack some stuff for me and Conner, Fred could you grab me some pain killers? Wesley grab your best book, this is going to be big, Angel and Gunn," She turned to them with a serious look on her face. "Pack the weaponry, I suggest swords, battle axes and the heavy artillery." She turned and left before Angel could correct her on the Buffy issue. She knew what he would say before he even said it. He would say it wasn't true but she knew deep in her heart it was.
Conner was asleep in his crib, his chubby fists clenched around his baby blue blanket. He looked so like his father it was unbelievable. After everything they had been through together, she knew it was true. The tiny blue and yellow baby grows in her hands smelt of baby talc and Conner's sweet scent. A tear ran down her cheek and on to the toweled baby-grow. This wouldn't last and she knew it. The CAT scans had all but confirmed if she were still alive in 6 months, she would be living on borrowed time. The secret was hers alone to bear. She didn't want her last months to be filled with her friends treating her like a fragile vase, just waiting to be broken. She didn't want to see the sadness in their eyes each time they looked at her. If she didn't tell them then the only time they would spend mourning was the day she died.
The bags were packed and the painkillers sat on the bedside table. They wouldn't work; neither would the ones the doctors gave her. Cordelia shock herself out of her thoughts and turned to look around. Conner was now awake and in the baby carrier, waving his arms to grab her attention. She smiled at him and placed his favorite teddy bear in his hands. Fred had packed bags for herself and Gunn while Cordeila knew that Angel had a bag at the bottom of his wardrobe with clothes in it. It was in case he became souled or human and he could just run off...or so she told herself. The urge to cry was over-riding her but she kept the burning tears back.
"Come on Conner. Lets go and meet more strange people. I bet you thought we were strange…Buffy rises from the dead, twice now just like your real mommy. Now you be nice to Buffy, she'll be your future mommy. But remember, nobody will love you more than I did except for your daddy."
She stroked his face and placed him in the Moses' basket, which doubled up as a travel bed, and then covered him with a blanket. As the two travel bags were slung over a shoulder a sharp pain ran up her side, reminding her – as if she would forget – of her future. She could hear the guys calling for her as she attached Conner's stuff to his basket.
They were standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her. Her own little family assembled and waiting. They were an odd bunch, she would admit it now, but they had more loyalty in this family than they had ever had in their real families.
"Right, lets go to Sunnyhell!" Cordelia muttered, keeping her face to the ground.
Angel noticed how her mood had dropped. He knew that they would have to explain Conner and how Cordelia has ended up playing mommy. Buffy's reaction wasn't something he was looking forward to and he was sure that the same ran for Cordelia.
The journey was made mostly in silence except for the calming lull of Conner's breathing as he slept in the back of the car. Gunn and Fred were in his truck and Wesley was traveling lone ranger on his Harley Davidson. The little convoy pulled up to Buffy house and the occupants climbed out. They were seen by Dawn who had looked out of the window when she heard the motorcycle. She bolted out of the house and into the night.
"Cordy! What are you doing here?" Dawn shouted as she ran from the Summers' front door.
"Shh. You'll wake the baby." For the first time Dawn noticed the baby. Cordelia saw the questioning in her eyes. "Dawnie, I would like you to meet Conner Chase, the latest edition to the A.I family."
Dawn's eyes just about popped out of her head. "You had a baby!" Dawn expressed in a whispered voice.
"Who's had a baby?" Buffy asked following Dawn out of the house. "Oh my God Cordelia…how, when, who, why?"
"Way to go with the Spanish Inquisition Buffy." Cordelia said sweetly.
Angel decided Cordelia shouldn't face Buffy's grilling alone. "He's my son. He's about 3 months old."
Buffy stared at Angel in disbelief. "But…But who's the mother?"
"Well it's my name on the Birth Certificate!" Cordelia took great satisfaction in watching Buffy's face fall apart. "Can we move this inside because I don't want him catching a cold or eaten by a Vampire."
Buffy ushered them all into the house where Xander was sitting with Willow on the couch. Dawn sat at their feet while Buffy sat on the chair furthest away. The LA gang felt out of place until Willow flung her arms around Cordelia and hugged Angel a little softer. Xander waved an awkward hand and then scowled at Angel and Wesley, not daring to look at Gunn or the girl standing behind him.
"Well," Cordelia started. "This is Gunn, one half of the muscle, and Winifred or Fred, one half of the brain. Wesley and Angel you know and the latest addition is Conner Chase, one major distraction to the whole 'demon hunting' thing." She smiled down at Conner, who now awake and wanting Cordelia's earrings.
"Conner…Chase? You have a baby?" Xander exclaimed. "You hate kids. You used to scare them when we walked passed the kindergarten after school."
"I do not Xander, and it's different when you have one of your own to look after. They are so harmless and depending on you."
Xander's face contorted into anger. "So who's the father?" He saw Angel beam out the corner of his eye. "You! You're the father! I can't believe this. What about the curse? If Angelus had got out Buffy would have been the first person he would have come after."
"No Xander that would probably have been Cordelia. We know there is no risk to my soul anyway. It is permanent."
Buffy's face now displayed hurt. "Your soul was sealed and you never came back to me? How could you? How did you seal it? The Orb?"
"No."
Angel answered sadly. "It was Cordelia. She was poisoned by a demon and I drunk
from her to take away the poison and then gave her the blood back. Her blood
sealed my soul. The Powers told her in a vision."
"What's a vision?" Xander asked.
They all turn around a Cordelia whimpered for Angel just as she began to fall. Angel sensed it a split second before the attack and rushed to her side. It felt like the Matrics to him when Keanu was dodging the bullets in slow motion. He heard her call and moved across the room as the others turn. Cordelia was safely in her arms before she had a chance to register what was going on. He held her close to him as her body convulsed. The cries struck deep into his heart, knowing that all the pain was because of him. Seconds dragged by and still she was fitting. The tears had started to run down her cheeks, from pain or fear, he couldn't tell. Slowly she calmed and took a few second to open her eyes. That's when he saw the signs she had tried to hide from him. Blood trickled from her nose and more worryingly from her ear. It wasn't good.
"What did you see Cor?" Angel asked as Fred ran to her side with painkillers while Gunn stood by with a pen and paper.
"It was a demon, huge, it had a greeny blue body, smelt like a sewer. It had scales to the upper part of its body. It was in a cemetery with kids involved." She was still cradled in Angels lap as he knelt on the floor. A trickling sensation down her face made her cringe and Angel had seen it. "My nose huh?" She whispered so only Angel could see her. "You got a tissue?"
"Cor, I have a baby that pukes, course I have a tissue." He whispered to her and handed her the tissue.
He tried to protect her from the view of the Scooby's but it was too late; Buffy had seen the whole thing. Anger seethed through her again. It seemed to be a common theme when Cordelia was involved. She could see Cordelia was feigning for attention. Still the same old Queen C. People could change but not Cordelia; once a spoilt brat, always a spoilt brat as far as Buffy was concerned.
"We have to go now. I can still feel the pain. It's getting worse." She picked up a broad sword only to have Angel pluck it back.
"You are not fighting this demon. The hangover is serious this time. You have to slow down."
Cordeila turned angrily on Angel. "Only I can feel where they are. There are seven cemeteries in this town and if we search them one by one, the children will be dead before we can reach them. Angel let me do this. I will lead, you can play the Hero and fight OK?"
She didn't wait for answer; instead she picked up the sword and stormed out of the house. Wesley, Gunn and Angel didn't wait for Buffy. They weren't used to fighting with other people. They knew each other's strengths and weaknesses and that was the main point. The four of them walked side by side in silence with Buffy and Xander trying to keep up the rear. Cordelia fighting…this was a sight Buffy couldn't wait for.
They could see the demons before they even arrived…five of them. They were no pretty.
"Are you sure about this Cor. You don't have to!" Angel asked he as they passed into the cemetery through Iron gates.
"What is it they say Angel? Go Team!" She said dryly going back to some of their training days.
Cordelia herded the kids into a crypt and closed the door before taking on the demon that was heading towards her. They were big and slow to react. Cordelia's reaction rates were slower than usual but she could still outwit the demon. She took out his knees and as he crashed to the ground she took his stomach and then his head as he dissolved into the ground. She turned to see Xander painfully propping himself up on a gravestone. She heard Anfgel shout 'look out' as a demon ran for her back. Buffy turned to watch as Cordelia turned with quick speed and jumped to the same height as the demon. Her sword blade was behind her shoulder as she swung with all the strength, her eyes never leaving the demons sky blue ones. The blade made no sound, except the cracking of his spine, as it slid through his neck like hot butter. Buffy did little but watch then turned to watch Wesley and Gunn fighting, like knife throwers in a circus: Complete trust for each other and timed together exactly. They finished off the demon in a hard battle but were still laughing about it. Angel was checking on Cordelia while Buffy gave Xander the once other. He pulled her close.
"Did you see her? Cordelia could never fight like that before. She must have been doing some training. For a normal, non-slayer person she was great."
Buffy glared at Xander and hauled him to his feet. "Well I guess that's what the visions do to her.
They walked back to the Summers' house, Angel supporting Cordelia and Gunn and Wesley still carrying on and discussing the battle. Xander and Buffy hung back, not wanting to feel even more isolated.
LATER – 12amish
Cordelia help the bottle in her hands, the saucepan on the stove. Angel, Cordelia and Conner were asked to stay at Buffy's. She was the only one with a double spare room and enough room to cope with a baby. Nobody had dared ask if Conner was completely human or not. She placed the bottle in the simmering pot and waited, her back to the living room door.
"What makes you so special?" A dark voice asked from the shadows.
"Jeez Buffy, you're worse than Angel. What did you say?"
Buffy peeled herself out of the shadows and stepped forward, a dark look on her face. "I said, what make you so special?"
"I don't know what you mean Buffy." She answered in a monotone voice.
"How come you get to stay with Angel? Have his child? What have you done to deserve it? You were a bitch in high school. Made everyone feel about two feet small. You get pictures shows from your Powers and all of a sudden you are a saint? You can't fool me Cordy."
"Don't you ever call me Cordy. Only my friends call me that. I'm no saint. I am in this because for 24 hours I was given the pain of the world and now I want to fix as much of it as I can. I came to Sunnydale because I have a vision of you dying. I've seen it, I felt the pain, and the fear and I will keep on reliving it until we stop whatever kills you. Now do you understand?"
"Do you realize how much I hate you Cordelia? How much I hated you in high school. How much hate I felt when I seen you in LA with Angel and that man.
"That man was Doyle, another person I have lost in my family. At least your parents cared about you. The only reason you hated me is because every time you seen me in high school you seen what you would have been like if you hadn't been called. That's the truth Buffy. I was a constant reminder of what you were like when you were in LA. Well guess what. I'm not the Queen C anymore. I have lost friends and seen the dark side of everything. I can deal with Angelus without killing him. I am stronger than you. I changed because I wanted to. You were forced to stop being a bitch." Cordelia felt Angel's presence behind her. Buffy saw him.
"Angel…I…" Buffy stuttered."
Angel growled angrily. "Save it Buffy. I heard." He turned to Cordelia. "Cordelia, Conner was waiting for you to say good night."
"But Angel I…"
"Cor leave." He turned back to Buffy as Cordelia pounded upstairs. "Why don't you give up?" He asked her.
"What do you mean Angel. Why are you acting like this?"
"Buffy, you are the one acting like a bitch. Cordelia didn't deserve that Buffy. We have all had a rough time in the last 12 months and Cordelia has bore the brunt of it. Now, I'll tell you why she is so special. She can separate Angelus from Angel. She knows what my demon has done and she knows about my human life. I told her because I trusted her and we are best friends. Spike was right you know. He said we were never friends and it was true. You know nothing about my life and I know nothing about yours. I didn't judge you on Riley, or what happened with Parker. I let you move on. When Faith came to me for help, you didn't consider her needs. You were just so hell bend on revenge. It had to be all about you. Well my life isn't like that anymore."
"What makes her so damn special?"
"She's dying Buffy. Cordelia is dying. In six months I will bury another person I love. My son will grow up without a mother and I will have no one to keep me grounded. She pulls me out of a brood with a sarcastic comment or a suggested trip to the movies. She loves Keanu Reeves and hates Julie Andrews. Her favourite video is the one she shoot, the day Doyle died. She can't cook but makes a mean Manhattan. Her worst feature is the scar she got from the rebar when she caught Willow and Xander kissing. Her greatest fear is me, me turning into Angelus and her having to kill me and him. I know everything about her where as I know nothing about you. Now we are here to save your life and I will not put up with you making Cor's life hell. She is dying and I want her last days to be a good as possible, filled with great memories. I would rather walk away from you than her."
He didn't give her a chance to defend instead he walked away. Buffy followed him upstairs and cornered him outside Joyce's old room.
"Tell me one thing then Angel. Willow said that there was no chance that Cordelia could have been pregnant when she came to see you, after I died. Now nine months later you have a bouncing baby boy that could only be describe as a miracle and you are saying Cordelia is the mother. How come she doesn't breastfeed? How come there was no bump when Willow visited?"
"Cor didn't carry Conner. She is his mother in every sense of the word except for blood. His first word was 'mama' while in Cordy's arms. My son loves her so much and she loves him. She is there when he wakes up and she puts him to sleep. I couldn't take him out into the sunshine so instead she does. He goes for walks in the park everyday with her. Buffy, this is the last chance that Cordelia is gonna have to be here. Help her leave Sunnydale with good memories in tact. Willow has forgiven Cordelia for being so horrible in high school and Cordelia has forgiven Xander and Willow for the thing 5 years ago…she has done nothing to you. I am about to lose my everything and I couldn't care what you think of either of us. Now Cordelia doesn't know that I know so I am asking you as a favor…don't say anything."
Angel didn't even wait for an answer as he turned into their room, leaving a very shocked and stunned Buffy.
**~**~**
Look out for Chapter Two!