**This fic has a BIG spoiler in it… well, the whole fic's a spoiler
for the last book, The Amber Spyglass. Just warning!** But thank you, and
enjoy this fic. I wanted to write something for Kirjava, only because I
felt she deserved it.
It's kind of funny the way things work out sometimes, isn't it? I had never really had conscious thought of being an animal before I left Will on the shores of Death. Never known the heartbreak of separation from the one who is me. Never said it would be easy, now did I?
To think that somewhere, I lay inside him, waiting for the day when I could become a solid shape, my voice known to his ears, my jet colored fur known to his hands. Much later, after we had both said our goodbyes to the ones we loved most, did he tell me about his life before I had been born. I had glimpses of it, but I had not held complete consciousness of it. Like when you grow up, you can't remember many specific events of your early years.
Mother still watches me curiously sometimes, out of the corner of her half- aware eyes she sees a large cat at her son's heels. She has heard my voice; I've sat by her side as Will talks to her. Maybe she longs for a dæmon of her own. Someone to talk to her, comfort her, she would never be isolated. I'm never sure of it, but Will often asks me what I think. I tell him, he's my equal. My companion.
Will, you are my other half. Just like I am yours. We complete each other. The tall boy who is becoming a man, tousled brown hair. The cat next to him whose fur shines like the darkest of nights. I see the funny looks people give at me, the unusually large raven colored cat who sometimes wanders the streets of Oxford, talking to either a boy or a woman. The woman who sees a bird (an alpine chough to be exact) when no one else does. She tells me often of what other people's dæmons would be, and I find it amusing that she can see that.
I have not known a world full of visible dæmons. I wonder if they have already decided their final shapes since the beginning, or if they take a long time as well. All I can remember is light suddenly hurting my eyes, and I blinked harshly, seeing and hearing for the first time on my own. Cool air from the waters near me blew spray onto my cat-shaped body, and I could smell the footprints of many others that had passed the same way to their deaths. But I was not alone. Another dæmon sat across from me, his kind eyes bright with anticipation. But I knew him from Will. Lyra's dæmon.
"…Pantalaimon?" I had whispered, my new voice shaky. He nodded, and I asked him again. "What happened, Pan?" Almost like breathing, could I switch shapes to any animal I could even hope to imagine. I became a stoat like Pan, curling up to his warmth and protectiveness. Betrayal tore my heart apart, and I wept into his reddish-gold fur. Why would my human leave me on these desolate banks? I had never expected birth to be so painful, the knowledge and heartbreak so overwhelming. I cried and cried, wanting to see Will more than anyone else right then.
Reunion is a joyful thing.
"Kirjava," Will calls me to him, and I slide through the flower garden to the wooden bench. It's Midsummer's Day, and we have come to this same garden, same as Lyra's back in her Oxford. In my mind, I can image her, her fingers laced in the glossy coat of the pine marten called Pantalaimon. We have awhile until it's midday, but his thoughts tell me of the golden haired girl he loves so much, just like I love Pan. He had comforted me in my weakest moments, even though he knew the grief of Lyra's betrayal as well.
"Will… are you okay?" I know the answer, my heart feels pain too. His hand wraps around my body, I am pulled gently onto his lap, where he buries his face in my fur, silent. Shadows from the trees around the bench provide some relief from the humidity and heat of this day, although I can feel nothing but grief. It's been a year since our adventures through worlds.
A faint wail escapes my throat. I do not cry only for Lyra and Pantalaimon. I cry for Will. Our broken heart.
I hope you liked this, everyone… Please leave a review on it. I really wanted to get to her personality, just cuz I like her so much. Will really needed a dæmon, and Kirjava is just perfect. (Then again, everyone is perfectly matched, I guess.) Thank you all.
~Midnight.Star~
It's kind of funny the way things work out sometimes, isn't it? I had never really had conscious thought of being an animal before I left Will on the shores of Death. Never known the heartbreak of separation from the one who is me. Never said it would be easy, now did I?
To think that somewhere, I lay inside him, waiting for the day when I could become a solid shape, my voice known to his ears, my jet colored fur known to his hands. Much later, after we had both said our goodbyes to the ones we loved most, did he tell me about his life before I had been born. I had glimpses of it, but I had not held complete consciousness of it. Like when you grow up, you can't remember many specific events of your early years.
Mother still watches me curiously sometimes, out of the corner of her half- aware eyes she sees a large cat at her son's heels. She has heard my voice; I've sat by her side as Will talks to her. Maybe she longs for a dæmon of her own. Someone to talk to her, comfort her, she would never be isolated. I'm never sure of it, but Will often asks me what I think. I tell him, he's my equal. My companion.
Will, you are my other half. Just like I am yours. We complete each other. The tall boy who is becoming a man, tousled brown hair. The cat next to him whose fur shines like the darkest of nights. I see the funny looks people give at me, the unusually large raven colored cat who sometimes wanders the streets of Oxford, talking to either a boy or a woman. The woman who sees a bird (an alpine chough to be exact) when no one else does. She tells me often of what other people's dæmons would be, and I find it amusing that she can see that.
I have not known a world full of visible dæmons. I wonder if they have already decided their final shapes since the beginning, or if they take a long time as well. All I can remember is light suddenly hurting my eyes, and I blinked harshly, seeing and hearing for the first time on my own. Cool air from the waters near me blew spray onto my cat-shaped body, and I could smell the footprints of many others that had passed the same way to their deaths. But I was not alone. Another dæmon sat across from me, his kind eyes bright with anticipation. But I knew him from Will. Lyra's dæmon.
"…Pantalaimon?" I had whispered, my new voice shaky. He nodded, and I asked him again. "What happened, Pan?" Almost like breathing, could I switch shapes to any animal I could even hope to imagine. I became a stoat like Pan, curling up to his warmth and protectiveness. Betrayal tore my heart apart, and I wept into his reddish-gold fur. Why would my human leave me on these desolate banks? I had never expected birth to be so painful, the knowledge and heartbreak so overwhelming. I cried and cried, wanting to see Will more than anyone else right then.
Reunion is a joyful thing.
"Kirjava," Will calls me to him, and I slide through the flower garden to the wooden bench. It's Midsummer's Day, and we have come to this same garden, same as Lyra's back in her Oxford. In my mind, I can image her, her fingers laced in the glossy coat of the pine marten called Pantalaimon. We have awhile until it's midday, but his thoughts tell me of the golden haired girl he loves so much, just like I love Pan. He had comforted me in my weakest moments, even though he knew the grief of Lyra's betrayal as well.
"Will… are you okay?" I know the answer, my heart feels pain too. His hand wraps around my body, I am pulled gently onto his lap, where he buries his face in my fur, silent. Shadows from the trees around the bench provide some relief from the humidity and heat of this day, although I can feel nothing but grief. It's been a year since our adventures through worlds.
A faint wail escapes my throat. I do not cry only for Lyra and Pantalaimon. I cry for Will. Our broken heart.
I hope you liked this, everyone… Please leave a review on it. I really wanted to get to her personality, just cuz I like her so much. Will really needed a dæmon, and Kirjava is just perfect. (Then again, everyone is perfectly matched, I guess.) Thank you all.
~Midnight.Star~